Plastic surgery to avoid bullying? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

snowy · 05-24-2011, 07:24 AM

I saw this piece on the TODAY show this morning; if you want to see the video, you can look for it on the TODAY show site.

from: http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/05/...avoid-bullying

Quote:

Would you let your teen get plastic surgery to avoid bullying?
By Rebecca Dube

Feeling self-conscious about your appearance and getting teased for some minor imperfection is pretty much a rite of passage for every teenager. But some teens are seeking plastic surgery to avoid being bullied. Would you consider it for your child?

Aubrey Woodward, who's 13, tells TODAY she's thinking about plastic surgery to get her ears pinned back, because, she says, "it makes me feel really bad" when she gets teased about her protruding ears. "I can hold off a little longer because the teasing hasn't gotten too bad yet," she says.

Ear pin-backs are one of the most common plastic surgeries for teens, along with nose jobs and breast reductions. The American Society for Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons says ear surgeries can be recommended for children as young as 5 -- to avoid even the potential of teasing at school.

But as psychiatrist Janet Taylor points out, plastic surgery doesn't cure bullying. Bullies are usually acting out of their own pain and insecurities, not responding in a logical manner to someone's physical appearance. If you don't get picked on for your ears or nose, maybe it'll be your name, your fashion sense -- or the fact that you got plastic surgery.

Of course, all the nice talk about loving your imperfections may feel hollow when it's your teenager coming home in tears after being teased for some minor physical flaw. Would you allow your child to get plastic surgery to avoid bullying?

Do you think plastic surgery for teens would help them avoid bullying, or fix the problem that causes them to be teased?

I agree with the psychiatrist who said a bully will always find something to criticize, and to go so far as plastic surgery to fix some perceived imperfection is taking it a bit far, I think. Personally, I would think that a parent would prefer to exhaust all other options before shelling out for something as drastic as plastic surgery. Honestly, watching this story, and the interview with Aubrey just made me sad. Her ears are about as bad as mine were (are) in school. You get over it. Is it really worth surgery to fix something that time will ultimately fix? Bullying doesn't last, after all.

Also, I question what these kids are doing to respond to the bullies. In my experience of watching young children and adolescents, kids who are bullied are those who respond to their bully in a particular way. This response is part of what motivates the bully. Plastic surgery won't fix that problem.

What do you think?

Baraka_Guru · 05-24-2011, 07:53 AM

This appears to me to be elective surgery for the wrong reasons.

This is the kind of thing Angela Carter wrote about, along with a slew of other postmodern writers. She was a feminist magical realist. These are issues dealing with the body, appearances, and self-perception. In this particular case, we have the issue of what constitutes a "normal" image of the body, which must be based on some kind of standard set by media images. On top of that, you have the idea of ostracism among youth based on superficial qualities (which isn't new) at a time when there are fundamental issues hitting crisis levels below that surface (which in its unique form is new): illiteracy, aliteracy, post-literacy, and the failure to instill a capacity for critical thought.

This whole story reeks of "thousand-dollar surgeries on dollar-store heads."

They say postmodernism is dead, and I suppose it is at least in its death throes from an artistic standpoint, but many of the core issues that the movement addressed are as prevalent as ever. Whatever takes its place—whether its some form of David Foster Wallace's idea of New Sincerity or something similar—seems to have a wellspring of social material to address in future works. I suppose that's always the way with art.

Poetry · 05-24-2011, 08:05 AM

I don't think it would help at all. I was bullied constantly from junior high school on. It wasn't my looks (though I was mocked by some for having a oval face and high forehead), it was just that I was there and a total victim. Even if I had been gorgeous, I still would not have had the social know-how at the time to deal with the situation and effectively stop the bullying.

Some kids just don't have it.

As for now, the forehead that I hated and the oval face... they work for me. What was awkward as a kid, I grew into, and now I'm pretty damn attractive and have my own unique look.

Also, having been around a number of women who have undergone various plastic surgeries for face and body, facial plastic surgery rarely looks right when it's done. There's always something a little off, a shiny tightness of the skin, an edge on the sides of the nose, etc.

I don't think children who are just awkward should really have the option to modify their appearance to what they think they should look like before they have been exposed to the world to find out what they, and not their social group, find attractive.

Meditrina · 05-24-2011, 10:16 AM

Plastic surgery is not the answer to stop bullying. Bullying will always be there, for one reason or another. Children need to be given the proper education and tools to use if they are the one being bullied. They need to know who they can turn to if they need help. Our schools had programs and assemblies to help teach the children. Parents need to educate themselves too, so they can also help the kids.

genuinegirly · 05-24-2011, 01:07 PM

I've known a few young women who have gotten breast reductions. It wasn't because of bullying, but rather to minimize back pain. It bothers me that such a procedure is listed alongside ear pinning and nose jobs. Then again, I also know someone who had surgery on her nose in high school because of a problem with her septum. She was senselessly harassed for her bandages, called conceited for "getting a nose job." I think there is more bullying from getting these procedures done than not.

Lindy · 05-24-2011, 04:02 PM

Those superficial parents contemplating cosmetic "improvements" for their children should be referred to this site:
Worldwide children?s charity organization, Operation Smile, provides cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries for children in need. - Operation Smile
and send their money to those who really need the help. I have supported this charity's outreach for several years. It kind of puts the problem of protruding ears in its proper perspective.

Lindy

snowy · 05-24-2011, 08:11 PM

I think genuinegirly and Lindy both brought up good points with their contributions.

First, GG, I agree that it's odd that breast reductions were included. I think that surgery is generally a surgery people get to fix back pain, as you suggested, which is a valid complaint.

And Lindy, my husband actually made a very similar comment while we were watching the piece..."The only plastic surgery worth doing in kids is to fix a cleft palate, and aren't these kids' problems small compared to that?"

Strange Famous · 05-24-2011, 11:03 PM

I thinky bullying and a bit of teasing are different things.

It may sound harsh, but if when people called her Dumbo or big ears or whatever she just shrugged and didnt react, people wouldnt do it anymore. Most kids are little bastards and pick on everyone over different things, its the people who react who become the ones who get "bullied". So its best to either shrug it off. If you do feel have to retaliate, you have to do so to a degree that people will be a bit taken aback and try find an easier target than you... but most times any kind of retaliation just gives them the reaction they want... and if you react to being called names with violence yourself, then in a sense youre becoming the bully.

When I was about 10 the headmistress at my school called me a "fat slob" in front of the whole assembly. That break time a whole bunch of kids were literally dancing in a circle round me chanting "you fat slob", and in the end I lost my temper and punched two of them and one of them got hurt...

I might have been provoked, but I was the one who got in trouble, and I suppose you'd say rightly so. And as for the kids who werent the ones that got hit, they got the exact reaction they wanted and motivation to carry on the teasing to see if I'd lose it again. So next time I just shrugged and agreed when someone called me it, and people didnt bother after that.

chinese crested · 05-30-2011, 11:23 AM

Lobotomy for the bullys. Seriously, its not fun when your kid comes home damaged. Mine came home burnt by a little shit who was known for groping unwilling girls too. Sometimes I think instead of giving the horrible ones soft community stuff, they should be taken home and their parents should be forced to live with them 24 7. May increase the rate of child murders..... but hey. Nothing is 100% safe is it.
Its very sad when a child spends time crying into the mirror at a time in life when surely then should be comparing scabs on knees. Its important to praise, not just put down.

05-24-2011, 07:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
Baraka_Guru warrior bodhisattva Super Moderator Location: East-central Canada	This appears to me to be elective surgery for the wrong reasons. This is the kind of thing Angela Carter wrote about, along with a slew of other postmodern writers. She was a feminist magical realist. These are issues dealing with the body, appearances, and self-perception. In this particular case, we have the issue of what constitutes a "normal" image of the body, which must be based on some kind of standard set by media images. On top of that, you have the idea of ostracism among youth based on superficial qualities (which isn't new) at a time when there are fundamental issues hitting crisis levels below that surface (which in its unique form is new): illiteracy, aliteracy, post-literacy, and the failure to instill a capacity for critical thought. This whole story reeks of "thousand-dollar surgeries on dollar-store heads." They say postmodernism is dead, and I suppose it is at least in its death throes from an artistic standpoint, but many of the core issues that the movement addressed are as prevalent as ever. Whatever takes its place—whether its some form of David Foster Wallace's idea of New Sincerity or something similar—seems to have a wellspring of social material to address in future works. I suppose that's always the way with art. __________________ Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing? —Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön Humankind cannot bear very much reality. —From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot Last edited by Baraka_Guru; 05-24-2011 at 07:57 AM..

05-24-2011, 08:05 AM	#3 (permalink)
Poetry Crazy Location: Los Angeles, CA	I don't think it would help at all. I was bullied constantly from junior high school on. It wasn't my looks (though I was mocked by some for having a oval face and high forehead), it was just that I was there and a total victim. Even if I had been gorgeous, I still would not have had the social know-how at the time to deal with the situation and effectively stop the bullying. Some kids just don't have it. As for now, the forehead that I hated and the oval face... they work for me. What was awkward as a kid, I grew into, and now I'm pretty damn attractive and have my own unique look. Also, having been around a number of women who have undergone various plastic surgeries for face and body, facial plastic surgery rarely looks right when it's done. There's always something a little off, a shiny tightness of the skin, an edge on the sides of the nose, etc. I don't think children who are just awkward should really have the option to modify their appearance to what they think they should look like before they have been exposed to the world to find out what they, and not their social group, find attractive. __________________ "You know what? Fuck the moon! He controls our water and our women. I've had enough!"

05-24-2011, 10:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Meditrina Junkie Location: LI,NY	Plastic surgery is not the answer to stop bullying. Bullying will always be there, for one reason or another. Children need to be given the proper education and tools to use if they are the one being bullied. They need to know who they can turn to if they need help. Our schools had programs and assemblies to help teach the children. Parents need to educate themselves too, so they can also help the kids. __________________ "Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

05-24-2011, 01:07 PM	#5 (permalink)
genuinegirly Eat your vegetables Super Moderator Location: Arabidopsis-ville	I've known a few young women who have gotten breast reductions. It wasn't because of bullying, but rather to minimize back pain. It bothers me that such a procedure is listed alongside ear pinning and nose jobs. Then again, I also know someone who had surgery on her nose in high school because of a problem with her septum. She was senselessly harassed for her bandages, called conceited for "getting a nose job." I think there is more bullying from getting these procedures done than not. __________________ "Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq "violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

05-24-2011, 08:11 PM	#7 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	I think genuinegirly and Lindy both brought up good points with their contributions. First, GG, I agree that it's odd that breast reductions were included. I think that surgery is generally a surgery people get to fix back pain, as you suggested, which is a valid complaint. And Lindy, my husband actually made a very similar comment while we were watching the piece..."The only plastic surgery worth doing in kids is to fix a cleft palate, and aren't these kids' problems small compared to that?" __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

05-24-2011, 04:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
Lindy Junkie	Those superficial parents contemplating cosmetic "improvements" for their children should be referred to this site: Worldwide children?s charity organization, Operation Smile, provides cleft lip and cleft palate surgeries for children in need. - Operation Smile and send their money to those who really need the help. I have supported this charity's outreach for several years. It kind of puts the problem of protruding ears in its proper perspective. Lindy

05-24-2011, 11:03 PM	#8 (permalink)
Strange Famous follower of the child's crusade?	I thinky bullying and a bit of teasing are different things. It may sound harsh, but if when people called her Dumbo or big ears or whatever she just shrugged and didnt react, people wouldnt do it anymore. Most kids are little bastards and pick on everyone over different things, its the people who react who become the ones who get "bullied". So its best to either shrug it off. If you do feel have to retaliate, you have to do so to a degree that people will be a bit taken aback and try find an easier target than you... but most times any kind of retaliation just gives them the reaction they want... and if you react to being called names with violence yourself, then in a sense youre becoming the bully. When I was about 10 the headmistress at my school called me a "fat slob" in front of the whole assembly. That break time a whole bunch of kids were literally dancing in a circle round me chanting "you fat slob", and in the end I lost my temper and punched two of them and one of them got hurt... I might have been provoked, but I was the one who got in trouble, and I suppose you'd say rightly so. And as for the kids who werent the ones that got hit, they got the exact reaction they wanted and motivation to carry on the teasing to see if I'd lose it again. So next time I just shrugged and agreed when someone called me it, and people didnt bother after that.

05-30-2011, 11:23 AM	#9 (permalink)
chinese crested Insane Location: hampshire	Lobotomy for the bullys. Seriously, its not fun when your kid comes home damaged. Mine came home burnt by a little shit who was known for groping unwilling girls too. Sometimes I think instead of giving the horrible ones soft community stuff, they should be taken home and their parents should be forced to live with them 24 7. May increase the rate of child murders..... but hey. Nothing is 100% safe is it. Its very sad when a child spends time crying into the mirror at a time in life when surely then should be comparing scabs on knees. Its important to praise, not just put down.