What Would You Do? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

BoCo · 05-21-2003, 10:27 PM

Last December when I got my new PC up and running, I gave my old mobo, PSU, CPU, 512MB RAM, videocard, soundcard, and some IDE cables to a buddy at work who could make use of them. He's only 23 and has 2 kids and a wife who is too busy to work because she's going to school, plus he only makes as much as I do (which is decent for one person, but not four). His wife was studying some accounting classes at home for school so she could get her degree, but their old HP computer with its 700MHz CPU and 64MB RAM was crapping out on them. For no reason other than to be a nice guy (shut up, sixate), I gave him my old parts so she would be able to have a running computer to finish her school work. He added a CD-RW, DVD, floppy, HDD, ZIP and a cheap case to the mix, and I spent an afternoon putting it together and setting everything up for him. Anyway, a couple weeks back, they decided they needed something faster and more portable, so they used some money she made doing tax work for people to buy a new laptop. The 16GB hard drive in the old PC was having problems and Windows Me was beginning to act up, so instead of just replacing that, they went ahead and got something new.

Yesterday he was bragging about how he took out his old hard drive and sold everything else together to someone on eBay for $288. He then told me he was going to smash the old hard drive just in case it had any personal info on it, and then trash it. I asked him if I could have it instead so I could see if it was really fucked up, or maybe put it to use. He said to me, "Why should I give it to you?" I told him he didn't have to give it to me, but I didn't really have to give him those old parts, either. I said if he didn't need it, and was only going to destroy it, then he should return the favor by giving it to me. He basically told me that I wasn't going to get it no matter what because I "already have more drives than I need". By now I'm starting to get pissed with him because he doesn't even have the decency to do something for me that I did for him. True, he doesn't have to give it to me, but there's really no reason in destroying it as opposed to giving it away. Also, up until now, I hadn't even thought about the money he made off the stuff I gave him.

Finally I asked him if he thought it was right to sell that old stuff without even asking me if I wanted it back. "No, you gave it to me, so I can do whatever I want with it," was his answer. Technically he was right, but ethically he was way off track. So I jokingly said, "So, where's my $144? You're gonna at least give me half of the profits, right?" He told me no way, and repeated his last answer.

Anyway, I don't care about the money. I already make more than I need, and this dude does have a family to support, so no big deal--fuck the money! However, this dude claims to be a new-born Christian who "Does What Jesus Would Do", yet he cops an attitude when I ask him for something small, after doing for him something that ended up helping his wife finish her education. I talked to another guy there who's actually a good Christian, and before I had the chance to tell him what the guy did, he smiled and said, "Cool! So whatcha gonna do with your half?!". Being a moral and ethical guy, he automatically assumed that another Christian would act in the same way he would by sharing the profits. Once I finished the story, he was as disappointed in the other dude as I could imagine that guy's missionary father would be, should he ever hear the story of how his son acted. He confronted the guy later in private to talk some sense into him, but now he's pissed at both of us. Truth is, the only person he sould be angry with is himself.

So, were you in his place, how would you have handled the whole situation from the beginning? Personally, I would have asked the person who gave it to me if they wanted it back. When they said no (which I would have said to him), then I would have sold it and offered that person half of the money. If they turned it down (which I would have done had he offered it), then I would at least insist on buying them lunch as a way of saying thank you. It's not about the damn money, it's about the principle of the thing!

Snoogans · 05-21-2003, 10:36 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BoCo
I would have asked the person who gave it to me if they wanted it back. When they said no (which I would have said to him), then I would have sold it and offered that person half of the money. If they turned it down (which I would have done had he offered it), then I would at least insist on buying them lunch as a way of saying thank you

That's the right thing to do

juanvaldes · 05-21-2003, 10:54 PM

Quote:

People
People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, People will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

You did a good thing helping his wife. He didn't return it. Do not help him again. His loss.

spectre · 05-21-2003, 10:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by BoCo
Personally, I would have asked the person who gave it to me if they wanted it back. When they said no (which I would have said to him), then I would have sold it and offered that person half of the money. If they turned it down (which I would have done had he offered it), then I would at least insist on buying them lunch as a way of saying thank you.

That's what I would've done, only I would've bought him lunch when he first gave me the computer too as a way of saying, "thank you."

Sorry about what happened to you, but let's face it, the nice guy always gets fucked over.

cheerios · 05-21-2003, 11:13 PM

he didn't need to cop an attitude, and i would've given you the HDD, after explaining that it really was busted, but i don't feel any obligation to pay you back for a gift that I couldn't use anymore and passed on to someone else. I have no problem w/ accepting hand-outs if i need them, and try to do the same.

If I were you, i'd say screw it, and go on w/ life.

seretogis · 05-21-2003, 11:26 PM

Wow, that really sucks. I guess now you know that the guy is an asshole and to distance yourself from him and not help him out again. I had a similar situation happen a couple of years ago with a used car, and have since learned to be very very cautious when it comes to helping out people that I don't know very well.

Macheath · 05-21-2003, 11:36 PM

His stated reason for not giving you the hard drive seems pretty stupid. I suspect that he did not want ANYBODY (including you) to have the hard drive because of privacy issues. If he'd given that reason upfront we all would have thought "Credit card details, shopping transaction, address books, diary, emails, phone numbers - all private...fair enough." Because he made up a lame excuse, we here at TFP speculate that "new-born Christian has PORN on his hard drive and is feeling guilty". That ain't necessarily true, but it's funny how not being upfront can raise suspicions like that.

As to selling off the system - the fact that you provided so MANY parts is what makes it an issue. If you had given me (for example) just an internal modem or mouse or something and I sold the system 2 years later, I probably wouldn't remember to offer you a percentage of the profits.

Do all the parts add up to about half the value of the system? All I could possibly say in his defence is he had no idea how much the components added value to the system. Even then his overall attitude doesn't seem great.

seretogis · 05-21-2003, 11:39 PM

The fact that the guy even bothered to brag to you about selling a system that you built for him makes him a Grade "A" asshole in my book. Key his car, slash his tires, and remember not to help him out in the future.

Lebell · 05-22-2003, 01:11 AM

I would have offered you the system back when I had a new one.

Feel good for the good deed you did and good it was. As Juan quoted, it was never between you and the other guy anyway.

Ashton · 05-22-2003, 01:20 AM

I would caulk it up to experience..... This is the one main reason I never loan money to family or friends, generally you get fucked in the end...... of course you did give him the stuff, and it would be normal to expect the same from him..... He just thinks of you as someone that 'dosen't need it' and that makes him a asshole in my opinion..... Nothing wrecks a friendship quicker than money.

Great Scott · 05-22-2003, 01:20 AM

Must be the worst feeling in the world to get burned while trying to do a nice thing. You really looked out for him and it seems he just flipped on you. In my mind you are right 100%. Still it seems he's so low class, is he usually like this? I mean he must have been okay at one point for you to give him the stuff. Why did he flip like that?

MSD · 05-22-2003, 04:02 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by seretogis
The fact that the guy even bothered to brag to you about selling a system that you built for him makes him a Grade "A" asshole in my book. Key his car, slash his tires, and remember not to help him out in the future.

Dude, that's not cool, leave the car out of it.

What would Jesus do? Do unto others .... I'll bet he comes to you asking for help sometime in the future. Won't he be surprised?

Seriously, I'll bet he had something illegal on the hard drive that he was afraid you could recover.

Frowning Budah · 05-22-2003, 04:07 AM

The guy is probably right when he says you gave him the stuff and he can do with it what he pleases, but he isn't very smart and certainly doesn't deserve your friendship or any future help.
I am like you. I always expect people to treat me decent if I treat them that way and it seldom works out.

BoCo · 05-22-2003, 04:44 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
Dude, that's not cool, leave the car out of it.

I would never do something like that anyway. There's no point in stooping to his level. As far as porn possibly being on there, I never thought of that. It's possible, but I wouldn't assume he does. However, he did seem way to protective of whatever it is on there, and he knows me well enough that he should trust I wouldn't be stupid or low enough to take advantage of a credit card number if I ever found one.

Either way, he's surely a dick and he won't be getting anything out of me anymore. And if I ever run into his wife, you can bet I'll find a way to work this into a conversation. I already asked him what she thought about it, and he told me she "doesn't need to know about it since it's no big deal." This comment is coming from someone who claimed he hid nothing from his wife, ever.

mtsgsd · 05-22-2003, 04:49 AM

Sounds like this guy is worth giving the time of day. He's within his rights, so move on and don't have any further contact with him. I'm sure you have plenty of other friends who are worthy of your generosity.

Ratman · 05-22-2003, 05:49 AM

Your karma=good
His karma=bad

Don't let this stop you from doing good things. Don't dwell on it either.

hrdwareguy · 05-22-2003, 07:17 AM

That sucks BoCo. Whenever someone gives me something to use like that, when I no longer need it, I ask if they want it back. If not, I try and find someone else to give it to.

The guy seems like a major ass getting all attitudy and stuff. Don't do him any more favors.

bender · 05-22-2003, 07:56 AM

Look at it this way, it only cost you $ 144.00 to find out that
this guy isn't worth your time or friendship...you got off cheep.

HamiC · 05-22-2003, 05:14 PM

Oh gosh, this is going to sound preachy....my apologies in advance......but you should do nice things for people regardless of whether they appreciate it or do nice things for you. The point is to do those things because they are right. What you did was a good thing to do. Period. If this person (or his wife) is in need again and you can help, do it.

I am not a Christian. I state this not because I take issue with that or any other faith. I do not. I say it simply because it bears on my feelings about why we do good things. We do good things for selfish reasons. Not in a bad sense, but in the sense that we do....or should do.....good things because we take satisfaction in knowing that we have done something good.

So this fellow didn't and doesn't see it as his duty to repay you or "return the favor". So what. Let it go. You gave freely and got something in return, even if it was only satisfaction. Don't give that up because he can't....or won't.....be as generous. He is the one missing out.

(Steps off soapbox and humbly apologizes for waxing philosophic.)

rs8001 · 05-22-2003, 05:18 PM

BoCo,
As others already pointed out it was a gift and the money shouldn't be an issue. Good for you that it isn't. I'd assume something is on that drive he doesn't want you to potentially see. No matter what it is, it doesn't matter.

This guy is an ass though isn't he? He could, no should have handled it much better. Try this asshole: instead of bragging about the money you made (sort of like saying "hey stupid look what you could have done") you could have said "Thanks again, I sold the parts and the money really helped with the purchase of the new laptop". And "Sorry there is stuff on there I wouldn't want you to see, I prefer just to destroy it."

You did a really nice thing. This guy just reeks of somebody who not only thinks this sort of help is part of everyones job description but is in the end still just looking out for himself. Unless she brings it up, I wouldn't mention it to his wife either. That is just going to cause more trouble for you. Let it go.

I've been in the same position before. Keep helping and doing favors until something small by comparison comes up and I can't get that person to lift a finger. It is a bad feeling.

Antagony · 05-22-2003, 05:25 PM

That guy is in bad form.

You should steal his wife. I don't mean kidnap, I mean make her fall in love with you. That would be just, methinks.

WhoaitsZ · 05-22-2003, 05:28 PM

BoCo: been there and done that

he definatly screwed you over. one day he may ask for advice...... i'd set his ass straight and still offer it. (life works is weird ways)

The main thing i wanna say is.... don't use this as a reason to deny helping others in the future. more people will screw you than be honest, but when someone needs something, they need something.. don't lose faith in the people due to an asshole.

uptown · 05-22-2003, 05:48 PM

Look at it this way,you are now under zero obligation to ever again provide this person with computer parts,tech support or help and you've learned that he's a greedy,one way person and can now steer clear of him on all fronts.That attitude and $288 cost him your friendship.. he was bought pretty cheap I'd say.

Zotz · 05-22-2003, 05:58 PM

BoCo, I think it was a really cool thing you did by helping him out by giving him the parts. I think that the guy giving you the harddrive would have been the decent thing to do. Heck, what ever happened to friends taking care of one another and reciprocating favors?

05-22-2003, 07:17 PM

Harumph!

If that's what being 'born again' does to a person, I'll happily maintain my 'heathen' status.

I do understand the being generous affliction, though. I was raised the same way, and you just gotta accept that some people are ungrateful bastards. You learn who they are, and move on.

krwlz · 05-22-2003, 08:05 PM

I am with everyone else in that it would be the good thing to do to give yout the stuff back...But then again (religion or lack there of aside) I HATE taking handouts form someone, no matter how much I need them. SO in that case I would already have been looking for a way to repay you.

Lastly, Just don't associate with him, nothing can be done at this point, and it doesn't really matter anyway. Its uneeded stress dude.

EDIT: about the hard drive...It is NOT hard to fdisk a hard drive, that guy was full of shit, he was just being spiteful.

BoCo · 05-22-2003, 10:05 PM

Thanks for your opinions, people. I had a feeling pretty much everyone would see it the same as I did. For the record, I'm not stressing out over it at all. I'm simply disappointed that he acted the way he did, and I won't be helping him out for any reasons in the future because of it. HamiC, I see where you're coming from with your response, but continuing to be nice to someone who screws you goes against not only logic, but most preachings in the Bible as well. Doing unto others as I'd have them do unto me means that if I screwed someone over, I'd expect them to not want to go out of their way to help me out again. You have to treat people in such a way that they will learn from their mistakes, not just continue making them since there's no reprecussions. As far as telling his wife, you better bet I'll do it if I have the chance. This woman needs to know that the man responsible for raising her children acted in the manner that he did so she can set him straight before their kids turn out that way.

hawkeye · 05-22-2003, 10:50 PM

I have to admit, I might not offer to give the stuff back or even give up half of the money, but that's just because I'm rather oblivious to that kind of thing. I would really hope that I would do the right thing if somebody said something to me.

SecretMethod70 · 05-22-2003, 11:18 PM

Honestly, looking at how sensitive he seemed to be about the data on the drive I would speculate something highly illegal. kiddie porn, whatever - something along those lines.

Anyway, you're definitely in the right on this one BoCo. As others have said, don't let this stop you from helping others in the future - no reason to punish one person for the rudeness of another - but I wouldn't even THINK about helping this guy again. And I'd take great pleasure the next time he asks for help and I smugly explain to him exactly why I'm not going to help him.

Ganguro · 05-23-2003, 05:39 AM

Next time.. just give me your spare parts.It's not that im a better person than this guy, I just cant sell shit on ebay

denim · 05-23-2003, 06:03 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by BoCo
It's not about the damn money, it's about the principle of the thing!

The upshot is that you've learned something about your "friend". He didn't really need the parts you gave him, as he found the money to buy new ones later, and he's missing some aspects of a sense of fair play.

I and a buddy of mine, who do not live anywhere near each other, trade parts we don't need when the other can use them. Money? Nah. Yes, if I sold something he gave me, I'd at least split the results.

Mondak · 05-23-2003, 10:15 AM

The Karma thing is the best part. It comes around and things will work out for you just fine. Ratman had it right. Don't dwell on it.

As far as all that stuff about being a Christian goes, well many of these folks are even more imbalanced than the general populace. They need this crutch and an organization and system to lean on in this kind of sick codependance. Their decision making process is in my mind inherently flawed and therefore they make bad calls on things that seem obvious to the rest of us. Let this be a lesson to you that you should not expect more from folks just becuase they are religious. If anything, their religion should have no bearing on the situation that you are in.

ratbastid · 05-23-2003, 06:20 PM

Sometimes you do nice things for people just because it feels good to do that. I don't think YOU'RE doing this, BoCo, but I can really hear a lot of other people feeling like reciprocation is what it's all about. It's NOT, people!! You do good things for others <i>just because</i>, or you're really just being enlightenedly selfish.

Thing two: jerks happen. Move on. He was touchy about the drive because he didn't want you finding the BDSM dungeon photos he and his wife have been swapping with other horny Born Again couples. That's my theory.

LewisCouch · 05-23-2003, 08:53 PM

You are a principled man who has a friend who is very lucky. Your friend is quite a hypocrite. It sounds as if you have forgiven him, however, I'm not so sure he's off the hook with the man upstairs. Perhaps one day he will discover this truth and make amends.

05-21-2003, 10:27 PM	#1 (permalink)
BoCo Fear the bunny Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing	What Would You Do? Last December when I got my new PC up and running, I gave my old mobo, PSU, CPU, 512MB RAM, videocard, soundcard, and some IDE cables to a buddy at work who could make use of them. He's only 23 and has 2 kids and a wife who is too busy to work because she's going to school, plus he only makes as much as I do (which is decent for one person, but not four). His wife was studying some accounting classes at home for school so she could get her degree, but their old HP computer with its 700MHz CPU and 64MB RAM was crapping out on them. For no reason other than to be a nice guy (shut up, sixate), I gave him my old parts so she would be able to have a running computer to finish her school work. He added a CD-RW, DVD, floppy, HDD, ZIP and a cheap case to the mix, and I spent an afternoon putting it together and setting everything up for him. Anyway, a couple weeks back, they decided they needed something faster and more portable, so they used some money she made doing tax work for people to buy a new laptop. The 16GB hard drive in the old PC was having problems and Windows Me was beginning to act up, so instead of just replacing that, they went ahead and got something new. Yesterday he was bragging about how he took out his old hard drive and sold everything else together to someone on eBay for $288. He then told me he was going to smash the old hard drive just in case it had any personal info on it, and then trash it. I asked him if I could have it instead so I could see if it was really fucked up, or maybe put it to use. He said to me, "Why should I give it to you?" I told him he didn't have to give it to me, but I didn't really have to give him those old parts, either. I said if he didn't need it, and was only going to destroy it, then he should return the favor by giving it to me. He basically told me that I wasn't going to get it no matter what because I "already have more drives than I need". By now I'm starting to get pissed with him because he doesn't even have the decency to do something for me that I did for him. True, he doesn't have to give it to me, but there's really no reason in destroying it as opposed to giving it away. Also, up until now, I hadn't even thought about the money he made off the stuff I gave him. Finally I asked him if he thought it was right to sell that old stuff without even asking me if I wanted it back. "No, you gave it to me, so I can do whatever I want with it," was his answer. Technically he was right, but ethically he was way off track. So I jokingly said, "So, where's my $144? You're gonna at least give me half of the profits, right?" He told me no way, and repeated his last answer. Anyway, I don't care about the money. I already make more than I need, and this dude does have a family to support, so no big deal--fuck the money! However, this dude claims to be a new-born Christian who "Does What Jesus Would Do", yet he cops an attitude when I ask him for something small, after doing for him something that ended up helping his wife finish her education. I talked to another guy there who's actually a good Christian, and before I had the chance to tell him what the guy did, he smiled and said, "Cool! So whatcha gonna do with your half?!". Being a moral and ethical guy, he automatically assumed that another Christian would act in the same way he would by sharing the profits. Once I finished the story, he was as disappointed in the other dude as I could imagine that guy's missionary father would be, should he ever hear the story of how his son acted. He confronted the guy later in private to talk some sense into him, but now he's pissed at both of us. Truth is, the only person he sould be angry with is himself. So, were you in his place, how would you have handled the whole situation from the beginning? Personally, I would have asked the person who gave it to me if they wanted it back. When they said no (which I would have said to him), then I would have sold it and offered that person half of the money. If they turned it down (which I would have done had he offered it), then I would at least insist on buying them lunch as a way of saying thank you. It's not about the damn money, it's about the principle of the thing! __________________ Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

05-21-2003, 11:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
seretogis Huggles, sir? Location: Seattle	Wow, that really sucks. I guess now you know that the guy is an asshole and to distance yourself from him and not help him out again. I had a similar situation happen a couple of years ago with a used car, and have since learned to be very very cautious when it comes to helping out people that I don't know very well. __________________ seretogis - sieg heil perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

05-21-2003, 11:39 PM	#8 (permalink)
seretogis Huggles, sir? Location: Seattle	The fact that the guy even bothered to brag to you about selling a system that you built for him makes him a Grade "A" asshole in my book. Key his car, slash his tires, and remember not to help him out in the future. __________________ seretogis - sieg heil perfect little dream the kind that hurts the most, forgot how it feels well almost no one to blame always the same, open my eyes wake up in flames

05-22-2003, 01:11 AM	#9 (permalink)
Lebell Cracking the Whip Location: Sexymama's arms...	I would have offered you the system back when I had a new one. Feel good for the good deed you did and good it was. As Juan quoted, it was never between you and the other guy anyway. __________________ "Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis The ONLY sponsors we have are YOU! Please Donate!

05-22-2003, 05:49 AM	#16 (permalink)
Ratman Addict Location: Somewhere... Across the sea...	Your karma=good His karma=bad Don't let this stop you from doing good things. Don't dwell on it either. __________________ The difference between theory and reality is that in theory there is no difference. "God made man, but he used the monkey to do it." DEVO

05-21-2003, 11:13 PM	#5 (permalink)
cheerios Banned Location: 'bout 2 feet from my iMac	he didn't need to cop an attitude, and i would've given you the HDD, after explaining that it really was busted, but i don't feel any obligation to pay you back for a gift that I couldn't use anymore and passed on to someone else. I have no problem w/ accepting hand-outs if i need them, and try to do the same. If I were you, i'd say screw it, and go on w/ life.

05-21-2003, 11:36 PM	#7 (permalink)
Macheath Junkie Location: Sydney, Australia	His stated reason for not giving you the hard drive seems pretty stupid. I suspect that he did not want ANYBODY (including you) to have the hard drive because of privacy issues. If he'd given that reason upfront we all would have thought "Credit card details, shopping transaction, address books, diary, emails, phone numbers - all private...fair enough." Because he made up a lame excuse, we here at TFP speculate that "new-born Christian has PORN on his hard drive and is feeling guilty". That ain't necessarily true, but it's funny how not being upfront can raise suspicions like that. As to selling off the system - the fact that you provided so MANY parts is what makes it an issue. If you had given me (for example) just an internal modem or mouse or something and I sold the system 2 years later, I probably wouldn't remember to offer you a percentage of the profits. Do all the parts add up to about half the value of the system? All I could possibly say in his defence is he had no idea how much the components added value to the system. Even then his overall attitude doesn't seem great.

05-22-2003, 01:20 AM	#10 (permalink)
Ashton PORNHOUND Location: California	I would caulk it up to experience..... This is the one main reason I never loan money to family or friends, generally you get fucked in the end...... of course you did give him the stuff, and it would be normal to expect the same from him..... He just thinks of you as someone that 'dosen't need it' and that makes him a asshole in my opinion..... Nothing wrecks a friendship quicker than money.

05-22-2003, 01:20 AM	#11 (permalink)
Great Scott Insane Location: In a huge maze just trying to find my cheese	Must be the worst feeling in the world to get burned while trying to do a nice thing. You really looked out for him and it seems he just flipped on you. In my mind you are right 100%. Still it seems he's so low class, is he usually like this? I mean he must have been okay at one point for you to give him the stuff. Why did he flip like that?

05-22-2003, 04:07 AM	#13 (permalink)
Frowning Budah Slave of Fear	The guy is probably right when he says you gave him the stuff and he can do with it what he pleases, but he isn't very smart and certainly doesn't deserve your friendship or any future help. I am like you. I always expect people to treat me decent if I treat them that way and it seldom works out.

05-22-2003, 04:49 AM	#15 (permalink)
mtsgsd Addict Location: Wisconsin, USA	Sounds like this guy is worth giving the time of day. He's within his rights, so move on and don't have any further contact with him. I'm sure you have plenty of other friends who are worthy of your generosity.

05-22-2003, 07:17 AM	#17 (permalink)
hrdwareguy "Officer, I was in fear for my life" Location: Oklahoma City	That sucks BoCo. Whenever someone gives me something to use like that, when I no longer need it, I ask if they want it back. If not, I try and find someone else to give it to. The guy seems like a major ass getting all attitudy and stuff. Don't do him any more favors. __________________ Gun Control is hitting what you aim at Aim for the TFP, Donate Today

05-22-2003, 07:56 AM	#18 (permalink)
bender Addict Location: around the corner	Look at it this way, it only cost you $ 144.00 to find out that this guy isn't worth your time or friendship...you got off cheep.

05-22-2003, 05:14 PM	#19 (permalink)
HamiC Insane Location: USA	Oh gosh, this is going to sound preachy....my apologies in advance......but you should do nice things for people regardless of whether they appreciate it or do nice things for you. The point is to do those things because they are right. What you did was a good thing to do. Period. If this person (or his wife) is in need again and you can help, do it. I am not a Christian. I state this not because I take issue with that or any other faith. I do not. I say it simply because it bears on my feelings about why we do good things. We do good things for selfish reasons. Not in a bad sense, but in the sense that we do....or should do.....good things because we take satisfaction in knowing that we have done something good. So this fellow didn't and doesn't see it as his duty to repay you or "return the favor". So what. Let it go. You gave freely and got something in return, even if it was only satisfaction. Don't give that up because he can't....or won't.....be as generous. He is the one missing out. (Steps off soapbox and humbly apologizes for waxing philosophic.)

05-22-2003, 05:18 PM	#20 (permalink)
rs8001 Crazy Location: Indiana	BoCo, As others already pointed out it was a gift and the money shouldn't be an issue. Good for you that it isn't. I'd assume something is on that drive he doesn't want you to potentially see. No matter what it is, it doesn't matter. This guy is an ass though isn't he? He could, no should have handled it much better. Try this asshole: instead of bragging about the money you made (sort of like saying "hey stupid look what you could have done") you could have said "Thanks again, I sold the parts and the money really helped with the purchase of the new laptop". And "Sorry there is stuff on there I wouldn't want you to see, I prefer just to destroy it." You did a really nice thing. This guy just reeks of somebody who not only thinks this sort of help is part of everyones job description but is in the end still just looking out for himself. Unless she brings it up, I wouldn't mention it to his wife either. That is just going to cause more trouble for you. Let it go. I've been in the same position before. Keep helping and doing favors until something small by comparison comes up and I can't get that person to lift a finger. It is a bad feeling.

05-22-2003, 05:25 PM	#21 (permalink)
Antagony Psychopathic Akimbo Action Pirate Location: ...between Christ and Belial.	That guy is in bad form. You should steal his wife. I don't mean kidnap, I mean make her fall in love with you. That would be just, methinks. __________________ On the outside I'm jazz, but my soul is rock and roll. Sleep is a waste of time. Join the Insomniac Club. "GYOH GWAH-DAH GREH BLAAA! SROH WIH DIH FLIH RYOHH!!" - The Locust

05-22-2003, 05:28 PM	#22 (permalink)
WhoaitsZ Crazy Location: right behind you...	BoCo: been there and done that he definatly screwed you over. one day he may ask for advice...... i'd set his ass straight and still offer it. (life works is weird ways) The main thing i wanna say is.... don't use this as a reason to deny helping others in the future. more people will screw you than be honest, but when someone needs something, they need something.. don't lose faith in the people due to an asshole.

05-22-2003, 05:48 PM	#23 (permalink)
uptown Insane	Look at it this way,you are now under zero obligation to ever again provide this person with computer parts,tech support or help and you've learned that he's a greedy,one way person and can now steer clear of him on all fronts.That attitude and $288 cost him your friendship.. he was bought pretty cheap I'd say.

05-22-2003, 05:58 PM	#24 (permalink)
Zotz There's someone in my head, but its not me	BoCo, I think it was a really cool thing you did by helping him out by giving him the parts. I think that the guy giving you the harddrive would have been the decent thing to do. Heck, what ever happened to friends taking care of one another and reciprocating favors?

05-22-2003, 07:17 PM	#25 (permalink)
Big Julie Guest	Harumph! If that's what being 'born again' does to a person, I'll happily maintain my 'heathen' status. I do understand the being generous affliction, though. I was raised the same way, and you just gotta accept that some people are ungrateful bastards. You learn who they are, and move on.

05-22-2003, 08:05 PM	#26 (permalink)
krwlz Fledgling Dead Head Location: Clarkson U.	I am with everyone else in that it would be the good thing to do to give yout the stuff back...But then again (religion or lack there of aside) I HATE taking handouts form someone, no matter how much I need them. SO in that case I would already have been looking for a way to repay you. Lastly, Just don't associate with him, nothing can be done at this point, and it doesn't really matter anyway. Its uneeded stress dude. EDIT: about the hard drive...It is NOT hard to fdisk a hard drive, that guy was full of shit, he was just being spiteful. Last edited by krwlz; 05-22-2003 at 08:08 PM..

05-22-2003, 10:05 PM	#27 (permalink)
BoCo Fear the bunny Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing	Thanks for your opinions, people. I had a feeling pretty much everyone would see it the same as I did. For the record, I'm not stressing out over it at all. I'm simply disappointed that he acted the way he did, and I won't be helping him out for any reasons in the future because of it. HamiC, I see where you're coming from with your response, but continuing to be nice to someone who screws you goes against not only logic, but most preachings in the Bible as well. Doing unto others as I'd have them do unto me means that if I screwed someone over, I'd expect them to not want to go out of their way to help me out again. You have to treat people in such a way that they will learn from their mistakes, not just continue making them since there's no reprecussions. As far as telling his wife, you better bet I'll do it if I have the chance. This woman needs to know that the man responsible for raising her children acted in the manner that he did so she can set him straight before their kids turn out that way. __________________ Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

05-22-2003, 10:50 PM	#28 (permalink)
hawkeye back from sabbatical Location: Mosptopia	I have to admit, I might not offer to give the stuff back or even give up half of the money, but that's just because I'm rather oblivious to that kind of thing. I would really hope that I would do the right thing if somebody said something to me. __________________ You're not fat, You're just a giant ball of love, covered in anger.

05-22-2003, 11:18 PM	#29 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	Honestly, looking at how sensitive he seemed to be about the data on the drive I would speculate something highly illegal. kiddie porn, whatever - something along those lines. Anyway, you're definitely in the right on this one BoCo. As others have said, don't let this stop you from helping others in the future - no reason to punish one person for the rudeness of another - but I wouldn't even THINK about helping this guy again. And I'd take great pleasure the next time he asks for help and I smugly explain to him exactly why I'm not going to help him. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

05-23-2003, 05:39 AM	#30 (permalink)
Ganguro Army of Me	Next time.. just give me your spare parts.It's not that im a better person than this guy, I just cant sell shit on ebay

05-23-2003, 10:15 AM	#32 (permalink)
Mondak Industrialist Location: Southern California	The Karma thing is the best part. It comes around and things will work out for you just fine. Ratman had it right. Don't dwell on it. As far as all that stuff about being a Christian goes, well many of these folks are even more imbalanced than the general populace. They need this crutch and an organization and system to lean on in this kind of sick codependance. Their decision making process is in my mind inherently flawed and therefore they make bad calls on things that seem obvious to the rest of us. Let this be a lesson to you that you should not expect more from folks just becuase they are religious. If anything, their religion should have no bearing on the situation that you are in. __________________ All truth passes through three stages: First it is ridiculed Second, it is violently opposed and Third, it is accepted as self-evident. ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER (1788-1860)

05-23-2003, 06:20 PM	#33 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Sometimes you do nice things for people just because it feels good to do that. I don't think YOU'RE doing this, BoCo, but I can really hear a lot of other people feeling like reciprocation is what it's all about. It's NOT, people!! You do good things for others <i>just because</i>, or you're really just being enlightenedly selfish. Thing two: jerks happen. Move on. He was touchy about the drive because he didn't want you finding the BDSM dungeon photos he and his wife have been swapping with other horny Born Again couples. That's my theory.

05-23-2003, 08:53 PM	#34 (permalink)
LewisCouch Insane Location: Pacific NW	You are a principled man who has a friend who is very lucky. Your friend is quite a hypocrite. It sounds as if you have forgiven him, however, I'm not so sure he's off the hook with the man upstairs. Perhaps one day he will discover this truth and make amends. __________________ "The gift of liberty is like that of a horse, handsome, strong, and high-spirited. In some it arouses a wish to ride; in many others, on the contrary, it increases the desire to walk." -- Massimo d'Azeglio