Woe is me... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

NoSoup · 06-09-2004, 12:15 AM

Earlier tonight, it was storming quite a bit here in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have always been fond of watching the storms, so I went out onto my balcony for a few minutes right before I went to bed (or so I thought).

Just a little necessary background information - I live in a two story apartment complex, and my balcony is on the second floor.

Continuing on with my adventure, I was outside wearing only my boxers, smoking a cigarette on my balcony. I closed the door behind me to keep the cool air inside, and enjoyed the show while I was smoking. It was really pouring out - there was also quite a bit of lighting. Spectacular.

As it turns out, against all odds, as well as the laws of physics, I somehow managed to lock myself out on my balcony via sliding glass door. Keep in mind, I am now outside in nothing but my boxers, in the middle of a storm, and my only company is a withering plant. My cell phone, landline phone, and keys are just inside taunting me, of course. I considered attempting to use telekinesis to bring them over to me, but after carefully considering my options, I decided that jumping down is the only way to go, as I wasn't really favoring the idea of smashing the sliding glass door (and stepping on the broken glass) with my woefully inadequate plastic planter.

I climb out over the rail, lower myself down as much as I can, and release - and find myself standing ankle deep in mud. Beautiful....

I walked around to the front of the complex hoping that by some miracle the security door would be unlocked. Surprisingly enough, it was locked.

As it (at the time) was about 2:00 in the morning(ish) ( I didn't have a watch on at the time) I didn't want to wake anyone up, and since I am actually rather proficient at picking locks, decided that that's what I'd attempt to do.

First thing on the list, however, is to get some tools to do so. There is a 24-hour Walmart near me, and about halfway there it begins to hail. Not large hail, but big enough to make me yelp in pain as it hit my bare skin.

Let me tell you, the moment I walked into Walmart, soaking wet, nearly naked, mud covering my bare feet up to my ankles, with little red bruises from the hail... I was not greeted with a smile.

After standing in the entranceway, explaining my situation to the greeter, they allowed me in. I promply grabbed some clothes, some small allen wrenches, a screwdriver, and headed up to the cashier. At this point, I realized that my identification, wallet, and money were all sitting at my apartment. (you try thinking long term while being pelted with hail while running down the street nearly naked

)

After explaining my situation to the cashier, they actually allowed me to take the items after writing down my information, and even allowed me to pay with my credit card, thankfully I had memorized the number.

So, I stroll back to complex, yet again sopping wet, and begin to work on the lock. By the way, my clothes of choice were dark, baggy pants and a hoodie - I was hoping to retain at least some body heat.

At the exact moment I open the lock, a police cruiser rolls on up behind me. As you can imagine, the police officer wasn't too impressed when I attempted to explain that I did indeed live there, I had just gotten locked out on my balcony. Apparently one of my neighbors had reports a suspicious figure wearing dark clothes fiddling with a lock...

I was promptly cuffed and seated in the backseat of his car while he ran my information. Despite my asking to at least keep the door open, he allowed it to close. After looking over the info, he said that I needed to provide Identification. After explaining that it was just upstairs, but I would need to pick the lock again to obtain it, he agreed to let me do so.

After sitting in the warm cruiser for a few minutes, the feeling in my hands had thankfully returned, so I was able to quickly pick the lock. After opening my apartment door, I was able to give him my ID, and he went on his merry way.

The moral of this story? Walmart is The Man, and that I should never, ever, regardless of the likelyhood of anything happening, be caught in a situation without ID or a way to pay...

Some day I'll look back at this and smile...

[Edit - Changed to title to make it a bit more descriptive, and sound a bit more like Clavus's title, as we now belong to a very exclusive, prestigious club (The locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing club)

]

KellyC · 06-09-2004, 12:28 AM

Your story reminds me of Clavus's....both are entertaining...

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...ghlight=locked

BigGov · 06-09-2004, 12:50 AM

Aww man, I feel for ya. I almost went outside and watched the storms myself tonight, but instead I was watching the Brewers and Angels go 17 innings.

This is why you leave a key with a good neighbor and pay them a decent amount of money as a thank you to bail you out in this type of situation

World's King · 06-09-2004, 12:52 AM

I think you need some soup.

NoSoup · 06-09-2004, 01:04 AM

On the positive side, I got some decent pictures of lightning before I decided to smoke that fateful cigarette...

Odd, I seem to be unable to upload the pics here... so here is the photography thread that they are in....

Here they are...

oblar · 06-09-2004, 01:10 AM

I was reminded of clevus's story as well. I must congratulate you

even though it probably made for night filled with many annoyances, it made for an excellent story. one that can be told and retold for ages.

i would have loved to have seen you as you walked into wal-mart in your current state. Man, if that happened to me i'd be screwed

i live quite a ways from Wal-mart*grin*.. .gas-stations here i come!

Spartak · 06-09-2004, 02:32 AM

Oh man, what a story!

I wish I coulda seen the look on the cops face when you told him your ID was inside and you needed to pick the lock again to get in.

Fremen · 06-09-2004, 02:37 AM

Glad it worked out, NoSoup.
Entertaining anecdote.

Madd · 06-09-2004, 02:59 AM

would have sounded and looked pretty funny from the wallmart guy or the cop who found you

Love the story, but i cant say anything like that has happened to me just yet...

clavus · 06-09-2004, 08:32 AM

Ah, my locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing brother! Welcome to the club! Your membership card and Sawzall are in the mail.

NoSoup · 06-09-2004, 08:59 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by clavus
Ah, my locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing brother! Welcome to the club! Your membership card and Sawzall are in the mail.

Lol, to be honest, the first moments after I realized the door was locked, I thought of your story, and tried to remember how you resolved it. Unfortunately, the sawzall wouldn't be too helpful in my situation, and I didn't have one handy...

Averett · 06-09-2004, 10:46 AM

Nice story

I'm surpised the cops cuffed you. He should have let you go into your place and get ID. A robber isn't going to know where you keep your wallet..

NoSoup · 06-09-2004, 11:42 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Averett
Nice story

I'm surpised the cops cuffed you. He should have let you go into your place and get ID. A robber isn't going to know where you keep your wallet..

Lol, well, looking back, I suppose I was dressing in dark clothing picking the lock to an apartment door, and in all likelyhood looking like a drowning lunatic...

JStrider · 06-09-2004, 12:19 PM

lol great story...

i wish i could pick locks... i'll have to mess with it sometime... i can think of a couple times it woulda come in handy...

clavus · 06-09-2004, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by NoSoup
Lol, to be honest, the first moments after I realized the door was locked, I thought of your story, and tried to remember how you resolved it.

For the last time, people. The best solution to a difficult problem is NEVER discovered by asking, "How would Clavus handle this?"

DelayedReaction · 06-09-2004, 01:52 PM

Good story. Let's hear it for lockpicking!

NoSoup · 06-09-2004, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by clavus
For the last time, people. The best solution to a difficult problem is NEVER discovered by asking, "How would Clavus handle this?"

But you know, that regardless of the situation, the answer is always "naked, with a sawzall..."

k1ng · 06-09-2004, 02:58 PM

Great story! Sounds like it was worth the effort just to have rights to such a great story to tell =)

troit · 06-09-2004, 03:10 PM

How crazy is this?!?! Now the Wal-Mart in my area (DC) would have told me -- T.U.F.F.

animosity · 06-09-2004, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by k1ng
Great story! Sounds like it was worth the effort just to have rights to such a great story to tell =)

my thoughts exactly.

Ishmal · 12-06-2004, 08:15 PM

**BUMP**

this story needs bumping as well...

sorry to the ppl who have read it!!

Blackthorn · 12-06-2004, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Original King

I think you need some soup.

Chicken Noodle to be precise.

viejo gringo · 12-06-2004, 08:38 PM

we need a hall of fame----this ranks right up there with the one about screwing with the call center people and the ebay world wide scam...maybe some one can find them and bump them up....they are good forever....

Painted · 12-06-2004, 10:18 PM

Thats actually quite an interesting story.

thenewguy · 12-06-2004, 10:21 PM

That's got to be the first redeeming thing I've been able to read someone say about WalMart. Finally it did someone some good.

Glad you ended warm & dry. Bury a key in a flower pot on your balcony...

CinnamonGirl · 12-06-2004, 10:27 PM

heh...that was awesome. I tried to imagine what I would do in the situation, and only came up with....calling mom.

reiii · 12-06-2004, 10:35 PM

Haha, great story... amazing the security a wallet confers

Mephisto2 · 12-06-2004, 10:41 PM

Did the policeman laugh?

I did.

Laugh and laugh and laugh...

Hehe

Mr Mephisto

06-09-2004, 12:15 AM	#1 (permalink)
NoSoup Non-Rookie Location: Green Bay, WI	Locked out...nearly naked...at night...crap Earlier tonight, it was storming quite a bit here in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have always been fond of watching the storms, so I went out onto my balcony for a few minutes right before I went to bed (or so I thought). Just a little necessary background information - I live in a two story apartment complex, and my balcony is on the second floor. Continuing on with my adventure, I was outside wearing only my boxers, smoking a cigarette on my balcony. I closed the door behind me to keep the cool air inside, and enjoyed the show while I was smoking. It was really pouring out - there was also quite a bit of lighting. Spectacular. As it turns out, against all odds, as well as the laws of physics, I somehow managed to lock myself out on my balcony via sliding glass door. Keep in mind, I am now outside in nothing but my boxers, in the middle of a storm, and my only company is a withering plant. My cell phone, landline phone, and keys are just inside taunting me, of course. I considered attempting to use telekinesis to bring them over to me, but after carefully considering my options, I decided that jumping down is the only way to go, as I wasn't really favoring the idea of smashing the sliding glass door (and stepping on the broken glass) with my woefully inadequate plastic planter. I climb out over the rail, lower myself down as much as I can, and release - and find myself standing ankle deep in mud. Beautiful.... I walked around to the front of the complex hoping that by some miracle the security door would be unlocked. Surprisingly enough, it was locked. As it (at the time) was about 2:00 in the morning(ish) ( I didn't have a watch on at the time) I didn't want to wake anyone up, and since I am actually rather proficient at picking locks, decided that that's what I'd attempt to do. First thing on the list, however, is to get some tools to do so. There is a 24-hour Walmart near me, and about halfway there it begins to hail. Not large hail, but big enough to make me yelp in pain as it hit my bare skin. Let me tell you, the moment I walked into Walmart, soaking wet, nearly naked, mud covering my bare feet up to my ankles, with little red bruises from the hail... I was not greeted with a smile. After standing in the entranceway, explaining my situation to the greeter, they allowed me in. I promply grabbed some clothes, some small allen wrenches, a screwdriver, and headed up to the cashier. At this point, I realized that my identification, wallet, and money were all sitting at my apartment. (you try thinking long term while being pelted with hail while running down the street nearly naked ) After explaining my situation to the cashier, they actually allowed me to take the items after writing down my information, and even allowed me to pay with my credit card, thankfully I had memorized the number. So, I stroll back to complex, yet again sopping wet, and begin to work on the lock. By the way, my clothes of choice were dark, baggy pants and a hoodie - I was hoping to retain at least some body heat. At the exact moment I open the lock, a police cruiser rolls on up behind me. As you can imagine, the police officer wasn't too impressed when I attempted to explain that I did indeed live there, I had just gotten locked out on my balcony. Apparently one of my neighbors had reports a suspicious figure wearing dark clothes fiddling with a lock... I was promptly cuffed and seated in the backseat of his car while he ran my information. Despite my asking to at least keep the door open, he allowed it to close. After looking over the info, he said that I needed to provide Identification. After explaining that it was just upstairs, but I would need to pick the lock again to obtain it, he agreed to let me do so. After sitting in the warm cruiser for a few minutes, the feeling in my hands had thankfully returned, so I was able to quickly pick the lock. After opening my apartment door, I was able to give him my ID, and he went on his merry way. The moral of this story? Walmart is The Man, and that I should never, ever, regardless of the likelyhood of anything happening, be caught in a situation without ID or a way to pay... Some day I'll look back at this and smile... [Edit - Changed to title to make it a bit more descriptive, and sound a bit more like Clavus's title, as we now belong to a very exclusive, prestigious club (The locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing club)] __________________ I have an aura of reliability and good judgement. Just in case you were wondering... Last edited by NoSoup; 06-09-2004 at 09:56 AM..

06-09-2004, 12:28 AM	#2 (permalink)
KellyC Comment or else!! Location: Home sweet home	Your story reminds me of Clavus's....both are entertaining... http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...ghlight=locked __________________ Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe? Me: Shit happens.

06-09-2004, 12:50 AM	#3 (permalink)
BigGov WoW or Class... Location: UWW	Aww man, I feel for ya. I almost went outside and watched the storms myself tonight, but instead I was watching the Brewers and Angels go 17 innings. This is why you leave a key with a good neighbor and pay them a decent amount of money as a thank you to bail you out in this type of situation __________________ One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"

06-09-2004, 12:52 AM	#4 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	I think you need some soup. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

06-09-2004, 01:04 AM	#5 (permalink)
NoSoup Non-Rookie Location: Green Bay, WI	On the positive side, I got some decent pictures of lightning before I decided to smoke that fateful cigarette... Odd, I seem to be unable to upload the pics here... so here is the photography thread that they are in.... Here they are... __________________ I have an aura of reliability and good judgement. Just in case you were wondering...

06-09-2004, 01:10 AM	#6 (permalink)
oblar Über-Rookie Location: No longer, D.C	I was reminded of clevus's story as well. I must congratulate you even though it probably made for night filled with many annoyances, it made for an excellent story. one that can be told and retold for ages. i would have loved to have seen you as you walked into wal-mart in your current state. Man, if that happened to me i'd be screwed i live quite a ways from Wal-martgrin.. .gas-stations here i come! __________________ "All that we can do is just survive. .All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush

06-09-2004, 02:32 AM	#7 (permalink)
Spartak Bang bang Location: New Zealand	Oh man, what a story! I wish I coulda seen the look on the cops face when you told him your ID was inside and you needed to pick the lock again to get in. __________________ I can read your mind... looking at you... I can read your mind...

06-09-2004, 02:37 AM	#8 (permalink)
Fremen With a mustache, the cool factor would be too much Location: left side of my couch, East Texas	Glad it worked out, NoSoup. Entertaining anecdote. __________________ Google

06-09-2004, 02:59 AM	#9 (permalink)
Madd Tilted Location: Melbourne	would have sounded and looked pretty funny from the wallmart guy or the cop who found you Love the story, but i cant say anything like that has happened to me just yet... __________________ Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question, yes is the answer.

06-09-2004, 08:32 AM	#10 (permalink)
clavus pow! Location: NorCal	Ah, my locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing brother! Welcome to the club! Your membership card and Sawzall are in the mail. __________________ Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

06-09-2004, 10:46 AM	#12 (permalink)
Averett Is In Love Location: I'm workin' on it	Nice story I'm surpised the cops cuffed you. He should have let you go into your place and get ID. A robber isn't going to know where you keep your wallet.. __________________ Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

06-09-2004, 12:19 PM	#14 (permalink)
JStrider Poo-tee-weet? Location: The Woodlands, TX	lol great story... i wish i could pick locks... i'll have to mess with it sometime... i can think of a couple times it woulda come in handy... __________________ -=JStrider=- ~Clatto Verata Nicto

06-09-2004, 01:52 PM	#16 (permalink)
DelayedReaction BFG Builder Location: University of Maryland	Good story. Let's hear it for lockpicking! __________________ If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.

06-09-2004, 02:58 PM	#18 (permalink)
k1ng Nothing Location: Atlanta, GA	Great story! Sounds like it was worth the effort just to have rights to such a great story to tell =) __________________ "Delight in excellence is easily confused with snobbery by the ignorant." -Joseph Epstein

06-09-2004, 03:10 PM	#19 (permalink)
troit Transfer Agent Location: NYC	How crazy is this?!?! Now the Wal-Mart in my area (DC) would have told me -- T.U.F.F. __________________ I've yet to dephile myself...

12-06-2004, 10:18 PM	#24 (permalink)
Painted Pleasure Burn	Thats actually quite an interesting story.

12-06-2004, 10:27 PM	#26 (permalink)
CinnamonGirl She's Actual Size Location: Central Republic of Where-in-the-Hell	heh...that was awesome. I tried to imagine what I would do in the situation, and only came up with....calling mom. __________________ "...for though she was ordinary, she possessed health, wit, courage, charm, and cheerfulness. But because she was not beautiful, no one ever seemed to notice these other qualities, which is so often the way of the world." "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

12-06-2004, 08:15 PM	#21 (permalink)
Ishmal Wicked Clown Location: House Of Horrors	BUMP this story needs bumping as well... sorry to the ppl who have read it!! __________________ "Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular."

12-06-2004, 08:38 PM	#23 (permalink)
viejo gringo Registered User Location: Deep South Texas	we need a hall of fame----this ranks right up there with the one about screwing with the call center people and the ebay world wide scam...maybe some one can find them and bump them up....they are good forever....

12-06-2004, 10:21 PM	#25 (permalink)
thenewguy Insane Location: West Coast, USA	That's got to be the first redeeming thing I've been able to read someone say about WalMart. Finally it did someone some good. Glad you ended warm & dry. Bury a key in a flower pot on your balcony...

12-06-2004, 10:35 PM	#27 (permalink)
reiii unstuck in time Location: Nashville/D.C.	Haha, great story... amazing the security a wallet confers __________________ "Jombe? The chocolate icing" -hedonism bot

12-06-2004, 10:41 PM	#28 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	Did the policeman laugh? I did. Laugh and laugh and laugh... Hehe Mr Mephisto