after the election... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

clavus · 10-20-2004, 03:43 PM

Here is what is going to happen in the year following the Presidential Election, regardless of who wins:

Even though roughly half the country voted against him, the President will declare his victory a “mandate from the people.”

We will long for the days of $2.00 per gallon gasoline.

There will be an ad for Viagra (or some other boner-inducing drug) featuring two guys. People will freak right the fuck out of their everlovin’ minds. The media firestorm will be better than any ad campaign money could buy.

Florida will have a hurricane

California will have an earthquake.

New Mexico will have a huge fire.

Texas will have a rodeo

Right-to-Lifers will figure out that fertility clinics destroy more embryos than abortion clinics. Embryologists will be added to the list of their targets, thereby setting a new standard for irony.

Crazy-ass Muslims will kill a bunch of people somewhere in the world.

There will be a big hubbub about outing that CIA agent Valerie Plame. Nobody of any consequence will take a fall for it.

Somebody, somewhere in the USA will get shot and people will blame assault weapons/videogames/music/movies/TV (but not the shooter)

I will have some wierd injury.

The US government will continue to kiss the Saudi’s asses.

There will be a well-publicized accident involving one of those new itty-bitty Smartcars and an SUV. Stupid-ass legislation will result.

Some part of the country will have really strange weather. Some people will blame global warming. Some people will say the weather is proof that global warming is bullshit.

There will be a serious injury or death on a “reality TV” show.

The Oakland Raiders will suck.

There will be incomprehensible violence in Africa. Not much will be done about it.

Did I miss anything?

KMA-628 · 10-20-2004, 04:12 PM

Excellent list.....I think the best humor is that which is grounded in truth (i.e. Bill Cosby).

....but

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

The Oakland Raiders will suck.

was proven last Sunday (31-3, baby)

Echodork · 10-20-2004, 04:30 PM

A new blonde teen pop star will rise to popularity, while another simultaneously fades into obscurity.

Somebody famous will die, and somebody else famous will call them "an inspiration to us all," there will be a huge internet tribute, and two weeks later, we'll all forget both of them exist.

A female solo recording artist will attempt to take a stand on some issue or another, only to be ignored by 98% of the country, including most of her own fans.

The Jehovah's Witnesses will visit me again.

Hollywood will announce yet another movie sequel that has no business being made.

VH1 will produce another Top 100 Somethings of All Time show, and air it three times a day for six months. Alternately, perhaps simultaneously, VH1 will produce another series designed to spew more still-warm nostalgia at my generation.

A child of ludicrously young age will die in a surprising way, and someone will blame Grand Theft Auto for it.

The United States will send troops to a country that, two days prior, 95% of Americans couldn't find on a map in five tries (like France).

A wacky group of individuals will be invited to share a house with no television, no phones, and cameras in every room, and I will be forced to listen to stories of their flirtateous exploits.

The lottery will be won by either 1) someone who is already a millionaire, 2) an old man two days away from heart failure, 3) a complete nutjob, or 4) all of the above.

Some mildly attractive female actress will turn eighteen and for 24 hours the entire world will revolve around her, until she either ruins her career by doing porn or ruins her career by not doing porn.

My wife will play That Fucking Shania Twain Song One More Goddamn Time and I will spend the rest of my life counting my toes in a padded room.

maleficent · 10-20-2004, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

I will have some wierd injury.

Ummmm -- DUH...

clavus · 10-20-2004, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echodork

The lottery will be won by either 1) someone who is already a millionaire, 2) an old man two days away from heart failure, 3) a complete nutjob, or 4) all of the above.

You forgot "illegal alien"

ratbastid · 10-20-2004, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by clavus

I will have some wierd injury.

I'd say that most of that list is 'almost certain', but that item is 'certainly certain', Foot-gina Man.

Reese · 10-20-2004, 05:30 PM

The Redsox may or may not win the World Series. The Curse may or may not still be there, but one thing is certain - People outside of Boston and New York still don't give a shit.

World's King · 10-20-2004, 06:01 PM

CSI will start three more shows in differnet cities around the US

Law and Order will start three more shows that aren't even close to be as cool as the original

George Lucas and Steven Speilberg will ruin more of their films

Fox News will continue to lie to us about their politics

Anyone that has run for office will tell a lie to someone that has never run

I'm gonna get food poisoning at least once a month

I'm gonna spend roughly 10 grand on booze

Boston is gonna win their second World Series... Ever

I'm gonna have at least four more girlfriends

My girlfriend will not know about the other four

I'm gonna get a few more tattoos

I will crash my scooter as least twice

My mother will make food that's isn't suitable for the dog

Tony Soprano will die

SecretMethod70 · 10-20-2004, 06:13 PM

More people will die in Iraq.

The Iraqi "elections" will either not happen are be worse than the "elections" in Afghanistan.

Neither will be as much of a joke as the U.S. election was.

We will still have "free speech zones."

We will still pay taxes as punishment for helping the economy (income tax).

We will either have bilateral talks with North Korea or we will have talks involving other countries as well. Either way, North Korea will continue to work on nuclear weapons and nothing will be done about it.

Lockjaw · 10-20-2004, 06:41 PM

Within the next 4 years.
Democrats and Republicans will switch places that they've held the last 4 years.
Republicans nitpicking everything Kerry does as president and Democrats defending everything without thought or question. Someone will make a bemused comment noting this and will be called crazy.
The first openly gay athelete in the Big four sports will begin his career and will be average at best but will be pushed as the greatest thing ever.
Despite the rising gas prices Americans will continue to wallow in big fast gas guzzling vehicles marking a golden age of American auto making.
Dave Chappelle will piss off the world in general.

Within the next 10 years....
A nuclear attack will occur some place.
Civilians will start tagging themselves with electronic homing tags and paperless payment devices.
Human organs will be cloned.
Another manned mission to the moon will occur.
The Simpsons will FINALLY go off the air.
Oprah will run for political office and will win. People will joke about her running for president and polls show that she would win in a landslide.
Weed will be legalized in America.
Crime won't drop like people thought it would because of this.
Michael Jordan's kids will play ball and will be the first multi-billionare basketball player before they even leave college.
OJ will admit he killed his wife in a suicide letter.

combatmedicjen · 10-20-2004, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echodork

The Jehovah's Witnesses will visit me again.

HAHAHA!!!! I love those guys! It's always subzero when they come around, so I like to invite them in for hot cocoa.

merkerguitars · 10-20-2004, 09:25 PM

They will say they have made alternative fuel progress, but nothing big enough to cause a change in big oil.

Irishsean · 10-20-2004, 09:56 PM

There will still be no NHL...

hunnychile · 10-21-2004, 04:48 PM

Clavus: You are a an amazing writer and we love your posts !

It had to be said this week

sadistikdreams · 10-21-2004, 06:28 PM

If George W is reelected, I'll be right out there with the riots.

Looting like a motherfucker.

Fire · 10-21-2004, 07:06 PM

frighteningly enough, I am buying more ammo just in case- we are sadly due for some serious civil disobedience, especially after the big let-down of y2k. I am taking precautions because I have come to the conclusion that idiots are everywhere, and constantly striving for excelence in their field.........

reiii · 10-21-2004, 07:39 PM

Right-to-Lifers will figure out that fertility clinics destroy more embryos than abortion clinics. Embryologists will be added to the list of their targets, thereby setting a new standard for irony

LOL /I made my self sad

clavus · 10-21-2004, 07:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hunnychile

Clavus: You are a an amazing writer and we love your posts !

It had to be said this week

Thanks. I'm in good company.

After the election TFP will continue to be the home of numerous amazing writers.

reiii · 10-21-2004, 07:44 PM

clavus :

I made a question about your post on my website, tell me if you want it taken down

http://www.atdelphi.com
Your question is under 'featured'

zeus@atdelphi.com

Mephisto2 · 10-21-2004, 11:49 PM

People will still argue on the Politics board.

Mr Mephisto

calixstus · 10-22-2004, 12:53 AM

there will be a trial involving somebody famous, and it will be labeled a circus.

depdawg77 · 10-22-2004, 05:24 AM

Our soldiers will continue to die on foreign soil ......

denim · 10-22-2004, 07:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by depdawg77

Our soldiers will continue to die on foreign soil ......

Honestly, that's better than having them die on OUR soil. :/

Redlemon · 10-22-2004, 07:50 AM

A food item that everyone has considered to be safe and healthy will be identified by the Center for Science in the Public Interest to be a major cause of obesity and/or cancer.

Cynthetiq · 10-27-2004, 03:17 PM

morons will still be driving on the roads.

there will still be stupid people in front of you at the grocery store.

your neighbor will still be an asshole.

10-20-2004, 03:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	after the election... Here is what is going to happen in the year following the Presidential Election, regardless of who wins: Even though roughly half the country voted against him, the President will declare his victory a “mandate from the people.” We will long for the days of $2.00 per gallon gasoline. There will be an ad for Viagra (or some other boner-inducing drug) featuring two guys. People will freak right the fuck out of their everlovin’ minds. The media firestorm will be better than any ad campaign money could buy. Florida will have a hurricane California will have an earthquake. New Mexico will have a huge fire. Texas will have a rodeo Right-to-Lifers will figure out that fertility clinics destroy more embryos than abortion clinics. Embryologists will be added to the list of their targets, thereby setting a new standard for irony. Crazy-ass Muslims will kill a bunch of people somewhere in the world. There will be a big hubbub about outing that CIA agent Valerie Plame. Nobody of any consequence will take a fall for it. Somebody, somewhere in the USA will get shot and people will blame assault weapons/videogames/music/movies/TV (but not the shooter) I will have some wierd injury. The US government will continue to kiss the Saudi’s asses. There will be a well-publicized accident involving one of those new itty-bitty Smartcars and an SUV. Stupid-ass legislation will result. Some part of the country will have really strange weather. Some people will blame global warming. Some people will say the weather is proof that global warming is bullshit. There will be a serious injury or death on a “reality TV” show. The Oakland Raiders will suck. There will be incomprehensible violence in Africa. Not much will be done about it. Did I miss anything? __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free. Last edited by clavus; 10-20-2004 at 03:48 PM..

10-20-2004, 04:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
Echodork Tilted	A new blonde teen pop star will rise to popularity, while another simultaneously fades into obscurity. Somebody famous will die, and somebody else famous will call them "an inspiration to us all," there will be a huge internet tribute, and two weeks later, we'll all forget both of them exist. A female solo recording artist will attempt to take a stand on some issue or another, only to be ignored by 98% of the country, including most of her own fans. The Jehovah's Witnesses will visit me again. Hollywood will announce yet another movie sequel that has no business being made. VH1 will produce another Top 100 Somethings of All Time show, and air it three times a day for six months. Alternately, perhaps simultaneously, VH1 will produce another series designed to spew more still-warm nostalgia at my generation. A child of ludicrously young age will die in a surprising way, and someone will blame Grand Theft Auto for it. The United States will send troops to a country that, two days prior, 95% of Americans couldn't find on a map in five tries (like France). A wacky group of individuals will be invited to share a house with no television, no phones, and cameras in every room, and I will be forced to listen to stories of their flirtateous exploits. The lottery will be won by either 1) someone who is already a millionaire, 2) an old man two days away from heart failure, 3) a complete nutjob, or 4) all of the above. Some mildly attractive female actress will turn eighteen and for 24 hours the entire world will revolve around her, until she either ruins her career by doing porn or ruins her career by not doing porn. My wife will play That Fucking Shania Twain Song One More Goddamn Time and I will spend the rest of my life counting my toes in a padded room. Last edited by Echodork; 10-20-2004 at 04:33 PM..

10-20-2004, 05:30 PM	#7 (permalink)
Reese Delicious	The Redsox may or may not win the World Series. The Curse may or may not still be there, but one thing is certain - People outside of Boston and New York still don't give a shit. __________________ “It is better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick” - Dave Barry

10-20-2004, 06:01 PM	#8 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	CSI will start three more shows in differnet cities around the US Law and Order will start three more shows that aren't even close to be as cool as the original George Lucas and Steven Speilberg will ruin more of their films Fox News will continue to lie to us about their politics Anyone that has run for office will tell a lie to someone that has never run I'm gonna get food poisoning at least once a month I'm gonna spend roughly 10 grand on booze Boston is gonna win their second World Series... Ever I'm gonna have at least four more girlfriends My girlfriend will not know about the other four I'm gonna get a few more tattoos I will crash my scooter as least twice My mother will make food that's isn't suitable for the dog Tony Soprano will die __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

10-20-2004, 06:13 PM	#9 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	More people will die in Iraq. The Iraqi "elections" will either not happen are be worse than the "elections" in Afghanistan. Neither will be as much of a joke as the U.S. election was. We will still have "free speech zones." We will still pay taxes as punishment for helping the economy (income tax). We will either have bilateral talks with North Korea or we will have talks involving other countries as well. Either way, North Korea will continue to work on nuclear weapons and nothing will be done about it. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

10-20-2004, 06:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
Lockjaw Junkie	Within the next 4 years. Democrats and Republicans will switch places that they've held the last 4 years. Republicans nitpicking everything Kerry does as president and Democrats defending everything without thought or question. Someone will make a bemused comment noting this and will be called crazy. The first openly gay athelete in the Big four sports will begin his career and will be average at best but will be pushed as the greatest thing ever. Despite the rising gas prices Americans will continue to wallow in big fast gas guzzling vehicles marking a golden age of American auto making. Dave Chappelle will piss off the world in general. Within the next 10 years.... A nuclear attack will occur some place. Civilians will start tagging themselves with electronic homing tags and paperless payment devices. Human organs will be cloned. Another manned mission to the moon will occur. The Simpsons will FINALLY go off the air. Oprah will run for political office and will win. People will joke about her running for president and polls show that she would win in a landslide. Weed will be legalized in America. Crime won't drop like people thought it would because of this. Michael Jordan's kids will play ball and will be the first multi-billionare basketball player before they even leave college. OJ will admit he killed his wife in a suicide letter.

10-20-2004, 09:25 PM	#12 (permalink)
merkerguitars Buffering......... Location: Wisconsin...	They will say they have made alternative fuel progress, but nothing big enough to cause a change in big oil. __________________ Donate now! Ask me How! Please use the search function it is your friend. Look at my mustang please feel free to comment! http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthread.php?t=26985

10-20-2004, 09:56 PM	#13 (permalink)
Irishsean edited for content Location: Austin, TX	There will still be no NHL... __________________ There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances. Leon Trotsky

10-21-2004, 04:48 PM	#14 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	Clavus: You are a an amazing writer and we love your posts ! It had to be said this week __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB

10-21-2004, 06:28 PM	#15 (permalink)
sadistikdreams lonely rolling star Location: Seattle.	If George W is reelected, I'll be right out there with the riots. Looting like a motherfucker. __________________ "Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of non-essentials." -Lin Yutang hearts, by d.a.

10-21-2004, 07:06 PM	#16 (permalink)
Fire Warrior Smith Location: missouri	frighteningly enough, I am buying more ammo just in case- we are sadly due for some serious civil disobedience, especially after the big let-down of y2k. I am taking precautions because I have come to the conclusion that idiots are everywhere, and constantly striving for excelence in their field......... __________________ Thought the harder, Heart the bolder, Mood the more as our might lessens

10-21-2004, 07:39 PM	#17 (permalink)
reiii unstuck in time Location: Nashville/D.C.	Right-to-Lifers will figure out that fertility clinics destroy more embryos than abortion clinics. Embryologists will be added to the list of their targets, thereby setting a new standard for irony LOL /I made my self sad

10-21-2004, 07:44 PM	#19 (permalink)
reiii unstuck in time Location: Nashville/D.C.	clavus : I made a question about your post on my website, tell me if you want it taken down http://www.atdelphi.com Your question is under 'featured' zeus@atdelphi.com

10-21-2004, 11:49 PM	#20 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	People will still argue on the Politics board. Mr Mephisto

10-22-2004, 12:53 AM	#21 (permalink)
calixstus Upright	there will be a trial involving somebody famous, and it will be labeled a circus.

10-27-2004, 03:17 PM	#25 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	morons will still be driving on the roads. there will still be stupid people in front of you at the grocery store. your neighbor will still be an asshole. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

10-22-2004, 05:24 AM	#22 (permalink)
depdawg77 Upright	Our soldiers will continue to die on foreign soil ......

10-22-2004, 07:50 AM	#24 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	A food item that everyone has considered to be safe and healthy will be identified by the Center for Science in the Public Interest to be a major cause of obesity and/or cancer.