Wanking Your Way To Weight Loss - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

GakFace · 06-10-2004, 10:35 PM

LINKY!!!!

Crazy Japanese.. heh.

Quote:

Wanking your way to weight loss

By Masuo Kamiyama
Contributing Writer
June 7, 2004

My gosh, nearly six months have gone by since the year-end party season, but you haven't done anything to trim off those excess pounds. As a result, your belt is running out of notches and your bottom is starting to sag over the edge of chairs at the restaurants where you stuff your face.
It's time, Dr. Hideo Yamanaka tells Weekly Playboy (June 15), for guys to start doing something about it. Yamanaka, director of the Toranomon-Hibiya Clinic, offers a weight reduction that he's convinced guarantees results.

Follow his "masturbation diet" regimen, and you'll soon be able to squeeze back into those hip-hugging jeans and impressing the gals with your svelte figure.

"Ejaculation raises the basic metabolism of muscles and consumes calories," the doctor says. "With fewer calories, subcutaneous fat is consumed, and making it easier to trim down.

"But," the doctor goes on, "there's no point in ordinary activity. An ordinary young person would have to do it 100 more times a month for it to have any effect."

Gosh, says Weekly Playboy. That's three times a day he's talking about.

"Actully more like four or five, if you're really serious," remarks Yamauchi. "For each 2 kilos of body weight, you'd need to squeeze out 2 liters of semen."

Gomesu Yamada, a journalist covering the pink trade, wags his head in agreement.

"It's hard enough just to spurt so often, but to get the full benefits of aerobic exercise, it's necessary for the process to be maintained for at least 15 minutes before ejaculation occurs. We have named this activity 'Onani-bics.' "

"Onani" a common Japanese term for masturbation refers to Onan, the Biblical figure who was destroyed for "spilling his seed on the ground."

Gomesu claims he has knowledge of people who have actually managed to slim down through a regular regimen of Onanibics.

"Guys who made their motto, 'At least one good tug a day' have managed to lose as much as 4 kilograms in a week," he grins.

Rather than indulge in boring generalizations, Weekly Playboy then lists the average pulse rates and calories consumed while combining masturbation with various forms of exercise. "Abdominal muscle onanism" (sit-ups), for example, if performed for 15 minutes, will consume 61 kilocalories; "back strength onanism" (reverse sit ups), just 22 kilocalories; push-ups, 95 kilocalories; deep knee squats, 89 kilocalories; pole climbing, 72 kilocalories; and so-called "Ona-hole jogging" (an activity obviously not for beginners), 204 kilocalories.

A tubby 55-year-old writer named Koyamamyama, who tips the scales at 100 kilograms, had an even better idea. Deciding he might as well have some fun in the process, he headed for red-light districts around he capital. First he dropped in at a porno video parlor in Shinjuku, where DVDs (and hand play) can be enjoyed in private viewing rooms (cost: 1,300 yen). His next stop was a peep show, where, again in a private cubicle, he could watch a young nude girl feign her own efforts at, er, weight reduction (admission: 2,000 yen). This was followed by a visit to an "image club," where the climax of the session included a climax (5,000 yen). After several other workout sessions in Ikebukuro and Ueno, he ended his session at a "roshutsu kurabu" (exposure club) in Shibuya, where, for a layout of 15,000 yen, a young lady joined him in a private cubicle, disrobed, and energetically masturbated herself to orgasm --- while he did the same.

These efforts during a total of four hours of sexual activities came to 43,800 yen, consumption tax included. Did they help? Slightly. Koyamamyama's weight declined from 104.2 kilograms to 102.6. His muscle-to-fat ratio improved from 31.2 percent to 31.8; and his overall body fat ratio fell 0.8 percent.

Well then, guys, how about it, exhorts Weekly Playboy. If you want to get in shape for this summer, then let's give it a good tug! Make that several tugs!

I'm sorry, but reading this just made me laugh pretty damn hard. If you're so serious about losing weight.... go work out.. if you're serious about watching pornos..watch pornos. Do both... whatever... but suggesting to wank more to lose weight is just damn funny. I'm not about to try it, but if any of you are up to it.. Let Us Know!

tisonlyi · 06-11-2004, 01:44 AM

I'm on it.

Hrothgar · 06-11-2004, 02:49 AM

wow it's not only good for your prostate but you lose weight? nice

Ripp3r · 06-11-2004, 02:57 AM

hehe, funny article

I was wondering where all those extra pounds were going

MSD · 06-11-2004, 06:27 AM

Sustain for 15 minutes?
Three times a day?

Why am I still fat?

zxello · 06-11-2004, 09:35 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by MrSelfDestruct
Sustain for 15 minutes?
Three times a day?

Why am I still fat?

LMAO to true!

sexymama · 06-11-2004, 03:43 PM

Does it work as well for woman?

TheBrit · 06-12-2004, 01:44 PM

That's incredibly effective. 1lb/hour of wanking by the looks of it.

mattevil · 06-12-2004, 03:11 PM

Next stop Titty Board!

KellyC · 06-12-2004, 09:26 PM

I'll remember this *helpful* weightloss tip if I ever need to lose some pounds...

crow_daw · 06-12-2004, 09:47 PM

There is no possible way I could ever pull that off.

That fifteen minute clause is where they get ya.

Or at least where they get me.

I......I need help.

H12 · 06-12-2004, 09:50 PM

I, personally, benefitted from Onani-bics. Ever since puberty, I have practiced this art an have never weighed over 190 since then. Furthermore, I am a well-built muscular machine.

It works, people...nevermind the fact that I bust my ass in the weight-room, played three sports, and haven't had a coke in almost 3 years; I owe it all to Onani-bics, so back off, nay-sayers.

Seriously...wow. Typical article for Playboy.

GakFace · 06-13-2004, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sexymama
Does it work as well for woman?

Hrmm.. I'm not sure..

This is of upmost importance.. you MUST figure this out.

Get To Work!! And report back regularily.

salomonsk8r2003 · 06-14-2009, 02:02 PM

Well guys, I know it sounds retarded, but this shit works. My buddy back in high school (about 4 years ago) got RIPPED out of nowhere. I mean, this guy was tiny. I was never that big, and I remember arm wresting him and wining. Now he looks like a Hawaiian surfer (he has like, shaggy hair and hemp necklaces and is super tan lol). But he swore up and down that he never used steroids. Nobody believed him. So one day he told me that he just jacked off for like 30 minutes about 4 times a day, and just flexed every muscle in his body hard as hell. And after the 3 month summer he looked like vin diesle.

levite · 06-14-2009, 04:30 PM

Yeah, I dunno.... I'm pretty sure I'm living proof that this is BS....

Tully Mars · 06-14-2009, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by levite

Yeah, I dunno.... I'm pretty sure I'm living proof that this is BS....

Yeah I done my research on this, I call BS too.

ASU2003 · 06-14-2009, 06:55 PM

Quote:

"For each 2 kilos of body weight, you'd need to squeeze out 2 liters of semen."

Quote:

Did they help? Slightly. Koyamamyama's weight declined from 104.2 kilograms to 102.6.

That must have been one hell of a cumshot. He lost 1.6 kilos which they say would be equal to 1.6 liters of semen. It would probably take a normal guy half a year to produce that much. He could star in his own bukkake video though.

(Off topic, there is a wiki page on Bukkake: NSFW Bukkake - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia Ha! )

squeeeb · 06-14-2009, 08:01 PM

i'm calling bullshit on this. if masturbation helped you lose weight, i'd be 100 pounds, id lose so much weight, i'd make kate moss look fat.

Reese · 06-14-2009, 08:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by squeeeb

i'm calling bullshit on this. if masturbation helped you lose weight, i'd be 100 pounds, id lose so much weight, i'd make kate moss look fat.

or maybe you'd be 600 pounds if you didn't masturbate... Never know..

squeeeb · 06-14-2009, 08:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cybermike

or maybe you'd be 600 pounds if you didn't masturbate... Never know..

oooh, never thought of it that way. i'm gonna keep at it, just in case....

The_Jazz · 06-15-2009, 04:40 AM

I think that this is in the high 90's of the "100 dumbest things I've heard on the internet". Of course the Japanese are responsible for roughly 50 others, so at least the source isn't surprising.

dlish · 06-15-2009, 07:04 AM

gee..aren't i lucky i dont masturbate....i'd be down to 45kgs

06-11-2004, 01:44 AM	#2 (permalink)
tisonlyi Nothing	I'm on it. __________________ "I do not agree that the dog in a manger has the final right to the manger even though he may have lain there for a very long time. I do not admit that right. I do not admit for instance, that a great wrong has been done to the Red Indians of America or the black people of Australia. I do not admit that a wrong has been done to these people by the fact that a stronger race, a higher-grade race, a more worldly wise race to put it that way, has come in and taken their place." - Winston Churchill, 1937 --{ORLY?}--

06-11-2004, 02:49 AM	#3 (permalink)
Hrothgar He's My Girl Location: The Champagne Douche	wow it's not only good for your prostate but you lose weight? nice __________________ The fortunes of war favored Hrothgar.

06-11-2004, 02:57 AM	#4 (permalink)
Ripp3r Tilted Location: Dublin, Ireland	hehe, funny article I was wondering where all those extra pounds were going __________________ We All Have Questions What Seperates The Men From The Boys Is The Ability To Use Google To Find Our Answers

06-11-2004, 03:43 PM	#7 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	Does it work as well for woman? __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

06-12-2004, 09:26 PM	#10 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	I'll remember this helpful weightloss tip if I ever need to lose some pounds... __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

06-11-2004, 06:27 AM	#5 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	Sustain for 15 minutes? Three times a day? Why am I still fat?

06-12-2004, 01:44 PM	#8 (permalink)
TheBrit Psycho	That's incredibly effective. 1lb/hour of wanking by the looks of it.

06-12-2004, 03:11 PM	#9 (permalink)
mattevil Addict Location: Virginia	Next stop Titty Board!

06-12-2004, 09:47 PM	#11 (permalink)
crow_daw Idolator Location: Vol Country	There is no possible way I could ever pull that off. That fifteen minute clause is where they get ya. Or at least where they get me. I......I need help. __________________ "We each have a star, all we have to do is find it. Once you do, everyone who sees it will be blinded." - Earl Simmons

06-12-2004, 09:50 PM	#12 (permalink)
H12 I'm not about getting creamed, I'm about winning! Location: K-Town, TN	I, personally, benefitted from Onani-bics. Ever since puberty, I have practiced this art an have never weighed over 190 since then. Furthermore, I am a well-built muscular machine. It works, people...nevermind the fact that I bust my ass in the weight-room, played three sports, and haven't had a coke in almost 3 years; I owe it all to Onani-bics, so back off, nay-sayers. Seriously...wow. Typical article for Playboy. __________________ "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit." --Aristotle

06-14-2009, 02:02 PM	#14 (permalink)
salomonsk8r2003 Upright	This shit really works Well guys, I know it sounds retarded, but this shit works. My buddy back in high school (about 4 years ago) got RIPPED out of nowhere. I mean, this guy was tiny. I was never that big, and I remember arm wresting him and wining. Now he looks like a Hawaiian surfer (he has like, shaggy hair and hemp necklaces and is super tan lol). But he swore up and down that he never used steroids. Nobody believed him. So one day he told me that he just jacked off for like 30 minutes about 4 times a day, and just flexed every muscle in his body hard as hell. And after the 3 month summer he looked like vin diesle. Last edited by salomonsk8r2003; 09-16-2016 at 01:32 PM..

06-14-2009, 04:30 PM	#15 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	Yeah, I dunno.... I'm pretty sure I'm living proof that this is BS.... __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

06-14-2009, 08:01 PM	#18 (permalink)
squeeeb part of the problem Location: hic et ubique	i'm calling bullshit on this. if masturbation helped you lose weight, i'd be 100 pounds, id lose so much weight, i'd make kate moss look fat. __________________ onward to mayhem!

06-15-2009, 04:40 AM	#21 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	I think that this is in the high 90's of the "100 dumbest things I've heard on the internet". Of course the Japanese are responsible for roughly 50 others, so at least the source isn't surprising. __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

06-15-2009, 07:04 AM	#22 (permalink)
dlish Currently sour but formerly Dlishs Super Moderator Location: Australia/UAE	gee..aren't i lucky i dont masturbate....i'd be down to 45kgs __________________ An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay? - Filthy