Squishor

It's interesting, I think we are interpreting these points a little differently. It's turning into an interesting exercise.

From my perspective, Charlatan, if you don't take care of your self first then your family would lose the benefit of your support. Maybe I just look at things in those life and death terms because I've lost so many family members. For example, if my father had taken better care of his self by not drinking and driving, he might not have died in that car crash when I was 13 and might still be around today. That said, I'm sure my list might look different if I had ever had children.

Squishor

The thing about the train was meant to be sort of humorous.

I am saying putting self first in terms of basics, yes. Like if I don't make sure I have the means to feed myself I will die. If I don't make sure I can house myself I will be homeless. So if my friend or my sister or anyone else wants a loan and that's my rent money, sorry but self comes first.

And I do have to make those choices all the time, because my sister is constantly after my rent money, or asking me for favors that would require me to leave work early (thus potentially losing my job) or would otherwise seriously compromise my quality of life. It's up to me to say no when I need to.

Carno

Oh

Hmmm, yeah I guess we are interpreting things differently.

About your rent money scenario, I would give one of my sisters a loan but only if their need were more important than my paying rent. I know that none of my family or friends would ask me to do something like that unless it were very important, so if they did ask and I felt the need was dire enough, then I would give them the money. I know they would do the same for me if I really needed it.

Squishor

Yeah well unfortunately my sister has a life or death scenario every ten minutes...

Charlatan

I see where you are coming from and it makes sense... However, as we weren't given any instruction on critera for organizing out lists I chose to organize mine base on what my priorities are at present...

Basic self preservation aside, just about everything I do, including taking care of myself, I do for the benefit of my family (again I am drawing a distinction between my wife and kids and my birth family).

For example, I stay healthy so my wife continues to find me attractive and so I can be a good role model for my son.

Does that make sense?

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

raeanna74

I think the changing aspect of our lives necessitates such differences in our order of the lists. If we cannot change this order of things we'll miss out on a lot. For example: My daughter loves to have me snuggle with her at nighttime. I don't sleep as well though while snuggling with her so I sleep in my own bed because I need my rest. That's putting myself first. If my daughter got sick though and was throwing up in the middle of the night I wouldn't be sleeping in my own bed. I'd be up in the middle of the night taking care of her, cleaning her up, and helping her feel better. The next morning I'd be calling my day care mom's and turning away income so there my daughter would be taking first place. Then there's planning our family vacation for the summertime. I would be waiting till I had a break with the day care kids and taking that time for our family vacation - planning family time around career and income. It all has to change and flex. If we can't change our priorities to fit out lives and keep everything in balance we'll loose a part of that.

I know a man who loves to take time off for himself - he lost his job because he called in "sick" on too many Mondays. He put self before money and career too many times.

I also know a man who works nearly 24/7. His Son has a lot of anger issues and has gotten into violent fights with his father - why? Because the dad always put work/career before family.

A BALANCE is what's important.

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My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Strange Famous

Spirituality - It is either the most or the least important, depending on the state of things

Self - No one else is on my side, so I guess yeah, I do put myself first, I dont have anyone especially close to me, so there's no one else to put first really.

Money - Mty debts are about twice by annual net salary

Career - So far its not been going that well, but I did get promoted last year

Friends - I dont really have that many friends

Lover - I dont have a lover
Family - It's a touchy subject



However, I think you should have included social or political change/issues - from my point of view this means the Revolution and destruction of capitalistic society.

__________________
"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

Squishor

Sure if makes sense, if you're a devoted family man.

For whatever reasons, I'm kind of a lone ranger in my life. I have myself, a boyfriend, a sister, one good friend locally and one good friend who moved out of state. There is nobody else to back me up or catch me if I fall except for those people. The choice of putting myself first has been spelled out to me very clearly. That also goes for my mental health and enjoyment of life. Nobody is going to drag me off to go do something fun, or make me be personally fulfilled and find meaning in my existence, if I don't get my own butt out of the house and do it for myself.

When my mother was alive, she spent the last 18 or 19 years of her life disabled, and I was the one who generally was there to help her. Not all the time, of course. I still had to balance that with "self" though. I guess I've had to deal with that issue a lot because of the family I've had.

Charlatan

We all have different priorities... It's what makes us different from each other...

Like I said above, if I had to fill this out in my teens or 20s, I would have put self first as well. Once my kids are out of the house, I fully anticipate that self will be right back up on the top of the list...

__________________
"My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars."
- Old Man Luedecke

Scorps

Self
Family
Lover
Friends
Money
Career
Spirituality(doesn't count because I don't beleive in any of that stuff)

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A.K.A. PainTrain

MageB420666

Lover - she is more important to me than anything else, including myself.
Family - I would not let harm come to my family in order to save myself.
Money - I need it to keep the previous listed happy.
Career - got to have a job to make make money
Self - I have to take care of myself sometime
Friends - I don't have any life long friends, but I do have some that I would be willing to help out if they needed it.
Spirituality - If I take care of the previous in the correct way, then according to most of the major religions, and quite a few of the less popular ones, I'll be just fine.

__________________
Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

doubleaught

One must stay healthy in order to help others; if you neglect yourself you will be unable to help - that's how I can say putting "self" first is not being selfish. Being selfish is more along the lines of refusing to help others even when it will not negatively affect yourself in some relatively substantial manner.

Yes, I would die for most of my family in the right situation, but this kind of example seems more in the vein of "oh yeah I'm WAY more selfless than you," which is an epenis battle I'd rather not be involved in.

Carno

epenis battle? Okay....

We just have different definitions of Self, that's all.

Thome

Self
Money
Self
Friends
Family
Did I mention self?
Lover
Spirituality
Career

To be honest, self and money are the only things on that list that REALLY matter to me. Maybe that'd change if I wasn't in such a cushy position right now and really needed the support of others.

Manuel Hong

What an interesting question and many interesting answers. I think I've been interpreting it differently. At first I saw "self" on the list and thought of it in terms of being selfish, i.e. spoiling yourself (which I don't often do). I saw the other people on the list in terms of their needs, so I needed to readjust my thinking and consider it from the point of view of my basic needs as well. That changed things a bit, but I still think this list can fluctuate quite often in one's life.
Spirituality
career (these two are very closely linked)
self
family
lover (it's new, he may move up the list...)
money
friends (I'm not lucky enough to have super-loyal friends)

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Believe nothing, even if I tell it to you, unless it meets with your own good common sense and experience. - Siddhartha Gautama (The Buddha)

Sue

IMPO, once you take care of your"self" you can take care and gain immensely in all other areas.

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