Jinn

How do you spark up a lasting conversation with someone you already know?

When you first meet someone, there are tons of things to learn about them;
You can ask about their favorite things, politics, religion, education, families, job, relationship status, choice in music and movies, take on current events, opinion about people you know, what classes they’re taking (if they’re in college), or even the event that caused your meeting (party, etc). I think that having a strong desire to learn about other people is the most important part of being a good conversationalist.

I think this availability of topics is the reason I like meeting new people so much; there is so much to talk about, so much to learn about them. But it has a downside.

The people I already know, my “good friends,” get harder to talk to. I already know their favorite things, their religion and politics, education, job and relationship status. The only thing that comes to mind to speak to is what’s happened since I saw them last. If they’re a really good friend, it probably hasn’t been very long since I saw them last, so there’s not much to talk about.

My best friends are probably the ones who have very active lives; one day they’re here, the next day they’re playing bongos in a bar in Spain. The next day they’re thinking about buying a house in Morocco. Those are the people who you can talk and listen to for a few hours each time you see them, because so many things have happened in your absence.

SO – TFP: How do you talk to your “good” friends? Even in the case of friends I haven’t seen in months, I refresh myself on what their NEW jobs are, who their NEW relationships are with, and I’m at an impasse. What now?

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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Plan9

Completely random topics always amuse.

I talk to my best friend about tampons, midgets how they have their own special products, and organic food issues in the same conversation.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

abaya

Deep psychological analysis of any and every aspect of themselves AND (the real jackpot) their relationships, including their sex lives. I'm convinced that this is pretty much what drives the majority of female conversations in the world... seems pretty common in my world, at least. I have some girlfriends with whom I find it very easy to talk for several hours a day, every day. That has gone back to high school, and hasn't changed since. But I think women do have it a bit easier in the conversational-lube aspect of socialization.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Plan9

You women talk about sex all day? I KNEW IT.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Issmmm

quit talking and do stuff. That's what us guys do.

abaya

Well, the ones who can handle it, that is. One of my best friends would jump out the window if I used the word "sex" in conversation (and we can still talk for hours without that coming up)--she's still a virgin, of course. I wouldn't dare give her a vibrator for Christmas, as I did with another close friend.

One of my other good friends is just as much in the gutter as I am, and sex is definitely a frequent topic of conversation. Discussing our methods for getting off, how great anal is, opinions of threesomes, how the birth control's going, etc. It's all pretty objective, but I like having a friend with whom I can use the word "cunt" on a regular basis without either of us blinking twice about it.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Halx

I'm not a conversationalist. I'm a discusser. I only feel comfortable discussing and debating and figuring out. I also love arguing. These things keep me going forever.

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Seagull

Football

Or the weather

or "fancy a pint"

Can't go wrong there

telekinetic

I talk to my friends about sex, cars, and politics more than anything else lately. Most of my acquantaince-level conversations are about cars, though.

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twisted no more

Plan9

Wow, I wasn't expecting that response. Nice.

...

Eh, I'm a discusser as well. Probably why I like the TFP more than my unborn children or even life itself.

I feel like human communication exchanges should be like building a barn or playing chess or a wrestling match... something combative.

__________________
Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Infinite_Loser

'Hello' generally works. Everything else just falls into place from there.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.

snowy

My roommate and I talk a lot about current events. We talk about the games we both play. We talk about stories from high school that the other might not have heard. Sometimes we talk about philosophy and politics. The outdoors and skiing is a common topic of conversation lately.

My best girlfriend and I talk about our newest bad habits, sex, masturbation, our boyfriends, our families, what everyone in her family is up to and what we think of it, the last article of clothing we purchased, food, and upcoming and past social events. My best guy friend is her boyfriend, and we talk about my best girlfriend, his family, politics, porn, what's been on TV lately, what movies we've seen recently, all things remotely related to weed, games, work, sports, what other people are up to, sex, my boyfriend, and my roommate. Occasionally we get into deep philosophical discussions. These are usually brought on by exposure to alcohol.

My SO and I talk about video games, sex, cartoons, politics, religion, vegetarianism, food, things we'd like to do to our house, places we'd like to go to, things we'd like to do, things we are doing to our house, places we are going to/have been to, and things we are doing or have done.

Almost all of these conversation topics are interchangeable with another person out of the four I mentioned, but I probably wouldn't talk politics with my best girlfriend, simply because she's entirely apathetic.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

World's King

Exposing your genitals always works.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Nisses

Living in your own little world WK, thought I expect it's nice in there

Eh, books, sex, work, pets, weather, news, politics, movies, food, holidays are coming up, etc.

Plans for the future, tips and tricks you picked up while working/doing your hobby-stuff, ...

I'm gonna go with "whatever pops in my head, it's nice to be able to talk and straighten stuff out in your head while doing it".

I suppose I use my friends like other people use a psychiatrist?

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Moderation should be moderately moderated.

abaya

Nice for you, not so nice for your friends!! I only say that because many of my girlfriends tend to rely on me instead of talking to a professional (a grave error on their part, if you ask me ). Of course, that also depends on me allowing them to vent to me, which I do, for the most part.

But still... one of the things that got me into counseling was when a friend of mine got tired of being my own personal sounding board and told me that my friends deserved better treatment than that. Ever since then, I've reduced the amount of psychoanalysis I do with my girlfriends (although they have only seemed to increase their own since then).

Just my two cents about that kind of conversation going on too long...

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Shauk

heh, I talk about creative endeavors that fall in to what my friends like to do. I have a friend who wants to direct his own movies, so i tie that in with me saying i can provide original music for him, or teach him how to make his own. Vice versa, he can offer me to make music videos or cover art (he's a bit of an artist)

My ex on the other hand has no idea what she wants to do with her life, so she just acts like a supporter/cheerleader for whatever I wanna do. If I have a show, she'll support, if I make a track, she'll listen and give me feedback. it's a bit one sided and I've mentioned that before but she doesn't seem to mind.

I dunno I could go on all day about the different give and take for long lasting friendships but cmon...

Illuminaire

It depends on the friend, but there's always random crap to talk about, like what's on TV at the moment, or what's going on with that weird guy in the wheelchair across the street.

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"Noteable and witty quotes go here."

Fotzlid

all my friends are co-workers so we're always talking shop.
sports are a common topic too. especially since the Sox and Pats have been doing so well lately.

SaltPork

so you like to expose others genitals to spark conversation? interesting. I will have to try that...though only with members of the opposite sex. It would just be weird to expose another man's junk to spark conversation...just sayin'.

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It was like that when I got here....I swear.

Infinite_Loser

^Not really. I think "My penis is bigger than yours! See...?" would generate TONS of conversation.

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I believe in equality; Everyone is equally inferior to me.