losamigos

guys i need ur advice.

i've been dating this girl for a year now and things have been great. she and her ex (of 3 years) are now good friends. she broke it up with him and it is unclear if he's fully over her or not.

so he's in town for the holidays (comes home once a year) and was gonna party with his boys, but then proceeds to ask my gf if she wanted to go club with them.

i told her that he's very inconsiderate to ask you considering you have a bf. she said he didn't mean anything by it cuzz they'd be in a group.

i say it's messed up.
she says it's cool.

so tell me, who's wrong here?

genuinegirly

More info needed to give a full evaluation, but if she cares about you, wouldn't she take your concerns into consideration?

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maleficent

Do you trust her?
If the answer is no, then why are you with her, if the answer is yes, then what's the problem.

She's friends with him... whether he is over her or not is not the issue, she's over him and has been with you for a year... She's going in a group as friends... Trust her to let her go.

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f6twister

I can say that I wouldn't ask my ex out and I would not be happy if my girlfriend/wife did the same. However, I have always trusted my wife and would not have been concerned that something else was going on.

The next time you see her, you should talk about this or it will put a bigger strain on your relationship.

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Rawb

What a great reply maleficent.

My current GF has gone out to lunch with one of her Ex's a few times, but I trusted her, and didn't end up getting burned, so it could be fine.

But the question that is in my mind is, why didn't you go to the club with them? You are the boyfriend of an invited person, so around here it wouldn't be considered rude to invite yourself along. But hey, that's just me.

MiSo

just because a girl has a bf does not mean she cannot have her own social life.

if you trust your girl, you got nothing to worry about.

ironman

I think it is a matter of confidence and respect. My wife and i don't have problems with that. From time to time we both go on a dinner or to have a coffe with ex partners, there's nothing wrong about it, now, i'm sure we would go postal if this starts to happen on a regular basis. I'm sure that trusting your SO is key to have a healthy relationship.

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Vincentt

Eh, I do not trust him, especially in a drinking environment.

Girls tend to be naive, or pretend to be naive, about the fact that guys want to have sex with them.

I think temptation is hard to deny, but it is easier to avoid the situation. I have respect enough not to go out with Ex’s when I know it would bother my current.

Don’t think his group wouldn’t cover or make it possible for something to happen.
Anyhow, sorry to have bad perspective, but I am jaded and not as mature about relationships as some of the other posters.

And like Rawb said, just go to club with them.

Powderedmaggot

I've hung out with my ex before and my wife had no problems with it. She is now just a friend and nothing more. Perhaps your GF and her ex are really just friends, it does happen.

Seaver

I've been on both sides of that. Gone out clubbing with an ex of mine who had a bf, and been the bf who's gf went out with an ex.

I didnt try anything with my ex, it would break a line in which would kill our friendship. The other guy did try to do stuff with my gf, but she stopped him dead cold (that's what she told me and I believed her).

Anyways it doesnt matter what the intentions of the other guy are, it's all about whether or not you trust your girl.

flamingdog

It's also about parity. We're not all powerhouses of trust, and it can be hard to see an old flame pop up. Especially with the meet happening at a nightclub, of all places.

I guess it also depends on the circumstances of the breakup, how it happened.

If you're not comfortable with it, she should respect you enough to accommodate you, within reason. If you felt you could/should trust her implicitly as others in this thread state, I suspect you wouldn't have posted in the first place. Go with your gut, be true to yourself.

Cynthetiq

While I trust my wife, I do not necessarily trust other people to do what they are supposed to.

I would not want to put her in a position where she'd have to defend herself or have to push him off for any other reason.

conservative answer: If you don't put yourself in the position you'll not have to deal with any consequences.

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Tracybrian

I have never been clubbing. I have been to a rave is it the same thing? What do people do when they go out Clubbing? seriously I thought the hole point of it was to dance and drink and flirt and hook up and exchange #s. Do people go to clubs to hang with the Boys? I would guess not. Why would you have to go clubbing without your S.O anyways?

ninety09

Does your girlfriend need your permission in order to be able to go out?

If my girlfriend wanted to go clubbing with her ex, I just wouldn't say anything. It's really none of my business. I respect her and her decisions. She doesn't need my approval/disapproval in order to do things by herself.

bermuDa

I'm guessing that losamigos wasn't invited to go with them... which is sort of indicative of either the group she's going with (ie the only ones he knows are his gf and the ex), or this ex's intentions.

I'm with those who say that while you can trust her, you can't trust other people... and if they're going out with a bunch of his friends, she's the only person you can trust in this situation. So if you trust her to resist any advances this guy might attempt (in the occassion that he might try anything), then you have nothing to worry about.

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maleficent

Maybe I'm old, but last time i checked the point of clubbing was to go out, dance a lot, drink a little, and have a good time. Most of my friends are male, and I've gone out and just hung out with them, though sports bars are more fun. Exchanging numbers and hooking up? Only if you want to, but it's not mandatory behavior.

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losamigos

thanks for all the great relies guys, i appreciate it.

the whole situation is this.

i was out of town visiting family.

her ex came into town and made plans to take her out to dinner and catch up. but then later on his boys wanted to chase skirts at the club and he was double booked, so i guess he wanted to kill to birds with one stone.

i trust her. i trust that nothing will happen. but i can't stand by and let this guy attempt anything-i find it disrespectful. she can have coffee, have dinner, etc..... with him, i'm cool. but no dancing and no drinking, i think it's inappropriate.

i have ex-gfs who are now with other guys. even though we've moved on, i think it's easy to fall back into things again so i leave them alone. i don't want to cause probs for them and their current bfs.

like i said, coffee and dinner is cool. no prob with them being friends. but grinding on the dance floor and drinking? i say no.

she thinks that it's not wrong, but will try to refrain for my sake. but i wanted to ask u guys and get ur take.

thanks again

El Kaz

Drats! I've had it backwards for all these years!

On a more serious note, yeah, trusting the girlfriend is one thing, trusting her ex is another.
To all those saying it's not an issue at all, that she can do what she wants and so on, I'm guessing you all don't agree with the saying that a bit of jealousy is nothing but healthy, if not necessary for a couple?

roderickpsu

Here's where you have to be careful and trust her and make sure you don't seem too clingy...it's a tough call to make.

losamigos

yeah man, it's a fine line.

we all see it differently- for my part, i just the way i am. i just have to find someone who thinks like me right?

thanks again everyone, u gave me points to think about.

water_boy1999

I don't currently have a girlfriend but I have been put in this situation before. Girl wants social life, guy wants to let her live and be independent, girl goes to club to dance with "friends", girl ends up making big mistake.......

Although the socializing and hanging out is cool, I do feel that there are certain things that CAN happen that are inappropriate. Men will be men and the single ones WILL flirt with your woman. When they dance with her they will most likely NOT be a few feet back from her. They will probably try to dance close to one another, perhaps grinding. I do feel that women I date should have independence to do what they want as long as they keep in mind the person they are dating. How would she feel if you went out with the boys and ended up dancing with other hot chics and grinding up against them?

When I am with someone, I would never do anything to them that if done to me would make me feel uncomfortable. Good rule of thumb.

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