66mustang

Being diabetic, I was asking about getting an insulin pump, and somehow the doctor went back in her mind to when I had to have a complete panel of STD testing done because of a cheating spouse, and instead of an insulin pump, wrote me a prescription for an erectile distinction penis pump. What a case of mix up, and what a case of confusion when I got to the drugstore.

flat5

Funny.

In 1969...I think...I had to have a government psychiatric review. I had to see a shrink.
There was a wait. Finally it was my turn. I opened the door and started to walk in.

At the other end of a long room the doctor asked, "How are you"?
I said," What do you mean?"
The doctor said, "Next".

The doctor wrote that I was paranoid.

zenda

My first prostate exam. Unplugged.


I'd visited my doctor to get feedback on a sleep-study test she had organized. I mentioned in passing that I was at the age where Prostate exams seem to be supposed to be happening and what should I do to arrange one.

I did not expect her reply: " ......... Pants ........... Couch .......... Now ......"
I was suddenly in a spin

" ......... Pants ........... Couch .......... Now ......"
I was, however, the one who'd brought up the subject.

So Pants/Couch/Now. OK.
She drew a modesty curtain round the couch "I'll come in when you are ready" ... and I was alone with My PantsCouchNow thoughts. Ringing round my head, they were ... PantsCouchNow!

Pants ...... Pants off. OK. And ... Well, I suppose I better clamber on that Couch ... erm .. ?? ... hmmmm ...... well ... All Fours and Bottoms Up? I suppose so. Yup. Nowww. So my pants were on the floor and my T shirt was pulled up over my shoulder blades.
I decided I needed a stable base, because it would be SO ... wrong ... if I were wiggling when she did her work. Therefore I pushed my face into the pillow, braced my elbows and knees stiffly and arched my back. I was a statue.

Well, eventually I heard the swish of the curtain behind me, then a gasp. I turned my head to look at her over my shoulder, and smiled.

She turned away and went into a kind of dancing coughing fit.

By the way ... I'm English, and therefore trained in the way of Ruddy Hard Kipling: "If you can keep your head when all about are losing theirs." I felt I had to do something, so I said in my best modulated voice "I am ready for you now, Doctor"

The coughing fit got worse, her hands and forearm obscured her entire face, but she approached. Her voice, broken and kind of ... kind of yelping .... and shaky. "I said I want you .... to ...... Lie on your SIDE"

I had not heard that the first time ... I had only ever caught "PantsCouchNow" .. and I sure as merry heck did not hear it this second time, because my earlier Internal Chant had been replaced by [dalek]I am READY for the DOCTOR.[/dalek]
I thought she'd said something like "I'm by your side." - some reassuring bedside-manner thing.

I might as well have been Deaf. I just nodded.
She took matters into her own hands and pushed with her full weight against the side of my ass with intent to tip me over.
I made a sheep-on-the-edge-of-the-cliff sound and pushed hard against her because I did not know what she wanted and I was trying to keep my balance. She doubled her efforts, and I collapsed out of my 'crouching-tiger unhidden-butt' position too quickly for her to retain her balance. She sprawled on top of me.

Within two seconds each of us regained positions more appropriate for a professional relationship. In a halting voice, she said I needn't have taken my pants all the way off and that she wanted me on my side. That was my moment of Dawning Awareness and heartfelt 'Oops.' I choked back my OMG and apologised graciously with "I'm SO sorry ... heck you opened the curtains and ... ah ... I can just imagine what you must have seen .. I'm SO sor..." .. And that set her off again. Indeed, we both yelped and coughed for the rest of the examination.

The news was good, and on the way home, my inner chant was the sound of her voice: 'Your Prostate is nice and firm and even ... it is like a Walnut.'
Some people say the nicest things.

ellie

zenda, that was absolutely and positively one of the most entertaining posts I've read in a very long time lol!

redwolf

No one will be able to top that one Zenda.

klonnie bomber

i had to go to the ER for what ended up being pneumonia and i was hooked up to all the leads. i kept asking if i could use the bathroom and they said no, so i took the leads off and went. they mustve smacked together ( which shows fibrillation) and when i returned they had a crash cart and a resuscitate team waiting to revive me. needless to say they were all pissed off.

__________________
nobody beats me in my backyard

Craven Morehead

I was ice skating and blew out my right ankle requiring a visit to the ER. My fiance took me. While lying in the exam room, the x-ray tech walks in. She was an old girlfriend who I had not seen in years. Evidently she had no idea I was engaged nor that my fiance was just outside. As she is talking to me about what happened she began to stroke my inner thigh. And I am having the appropriate male reaction. So here I am, an ankle that felt like there was an ax buried in it, a hot nurse that would be willing to ease my pain, the perfect Letters to Penthouse setting. Except that I was engaged and my wife to be was outside the room. I had descended into Hell.

Zeraph

The only things I've had at doctors offices is long waits >< (and they still ask you to get their early...I have never once been taken early).

Hotmnkyluv

When I lived in CA there was this corner store run by a very nice Korean couple.
They had all the normal corner grocery items, some Asian specialty items, and the woman who ran the place had a hothouse where she grew (and sold) orchids.
They didn't speak much English but it was quaint, cheap, and the old man would actually deliver small purchases.

On our 5 week anniversary I called in and spoke to the missus about delivering a handful of white orchid blossoms to my GF as a symbol of my pure love for her.

She tearfully broke up with me that night over the phone and it was 2 weeks before I found out that the reason was my 'anniversary' present...

A wooden orchid box.
And a 5 pound bag of white flour.

rimshot

On my way in an elevator to see a Doctor, a group of older ladies got on. I was standing next to one when a phone rang and a loud voice said 'Have You Been Saved?" I was startled and said "What the hell was that?" She looked at me and made the sign of the cross. She said to the other ladies who had come in the elevator with her. "Help me save him!" Now all four of the ladies had opened some sort of prayer book and were wailing and chanting aloud in the elevator. When I got off they followed me into the hallway and down toward the Doctors office. By this time I am almost running to get away from these people and ducked into the first Dr's door that I came to. It was a doctor who was practicing OBGYN. I asked the receptionest if I could stay a while. All the women in the office were looking at me with all the ladies praying out loud around me. I was getting all kind of strange looks. Finally the receptionest took pity on me and took me into another room. I must admit I sat there and shook for a while. This was my first meeting with the Southern Baptists of the south. The only thing missing was cool ade. (For me , not for them)

OzziBoy

First post and I decide to post in this one

One day, working in the city, I had run out of my anti-depressant medication. It had been a few days and I really needed to get back on them (was starting to get headaches, etc.)

So, I looked up the directory and found a doctor in the city near my work. I ran out at lunchtime and fronted up to the receptionist. She had me fill in a little form with my name and details.

As I sad in the waiting room, the other patients there were looking at me quite strangely. Finally, after what felt like hours, the doc called me in.

"So, what can I do for you?"
"Well, I've run out of my anti-depressants. Here's a box of what I'm taking. I just need a new script so I can buy some more."
"So, what do you want me to do about it?"
"Um, well, could you write me out a script?"
"No. I'm a breast surgeon, not a GP (General Practitioner)"
"Oh, it didn't say that in the phone directory. You are a doctor aren't you? Can't you just write me a script?"
"No. I can't, sorry. Unless you want me to do something with your breasts, you'll have to go see someone else."

...and then I walked out, very careful to check what type of doctor someone is before visiting.

---------- Post added at 10:55 PM ---------- Previous post was at 10:54 PM ----------

That's hilarious! But I must ask, did you end up getting back together?

genuinegirly

Thanks for making me laugh! You are all such good storytellers. I have never had such hilarious things happen to me.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

ellie

I just laughed so hard I choked.