Earlier tonight, it was storming quite a bit here in Green Bay, Wisconsin. I have always been fond of watching the storms, so I went out onto my balcony for a few minutes right before I went to bed (or so I thought).
Just a little necessary background information - I live in a two story apartment complex, and my balcony is on the second floor.
Continuing on with my adventure, I was outside wearing only my boxers, smoking a cigarette on my balcony. I closed the door behind me to keep the cool air inside, and enjoyed the show while I was smoking. It was really pouring out - there was also quite a bit of lighting. Spectacular.
As it turns out, against all odds, as well as the laws of physics, I somehow managed to lock myself out on my balcony via sliding glass door. Keep in mind, I am now outside in nothing but my boxers, in the middle of a storm, and my only company is a withering plant. My cell phone, landline phone, and keys are just inside taunting me, of course. I considered attempting to use telekinesis to bring them over to me, but after carefully considering my options, I decided that jumping down is the only way to go, as I wasn't really favoring the idea of smashing the sliding glass door (and stepping on the broken glass) with my woefully inadequate plastic planter.
I climb out over the rail, lower myself down as much as I can, and release - and find myself standing ankle deep in mud. Beautiful....
I walked around to the front of the complex hoping that by some miracle the security door would be unlocked. Surprisingly enough, it was locked.
As it (at the time) was about 2:00 in the morning(ish) ( I didn't have a watch on at the time) I didn't want to wake anyone up, and since I am actually rather proficient at picking locks, decided that that's what I'd attempt to do.
First thing on the list, however, is to get some tools to do so. There is a 24-hour Walmart near me, and about halfway there it begins to hail. Not large hail, but big enough to make me yelp in pain as it hit my bare skin.
Let me tell you, the moment I walked into Walmart, soaking wet, nearly naked, mud covering my bare feet up to my ankles, with little red bruises from the hail... I was not greeted with a smile.
After standing in the entranceway, explaining my situation to the greeter, they allowed me in. I promply grabbed some clothes, some small allen wrenches, a screwdriver, and headed up to the cashier. At this point, I realized that my identification, wallet, and money were all sitting at my apartment. (you try thinking long term while being pelted with hail while running down the street nearly naked
)
After explaining my situation to the cashier, they actually allowed me to take the items after writing down my information, and even allowed me to pay with my credit card, thankfully I had memorized the number.
So, I stroll back to complex, yet again sopping wet, and begin to work on the lock. By the way, my clothes of choice were dark, baggy pants and a hoodie - I was hoping to retain at least some body heat.
At the exact moment I open the lock, a police cruiser rolls on up behind me. As you can imagine, the police officer wasn't too impressed when I attempted to explain that I did indeed live there, I had just gotten locked out on my balcony. Apparently one of my neighbors had reports a suspicious figure wearing dark clothes fiddling with a lock...
I was promptly cuffed and seated in the backseat of his car while he ran my information. Despite my asking to at least keep the door open, he allowed it to close. After looking over the info, he said that I needed to provide Identification. After explaining that it was just upstairs, but I would need to pick the lock again to obtain it, he agreed to let me do so.
After sitting in the warm cruiser for a few minutes, the feeling in my hands had thankfully returned, so I was able to quickly pick the lock. After opening my apartment door, I was able to give him my ID, and he went on his merry way.
The moral of this story? Walmart is The Man, and that I should never, ever, regardless of the likelyhood of anything happening, be caught in a situation without ID or a way to pay...
Some day I'll look back at this and smile...
[Edit - Changed to title to make it a bit more descriptive, and sound a bit more like Clavus's title, as we now belong to a very exclusive, prestigious club (The locked-out-of-the-sliding-glass-door-without-clothing club)
]