Hanxter

To explain this thread i must explain my feelings...

today i lost a very dear dear friend - i'll call art - cuz that was his name - not OUR art - anyway...

he lobstered all all his life... worked in a ship yard all his life... was the typical mainer - as slow as they go and not a bad word was ever said toward someone...

he passed away today and i feel a great loss...

he was dry in his humor and if it took ya' a week to get it... you sought him out to show your amusement...

if you needed a lift to the store... he'd open the door for ya'...

get the picture... ???

my dad told me once "the older ya get the faster they go"

well i'm 50, and i know now that is true...

so my fine friends, if you would like to share your experiances with a loss, feel free, this i give to you to cry...

i do not want sympathy...
i would like to hear your feelings...

call it the Memorial Day Thread...

so live your life the best you can - cuz you can't take it back!

spectre

Sorry to hear about that Hanx. I've lost several people that I've known, and I know it isn't easy. If you need to talk, you know how to get a hold of me.

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"Fuck these chains
No goddamn slave
I will be different" ~ Machine Head

JadziaDax

Sorry to hear of your loss, Hanxter. I, as spectre said, am here for you if you need someone to talk with.

This past year, I've lost one of my closest relatives very quickly to cancer. We got the phone call that he was sick and never had the chance to get to the hospital in time. It can happen that quickly.

He had refused treatment. Years ago, he watched his wife slowly deteriorate with cancer. He was there through the radiation and the chemo. He didn't want to burden his family and make any of us watch him go through any of that. He was a brave man.

I miss him horribly.

ARTelevision

we are all moving toward that door and reminders are sometimes necessary. to appreciate living - to always appreciate it more - and to be grateful for each day is what these things are about for me...

love ya Hanxter

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tcxsnoop

Sometimes it happens so suddenly that you wish you could have done/said more. Once you realize that nothing last forever, especially people, it really doesnt hurt as much. When i'm with the ones I love, I give them all I got cause I know one day they aren't going to be there. And its going to hurt for a bit but atleast I know I gave them my all and I wont regret not saying or doing.

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Carmella DeCesare > All

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miked10270

Hi Hanxter,

Do not mourn the death of a loved one, celebrate the life. Remember the good times.

"If I should go while you remain,
Know that I live on.
Vibrating to a diferent measure,
Behind a veil you cannot see through.
I look to the time we are together,
soaring again.
Until then,
carry my name in your heart.
I will be there."

Mike.

lurkette

I've mentioned frequently that I lost my brother three months ago, rather suddenly, and I also lost my grandfather about six months ago to congestive heart failure. I've watched my best friend lose two brothers - one to cancer, one to suicide - and her father in the course of about 8 years. My boss just lost her husband to cancer. The more I see death, the less I understand. Every grief is new and different because our love for that person is different. One thing I can say is that I'm not afraid of death any more, because now I have people on the other side. If there's nothing after death, then so be it. But if there is something, I'll be able to see these people I love again. I have also seen how we carry the spirits of people around with us after they're gone, in our memories of them, our stories, our love for them. And I find I'm a lot more tolerant of people, especially my family. Where before I might have gotten annoyed with them over something, now I think "someday they'll be dead - enjoy their bullshit now because some day you'll miss it." I'm still in the throes of grief for my brother - sometimes it just washes over me and I have to just lie on the floor and cry - but the sad fact is that you rebuild your life around that absence. I'm coming to accept that he's gone, and somehow that feels like the biggest loss and the biggest step at the same time.

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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

Peetster

I'm sorry Hanxter. Loss is hard.

This November 1st will be the tenth anniversary of the loss of my son. He fell into a swimming pool and drowned. He was 3.

My greatest sense of loss comes from being gone over half of his life. The Navy sends you and you go. I only knew him for about 16 months. Missed most of his first year. In fact, I was at sea when it happened.

Lost my parents the same day. They blamed my wife. Was told she was never again welcome in my parents' house. I know they love me, but unfortunately they hate my wife more.

sta500

You start dying the minute you're born.

clavus

Peetster. I have a 3 year old and a pool. I have parents that probably love my kid more than they love my wife. Your email really effects me. I think I'll log off and go kiss my kid.

There just aren't the words to tell you how sorry I am. "But for the grace of God..."

Hanxter - maybe it will help ease your heart, but I've seen death very close up, from BOTH sides. When you finally go, everything is just fine. It really is.

I know that won't make you miss your friend any less, but maybe if you know that he is well, it will ease your heart.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.

asdf4321

My grandfather on my dad's side died when I was extremely young. The only person I personally knew at the time of death was a girl who I went to school with from 7th grade til the beginning of her senior year when she hit a curb at far too fast and flipped. A friend is a friend, some closer than others, but still a friend. If you believe in heaven, that's great, if you don't, just cherish the memories. Forgetting the death is alright as long as you remember their lives, in my opinion.

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Rar-poop! Combination dinosaur noise and the sound of.. well, you know.

Stare At The Sun

After personally almost dying, i've learned that really, you've got to live life to the fullest, and this fellow sounds like he did. Don't ever forget that.

But, when a friend dies, its never easy, as they all say, just remember them, cherish the memories, and know you'll see them again someday

WhoaitsZ

Yo, Hanx.

I am sorry you lost someone suddenly. To lose a life is kind of impossible to imagine fully, yet the pain and confusion can be severe.

I’ve lost a nephew named Tyler James Matheny at seven weeks of age. I was only fourteen and I cared about the kid, yet I took it for granted; I was a kid and in love with my first.

Now when I reflect it sometimes causes me everything but unbearable pain and guilt. To this day I do not recall holding him or anything. I feel horrible now, cuz I sucked as an uncle. But deep down I know it was just. . life. We cannot live without life.

I have been on death’s door many times… I never felt the ease so many speak of, yet it is not the worse thing either.

So, I have lost also. Nephew, both of my mother’s parents, an uncle who loved me very, very much and a girl I had a crush on . . . she was murdered. The worse, besides the nephew, are my pets. They are my babies, man. I’m the only guy I know who you simply should never be shocked to see fly by you in a wheelchair with God only knows what on his shoulder. Parrots, kittens, lizards. I still ache over the last four deaths. Three were freak, sudden accidents, one my Chihuahua who protected our animals and everyone else. If he got a squirrel outside, it’d die. But of Gizmo knew he was ours, he’d protect it. One pet was my quaker parrot Buddy. This bird was my room mate, my buddy, my baby for right at five years. He loved me to death and would dive bomb anyone who approached me. He would laugh or call me or whatever; I swear he had more intelligence than some people I know. Now he too is gone. But goddamn those years were beautiful! I also lost two lizards. One I hand fed and took care of for a month before he finally passed. The other was a freak accident…

To most people this could insult; me comparing people and pets, but the point is I have lost and I know how it can be. I am sorry for your pain. I am glad that you cared and do not want pity. You’re a good man, dude. A hardass, but a damned good man and friend. PM or chat at me anytime.

*Nikki*

I lost my Grandfather in May.
He was the only grandparent I had left. I didn't really realize how it would effect me until I saw him in his coffin. I saw my own father cry and that alone made it even harder on me. It is not often you see your parents cry. Usually they are the strong ones.
Now I think about my grandpa every time I drive past where he used to live. I think about how often I used to do that and never stop to say hello. I think about how I was his favorite grandaughter and it makes me cry thinking about all the time I didn't spend with him. I think about him laying in his hospital bed and asking me to give him a hug even though he was so delirious that he barely knew what was going on. I think about the things that he gave me and how he was concerned with my happiness even as he was leaving this world. He lived to be almost 90 with no health problems. Not many people can do that.
I miss him.

bullgoose

Sorry Hanxter; in the last couple months, I've had a life-long friend die of heart failure while riding his bike, my mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma that has spread to her bones and another close friend is near death because his heart is so bad, he can't be operated on. Your dad was right; the older you get, he faster they go. I'm 56; lots of people who were important to me aren't around anymore. When my own father died (many years ago, and way too young), a friend told me about a book by a woman named Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. The books title is faily off-putting; "On Death and Dying" but it is a very uplifting book; the author is the motivating force behind the Hostel movement in this country; she also ran hostels in Europe for a nimber of years. In the book, she tells of interviewing terminally-ill patients, and their viewpoint of their situation; almost all of the people interviewed were accepting of the situation; their concern was for those that they would leave behind; none expressed any fear of death, the authors conclusion was that when death is imminent, people become accepting of the inevitibility, they understand that death isn't a punishment (as we seem to believe in the U.S.); it's the last act of life, a completely natural thing. To deny the fact that we will all die eventually is to diminish our own existence; acceptance is a validation of our mortality, not a fatalistic point of view.

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"If I had it to do all over,
I'd do it all over you."

JumpinJesus

Every loss is personal, yet somehow, we're all bound by the experience of losing a loved one. All I wish for anyone is that they find peace before they go. What saddens me is that some people don't get the chance. My want in life is to find my peace now and live every moment to make it count.

I'm hoping to find something worthwhile on the other side.

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"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

Hanxter

this is heart warming. it makes your throat swell to the point you can't swallow. it's comforting as well to know that we are all one of God's creatires, (which ever you choose to be your's), and, that in this family we call "the boards", we are not alone in our emotions.
thank you for sharing your feelings and lives with us...
hank

MSD

After my father died, some friends of the family sent us this prayer. They encouraged me to share it with anyone who has lost someone.

The Hopi Prayer:
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint in the snow.
I am the sunlight on the ripened grain.
I am the autumn's gentle rain.
When you awaken in the morning hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush.
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there,
I did not die.

GakFace

I lost my grandfather this may. I figured he had another 10 years on him at least. Struck me hard about 20 minutes after hearing the news.

As much as it stinks to know that a loved one is gone, you just need to look at the good things. About how great he was, how he helped people at every turn, his constant generosity. Sure the pain will stay for a while, but you'll make it, and be left with the good feelings you have about him.

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RoboBlaster:
Welcome to the club! Not that I'm in the club. And there really isn'a a club in the first place. But if there was a club and if I was in it, I would definitely welcome you to it.