dualman7

It seems like no matter what we achieve through out our lives, when it comes to our mind, it's all about what have you done for me lately? Personally, I play in a softball league with a bunch of buddies. I go into every game with ultimate excitment and look forward to it. But then a error on my part occurs, and it just drives me nuts. For example today, I was coaching 1st base, and we're losing like 15-2 in the 5th inning. There's a pop fly to center field, and I tell the runner to GOOOO because there are 2 outs and the fielder might drop it. Ends up there was only 1 out and the runner gets picked off. I feel so bad about it that it's not even funny. The runner who got picked off is one of the nicest kids you will ever meet. He actually came back to the dugout and everyone was very upset with him, and he never even mentioned that it was my screw up and not his. I told the coach what had happened, but still. I apologized non stop to the runner, but even though he said it's okay, I know how upset he was with me.

Anyway, my post is more than just a softball rant, it's about the inability to make the mind feel like we want it to feel. I am 22 years old, and I think I have finally come to the realization that the only way to overcome negative thoughts/feelings and etc is action. Sitting on your butt and thinking about it does nothing. No matter how hard I try to use logic to make myself feel better, it doesn't always stick. Unfortunately for this incident, i have nowhere to go, and nothing to do except feel really bad at my stupidity causing another person to look bad. I wish he would have verbally exploded on me or something, but him handling it like he did just makes me feel even worse.

timalkin

I try not to dwell on stupid little mistakes that don't really mean anything in the long run. I'd agonize over a mistake if somebody died because of my mistake, but short of that it doesn't really mean much.

SinisterMotives

You shouldn't be hard on yourself for not having it all figured out at age twenty-two, dualman. There are people several times your age who don't really know themselves. Acknowledging that fact in yourself is an important first step.

Self-mastery is a lifelong process. There is no distinct stage in our lives that we can point to and say we've perfected the prima materia, as Jung and the medieval alchemists would put it. There are only small (but nevertheless critical) milestones.

I don't know what your philosophical or spiritual bent is, but there are many systems of self-actualization out there that are based on the personal experiences of wise and not-so-wise people down through the ages who have been there before, such as the martial arts, yoga, meditation, and ritual magic. One thing I can tell you is that logic and reason alone are not enough. Mastery of self requires exercising all of the faculties.

Good luck on your quest. Regardless of the path you take, you will undoubtedly find it worth the effort.

Phaenx

You'd be surprised how much your attitude affects the world around you. Turns out, the more you smile the more people around you smile. The nicer you are, the nicer the people you meet.

Funny how that works, right? Not really, when you think about it.

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"I went shopping last night at like 1am. The place was empty and this old woman just making polite conversation said to me, 'where is everyone??' I replied, 'In bed, same place you and I should be!' Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look." --Some guy

ngdawg

Maybe our stupid mistakes are like bruises. They linger, but fade in time. We all make them, though and will continue to til the end.
Feeling down for making someone else feel badly is not a bad thing. Feeling down even if they don't feel badly is not a bad thing either. Time will tell if he has any ill will over this. I'd only worry if you didn't care at all.

:::OshnSoul:::

Here's how I view it. As I've practiced in my daily life, I know I am made up of a mind, a body, and a soul. All are known as seperate, yet they are connected as well. The way to not feed the ego is to acknowledge the thought, and discover the feelings behind it. Ask how it makes you feel, then decide if it works for you or if another approach works better for you.
Your ego is overpowering and wants to run your life, but your soul (your feelings) really tell all you need to know. But don't ignore your thpoughts, even if they're negative- don't dwell on them either. Find out why you have that thought, and decifer how you want to suspend that thought and connet it with your feelings so that you can move on.
Things happen- they aren't accidents, so don't have regrets- just acknowledge that you made a choice that didn't work, and you will make a mental note not to do it again. It's all a learning experience- more like a discovering experience- with choices that you shouldn't be ashamed of, but accept them as a way of helping you discover who you are and what works for you. If you didn't make those choices, then how would you evolve? Don't be hard on yourself, just accept this as a healthy experience to further your conscious thoughts and feelings toward choices and actions you make.

Nazggul

All you can do is lace em up and get out there again tomorrow, or next weekend, whenever. Don't let it get you down and try to learn from your mistake.

Reminds me of a game I saw a few years ago...SF Giants versus NY Mets. I forget the Mets left fielders name, but with one out he caught a fly ball and tossed it into the stands as a souvenir. Then when he realized the blunder he ran to the stands and grabbed the ball back, but by then I think 2 Giants had tagged up and scored.

No matter how good you are at anything (even a pro) these things happen. Don't put yourself down because of it and don't put others down when it happens to them. Accept it, learn from it, and move on to be better for it.

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"If something has to give then it always will."

-- Editors

crow_daw

I, too, tend to dwell on stupid little mistakes. It may very well be what I consider my biggest flaw. I want very much so to alter it, and I try to keep myself from falling to pieces over things that really don't matter in the least.

So far...........I'm failing miserably.

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"We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

rat

I suggest watching For Love of the Game, specifically the part where the guy has the baseball hit him in the head as he tries to catch it and then the very end of the movie. It may put things in perspective a bit

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tecoyah

You rock....and as usual, I agree.

As my sig states.....

Life is Pain= Reality will never be completely pleasant.
Pain is Knowledge= Think carefully about the Why.
Knowledge is Life= If you can learn from something, it is serving a purpose

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

ratbastid

I'd suggest that your own mind is the only thing that there ever has been to conquer. All the conflicts and squabbles and little dramas that we human being are heir to, all of that is merely the bubbling and churning of our overactive and imaginative minds. If we can push back from it for a second and see that it's not real, that we made it up, then something else becomes possible for us.

Case in point:

And do you know that that's ok? Do you know that you're one of about 6.8 billion people who feel exactly the same way? The drama about it and the "failure" is what keep it in place. Which is ALSO ok!