Redlemon

(I swear this thread already existed somewhere on TFP, but I can't find it. Mods, please merge if anyone can locate the original.)

Do you have a talent that goes beyond mere ability? Do you possess a superpower? Does it have any particular use?

I just realized that I possess a superpower. I can cause seeds to spontaneously generate in clementines. These are supposed to be seedless, but somehow I (and only I) can cause the seeds to appear. In the clementine I ate yesterday, a single segment contained 5 seeds! My wife and son never get seeds in theirs.



I challenge anyone out there to reveal a less-useful superpower.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

kurty[B]

I confirmed this weekend that alcohol does not cause other people I'm around to have hangovers the next morning, but I actually cause people to have severe hangovers.

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In the Absence of Information People Make Things Up.

ShaniFaye

I can fold sheets all by myself, even the bottom sheet...all while im standing up

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I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Jetée

I can tell time.


EDIT: Oh, that is, without the aid of any analog/digital components, I just guess at various times during the day, or when I wake up after a nap, and 7 times out of eleven, I pinpoint the time within a few minutes(usually less than ten). This is especially helpful since the only time-telling devices I own are my laptop(when on) and the daily news on TV.

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As human beings, our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world (that is the myth of the Atomic Age) as in being able to remake ourselves.

—Mohandas K. Gandhi

LazyBoy

I can cause utter disaster, by just showing up

-Will

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Life is nothing, everything.....and something in between...

Plan9

Always having zip ties and duct tape.

People think I'm amazing for carrying them.

Turns out they're really useful items.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Willravel

I can tell what people are wearing just by chatting with them.

roachboy

my favorite superpower was possessed by a guy i knew in ithaca whose job it was to kill baby chickens that failed to mutate in the course of genetics laboratory experiments and who carried a complete baseball diamond and equipment for two baseball teams around in the trunk of his car. at all times.

"because you never know when a baseball game might break out," he once explained, "it pays to be prepared."

my superpower lay in meeting people like this.

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a gramophone its corrugated trumpet silver handle
spinning dog. such faithfulness it hear

it make you sick.

-kamau brathwaite

abaya

I can parallel park in any tight spot, with a stick shift, on a steep city hill... without doing damage to my car or the ones in front/back of me. (Light touching of the bumpers does not count.)

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Plan9

"Mutate, damn you! MUTATE!" *SMASH*

This guy should run for President. Seriously. Absolutely amazing story.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

BadNick

Contrary to popular beliefs that one sock from a pair will eventually permanently disappear while doing laundry, I ALWAYS find the missing sock.

But by that time, the other one that was not lost is lost and I don't have that particular superpower yet.

BadNick

...

ring

I have an uncanny ability to calm hysteria where ever it may rear.

ratbastid

You also possess the ability to eyeball unlikely fractions...

Rekna

I have the ability to identify the line that should not be crossed in conversation and cross it faster than a Mexican running across the border.

World's King

I can turn the nicest person in the world into a complete asshole by just saying, "Excuse me, can I get more iced-tea please."

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

Plan9

My superpower? It burns when I pee.

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

ngdawg

Many years ago, the NY Daily News Sunday magazine had a weekly contributors' page and this very question was asked. This was my 3rd place winner(I got a tshirt):

I have the amazing ability to find any short line in any store or bank and, simply by standing in it, make it come to a complete halt. I do not have to actually be at the point of service;merely going into line will cause complete stoppage. This power has been known to last as long as 20 minutes.

Dtamr

I have the incredible power to uncontrollably spell words with my hands with I get very nervous. Makes for very fast signing, but the deaf people I know make fun of me for it, haha. It's still awesome. People think that I am flipping them off when I do it.

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E fuhtan ruf syho baubma femm ihtancdyht drec saccyka?

Sion

I have the amazing and unerring ability to find porn where-ever it may be hidden.

take me to the house (that I've never been in) of someone that I've never met and IF there is porn there, I'll be viewing it within an hour, usually within 10 minutes...

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He's the best, of course, of all the worst.
Some wrong been done, he done it first. -fz

I jus' want ta thank you...falettinme...be mice elf...agin...

Psycho Dad

I have the power to take no for an answer. This isn't something I was born able to handle. But events in my life revealed this power to me and I've been able to harness this power to prevent disappointments.

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Don't always trust the opinions of experts.

squeeeb

i can find a good parking spot, and i always have exact change.

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onward to mayhem!

Baraka_Guru

Under the influence of my uncontrollable supervillainy, my superpower takes form when I wreak havoc on lineups. Something always goes wrong in the line I choose. I bend circumstance with my mind! Either someone ahead of me takes waaaay too long in comparison to the average or what is acceptable, or something goes horribly wrong at a till or information desk.

The severity of the incident is usually, if not always, measured at an inverse proportion to the relative unobtrusiveness of my patronage.

I'm deceptive like that.

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Luke Cage

I can fart the tune to the Star Spangled Banner.

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I saw this wino, he was eating grapes. I was like, "Dude, you have to wait." ~ Mitch Hedberg

Plan9

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Whatever you can carry.

"You should not drink... and bake."

Craven Morehead

I am now fully toilet trained.

casual user

i have this awesome thing where i inadvertantly say the most hilarious things of all time

Fotzlid

i have that superpower too PLUS the person directly in front of me will be paying by check.

my other ability is i can cause complete strangers to hit jackpots on slot machines. doesnt work for anyone i know, just strangers.

Hain

I have the power to make brand new light bulbs burn dead whenever it is least convenient.

Also, no matter what direction I face, I can make make it windy coming from behind me.

inBOIL

I have the ability to kill landscaping plants with my mind, simply by willing them to live. The reverse is also one of my powers. I can sustain the life of any ugly, rotting, half-dead tree, for a decade or longer, merely by wishing it to fall down.

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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you.

Mantus

tonight I've been discovered to have the uncanny power of asymmetrical groutious maximus calefaction.

analog

This only works in person (as in, not over the phone, not on the internet, etc), but I have an absolutely infallible bullshit detector. Even if we just met... I just need about 3 minutes of conversation before it kicks in. I can't be lied to or deceived. Again, this only works in person.

Mister Coaster

I have the power to say no to trendiness, fads, and all things popular in all of their forms. Wether it be fashion, tattoos, piercings, popular music, you name it. I think I may very well be the ONLY person at my workplace that doesn't have tattoos or piercings.

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If you have any poo... fling it NOW!

medlar

I can set a microwave timer to any given to any given interval, walk away and do something else, and come back within two seconds of the timer going off.

I can also beat the bog by peeing like a madman whilst flushing the toilet and finishing!

If I concentrate enough at bedtime, I can set my own internal clock!

I can make smokers' smoke come toward me and STAY around me, just like a magnetism for cats as well.

I can also tell when people make up their own superpowers

ItWasMe

That settles it. I am never wearing pajamas while in the chat room again.

I can make a neutral comment, such as "good morning" or "the sky is blue", and two people will argue with each other about it without involving me in their conversation.

I have the ability to make small children run away from me simply by holding a toothbrush or a pair of kids pajamas.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

Illuminaire

At work I'm told my superpower is that when I leave messages, people never call me back. And I mean NEVER.

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"Noteable and witty quotes go here."

dirtyrascal7

I can go nearly 2 minutes straight without thinking about sex (I'm a male).

Edit -- Apparently, I have the power to turn off other people's sarcasm detectors, simply by saying something sarcastic.

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"Tie yourself to your limitless potential, rather than your limiting past."

"Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him."

ItWasMe

No! Really?

I have the superpower to make 99% of the milk disappear from the milk jug, simply by opening the refrigerator door.

I also have the power to make all the toilet paper disappear just by opening the bathroom door.

I just wish I could turn off these powers.

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"Ok, no more truth-or-dare until somebody returns my underwear" ~ George Lopez

I bake cookies just so I can lick the bowl. ~ ItWasMe

aberkok

I can eyeball a wad of paper very accurately. Example: if I need 18 sheets of paper, I grab a bit of the pile without leafing through it and... lo and behold, I've picked somewhere from 17 to 19.

My other power is always being chip leader in poker.... for the first 1/3 of the game.

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!check out my new blog! http://arkanamusic.wordpress.com

Warden Gentiles: "It? Perfectly innocent. But I can see how, if our roles were reversed, I might have you beaten with a pillowcase full of batteries."

clavus

I can bring conversation to a screeching halt.

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Ass, gas or grass. Nobody rides for free.