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Hell yes, and it happened on Facebook.
A couple weeks ago I got a friend request from a name I didn't recognize. When I clicked to see the profile, it was her. The girl I broke up with before I graduated from high school. She has a new name, see--every time I've googled her, I've used the wrong name and found nothing. And now here she was.
Here's the thing: I was embarrassed at the time about how I treated her at the end. And I did it anyway. I was needlessly cruel, and left her feeling used and cheap. It was a majorly low thing, probably in the top two or three things in my life I wish I could take back. It was a long time before I could really give myself in my next relationship (which was with lurkette) because what I decided about myself there was that I couldn't be trusted with people, that I hurt people.
And now she's friending me.
It took me about four hours to click "accept" and write her a message. The subject line of the message was "Wow."
She came right back with a message that was so HER, you know? Cheerful and happy and full of life, always. Gave me the high-level overview of what she's been up to since I did what I did. And you know? It's been an amazing life. She's lived overseas. She was a White House intern. She passed the Foreign Service exam and nearly got hired but for a stupidly minor health issue. Happily married, got a great daughter. In my ratbastid-centric view of the world, I left her a broken husk of a human being who could never move on. So much for that.
So I asked her if we could talk in person. And when we do (and, really, you've got to picture me with her number dialed, and my finger hovering over the "send" button for about fifteen minutes...), a few days later, she's JUST like I remember her. Talking a million miles a minute, full of stories and fun and light. She gives me some more details from the (we do the math) 17 years since we were last together. Asks me what I've been up to.
I say, "Listen, I'd love to go through all that, and I will, but first I just have to say--and this is the reason I asked to talk to you... I just really need to apologize for how I was with you at the end of our relationship."
She says, "Oh. Wow. I wondered if that was why you wanted to talk."
I say, "Yeah, well, it's been a weight on me for a long time, and I just really want to say I'm sorry."
She says, "Well, we were young."
I say, "Yeah, no, you know what? I was operating at a pretty low level even for a high school senior."
She says, "Yeah... It wasn't ideal."
I say, "No. Look. It sucked. And you deserved better. What I'm trying to say is, I apologize for being careless with your heart. Can you forgive me?"
And she says, "Of course I do. Of course."
So now, since then, we're sending messages on Facebook like, "Hey, have you been completely unable to listen to THIS song for the last 17 years? OMG! Me too!" Suddenly she's a good friend, and we have a friendship among grown-ups, and all the sweetness and fun that was there in our relationship is a pool of memories we can dip into together. And I feel like I've put down a heavy weight that I'd forgotten I was carrying, and it's completely amazing.
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