greytone

I may be a little over the top compared to most of the posters, but I think there is a special laevel of hell for those who disturb my peace in my home. I welcome call from friends and family at reasonable times. I don't mind the pages that come in when I am on call (more than 100 days and nights a year). But I lost it years ago when my credit card company called me at 7 am on a Saturday back in med school. It was my first day off in almost a month and they wanted to sell my some credit protection product that I would have to be a moron to purchase. I have never felt it necessary or even appropriate to use the usuall social rules in dealing with people who invade my home via telephone.

The Do Not Call list has been wonderful, and now I only get calls from charities and surveys and companies I have already done business with. I used to disconnect as soon as I could, but now I tell them I will go get whoever they ask for. Sure it is passive aggressive, but it makes me feel good. If it is a company I have used before, I explain that any future calls will lead to a permanent change in who I do business with. Then I hang up.

Remember whenever you see survey results that most of the people called or contacted did not respond.

__________________
I was there to see beautiful naked women. So was everybody else. It's a common failing.
Robert A Heinlein in "They Do It With Mirrors"

ratbastid

Nice. The only suggestion that works and is civil gets third place. I see how you are! :P

CaliLivChick

I'm with the no-land line people... all I have is my cell phone, and haven't had a single call.

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Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.

NotAnAlias

I had this bookmark that has since gone, but what it was an experiment run out of finland or some such European country which aimed to reverse the balance of the call in order to solicit information out of the telemarket.

They had a flow chart you went through, and it worked seemlessly - immediately you'd become the one asking the questions, and you'd ask about how they got the number, what company they called from, and just before the end it had some token question about how much they earnt and what toothpaste the recommended. It even had a "if your telemarket gets irate" box with courtious replies. You were meant to fill out the form and send the creators the answers. Bag of laughs and it worked amazingly, they stopped calling our house after about 3 runs through.

Although, since working on a helpdesk, i've learnt that it's sad to fuck around with the people on the other end. I've also noticed at uni that there are heaps of fliers around advertising for the job late at night for desperate students. So remember the next time you get one, this person is probably just desperate for cash and would really rather be at home enjoying a lovely meal like you are :P.

I need to find that site again.

[edit] Found it!! http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html enjoy :P [/edit]

cyrnel

Nothing in Dante's about telemarketing or interrupting dinner but Circle 8 is the destination for sins of Fraud: Pimping and Seducing.

I like the punishments:

What strikes me as sad is that the callers are often desperate and themselves victims of the larger problem. "I had to get money somewhere." That's a classic if immaterial defense of many parasite occupations.

Tough to work up much sympathy, but next time I'll remember to apologize for feeling indignant at the uninvited incursions on my time and peace within my own home. Twats.

__________________
There are a vast number of people who are uninformed and heavily propagandized, but fundamentally decent. The propaganda that inundates them is effective when unchallenged, but much of it goes only skin deep. If they can be brought to raise questions and apply their decent instincts and basic intelligence, many people quickly escape the confines of the doctrinal system and are willing to do something to help others who are really suffering and oppressed." -Manufacturing Consent: Noam Chomsky and the Media, p. 195

Seer666

I like my dads way of dealing with them. He will sound intrested, ask lots of questsions, keep them on the phone for like, 45 minutes if he can, then say "Nah, not interested" and hang up on them. He's done that to a few of them now. It's funney as hell. He even haggled price over something with one of them before hanging up on them.

__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

Dane Bramage

Dang... I was just gonna post the same thing. It may not get them to stop calling, but it probably really pisses them off

__________________
Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

hulk

Odds are they'll mark it as a likely sale and it will increase calls, if anything.

__________________
"'There's a tendency among the press to attribute the creation of a game to a single person,' says Warren Spector, creator of Thief and Deus Ex."
-- From an IGN game review.

Toaster126

No kidding. Say you are not interested, ask that they refrain from calling you in the future, and hang up.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Hanxter

telemarketer: "hello... is this hank?"
me: "yeah, what do you want?"
tm: "well, this is blah blah blah from blah blah blah and we're offering..."
me: "listen, i'm kinda busy right now, hey, would you know how to get blood out of a carpet?"
tm: "excuse me...?"
me: "yeah blood out of a carpet... i mean a lot of blood... how do you get it out of a carpet? and, i'm in a hurry!!!"
tm: CLICK

10 minutes later...

phone: "is hank there?"
me: "yeah, who's this?"
phone: "this is mike field from the sheriff's office. do you have a problem over there?"
me: "yeah, telemarketers."
phone: (LAFFING HIS ASS OFF!!!)

bagatelle

I recently cancelled a few subscriptions to magazines.

Took only couple of weeks and they try to sell me these magazines again.

This is what hubby does, if someone calls him at work to his mobile, leaves the phone open and lets the person go on talking to himself.

I like the witty replies on this thread, but the telemarketers usually have no point to carry on, when I start whining how bad economical situation I'm in. If they still continue, I try to sound even more depressed.

__________________

Baraka_Guru

I normally go straight to disarmament.

If it's a newspaper, I don't read the news.
If it's a magazine, I don't read magazines.
If it's a credit card company offering insurance on my balance, I don't need insurance.
If it's a survey, I don't have time.
If it's a charity, I can't donate right now.

I have a background in sales and marketing. The one thing that tends to kill a deal is a lack of: need, the ability to pay, and time.

The time issue will always encourage them to ask about calling back. Just say you never have any free time.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

bagatelle

Just so happens, hubby told me he was asked today to support an association for people with disabilities. The caller had some disability herself and he could not cearly hear what she said.

I've received calls like that. I usually tell them, I support their cause by other ways.

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Lindy

I ask magazine sales reps if they have a version in Farsi or Bulgarian. Or a Braille edition, and do they offer free services to the blind.

Lindy

jewels

Why answer if you don't know the caller? There was a time when I would answer just for fun, but now I feel for the people that do it because there's not much else out there for the unemployed.

If I don't recognize the caller name or phone number, I don't answer. If it's important, they'll leave a message. Most times, I keep my home phone volume all the way down, or even off and just check the caller ID and messages once a day.

Because of this practice, I don't mind giving out my home phone number when it's requested. And only friends and family are privy to my cell number. And both are registered on the donotcall.gov site.

__________________
We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
Mark Twain

Toaster126

Tell them you are not interested, ask to be taken of the list, and hang up.

I've never had to get to the point of blocking a number or sending a c&d, but I think people really over think this. The telemarketer doesn't want to waste time with you either. If you aren't interested, don't waste your time AND theirs.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Zeraph

I just do the old trick, "tell me all about it, every detail" then put the phone down and go do something else until I hear the beeping noise.

I hate telefucktards with a passion, and would rather have them waste more time than me. If everyone did this they'd be out of business within a month.

---------- Post added at 10:40 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:35 AM ----------

By making sweet sweet love to all the cripples you can find?

bagatelle

That would be called charity, eh?

__________________

The_Jazz

I once told someone trying to get me to switch long distance services that I didn't have a phone. When she said something like "if you don't have a phone, how are we talking?" I answered "through pure irony, baby" and hung up.

Of course that was pre-DNC list, but it's still one of my favorites.

---------- Post added at 12:56 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:52 PM ----------

For Zeraph or the cripple?

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

ring

I've had some nice chats with telemarketers.
I start out by telling them: It must be a difficult job sometimes & I know we might be recorded, so I won't put you in an uncomfortable place by asking you to verbally agree.
& then I ask what part of the world they are calling from & how's the weather?

We've had some good chats about the weather.

The_Jazz

Want to freak out a telemarketer of any sort (including the legal kind)? Tell them that they may be recorded for legal purposes.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

biznatch

I'm a telemarketer myself, and I agree that the best way is to ask to have your name removed from the list. I do it, unless you say it in the most dickish possible way.

Although I agree, if you want to annoy the telemarketer, the best way is to act like you're going to buy whatever product it is and then leave them with blue balls at the end.

I don't sell anything, technically, I get people to come for financial advisement. If they end up investing, the salesman/advisor at my office gets a cut.

I don't try hard because I get paid better, my pay is the same no matter what (shitty). I try hard because I like doing my job well, and because I think the advice we offer is sound (I get to see the clients' advisement sessions if I get them to come, and if I want to, can work my way up to advisor).

__________________
Check it out: The Open Source/Freeware/Gratis Software Thread

fill23ca

Just this week we had the telemarketer from HELL. This guy calls with a heavy accent asking if we received our updates for Windows 7. I say I'm not interested. He then asks us how many computers in my house use Window 7. I then say I'm not interested and take me off your call list. I'm from Canada and am registered on the do not call list.
It was a weird connection as I heard an echo on the line every time I spoke. He then proceeded to call seven more times in the next few minutes. Each time I would say hello and hear my echo and he wouldn't answer. I'd hang up and he'd call right back. After the seventh call my wife answered. He then spoke up with the same speech about Windows 7. My wife asked calmly (as I was yelling into the phone a few times to stop harassing us) why he was repeatedly calling us. He told her if I just politely told him why I wasn't interested in getting free updates for Windows 7 he would stop calling. She politely told him (seriously - she was calm while I was flipping out) that we're not interested in doing any business on the phone and to not call anymore and then hung up. He then called us about a dozen more times doing that no talking thing. We called our phone company and got the number blocked.
First time we ever had a nut job harass us like that. It was really frustrating.

__________________
"The worst day of your life, so far." Homer Simpson

Toaster126

INSANE.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Baraka_Guru

I hold nothing against telemarketers. The legit ones are simply doing an honest job, and it's a job I'd truly hate. It can't be easy.

I normally screen most of the calls. (I work from home.) But sometimes they get through.

I'm generally polite and will be straight with them, telling them I'm not interested/no need, or whatever. I don't feel the need to be a dick about it. I'm sure they get enough of that with many of their other calls.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Craven Morehead

For the past year or so "Rachel" (a recording) has been calling periodically from "Credit Card Services" about my ability to lock in lower rates on my credit cards - an offer that is about to expire. Push 9 for more information. If I have the time, I'll press 9 and screw with them. First of all, they are dialing everyone without any knowledge if you have credit cards. They are very misleading. So, I'll lead them on and tie them up for several minutes. They are only interesting if the outstanding balance on a card is over $8,000. They'll ask for my balances and I'll say something like "I'm in the shed and I ain't got none of the cards with me. I ain't got no idea how much I owe but its a bunch" Eventually they'll hang up on me but not until I wasted their time. These people are scum. And what they are doing is illegal also.

I know of someone who tells telemarketers they have a cat. Non-sequiturs might be fun to try sometime also. That might be the next thing for me to try.