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I've mentioned frequently that I lost my brother three months ago, rather suddenly, and I also lost my grandfather about six months ago to congestive heart failure. I've watched my best friend lose two brothers - one to cancer, one to suicide - and her father in the course of about 8 years. My boss just lost her husband to cancer. The more I see death, the less I understand. Every grief is new and different because our love for that person is different. One thing I can say is that I'm not afraid of death any more, because now I have people on the other side. If there's nothing after death, then so be it. But if there is something, I'll be able to see these people I love again. I have also seen how we carry the spirits of people around with us after they're gone, in our memories of them, our stories, our love for them. And I find I'm a lot more tolerant of people, especially my family. Where before I might have gotten annoyed with them over something, now I think "someday they'll be dead - enjoy their bullshit now because some day you'll miss it." I'm still in the throes of grief for my brother - sometimes it just washes over me and I have to just lie on the floor and cry - but the sad fact is that you rebuild your life around that absence. I'm coming to accept that he's gone, and somehow that feels like the biggest loss and the biggest step at the same time.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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