Zeraph

The Best Questions For A First Date OkTrends

Sorry can't post it in quotes because there's a ton of pictures and graphs.

(at least I don't think I can post it fully? If I can someone tell me how)

The "If you like the taste of beer" you're more likely to be ok with sleeping with someone on the first date is awesome hehe. Even though I dislike the taste, and would sleep with someone on the first date.

The religion part is pretty good too. Those who don't mind grammar or spelling mistakes (or t@1kin L!K3 TH!5) tend to be religious.

Obviously this stuff can't really be correlated on a person to person basis. But its amusing none the less. And their stats are notoriously accurate.

bagatelle

Why can't you just ask someone, if they are ok sleeping with you on the first date?

Funny article, but it just amazes me people are constantly taught to being indirect and being corteus means, anything they say is not what they really think, so we have to play these games. Right?

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Plan9

So, Bagatelle, how many dates before I can stick my finger in your butt?

Tact might be a silly game but it's waaay better than being a dickhead.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

bagatelle

"A guy was found outside a bar all his fingers broken..."

If someone is after a one-night-stand, he might as well ask it to save time.

You choose to formulate your question like a dickhead and I'm not surprised if the respond is negative.

"Your place or mine?" is much more subtle, but still holds the same thought: sex on a first date.

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Plan9

Oh, feminist female stereotypes. I see they're still active in the land of high culture and social progress known as Europe.

I won't bother with a diatribe that nobody will read, but I'll drop some bullet points:

- Today it's okay for women to be direct; when a man is that direct he has a 50/50 chance of being accused of sexual assault
- Being accused of a sex crime is something very real in the mind of normal, sane guys that just want to hook up and get laid
- Many men are under the impression that despite talk to the contrary, women do enjoy a little flirting and hard-to-get play

The only place I can think of where you'll find "You wanna fuck?" "Sure, let's do this!" sex is in the gay lumberjack community.

And that's only based on the info I got from Jazz in Chicago when I asked how his love life was doing since he's been married.

...

I'll comment on the rest of the OkCupid article after my delicious lunch of protein powder and a sandwich that a dog wouldn't eat.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

bagatelle

Excuse me, if I stepped in this bar for a drink, not a fuck.

What is completely lacking here is the state of the questioners here, how drunk are they when they start asking questions? The article starts off by two people over drinks. It is implied this has affect on the nature of the questions.

It's not about feminism, when you observe the man change his behaviour, the drunker he gets. Some people don't take negative answers pretty well in that state. Especially if they are not brave enough to pose that question, when sober.

Will my date have sex on the first date?

If that question is in your mind, why not ask it like that? Why pick the drunken jerky way to put it?

Man thinking: Oh wait, let's have another one. She seems to like beer. She will probably change her mind after a few beers, even though she's playing hard to get right now. In fact, she has to - the stats say so... I don't have to ask her anything, I'll just watch the signs...

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Plan9

Wait, what? Does a woman's behavior change when she drinks?

...or is it just a case of that Like A G6 song where the sober girls around me--they be actin' like they drunk?

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

bagatelle

Direct questions vs. assuming too much:



The couple here is testing the waters. In this case we imagine they both want sex.

Scenario 1: They avoid the obvious question, but they get drunk and they end up having sex.

They sober up. The girl thinks: Oops, I did it again. I feel so bad about myself. I shouldn't have drunk so much. He propably does not respect me now and thinks I'm a slut.

The guy thinks: Well that was easy. She must be sleeping around a lot. She must be comparing me to the other guys, she had. I don't dare to ask her, how much better they were.

They never see each other again.

Scenario 2: The guy promptly asks: "Do you ever have sex on the first date?" *smiles in non-threatening way*

Girl, a little surprised: "Well, to be quite honest, I have done so in the past. I guess it's not out of the question. I usually just need a few more beers to do that." *smiles back couragingly*

Guy: "Let's drink to that!"

They end up having sex.

Afterwards the guy: "That was great. Can we have another go sometimes?"

Girl: "Thank you for asking. Yes, why not. The other guys were just jerks, who used me when I was drunk. Never saw them again."

They agree on a second date.

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Plan9

Bagatelle, you're awesome and I'm really glad you just showed up at TFP and dived right in but:



Before I completely wreck this thread with my threadjack, I'm going to need some other opinions here.

Am I full of shit or what?

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

uncle phil

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- Robert S. McNamara
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We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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bagatelle

plan, I don't know you well enough to tell you, what you are full of.

Ok, so I offered some possible scenarios, in which case both participants want sex. I could make up other kind of convos for people, who are not willing to do it on the first date.

This article is nothing to be taken seriously. If it was, I would like to know things like, what age are the people in question, have they ever had sex etc.

I've been taken for more than 20 years, but my brother, who's in 40's, would have many tales to tell you. He's getting married soon and he only had one other longer relationship before this one, it lasted for three years.

He has had many efforts to couple with younger and older, single women, women with small kids, women with grown up children. He told me that sometimes it has really worked fine for him, when he has straight asked a girl, if it's possible to get in bed.

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Jove

Don't worry Plan9, I find your comments amusing.

What is the point of this thread again?

bagatelle

Oh, I find plan's comments amusing too. I'm trying to joke myself, but the stereotypes get in the way.

Only yesterday I was talking to my friend, that beer actually does not taste that good, but you get used to it and drinking it becomes more of a habit, than matter of taste.

According to the article, this might imply, I would not be that easy on first dates anymore.

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jewels

I don't think the state of inebriation has anything to do with it.

There are some women who are just looking to get laid and have no qualms in stating so. That sort of directness just might work for them.

In general, though, I think that asking a woman up front if she'd sleep with them is rude and uncivilized, not direct. Is it a game? I like to think of it as more of a dance. If the guy can turn me on with his wit and intellect instead, my answer could change in a heartbeat anyway. Not everyone likes the idea of a live dildo.

But hey, that's just me.

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

genuinegirly

I'm honestly a little bothered by the point of this article. They've taken spurious correlations, strung them together, and treated dating sites like meeting someone in a bar. They claim to be an unbiased study that observed thousands of profiles before jumping to these conclusions, but honestly it looks like a bunch of drivel. The last couple of parts about conservative vs. liberal and religion are actually pretty good... but to start it off with brainless banter makes me dislike the rest of the article.

So, how do you find a girl who wants to sleep with you on the first night from a dating site? I have no clue. I don't care. It seems like something only a desperate and confused individual would do.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Zeraph

bagatelle- I'd have to agree with plan9 mostly. Are you actually currently dating? I am, I've tried that kind of directness in the past, the best its gotten me was a lecture about how improper a question it was to ask outright.

bagatelle

Am I taking this topic too lightly? I'm married, been for years. I don't relate very well to this dating topic. I can currently make very direct questions, because I already know my partner.

I just don't take this survey very seriously. It does provide statistical fun, but you can't much rely on this info when you go probe your options.

Basically, if you are planning your dating to last longer, then it's advisable to be more discrete. I guess you can't never know in advance. If you are not comfortable asking, then you don't!

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Zeraph

Yes

And yes. I don't take it seriously (hence the "funny" in the title).

Some people I've really liked male or female (platonically) have said they'd be offended if someone new asked them such a question directly. Most guys thing "slut" unfortunately, and most women think so too, so they get angry, thinking your thinking they are a slut. Of course, personally, I think someone who is able to have sex on the first date is brave and avant garde.

MSD

It's practical, not desperate. Either you go out to a bar, spend money on cover and drinks, and hope to find someone looking to hook up, or you hop onto a dating site and find someone who's looking for the same thing as you without all the bullshit and expensive drinks.

Take a look at a few OKCupid profiles. You can check off a box in the "Looking for" list that says "Casual Sex," but there's also a filter on the search that lets you exclude those people. But look again and you'll see that almost everyone on the site has checked "Long term dating" and "short term dating." That second one pretty much means the same thing as casual sex. Some have also checked "activity partners," which sounds really dirty.

greenisthename

You shouldn’t have to play games, if only you’d grow a pair. There is no way out of escaping who you are, so then why do you try to run away from exactly that when dating someone? Out of the nervousness to impress, because honestly terrifies you? The problem is no ones got any guts, except when they’ve drunk far too much, and suddenly the beer and the vodka and cocktails and jack have inspired them to say it as they see it.

I advise all of you to throw more caution to the wind, be more direct. If you want to know if they smoke pot, want kids, fuck unicorns, want a fuck, want a long-term thing, then it’s quite simple, ask the questions. Chances are if you stick with them long enough you’ll find all that out anyway but by then you’ll have a hard time escaping, because your more invested yet terribly unsatisfied as the relationship isn’t meeting your needs and desires, and if you’re honest with yourself it never had. Do you even ask yourself what you’re looking for, and do you come up with any answers?

Maybe it’s risky to be upfront, as you could scare your date off if you blurt out ‘fancy a fuck?’ over a candle lit meal, but then it’s your own damn fault for being so bad with words. Just say what you want, in the right way and what’s the harm? The worst that could happen is that it turns out the other person doesn’t want the same things, but in that case you just move your little self on. Or low and behold, they just might, you never know and you never will if you don’t say what you want. But if you don’t ask you certainly don’t get, and you’ll be stuck playing a guessing game in your masquerade. Everyone is so afraid to expose himself or herself, man.

So yeah, you just sit back and quit asking for anything you actually want and tell me you don’t feel cheap.

I mean seriously ask yourself, who were you before you suddenly got embarrassed of it?

It’s not rocket science.

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"You have to want it, because it’s you. Because it’s all you are… Not for fame or money or anything like that. It has to be a part of you."