Cynthetiq

I'm sick of seeing all these threads about, "How do I get back at..." "My roommate does this and I need to strike back..."


Why revenge? Why not turn the other check? Why not do a good deed instead of plotting someone's demise?

Do something as simple as smiling at the cashier as they ring up your lunch order. Say thank you to the person who held the door open for you. Heck, open the door for the person IN FRONT of you.

Do some good out there.

I try to say Good Morning to the bus driver and "Thank you for a safe trip!" when I exit.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Iliftrocks

Pay it forward!!!!

My good deed is to not be offended when someone looks at me like I'm a jerk, for opening a door for them.....

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

absence_of_color

I think thats a great idea, Cynthetiq!!

Most people in this world haven't a clue about what a good deed is. I try, and it makes me feel good.

A smile is catching.

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...absent of everything.

lurkette

Yay, Cynthetiq, striking a (cushioned) blow for maturity and kindness!

I will do a good deed today in honor of this thread.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Mr.Deflok

True, open the door for them and as they come towards you, smile, and SLAM THE DOOR IN THEIR FACE! MWHAHAHAHA!

No but seriously, you're right, acts of kindness are the best revenge, I love it when they come back to you and say how awfully sorry they are about what they did.

absence_of_color

Mr. Deflok>>people have a problem with beng sorry, it gives them leadway to feel guilty and people would rather just push the blame upon another than grow up and realize that they made wrong choices and are sorry for it.

Id rather just be sorry "for them" and go on.

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LewisCouch

I know exactly how you feel. There's a clerk at one of the local stores who never smiles and never replies to anything you say to him. Now I could easily have interpreted his behaviour as rude or anti social, however, after a three or four encounters I finally got the guy to smile. His life must be hell.

I'm not a religious guy but I believe there's a verse that goes something like this, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

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-- Massimo d'Azeglio

Litespeed

"Repay bad with good."

I like it. Not a new concept, but one of those things that one likes to be reminded of now and again.

Sometimes it's easy to get caught up in our own little world. A little compassion and appreciation can go a long way towards making your health better, not to mention cheering up those around you.

I miss being a cashier at the grocery store that I do bookkeeping for. I would make a game out of how many customers I could influence to smile. I would tell jokes and just be generally cheery. Now that I'm cooped up in the office all day it's more difficult for me to feel the same kind of connection with people. Compassion and understanding are things that I find myself lacking more often than not, whereas when I saw all kinds of people every day going through the grocery lines I had much more.

It's healthy to share your appreciation with people. It's healthy to spread a smile or to not be afraid to hum a song as you walk through a crowd.

Cheeriness is good. Be a "delightensome people" and live your life rempli de joie.

Prince

Actually, I do all of those things already, Cynth.

I'm a pretty shitty person otherwise, but at least I am polite.

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tenchi069

I tend to be courteous to everyone I meet. It was just how I was reared. If someone wants to be an idiot to me I usually have the prescence of mind to just figure they are a miserable sad soul and continue my life without them. If they are PART of my life though such as a a coworker or roommate AND all diplomatic avenues have been tried and failed, then it is time to teach through a lesson. I'm not a big fan of revenge because I don't believe in punishing so I feel better. I do however believe punishment can be a deterrent for future behaviour when all else has failed.

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analog

I am usually a very courteous, polite person. Taking an act of revenge against a person you think has done you wrong is a bit of a different scenario.

Perhaps you mean that we should channel that anger into something constructive, such as donating the time used to plot demise for something worthwhile. A charity, a church function (if that's your thing), or a shelter could benefit from the energy you exude that your anger created. Put it to good use!

aphex140

i am generally always polite,as words and small deeds cost nothing.

When someone is being sour I try to be nice.


I think though as humans we have major problems being accomidating esp. when living in close proximity to each other.

I will try to be more of a gentleman today - imature but a gentleman.

I do enjoy planning revenge, however very rarely do I go through with it, I find I can be indulgent up to a point, then explode.

I agree with the sentiment, but now a day some people will take a p*ss when your are in a giving frame of mind.

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PorscheBunny

If they do bad for you and you repay it with good to them, you're providing positive reinforcement for improper behavior, which is quite possibly the worst possible thing to do. Save the positive reinforcement for when they do something good, and remember to give it out when it is deserved.

In theory, "turning the other cheek" should work, but it based on an inherent assumption that people are basically good and only do wrong to others thru ignorance or miscommunication. From what I've seen in my life, the inherent assumption is fatally flawed. Humans are not as far above animals as they think themselves and are (more often than not) selfish, self-centered, and apathetic to the suffering of others except when it serves their purpose.

Reward good behavior, punish bad.

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Fire

I have to agree with the above- we are thinking, reasoning animals, but animals the same, and far too many of us do not feel guilt over harming others- yes , do good, and practice kindness - we realy need kind loving people, and they enrich the world more than vengence- but the world is filled with uncarring assholes and in my personal experience, turning the other cheek has only allowed people to hit me again, giving me not one but two bruised cheeks- due to this effect, i now follow a policy that if they hurt me, they will get hurt- right and promoting of love its not, but it realy seems to nicely cut down on my facial bruises....

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Mood the more as our might lessens

bender

The act of revenge is funny, as all it does is let the person who trespassed upon you know how much that they effected you even at a much later day, thus reinforcing whatever act was commited against you.
The best revenge is and always has been living well.
By opening a door or flashing a smile to someone thats just being polite and perhaps a good person.

~springrain

Cyn... GREAT thread... Thanks!

For about two years I smiled and said goodmorning to the kids' bus driver each morning... she never... and i mean never... smiled. She's an elementary school bus driver for crying out loud!

a n y w a y... other parents at the bus stop would say "Why are you so nice to her when she is such a b___h?" I'd always smile and shrug and respond with "That's just me."
This year... the woman has actually smiled! WHOOO HOOO!
Not most days mind you... but i continue to catch a smile here and there... and regardless of her smiles... i still feel good doing it.

Psivage

I always say please and thank you, if there is someone behind I'll hold the door open for them, I don't consider these things acts of kindess, I was raised that way.

ratbastid

It speaks volumes that this thread has become about whether "repaying bad with good" works. Isn't that just typical of The Human Critter that we take a conversation about putting good out into the world and turn it into something about confrontation with others.

What if all that anger, judgement and fear was replaced with a genuine, from-the-heart desire to make the world a better place? What would life look like for us as individuals? What would the world look like?

Bill O'Rights

Be...nice ...to...others? Why, that idea is just so totally ridiculous that it just may work!

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Mr.Deflok

PorscheBunny, it's all dependant on the person in the wrong, so far in the cases in which I have not given a negative reaction things have turned out for the better. That is not to say that I haven't taken revenge for something before, I have and I've taken extremely well.

Psychology is a loose loose thing, it can't be applied universally.

~springrain

Ratbastid... i completely agree
it's like what i said to the other parents at the bus stop... "that's just me"... i don't care whether or not she smiles back at me... i'll keep doing it regardless...

i thanked my mailman the other day and called him by name... my neighbor was a bit surprised and asked how i knew his name... huh? because i took the time to ask him his name... i see him everyday, why not say "Thanks Vincent, Have a great day!" when i see him?
I've often been accused of being "too nice"... i smile at everyone i meet on the street and say hello... i don't throw fits in the check-out at the grocery when the cashier is slow (i figure she/he has enough stress at the moment and a bitching customer won't help the situation)... i try to be pleasant and respectful to everyone i come across...
it's like i always tell my kids... "Treat other people the way you would want them to treat you"... it's really not that hard.

Cynthetiq

-sp no it's not that hard, and paying attention to another human being just for a moment is precious. knowing and speaking someone's name is very powerful.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Monre

In school I would make it a game to know everyones name...I would walk down the hall and see just how many people I could name off. I remember one day in class someone asked me "Why are you always smiling"; worst question ever.

bonehed1

Kill them with your kindness and not your anger. There are very few people where I leave that are kind. Most of them are jerks that need to be run over by a raindeer but I just let them do their thing and try to be as nice as possible.

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yellowgowild

Because most of us who want revenge are the same ones who are nice all the time but getting fucked anyways. That's why we come here for advice on getting even since it doesn't really come natural. Besides, if you notice how some threads go, you'll see that people are still trying to find the nicest most legal way to get revenge and I think that speaks well for this community.

CheeseButtons

Congratulations for going against the flow. It's amazing how kindness can be contagious...and not that obligitory social crap...I'm talking emitting true joy.

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because a sad face is good for the heart. -Ecclesiastes 7:3

Cynthetiq

no it's because the moderators and admins will not tolerate people posting ANYTHING that is illegal.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Cycler

Karma, the only person who has to know about your good deeds is you, and that should be enough.<p> I wish revenge would actually get you somewhere because there are quite a few people who deserve it. But it would do no good, as I am realizing so just let it go. That way the good deed is not knowing how lucky they are.

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Cynthetiq

so then you are saying that all the bad news that's printed, all the positive elements shouldn't be lauded, applauded, praised, encouraged?

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

moonstrucksoul

i found a lady's atm card and returned it to her. good deed done.

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clifclav

Once I was a jerk to somebody and they were nice to me. I felt like they whooped me. ever since I've found being polite and nice so much easier than being an ass.

Now everybody loves me.........right........right

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Iliftrocks

I find that saying "have a nice day" instead of "F U" to idiots on the road keeps the old road rage from spillin out. Why should I let them get to me anyway.

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bill hicks - "I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out."

absence_of_color

Sometimes its rather derogatory to be nice, even though, everybody always tells me I am so cheery, and I try to be.
I always have a kind word to say to even total strangers.

But I have long learnt that no matter how good you can be, if you ever do anything bad, THATS what is remembered.
People suck. Does anyone feel me on this one?

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...absent of everything.

Cynthetiq

sure.

I had something hanging in the kitchen growing up it read:

When I do something right no one remembers.

When I do something wrong no one forgets.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

absence_of_color

Haha, I am glad someone shares my concern.
I have a little plaque somewhere around here that reads the exact same thing.

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...absent of everything.

christoff

i don't know if i'd call all those 'good deeds' as much as just being respectful. i tend to think of a good deed as helping an old lady doing her grocery shopping or cleaning the garage for the guy down the street that lost his arms in that horrible snowblower accident of '92...

nonetheless, i agree with the original poster about just being respectful to people, it just makes things easier. that doesn't include amway people though...they're just all evil

:edit: ok, i just read that and realized that it sounded totally one sided for me, as i am a pretty mean bastard most of the time, just not to people that haven't done anything to deserve it from me. overall, i do believe what cyn is saying about just being generally polite to people, but if someone pisses me off, i gotta admit that i pretty much think of how nice it would be to beat the living crap out of them with whatever is handy. although i rarely go through with it (jail doesn't seem like a very fun place when i think about it), it's nice to think about and sometimes it works out in the end and you get the bastard back.

other than that though, i guess i'm a pretty nice and polite guy

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"our fathers are our models for god...if our fathers bailed, what does that tell you about god?"

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