Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > General Discussion


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-09-2004, 12:15 AM   #1 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
Locked out...nearly naked...at night...crap

Earlier tonight, it was storming quite a bit here in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have always been fond of watching the storms, so I went out onto my balcony for a few minutes right before I went to bed (or so I thought).

Just a little necessary background information - I live in a two story apartment complex, and my balcony is on the second floor.

Continuing on with my adventure, I was outside wearing only my boxers, smoking a cigarette on my balcony. I closed the door behind me to keep the cool air inside, and enjoyed the show while I was smoking. It was really pouring out - there was also quite a bit of lighting. Spectacular.

As it turns out, against all odds, as well as the laws of physics, I somehow managed to lock myself out on my balcony via sliding glass door. Keep in mind, I am now outside in nothing but my boxers, in the middle of a storm, and my only company is a withering plant. My cell phone, landline phone, and keys are just inside taunting me, of course. I considered attempting to use telekinesis to bring them over to me, but after carefully considering my options, I decided that jumping down is the only way to go, as I wasn't really favoring the idea of smashing the sliding glass door (and stepping on the broken glass) with my woefully inadequate plastic planter.

I climb out over the rail, lower myself down as much as I can, and release - and find myself standing ankle deep in mud. Beautiful....

I walked around to the front of the complex hoping that by some miracle the security door would be unlocked. Surprisingly enough, it was locked.

As it (at the time) was about 2:00 in the morning(ish) ( I didn't have a watch on at the time) I didn't want to wake anyone up, and since I am actually rather proficient at picking locks, decided that that's what I'd attempt to do.

First thing on the list, however, is to get some tools to do so. There is a 24-hour Walmart near me, and about halfway there it begins to hail. Not large hail, but big enough to make me yelp in pain as it hit my bare skin.

Let me tell you, the moment I walked into Walmart, soaking wet, nearly naked, mud covering my bare feet up to my ankles, with little red bruises from the hail... I was not greeted with a smile.

After standing in the entranceway, explaining my situation to the greeter, they allowed me in. I promply grabbed some clothes, some small allen wrenches, a screwdriver, and headed up to the cashier. At this point, I realized that my identification, wallet, and money were all sitting at my apartment. (you try thinking long term while being pelted with hail while running down the street nearly naked )

After explaining my situation to the cashier, they actually allowed me to take the items after writing down my information, and even allowed me to pay with my credit card, thankfully I had memorized the number.

So, I stroll back to complex, yet again sopping wet, and begin to work on the lock. By the way, my clothes of choice were dark, baggy pants and a hoodie - I was hoping to retain at least some body heat.

At the exact moment I open the lock, a police cruiser rolls on up behind me. As you can imagine, the police officer wasn't too impressed when I attempted to explain that I did indeed live there, I had just gotten locked out on my balcony. Apparently one of my neighbors had reports a suspicious figure wearing dark clothes fiddling with a lock...

I was promptly cuffed and seated in the backseat of his car while he ran my information. Despite my asking to at least keep the door open, he allowed it to close. After looking over the info, he said that I needed to provide Identification. After explaining that it was just upstairs, but I would need to pick the lock again to obtain it, he agreed to let me do so.

After sitting in the warm cruiser for a few minutes, the feeling in my hands had thankfully returned, so I was able to quickly pick the lock. After opening my apartment door, I was able to give him my ID, and he went on his merry way.

The moral of this story? Walmart is The Man, and that I should never, ever, regardless of the likelyhood of anything happening, be caught in a situation without ID or a way to pay...

Some day I'll look back at this and smile...

[Edit - Changed to title to make it a bit more descriptive, and sound a bit more like Clavus's title, as we now belong to a very exclusive, prestigious club (The locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing club)]
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...

Last edited by NoSoup; 06-09-2004 at 09:56 AM..
NoSoup is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 12:28 AM   #2 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
KellyC's Avatar
 
Location: Home sweet home
Your story reminds me of Clavus's....both are entertaining...

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...ghlight=locked
__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.
KellyC is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 12:50 AM   #3 (permalink)
WoW or Class...
 
BigGov's Avatar
 
Location: UWW
Aww man, I feel for ya. I almost went outside and watched the storms myself tonight, but instead I was watching the Brewers and Angels go 17 innings.

This is why you leave a key with a good neighbor and pay them a decent amount of money as a thank you to bail you out in this type of situation
__________________
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"
BigGov is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 12:52 AM   #4 (permalink)
Here
 
World's King's Avatar
 
Location: Denver City Denver
I think you need some soup.
__________________
heavy is the head that wears the crown
World's King is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 01:04 AM   #5 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
On the positive side, I got some decent pictures of lightning before I decided to smoke that fateful cigarette...

Odd, I seem to be unable to upload the pics here... so here is the photography thread that they are in....

Here they are...
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...
NoSoup is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 01:10 AM   #6 (permalink)
Über-Rookie
 
Location: No longer, D.C
I was reminded of clevus's story as well. I must congratulate you

even though it probably made for night filled with many annoyances, it made for an excellent story. one that can be told and retold for ages.

i would have loved to have seen you as you walked into wal-mart in your current state. Man, if that happened to me i'd be screwed i live quite a ways from Wal-mart*grin*.. .gas-stations here i come!
__________________
"All that we can do is just survive.
.All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush
oblar is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 02:32 AM   #7 (permalink)
Bang bang
 
Spartak's Avatar
 
Location: New Zealand
Oh man, what a story!

I wish I coulda seen the look on the cops face when you told him your ID was inside and you needed to pick the lock again to get in.
__________________
I can read your mind... looking at you... I can read your mind...
Spartak is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 02:37 AM   #8 (permalink)
With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much
 
Fremen's Avatar
 
Location: left side of my couch, East Texas
Glad it worked out, NoSoup.
Entertaining anecdote.
__________________
Google
Fremen is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 02:59 AM   #9 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: Melbourne
would have sounded and looked pretty funny from the wallmart guy or the cop who found you Love the story, but i cant say anything like that has happened to me just yet...
__________________
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.
Madd is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 08:32 AM   #10 (permalink)
pow!
 
clavus's Avatar
 
Location: NorCal
Ah, my locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing brother! Welcome to the club! Your membership card and Sawzall are in the mail.
__________________
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
clavus is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 08:59 AM   #11 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
Ah, my locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing brother! Welcome to the club! Your membership card and Sawzall are in the mail.
Lol, to be honest, the first moments after I realized the door was locked, I thought of your story, and tried to remember how you resolved it. Unfortunately, the sawzall wouldn't be too helpful in my situation, and I didn't have one handy...
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...
NoSoup is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 10:46 AM   #12 (permalink)
Is In Love
 
Averett's Avatar
 
Location: I'm workin' on it
Nice story

I'm surpised the cops cuffed you. He should have let you go into your place and get ID. A robber isn't going to know where you keep your wallet..
__________________
Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
Averett is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 11:42 AM   #13 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
Quote:
Originally posted by Averett
Nice story

I'm surpised the cops cuffed you. He should have let you go into your place and get ID. A robber isn't going to know where you keep your wallet..
Lol, well, looking back, I suppose I was dressing in dark clothing picking the lock to an apartment door, and in all likelyhood looking like a drowning lunatic...
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...
NoSoup is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 12:19 PM   #14 (permalink)
Poo-tee-weet?
 
JStrider's Avatar
 
Location: The Woodlands, TX
lol great story...

i wish i could pick locks... i'll have to mess with it sometime... i can think of a couple times it woulda come in handy...
__________________
-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto
JStrider is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 12:53 PM   #15 (permalink)
pow!
 
clavus's Avatar
 
Location: NorCal
Quote:
Originally posted by NoSoup
Lol, to be honest, the first moments after I realized the door was locked, I thought of your story, and tried to remember how you resolved it.
For the last time, people. The best solution to a difficult problem is NEVER discovered by asking, "How would Clavus handle this?"
__________________
Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.
clavus is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 01:52 PM   #16 (permalink)
BFG Builder
 
Location: University of Maryland
Good story. Let's hear it for lockpicking!
__________________
If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.
DelayedReaction is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 02:22 PM   #17 (permalink)
Non-Rookie
 
NoSoup's Avatar
 
Location: Green Bay, WI
Quote:
Originally posted by clavus
For the last time, people. The best solution to a difficult problem is NEVER discovered by asking, "How would Clavus handle this?"
But you know, that regardless of the situation, the answer is always "naked, with a sawzall..."
__________________
I have an aura of reliability and good judgement.

Just in case you were wondering...
NoSoup is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 02:58 PM   #18 (permalink)
Nothing
 
k1ng's Avatar
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
Great story! Sounds like it was worth the effort just to have rights to such a great story to tell =)
__________________
"Delight in excellence is easily confused with snobbery by the ignorant." -Joseph Epstein
k1ng is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 03:10 PM   #19 (permalink)
Transfer Agent
 
troit's Avatar
 
Location: NYC
How crazy is this?!?! Now the Wal-Mart in my area (DC) would have told me -- T.U.F.F.
__________________
I've yet to dephile myself...
troit is offline  
Old 06-09-2004, 03:26 PM   #20 (permalink)
on fire
 
animosity's Avatar
 
Location: Atlanta, GA
Quote:
Originally posted by k1ng
Great story! Sounds like it was worth the effort just to have rights to such a great story to tell =)

my thoughts exactly.
animosity is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 08:15 PM   #21 (permalink)
Wicked Clown
 
Ishmal's Avatar
 
Location: House Of Horrors
**BUMP**

this story needs bumping as well...

sorry to the ppl who have read it!!
__________________
"Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."
Ishmal is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 08:26 PM   #22 (permalink)
Beware the Mad Irish
 
Blackthorn's Avatar
 
Location: Wish I was on the N17...
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Original King
I think you need some soup.
Chicken Noodle to be precise.
__________________
What are you willing to give up in order to get what you want?
Blackthorn is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 08:38 PM   #23 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Location: Deep South Texas
we need a hall of fame----this ranks right up there with the one about screwing with the call center people and the ebay world wide scam...maybe some one can find them and bump them up....they are good forever....
viejo gringo is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 10:18 PM   #24 (permalink)
Pleasure Burn
 
Painted's Avatar
 
Thats actually quite an interesting story.
Painted is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 10:21 PM   #25 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: West Coast, USA
That's got to be the first redeeming thing I've been able to read someone say about WalMart. Finally it did someone some good.

Glad you ended warm & dry. Bury a key in a flower pot on your balcony...
thenewguy is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 10:27 PM   #26 (permalink)
She's Actual Size
 
CinnamonGirl's Avatar
 
Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell
heh...that was awesome. I tried to imagine what I would do in the situation, and only came up with....calling mom.
__________________
"...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world."


"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"
CinnamonGirl is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 10:35 PM   #27 (permalink)
unstuck in time
 
reiii's Avatar
 
Location: Nashville/D.C.
Haha, great story... amazing the security a wallet confers
__________________
"Jombe? The chocolate icing" -hedonism bot
reiii is offline  
Old 12-06-2004, 10:41 PM   #28 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Did the policeman laugh?

I did.

Laugh and laugh and laugh...


Hehe

Mr Mephisto
Mephisto2 is offline  
 

Tags
woe

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:43 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360