Fifty things men wish women knew - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mephisto2 · 03-23-2004, 05:45 PM

I found this mildy amusing. Especially number 49.

We aren?t mind readers!
We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous.
When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex.
Smoking is the biggest turn off.
It never hurts to work out.
If you don?t want to hear the truth, don?t ask the question.
?Fine? or ?whatever? is not an appropriate ending to a conversation.
If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn?t already know.)
Don?t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts).
Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines.
No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked.
You don?t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us.
Girls look good naked so stop worrying.
Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity.
We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know.
Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you?ve ever dealt with.
If were not getting love we?ll start looking?(haha?just kidding?psych?I?m dead serious)
The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself.
Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person.
If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won?t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.
Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.
You shouldn?t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction.
Porn?hmmm?Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.
We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can?t explain it but it is just fact.
Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn?t your parents teach you not to quit.
Giving head is never a bad idea.
We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us.
There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast.
We don?t mind going to gay movies with you but don?t tell our friends.
You can?t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or ?Old yeller.?
?The game is on? is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation.
Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged.
You?re probably not as funny as you think.
Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say ?he?s so hot? he may have to die.
Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article)
Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill.
You can?t get mad if we refuse to hook up your ?ugly friend? with one of our friends.
For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.
If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends.
The red light means the video camera is off.
A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off.
Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don?t make your breath fresher.
Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.)
The only thing left to be said after sex is ?goodnight.?
Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often.
Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making.
Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.
If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room.
The jeans don?t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.
99.5% of the time we didn?t mean to hurt you.

Mr Mephisto

Evil Milkman · 03-23-2004, 08:01 PM

Quote:

The jeans don't make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat.

Awesome.

H12 · 03-23-2004, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr Mephisto
The red light means the video camera is off.

My favorite, he he he.

skier · 03-23-2004, 08:23 PM

Quote:

For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this.

I think the number is closer to 40, and women shouldn't get grossed out because we KNOW when you let out a SBD.

Mephisto2 · 03-23-2004, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by skier
I think the number is closer to 40, and women shouldn't get grossed out because we KNOW when you let out a SBD.

It's exactly 50.

Mr Mephisto

RoboBlaster · 03-23-2004, 08:32 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr Mephisto

Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say ?he?s so hot? he may have to die.

I don't know, I mean, I even think he is hot.

skysooner · 03-23-2004, 08:45 PM

I have seen this before and loved it then to.

Harshaw · 03-23-2004, 08:47 PM

I would like to add one, I didn't see it. Sorry if it is there.

Don't ask me what I am thinking. If it is intersting I will tell you. Most of the time, I am thinking about your breasts, or who is playing who in football tomorrow.

bparker805 · 03-23-2004, 09:28 PM

Im gonna print that list out and frame it... Im thinking poster size! Great list!

Date the Banana · 03-23-2004, 09:58 PM

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Mr Mephisto

If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn?t already know.)

Heh, that should be on a billboard somewhere...

MSD · 03-23-2004, 10:30 PM

I think the fourth is one of the most important things to konw in life.

Cherry · 03-24-2004, 01:15 AM

Priceless. Absolutely priceless.

cchris · 03-24-2004, 04:42 AM

Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated.

Thats a pearler.

cj22009 · 03-24-2004, 05:32 AM

Thats to good I n need to show those to my wife LOL

InTeGrA77 · 03-24-2004, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Mr Mephisto
Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing.

I guess that I never really thought about that...

I must admit that I always got pissed off when my SO didn't notice when I got a trim or some new colors added, but I guess that I can't blame them...sometimes I don't even notice a few days later!

Nancy · 03-24-2004, 10:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Harshaw
Don't ask me what I am thinking. If it is intersting I will tell you. Most of the time, I am thinking about your breasts, or who is playing who in football tomorrow.

my favourite!

losthellhound · 03-24-2004, 10:53 AM

Love the list.. dont agree with all of it, just 90% of it

laconic1 · 03-24-2004, 11:17 AM

If you don?t want to hear the truth, don?t ask the question.

So, so true.

NetterButter · 03-24-2004, 09:17 PM

Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you?ve ever dealt with.

aaaaaaaaahahahaha.

but i'll do that.

bender · 03-25-2004, 09:43 AM

AND....
Don't ask about the " relationship" if you don't want to be dumped in a week.
We don't think about relationships, or where they are going, and we don't want to.
If you ask us about it, you've forced us to think about it, and then talk about it.
We don't talk about two things relationships, and feelings, don't make us or we'll go someplace or to someone where we don't have to.

onodrim · 03-25-2004, 08:02 PM

"If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won?t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior. "
My personal favorite.

Great list, I had a good laugh.

ariekitten · 03-26-2004, 12:03 AM

i already knew alot of those (learned them from my ex)
so ha!

punkgrrl18 · 03-27-2004, 10:29 PM

ive been lurking..but wow my fiance read that and thinks guys who think most of that way are fucking sexist assholes

(and dont reply witha typical comment insisting hes gay or tryign to impress me)

analog · 03-28-2004, 12:10 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by punkgrrl18
my fiance read that and thinks guys who think most of that way are fucking sexist assholes

(and dont reply witha typical comment insisting hes gay or tryign to impress me)

But he IS trying to impress you. lol That's a rule that's missing from the list-

Any guy may chastize another for sexist/crude remarks in order to score points with his own girl. They might, however, actually mean it- you will never know which is the truth.

Mephisto2 · 03-28-2004, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by punkgrrl18
ive been lurking..but wow my fiance read that and thinks guys who think most of that way are fucking sexist assholes

(and dont reply witha typical comment insisting hes gay or tryign to impress me)

Tell your fiance to lighten up. It's a joke.

Do you (or he) really think that everyone here "wishes" women "knew" these things?

I guess he gets insulted/angry at Saturday Night Live too, eh?

:-)

Mr Mephisto

Journeyman · 03-28-2004, 02:34 PM

Punkgrrl: You're either marrying a fantastic husband or a liar. And in my experience, fantastic people in general aren't so intolerant to either jokes and/or actual lifestyles that they go out of their way to call people "fucking (term specifically relevant to issue) assholes."

redarrow · 03-28-2004, 05:45 PM

Quote:

Porn?hmmm?Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop.

So true..

txlovely · 03-29-2004, 08:13 AM

Not all apply, but there are some good ones here...

Quote:

1. Saying "I love you" immediately before, during, or following sex doesn't count.

2. Real men drive stick shift.

3. I will leave if you lie.

4. You are cute in raglan-sleeved T-shirts (two-toned baseball undershirts).

5. I'm convinced I'm pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

7. "Fine" is never an appropriate response when I ask you how I look.

8. Most of the time when I fantasize, it's about you.

9. I'm terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

10. I get turned on simply seeing that I have an e-mail from you.

11. I expect you to call me.

12. Only rock stars are allowed to wear leather pants.

13. I'm scared of losing my independence.

14. I'm more forgiving of you than I really should be.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I'm not. (See directly above.)

17. If I'm not having sex with you, I'm... a. ...having a fat day. b. ...not feeling "connected" to you. c. ...blackmailing you to get something I want.

18. Shoes determine whether you're fashionable or not.

19. I own a Debbie Gibson CD, and I'm not afraid to use it.

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

21. A man I love plans the occasional fancy-schmancy dress-up date and impromptu weekend getaways, and he buys my favorite candy in advance when we're just going to the movies.

22. You look hot in hooded clothing items.

23. You should never tell me what to do.

24. If I slept over, you owe me breakfast.

25. My breasts love much licking and sucking.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.

27. I'm very impressed when you ask for my advice.

28. I'm unimpressed with a man who doesn't take the lead.

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

30. I want to be Madonna.

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.

32. I'm in heaven when you hold my hand.

33. You're sexy when you're shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you--and for you to recognize this.

37. If I'm not feeling loved, I will start looking....

38. Discussion of ex-gf's and ex-bf's should be avoided at all times.

39. I like it when you tell me what you're thinking, even if you don't know yourself.

40. Celebrating our anniversary, even if it's only been a few months, earns major bonus points.

41. I love it when you're sweaty.

42. It's best to consult your gal pals for gift ideas.

43. A lady should always be greeted with kisses.

44. I like porn.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

47. It's cheating as soon as you're doing something with her that you wouldn't want me to see, hear, read...

48. For the record: I'd rather you break up with me than cheat.

49. I remember everything about our relationship.

50. You should know all this and more without my telling you.

Nirvana · 07-05-2005, 01:49 PM

that list from the girls point of view is priceless. now that is somehtign we should kow lmao

Zeraph · 07-05-2005, 02:02 PM

What happened to top 10s? Why must we add another 40?

stevie667 · 07-05-2005, 02:50 PM

Quote:

If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won't consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior.

Damn right!

streak_56 · 07-05-2005, 03:05 PM

"If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room."

I like this one the most

"29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. "

Woo hoo... do I win something?

hunnychile · 07-05-2005, 05:55 PM

Both lists are very good! And equally important - at least for a good laugh or many

& a huge hug. Every relationship has it's "hot buttons" & these cover quite a few. Some are deal breakers for people who want to live life in a "fairy tale"...but after all...we're all only human.

and yes, we ladies masturbate too. Tho - An audience is not always welcome, however. I think lots of guys agree with that feeling, too.
And us ladies really like some types of porn that you guys might not - but to each his own. It's all in fun.

Thanks - it had me smiling....

ForgottenKnight · 07-05-2005, 06:08 PM

Funny lists. I agree with some of each, but not all of each.

gilbert- · 07-06-2005, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Mephisto

Giving head is never a bad idea.

\

Word up to that

Most of those are gold! I can't say i've seen it before, cheers

03-23-2004, 05:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mephisto2 Junkie	Fifty things men wish women knew I found this mildy amusing. Especially number 49. We aren?t mind readers! We are not to be used as pawns in trying to make your girlfriends jealous. When you sleep over never boss me around in bed unless it is during sex. Smoking is the biggest turn off. It never hurts to work out. If you don?t want to hear the truth, don?t ask the question. ?Fine? or ?whatever? is not an appropriate ending to a conversation. If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn?t already know.) Don?t expect guys to say as many sweet things as they do in the movies. (It takes a lot of guys and their wives to come up with those scripts). Only models are able to wear most of the stuff you see in fashion magazines. No guy will complain if he comes home and sees you in one of the following outfits: French Maid, School girl, bunny, or just plain naked. You don?t need lingerie to look sexy before bed, short cotton shorts and a tank top are fine by us. Girls look good naked so stop worrying. Sharing your deepest feelings in no way guarantees reciprocity. We are all kinky and willing to try anything that you may enjoy, just let us know. Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you?ve ever dealt with. If were not getting love we?ll start looking?(haha?just kidding?psych?I?m dead serious) The greatest thing ever is to watch a girl touch herself. Most of the time when I fantasize it is about another person. If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won?t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior. Your hair is like 14 inches long, how are we supposed to notice a quarter inch missing. You shouldn?t be flattered or grossed out if we get an erection when dancing with you. All we need is Friction. Porn?hmmm?Porn. Watching porn is like breathing it would just be wrong to ask us to stop. We masturbate, usually more when we are in a relationship, can?t explain it but it is just fact. Blue balls are not sporting equipment. Didn?t your parents teach you not to quit. Giving head is never a bad idea. We are conservationists at heart, water is our biggest love, so shower with us. There are three acceptable ways to wake up: (1) You on top of us. (2) Getting head. (3) Some sort of breakfast. We don?t mind going to gay movies with you but don?t tell our friends. You can?t hold it against us if we cry after sports movies or ?Old yeller.? ?The game is on? is an acceptable excuse to avoid any serious conversation. Any harsh contact with the testicles should be assumed a serious injury but soft caresses are strongly encouraged. You?re probably not as funny as you think. Brad Pitt is probably a cool guy but if I hear one more girl say ?he?s so hot? he may have to die. Your period should be referred to as Blowjob week. (Influenced by a Maxim article) Cooking makes a girl that much more attractive especially if she can use a grill. You can?t get mad if we refuse to hook up your ?ugly friend? with one of our friends. For every fart that slips out when you are around we successfully hold in about 15, enduring excruciating pain to do this. If we want to take naked pictures of you it is because we are proud and want to show you off to our friends. The red light means the video camera is off. A guy should be considered sensitive if he asks whether you want to do it with the lights on or off. Whip cream and chocolate syrup are not just condiments for ice cream also Altoids just don?t make your breath fresher. Nothing you will ever do will entitle you to operate the remote control. (Unless operating means handing it to us.) The only thing left to be said after sex is ?goodnight.? Video games have helped us develop such finger skills that should only encourage us to play more often. Critiquing our driving is only second to critiquing our love making. Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated. If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room. The jeans don?t make your ass look fat. Your fat ass makes your ass look fat. 99.5% of the time we didn?t mean to hurt you. Mr Mephisto

03-23-2004, 08:47 PM	#8 (permalink)
Harshaw Is mad at you. Location: Bored in Sacramento	I would like to add one, I didn't see it. Sorry if it is there. Don't ask me what I am thinking. If it is intersting I will tell you. Most of the time, I am thinking about your breasts, or who is playing who in football tomorrow. __________________ This too shall pass.

03-23-2004, 09:58 PM	#10 (permalink)
Date the Banana Insane Location: Japan	Re: Fifty things men wish women knew [QUOTE]Originally posted by Mr Mephisto If you want sex, just ask. (In case you didn?t already know.) Heh, that should be on a billboard somewhere... __________________ all work and no play make Date something something

03-24-2004, 01:15 AM	#12 (permalink)
Cherry Tilted Location: Yonder	Priceless. Absolutely priceless. __________________ In walked a man in the shape of a man, holding a hat shaped hat...

03-24-2004, 04:42 AM	#13 (permalink)
cchris Junkie Location: Sydney	Guys nights out are sacred events. If we answer questions we could be castrated. Thats a pearler. __________________ There's a fine line between participation and mockery

03-23-2004, 08:45 PM	#7 (permalink)
skysooner Registered User Location: Oklahoma	I have seen this before and loved it then to.

03-23-2004, 09:28 PM	#9 (permalink)
bparker805 is KING! Location: On the path to Valhalla.	Im gonna print that list out and frame it... Im thinking poster size! Great list!

03-23-2004, 10:30 PM	#11 (permalink)
MSD The sky calls to us ... Super Moderator Location: CT	I think the fourth is one of the most important things to konw in life.

03-24-2004, 05:32 AM	#14 (permalink)
cj22009 On the edge of control Location: Ga	Thats to good I n need to show those to my wife LOL

03-24-2004, 10:53 AM	#17 (permalink)
losthellhound Thats MR. Muffin Face now Location: Everywhere work sends me	Love the list.. dont agree with all of it, just 90% of it __________________ "Life is possible only with illusions. And so, the question for the science of mental health must become an absolutely new and revolutionary one, yet one that reflects the essence of the human condition: On what level of illusion does one live?" -- Ernest Becker, The Denial of Death

03-24-2004, 11:17 AM	#18 (permalink)
laconic1 Junkie	If you don?t want to hear the truth, don?t ask the question. So, so true.

03-24-2004, 09:17 PM	#19 (permalink)
NetterButter Crazy Location: in a hole, ventura county,cali	Every so often no matter whether it is true or not remind us that we have the biggest penis you?ve ever dealt with. aaaaaaaaahahahaha. but i'll do that. __________________ www.holeinthe.net

03-25-2004, 09:43 AM	#20 (permalink)
bender Addict Location: around the corner	AND.... Don't ask about the " relationship" if you don't want to be dumped in a week. We don't think about relationships, or where they are going, and we don't want to. If you ask us about it, you've forced us to think about it, and then talk about it. We don't talk about two things relationships, and feelings, don't make us or we'll go someplace or to someone where we don't have to.

03-25-2004, 08:02 PM	#21 (permalink)
onodrim Cosmically Curious Location: Chicago, IL	"If you, the girl, make out with another girl we won?t consider it cheating. Actually we strongly promote this behavior. " My personal favorite. Great list, I had a good laugh. __________________ "The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides" -Carl Sagan

03-26-2004, 12:03 AM	#22 (permalink)
ariekitten bAck iN aCtiOn! Location: in my imagination	i already knew alot of those (learned them from my ex) so ha! __________________ I am known as Valentinez Alkalinella Xifax Sicidabohertz Gombigobilla Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovici Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser III. Don't hesitate to call. ~Vash, Trigun >'.'< kitty kitty, meow ^..^~

03-27-2004, 10:29 PM	#23 (permalink)
punkgrrl18 Upright	ive been lurking..but wow my fiance read that and thinks guys who think most of that way are fucking sexist assholes (and dont reply witha typical comment insisting hes gay or tryign to impress me)

03-28-2004, 02:34 PM	#26 (permalink)
Journeyman Like John Goodman, but not. Location: SFBA, California	Punkgrrl: You're either marrying a fantastic husband or a liar. And in my experience, fantastic people in general aren't so intolerant to either jokes and/or actual lifestyles that they go out of their way to call people "fucking (term specifically relevant to issue) assholes."

07-05-2005, 01:49 PM	#29 (permalink)
Nirvana Crazy	that list from the girls point of view is priceless. now that is somehtign we should kow lmao

07-05-2005, 02:02 PM	#30 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	What happened to top 10s? Why must we add another 40?

07-05-2005, 03:05 PM	#32 (permalink)
streak_56 who ever said streaking was a bad thing? Location: Calgary	"If you ask us to go shopping you have to at least entertain the idea of having sex in a changing room." I like this one the most "29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color. " Woo hoo... do I win something?

07-05-2005, 05:55 PM	#33 (permalink)
hunnychile Alien Anthropologist Location: Between Boredom and Nirvana	Both lists are very good! And equally important - at least for a good laugh or many & a huge hug. Every relationship has it's "hot buttons" & these cover quite a few. Some are deal breakers for people who want to live life in a "fairy tale"...but after all...we're all only human. and yes, we ladies masturbate too. Tho - An audience is not always welcome, however. I think lots of guys agree with that feeling, too. And us ladies really like some types of porn that you guys might not - but to each his own. It's all in fun. Thanks - it had me smiling.... __________________ "I need compassion, understanding and chocolate." - NJB Last edited by hunnychile; 07-05-2005 at 06:01 PM..

07-05-2005, 06:08 PM	#34 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	Funny lists. I agree with some of each, but not all of each. __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"