Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > Chatter > General Discussion


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 09-19-2008, 05:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Jozrael's Avatar
 
Bringing up your past.

Alright, so I'll use my current example as a way to jumpstart this topic. I just had this posted in my blog earlier today:



Ok, so this random guy from Facebook adds me and is like 'What up dude? Been awhile.'

Me: Er...do I know you?

Him: You are the Charlie Roselius that attended Kinnelon HS, right?

Me: Erm...yes. But I don't know you @_@.

Him: Ouch man. I hoped I wouldn't be THAT forgettable. (Goes on to describe himself). But if you still don't recognize me, that's fine. Remove me and I wish you the best.

So I add him, guessing that I'll be able to recognize him from pics.

Then realize that he said he graduated in 77.

And realize he must be talking about my uncle (my namesake).

Said uncle died of AIDs when I was about 2. Basically, my whole family thinks I would've been thick as thieves with this guy if he'd still been around. I miss the guy without having ever known him.

So this...I dunno. I've talked about my uncle in the past, but meeting someone who might've been his friend...who could tell me a bit about the man he was...I dunno.

I hurt inside a bit right now and I'm not sure why.





However, he's recently responded with a much longer comment giving me some cool info on my uncle, so it's not as raw right now. To you TFP, I ask, do people ever come along and unknowingly dig up something in the past which could hurt a bit? Share some stories as well =).
Jozrael is offline  
Old 09-19-2008, 06:02 PM   #2 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Hell yes, and it happened on Facebook.

A couple weeks ago I got a friend request from a name I didn't recognize. When I clicked to see the profile, it was her. The girl I broke up with before I graduated from high school. She has a new name, see--every time I've googled her, I've used the wrong name and found nothing. And now here she was.

Here's the thing: I was embarrassed at the time about how I treated her at the end. And I did it anyway. I was needlessly cruel, and left her feeling used and cheap. It was a majorly low thing, probably in the top two or three things in my life I wish I could take back. It was a long time before I could really give myself in my next relationship (which was with lurkette) because what I decided about myself there was that I couldn't be trusted with people, that I hurt people.

And now she's friending me.

It took me about four hours to click "accept" and write her a message. The subject line of the message was "Wow."

She came right back with a message that was so HER, you know? Cheerful and happy and full of life, always. Gave me the high-level overview of what she's been up to since I did what I did. And you know? It's been an amazing life. She's lived overseas. She was a White House intern. She passed the Foreign Service exam and nearly got hired but for a stupidly minor health issue. Happily married, got a great daughter. In my ratbastid-centric view of the world, I left her a broken husk of a human being who could never move on. So much for that.

So I asked her if we could talk in person. And when we do (and, really, you've got to picture me with her number dialed, and my finger hovering over the "send" button for about fifteen minutes...), a few days later, she's JUST like I remember her. Talking a million miles a minute, full of stories and fun and light. She gives me some more details from the (we do the math) 17 years since we were last together. Asks me what I've been up to.

I say, "Listen, I'd love to go through all that, and I will, but first I just have to say--and this is the reason I asked to talk to you... I just really need to apologize for how I was with you at the end of our relationship."

She says, "Oh. Wow. I wondered if that was why you wanted to talk."

I say, "Yeah, well, it's been a weight on me for a long time, and I just really want to say I'm sorry."

She says, "Well, we were young."

I say, "Yeah, no, you know what? I was operating at a pretty low level even for a high school senior."

She says, "Yeah... It wasn't ideal."

I say, "No. Look. It sucked. And you deserved better. What I'm trying to say is, I apologize for being careless with your heart. Can you forgive me?"

And she says, "Of course I do. Of course."

So now, since then, we're sending messages on Facebook like, "Hey, have you been completely unable to listen to THIS song for the last 17 years? OMG! Me too!" Suddenly she's a good friend, and we have a friendship among grown-ups, and all the sweetness and fun that was there in our relationship is a pool of memories we can dip into together. And I feel like I've put down a heavy weight that I'd forgotten I was carrying, and it's completely amazing.
ratbastid is offline  
Old 09-19-2008, 06:05 PM   #3 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Jozrael's Avatar
 
Wow. How cool. It's great to be able to reach back in time and heal a regret, however you accomplish it. Here's to your continued friendship!
Jozrael is offline  
Old 09-19-2008, 06:18 PM   #4 (permalink)
Upright
 
Location: Houston
Wow! That's like a perfect ending!
maybird is offline  
Old 09-19-2008, 06:20 PM   #5 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
Whoa, interesting stories!

I used to play in the jazz band back in high school. I was also a cocky SOB in high school. Recently, I was grabbing a burrito from Burritozilla down town and ran into someone that I basically took under my wing in the jazz band. He'd grown up, just like me, but seeing him reminded me of what an asshat I had often been back then. After the pleasantries and a bit of catching up, I basically just laid it all out.

(paraphrasing) "Look, I acted like a complete ass back in high school. I want you to know that now, since I've had a bit of time to reflect, I'm really sorry if I ever mistreated you. My intention was to help you to enjoy jazz band, just like I did, but my behavior was and is inexcusable. I'm really sorry."

After he picked his jaw off the floor, he forgave me and explained that there were some people he was still in contact with that I might want to apologize to. It was a rough couple of days, but I felt absolutely weightless afterward. I'm friends with most of them now.
Willravel is offline  
Old 09-24-2008, 09:52 AM   #6 (permalink)
Yarp.
 
Dammitall's Avatar
 
Ratbastid, I wish so much that I could have the same kind of reconciliation with my high school ex. I keep feeling like I will bump into her someday and I know that if it happens it will be when I least expect it... which is why I need to stop wondering about it all the time.

About two years ago I saw someone on the metro that looked exactly like her, and it totally freaked me out.
__________________
If one million people replaced a two mile car trip once a week with a bike ride, carbon dioxide emissions would be reduced by 50,000 tons per year. If one out of ten car commuters switched to a bike, carbon dioxide emissions would be reduced by 25.4 million tons per year. [2milechallenge.com]

Quote:
Originally Posted by roachboy View Post
it's better if you can ride without having to wonder if the guy in the car behind you is a sociopath, i find.
Dammitall is offline  
Old 09-24-2008, 10:29 AM   #7 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
 
Cynthetiq's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
I have done that IRL without the aid of Facebook so far with 2 other former girlfriends. I'm going to meet up with a 3rd which did come up on Facebook, mostly because again, we've figured out who we are much better than before.

It's part of deepening relationships and forgiving oneself for misdeeds. But if it doesn't happen, that's also part of the process.
__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
Cynthetiq is offline  
Old 09-24-2008, 11:45 AM   #8 (permalink)
Life's short, gotta hurry...
 
Grancey's Avatar
 
Location: land of pit vipers
Last week I got an email from a former high school classmate who looked me up on Facebook. He wasn't sure if I was who he thought I was, so he was just checking. I haven't responded yet. I'm just not sure I want to go back there. Some people are best left in high school.
__________________
Quiet, mild-mannered souls might just turn out to be roaring lions of two-fisted cool.
Grancey is offline  
Old 09-24-2008, 03:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
 
abaya's Avatar
 
Location: Iceland
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jozrael View Post
So this...I dunno. I've talked about my uncle in the past, but meeting someone who might've been his friend...who could tell me a bit about the man he was...I dunno.

I hurt inside a bit right now and I'm not sure why.
Well, it doesn't happen unknowingly... it happens every time I am in Iceland and have to deal with my Icelandic family here, all of whom knew my father (who died in a commercial fishing accident before I was born) and could tell me about "the man he was," but because they're all closed-up, emotionally-retarded Scandinavian dickwads, they never will. Yes, it touches a nerve. I know exactly what you are talking about. I hurt inside a bit most of the time that I am here. It's one of the biggest reasons I am just a little bit on edge, all the time, in Iceland... and one reason that I need to leave.

You probably didn't need to know that, but your post hit close to home for me. Be glad that you have that person who could really tell you who your uncle was, without his own grief getting in the way.
__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

--Khalil Gibran
abaya is offline  
Old 09-24-2008, 04:45 PM   #10 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Jozrael's Avatar
 
Abaya, I'm sorry about that. While he sounded like a great guy, he's just an uncle. A man that could've grown up with me but certainly no replacement for a -father-. I'm sorry that's been wearing on you there <3.
Jozrael is offline  
Old 09-25-2008, 02:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
 
abaya's Avatar
 
Location: Iceland
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jozrael View Post
Abaya, I'm sorry about that. While he sounded like a great guy, he's just an uncle. A man that could've grown up with me but certainly no replacement for a -father-. I'm sorry that's been wearing on you there <3.
Oh, thanks Jozrael. I probably went off a little too much there, since it builds up over time. Just FYI, I have a stepdad and we are really close, and he's the only dad I know... he replaced my father just fine, as far as I'm concerned, but my Icelandic family doesn't always acknowledge that, either. It's just weird when people get so obsessed with "what could have been," that they can't even see the reality, especially when the reality is so positive. Nostalgia can be a very, very bad thing.
__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

--Khalil Gibran
abaya is offline  
 

Tags
bringing, past


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 11:30 PM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360