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Old 09-07-2008, 09:21 AM   #41 (permalink)
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I was raised in a small town and had strong sense of belonging there. But when I grew up I moved on to cities, where I graduated. My attitude, outlook everything changed. My gf is from a different community and mother tongue. After so many years now I do not belong to my home town. Even when I go there I cant stay for long time. Very strange. I like the place but dont belong there any more.

The place where I lived until two months ago, I dont feel I belong there too. How ever after travelling a week or so it always felt so good and home once back. But it is all about the home we had. Our pets, house, bed, sofa, etc. But now we had moved to wa state.

I still dont feel belonging here... above all I hardly feel belonging to any certain community of people. How ever I always have nice time with friends, colleagues and even strangers during travel. But always kept distance with neighbors.
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Old 09-07-2008, 12:07 PM   #42 (permalink)
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I have always lived in the same area and so I'm not sure how I fit this question. But thinking about it a bit more, I realize that there was a time when I didn't feel I fit so well. I went to an international high school here, so I had quite a sheltered upbringing in terms of friends and school life. For that reason, I sometimes don't feel very portuguese. But I do remember some years ago when I travelled abroad, what I felt when I came back on the plane. I saw the Lisbon skyline, and the familiar monuments, the colourful buildings, the sea, and the light. And I felt an intense joy in my chest, and though "I'm so happy to be home, this is an amazing city and I love it!".

So I definitely feel at home here now and can appreciate it more. It helped when I started living in the real world. I still have moments of feeling like an outsider, but much less so these days.

I think that Portugal is a very welcoming place generally and people feel ta home very fast. This summer an old friend of mine who lives in England came out here for a visit. She hadn't been here in almost 10 years. She came with her new husband, and she loved it here and made several new friends. When she left, she cried. She's currently considering getting an apartment here to come for holidays regularly. So I think I'm quite lucky actually.

Though I often think that I'd love to live somewhere like New York or London, for a few years. Just for a change, and for the bustle of it all. It must be amazing for a time.
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Old 09-07-2008, 12:56 PM   #43 (permalink)
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I love colorado but the burbs aren't for me. My hometown in WA state had 30K people in it. I am not sure that bigger towns are my thing.
Plus, I love to cycle everywhere and living in car central is irritating.
Oddly enough while at the same time I long for a smaller town, I find the idea of living in the central portion of a city appealing due to not needing a car. Too bad the schools suck and crime is higher. That and being stuck in my current home is a negative. No way I could sell this for what I owe.
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Old 09-07-2008, 01:24 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Tucson? No way, its too hot for me

When I went to visit some relatives in Washington, that felt much better.
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Old 09-07-2008, 01:34 PM   #45 (permalink)
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I have always been comfortable where I live, felt at home. I have lived in Minnesota my entire life. The hometown has grown considerably since I was a child though still is considered a rather small town. Now, I live a little closer to "the cities" than I would like, it is definitely more convenient for shopping though. It can be a pain to have to drive 45 minutes to an hour to get to a decent grocery store etc., having a kid I would hate to be forced to spend so much time in transit. After she grows up, I can see myself considering to settle in an area giving me a little less traffic and a bit more privacy.
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Old 09-09-2008, 11:28 AM   #46 (permalink)
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I moved away from home about 4 years ago and family still thinks I am going to come back any day now. It is not going to happen. I belong where I am now.
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Old 09-15-2008, 04:25 AM   #47 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by little_tippler View Post
Though I often think that I'd love to live somewhere like New York or London, for a few years. Just for a change, and for the bustle of it all. It must be amazing for a time.
This is perfect. I heard from Hal that you live by the beach. That's what I've always dreamed about. Maybe you and I could swap. I'm sure you will have a blast living with Hal here in New York and I will have a blast by the beach

Let's swap lives for a year or so
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:09 AM   #48 (permalink)
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When I first moved to the NYC area in 1991, I bought a round trip ticket with the departure date 1 year from when I arrived. I figured if I hadn't conquered living in NYC by that time, I'd have a ride back to LA.

When that year came, I wasn't any closer to being comfortable with NYC. I still had no friends, I did nothing but work 40-50 hour work weeks in the garment industry for very little pay. I was miserable. I listened to two songs all the time, Cat Stevens "Wild World" and Jim Croce's "New York's Not My Home"

By November 1992, I was no closer to having met any friends. For the second year, I decided that I was going to make a better effort to do more going out, trying to meet people. There was no internet, there was just well, actually going places and having to meet people. I worked more, got more responsiblity and worked 60-80 hour workweeks. I was frustrated. I even remember one night when there was a large deadline, I had my first date with someone that I had met somewhere and I just couldn't leave the office. I was working in tears. I was miserable and hating living in the NYC area.

One night over the Thanksgiving weekend, I got invited to hang out in a bar in the Village. I met a nice girl server who thought I should sit at her bar on Sunday nights. It was a start at meeting people and making friends.

But one day in 1993, on a trip back from visiting friends and family in LA, I was looking forward to getting back to NYC. It was that moment that I realized that there was a fundamental shift.

Now, when we travel, when I can see the skyline, bridges, or even our apartment building, sometimes I can feel tears almost well up from within me. I feel like I'm finally home.

Do you remember when you finally felt like you fit or integrated where you live?
I started college at NYU a few weeks before the 9/11 attack. I was dead set of going back to my home of Oregon. However, the attacks changed me and the city. I decided to stay after college, and I couldn't imagine living anywhere else. This city has everything a girl could need and more (except decent men), plus my job has been really good to me here.
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:17 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Yeah, no decent men anywhere. In NYC. Geez.
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:19 AM   #50 (permalink)
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Yeah, no decent men anywhere. In NYC. Geez.
None, that I have met. They are either egotistical, rude, married or gay.
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Old 09-15-2008, 06:40 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Shit! I'm 3 of those things!
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Old 09-15-2008, 07:01 AM   #52 (permalink)
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Shit! I'm 3 of those things!
lol, well I guess that happens.
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Old 09-17-2008, 03:45 PM   #53 (permalink)
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i've lived in central oregon for almost three years now. Before that, I was a Portland girl. I felt I belonged in Portland and suburbs for sure. It's a pretty quirky city and so am I. The public transportation is great and I felt comfortable as a pedistrian. I wasn't so sure if I fit in Central Oregon for a long while... and I feel I am finally acclimating to my environment. It's been a hard adjustment for me, even if it is only 3 1/2 hours from where I used to live (can you tell I don't venture out much? Imagine what it would be like for me if I moved to a different state or country... yikes). Central Oregon is very outdoorsy, and I don't like the culture as much as Portland. People seem more stand offish, uptight, and snobby here. I don't like that. While I love the outdoors, I didn't feel like I fit in because I don't get out much. That has changed.. I joined a walking/hiking group and am able to appreciate all the different nature areas around here! I love it. Still not as comfortable with the culture in general, but in terms of being outdoors oriented, I am MUCH more comfortable. I feel this is a pretty good step for me...
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Old 09-17-2008, 05:48 PM   #54 (permalink)
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Location: Washington, D.C.
I think that finding the right place to live is a lot like finding the career or person (or both) of your dreams. There are places like New York City (and I name it because it was this for me) that are analogous to professions like doctor or lawyer or business person - the kinds of places that lots of people like to tell you are somehow more important or better or more challenging than other places. But just like what you decide to do to pay the rent and put food in your belly, it is a very personal thing and I am convinced that there are certain preferences imprinted on us. I spent five years trying to prove I could make it in NYC (to whom, I don't even know) and if I had stayed there, I'm sure I could have made it work on a basic level (career, apartment, friends, relationships). Yet it could never give me what I needed. For some people, it is exactly what they need.

I often feel as if I was always meant to live here in the DC area. When I moved here, a lot of buried memories of my interests as a child came back to me. I had a lot of books about historical places here on the east coast, American history, and the federal government. I had a fake Constitution and quill that my sister brought me after visiting here and I held onto it for over a decade. I officially started hating my classmates and the town I lived in when the Close Up DC program that 8th graders went on every year was canceled the year that would have brought me here because there was not enough interest. I even remember pleading with many of my friends to sign up so that I could go, but I couldn't get a one of them to want it and I just knew in that moment that I needed to get the hell out of Los Angeles. One kid, sounding way too proud of himself, even said, "Nahhhhh, too much structure. I'd rather stay here and ditch class and do what I want."

I guess I try to pretend I'm impartial because I study geography and there are things to like and dislike about every place, but secretly, I love it here and I know it will always be my home even if move away next year and never have a chance to live here again. I even complain about a lot of things here (since I live in a suburb on the wrong side of DC where there are all kinds of silly regulations on things like alcohol), but it's in the way that one complains about a loved one leaving their dirty socks out. Sure, dirty socks on the floor are gross, but who cares when you're in love?
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Old 09-24-2008, 02:49 PM   #55 (permalink)
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Yes, completely!

Especially when I am driving across the Bay Bridge into SF. It's such a lovely sight driving over the bay, the city looks so magical.

I have always loved the Bay Area. No matter where I have lived or visited, this has always seemed like home.
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Old 09-27-2008, 05:53 AM   #56 (permalink)
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I've moved around so damn much, by the time I feel barely part of the group, I end up leaving. I've been so many places and acquired bits and pieces of habits and views from so many places (which may sound like I'm bragging. I'm not) I never feel like I fit in.
I feel like an alien on my own damn planet.
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Old 05-18-2011, 07:17 AM   #57 (permalink)
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Location: Oregon
I am so comfortable in this town now (3 years after my first response) that the idea of leaving it is unpleasant. I know it will have to happen sometime; it's likely my husband won't be able to find work here and we will have to relocate. While he has applied for jobs everywhere, there are definitely preferred places on my list because I either know people already in those places, or feel like they have communities I would like to be a part of. Take Seattle, for example. I already have friends and family up there, and I've always found it an easy city to be in. I wouldn't mind Bend, Oregon either; Bend has a really awesome ultimate frisbee community that is very welcoming and friendly.

I vacillate between a desire to leave (this is the longest I've ever lived in one place) and a desire to stay (this is the best place I've ever lived).
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Old 05-19-2011, 09:21 PM   #58 (permalink)
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No, the people are way different, I don't fit naturally, though I get by.
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Old 05-21-2011, 07:43 AM   #59 (permalink)
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Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge
I feel I belong in the Twin Cities of Minnesota, but I haven't felt at home since my ex kicked me out.
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Old 05-28-2011, 10:08 PM   #60 (permalink)
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Without a doubt, I feel most at home in Honolulu.
However, I dont live there.
Instead I currently live in a burb, having moved x1 month from PDX.
Not at all do I feel at home here. I miss a city and the camraderie.
Im making do though, carrying on eand being brave. Mastering the art.
Along with a little whining and dancing.
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Old 05-29-2011, 07:34 PM   #61 (permalink)
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Location: Where morons reign supreme
I still hate Utah (as does hubby), but we haven't managed to leave yet. We're still plotting our escape.
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Old 05-29-2011, 08:48 PM   #62 (permalink)
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I moved here in August of 2006 and I would say it took no more than a month or so for me to feel very comfortable here. That said, the first year was a bit lonely as my family was still in Toronto but what that year did was give me time to adjust to my new job and to explore my new city. As a result, many of my friends who've lived here all their lives say that I know the transit system and the city's layout better than they do (most ask me for direction if they need to get somewhere they've never been).

I still don't feel entirely up to speed on the local politics and I am certainly still on a learning curve when it comes to many cultural practises. The cool thing is that there is, despite the locals insistence that their country is boring, so much to learn and do.
I am now in my fifth year of living in Singapore and I have to say, I still feel at home here.

The one thing that kind of sucks, living abroad, is that when you make friends with others who live abroad, they frequently move away. We have had a few of our friends leave over the last three years and another batch is getting ready to leave this summer. It sucks.

Regardless, I still love this place.
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Old 05-30-2011, 01:46 AM   #63 (permalink)
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I am now in my fifth year of living in Singapore and I have to say, I still feel at home here.

The one thing that kind of sucks, living abroad, is that when you make friends with others who live abroad, they frequently move away. We have had a few of our friends leave over the last three years and another batch is getting ready to leave this summer. It sucks.

Regardless, I still love this place.
Im the other resident expat here, and i moved to DXB in february 2007. Like Charlatan, i too moved here alone for the first 10 months before my family came to be with me. I also did a lot of travel in those times, and got to know the city really well, so much so that i too give people directions to get to places. After a few years under your belt, you become an old dog in a city where there's always people coming and leaving.

I loved this place. I still do. It was quite difficult to get used to when i first arrived, because Sydney is starkly different in the way it is run, even though i am from a middle eastern and muslim background. I found it difficult to adjust. I know, it sounds ironic, but its true.

But after a while you fall in the pattern and you hit your stride. There's still much i dont like about this place, but there's a hell of a lot going for it to balance it out. you cant like everything about a place. It truely is a cosmopolitan city, with an emerging lifestyle, but it still needs some work, like most other countries.

It seems like i too will be on the next batch home this summer, after a 4.5 year stint, i have to say that i loved it. It gave me the opportunity to grow as a person, grow professionally, and discover things about myself and my interests that i had forgotten. I could say this place has wisened me up, by letting me become the individual ive become, and that is a good thing.

Sydney will always be home, but im afraid that i wont recognize it, or it wont recognize me. Either way, if we cant get along, ill most likely move out here again, or somewhere else exciting. Heck, maybe ill be charlatans neighbour one day. who knows
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