Redjake

Ok guys, my brother had a really interesting thing happen to him over the weekend that had me laughing harder than I have probably the entire year. If we all band together and beg, maybe he will tell it in this thread Come on man put it up! It's genuine material!

Mods: take it easy with the delete post button This is some good shit if he will tell the story

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Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

Averett

I could use a laugh, tell the story!

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Absence is to love what wind is to fire. It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.

absorbentishe

Oh please oh please tell us! I'm in serious need of a chuckle or two....

water_boy1999

Ok, I'll play:


Please, please, tell me what this ridiculously funny story if!!!!

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Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson

Fenton-J-Cool

I'm in. Come on, Redjake's brother!

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wra

clavus

I refuse to beg. I DEMAND THE STORY BE TOLD!

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

JStrider

tell the story!
i love hearing funny stories!

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-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

moonstrucksoul

waiting . . . . c'moan, I don't have all day, oh wait, yes I do

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Nisses

C'mon, you gonna tell it?

Huh, huh? are you?

C'mon, you know you wanna tell it. I can see it in your eyes. That little twinkle tells me you wanna spill your guts.

Hey, hey, everybody, come over here. Redjake's bro has some quality stuff to tell!

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

Schwan

Tell... the... story... tell... the... story...

Journeyman

"FINISH THE FUCKING STORY..." - Johnny Depp, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas

KellyC

TELL THE STORY!! Dont make me bust out my webcam and beg to show you!! Do....not!!!!

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Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

streak_56

yea what she (or he) said

quadro2000

I may take my own life if you do not tell this fucking story.

And if this fucking story isn't all that it's cracked up to be, I'm coming after your brother.

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You have to laugh at yourself...because you'd cry your eyes out if you didn't. - Emily Saliers

Lebell

I don't think anyone will delete it but it could very well be moved to "Nonsense"

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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*Nikki*

TELL IT DAMN IT.

grayman

I have a feeling that after this, the story will almost certainly disappoint. Still, I would need to hear it to know for sure.

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That's right - I'm a guy in a suit eating a Blizzard. F U.

Redjake

ok guys he is doing a group project but he said he would do it as soon as he gets back I've already told quite a few people (even GIRLS!) and they thought it was hilarious. I guess if you knew him in real life it would be even funnier but you will just have to use your imagination he will be back shortly.

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Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

Fremen

That struck my funny bone.

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Lasereth

Oh man I have a lot of hype to live up to!

Ok, so my girlfriend's mom asks me and her to go buy 8 2-liters of drinks. 5 Diet Mountain Dews, and 3 Diet Pepsis. Food Lion had the best prices with an MVP card, so we chose the Food Lion route. You can only buy 4 2-liters with one MVP card, so we each had an MVP card. My girlfriend pays for the first 4 bottles, and then I set my bottles up on the register counter.

I'm not entirely sure how the rest happened, but I'll explain it as accurately as possible: the cashier reached for the first Diet Pepsi. Now, I've seen quite a few 2-liters drop from say 5 feet and simply bounce on the ground, so if anyone wants to explain the following, feel free to do so: after reaching for the first 2-liter and knocking it onto its side, the entire mother fucking top half of the drink exploded! It didn't pop open. It didn't wine-bottle spew...this mother fucking exploded in half along the curve at the top. It cracked in half! The bottle started going around in circles on the counter, spraying EVERYTHING with Diet Pepsi. The first circle showered my legs in Diet Pepsi. That same round covered the cashier and the tabloids/candy rack. The second circle-round sprayed my entire face and head and got the cashier even more. By the second round, probably half a second had passed. This fucker was spinning like a Fourth of July rocket, all because the cashier knocked it on its side! It wasn't even in the floor! More rounds passed, while I just stood there thinking that this is the BEST day of my life. The casher finally put her hands over the Diet Pepsi, trying to conceal what was left in the bottle. That just made the Diet Pepsi streams go even further.

When the bottle had lost whatever had possessed it, there was about half a 2-liter of Diet Pepsi covering everything in a 6-8 feet radius. I told the cashier, "That was awesome!!!" She asked me why I thought it was awesome. I knew damn well that this trip would be the most exciting grocery store trip EVER. My girlfriend got another 2-liter for us. I paid with a soaked MVP card and we walked out of the store. I was licking the Diet Pepsi off of my face right afterwards. Everything below my beltline was sprayed, and my arms and face were entirely covered. It was simply a euphoric carbonated experience!

The most amazing part about the trip is trying to explain to people that the bottle literally fell onto its side. It didn't fall into the floor or anything, it simply fell over and exploded. I enjoyed the fireworks-type of dancing it did...that ensured maximum velocity and area covered.

Well, that's about it.

-Lasereth

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Journeyman

That was fucking awsome. I can kindly relate in a less public manner. I once had a large jug of grape juice in my room (no fridge, so room temp). I cracked it open and took a sip, and then left it sealed (full for all intents and purposes) for about 3 or 4 days. On the fourth night of not really thinking about it, I accidentally tipped it over onto it's side, at which point it spewed a thin but long jetstream of grape juice foam from under the cap. I immediately picked it up and slammed it, top end down, into the garbage can. I stood right over it, with my face looking down upon it... right when the bottom of it blew out with a loud boom and a load of angry grape juice exploded into my face (and, unfortunately, my eyes, which stung a bit), and onto the ceiling.
I'm not entirely sure after being away at college, but I think the 2+ year old light-purplish stain on my ceiling in the scattered half circle (as the other half was protected... by my head) is still there to this day.

Good stuff all around.

onodrim

I must say I've never heard of anything like that happening before, but it is quite a good story. Thanks for sharing, it gave me a good laugh.

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"The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides"
-Carl Sagan

bernadette

glad to hear that you have good humor!

some other disgruntled greedy cumrag kind of person would've bothered to sue someone over the incident.

you just went home & cleaned up with a good story! good job

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Fremen

Funny story!
Like to've seen the security tapes.


So you guys are brothers, eh?

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Lebell

Not a bad story.

The cashier and store was probably happy it was diet, as the non-diet sodas are so darn sticky.

But I'm sure the cashier was unhappy, having to clean up his/her station AND finish work soaked with diet soda.

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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BigGov

In all of my soda drinking history I have never ever heard of anything even remote to that.

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One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink but then held it out over the beer and yelled "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, YOU BASTARD!"

moonstrucksoul

great story

best available answer would have been, " Because I don't have to clean it up"

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viejo gringo

Thar's why us scotch drinkers never touch that damn soda---it is dangerous...

Redgirl

I for one will be much more carefull how I handle 2 liters. Those things are fucking time bombs just waiting to asplode!!!

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Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Redjake

yep identical twins

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Off the record, on the q.t., and very hush-hush.

Lebell

Shouldn't he be like, "Blue Elwood" or something?

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"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Lasereth

Good job jackass, here come the twin jokes!

For the record, yes, we get sick at the same time. We can use telepathy to cheat on tests, we've skipped classes for each other, and wrote papers for each other using said telepathy. Telekinesis becomes useful, but only when we're in the same room to channel our twin energies together. I am Pete and he's Repeat, and I'm Frick and he's Frack. You are seeing double, and yes, he is wiser because he's 4 minutes older. He is my big brother, and you're right, we're in the same fucking grade level. We trick our teachers if we don't feel like going to class and they never know. If he's hurt, I'm hurt, and I feel his every move. We say the same thing everyday because we think alike 24/7. Feel free to buy us a single birthday gift, because after all, we are the same person. You are original for using the aformentioned jokes and insights, and you're definitely the first person I've heard them from.

Now that those are out of the way, maybe we can get some original comments!

-Lasereth

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"A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

Kllr Wolf

That is truely funny. I wish i would have been able to see it (from a safe distance of course).

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Caffeine - the molecule of life.

Destrox

Not sure what is more amazing, the fact you two are twins. (Honestly never would have guessed by ur E-Personalities [new word?] ), or that badass story about the 2-Litre.

I would have loved to standby and witness that.

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JStrider

hahahhahahaha thats great....

i remember once i was collecting all the pepsi points off my dads 2 litre bottles of mountain dew... being the impatiant little kid i was i would go out into the garage and cut the labels off of the bottles before they were open...

one exploded while i was cutting the little square off... got mountain dew forced under my eyelids and in my nose and all that... and made a huge mess... luckily it was diet... but still a lot to clean up...

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-=JStrider=-

~Clatto Verata Nicto

water_boy1999

I begged for a story without nudity in it? I am so ashamed!

So, when the 2-liter did spray you with carbonated love, was your brother feeling a little "wet behind the ears" as it happened? hehehe....

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Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson

Lebell

Thanks,

I needed a good laugh today

__________________
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." – C. S. Lewis

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Fremen

Ummm, which of you rides in the bucket?



/wonder twin powers.....activate!

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hu-man

I want an exploding soda!

Stare At The Sun

Awesome story. That had me seriously laughing out loud. I turned off my music, reread it, and laughed even harder. Never knew you guys were twins...i woulda never guessed.

Heh, kick ass story though!