dlish

i should just come out and say that im disappointed in myself.

i could have been an olympian at at least one of the 3 or 4 last olympics.

as a teenager i was quite an avid swimmer and runner. i loved running, but i was better at swimming.

as a swimmer i used to train hard, but the determination fell away by the time i turned 18. i got sick of 'following the black line' at the bottom of the pool. A common thing in the swimming world, and i gave it up. i also gave up running because of the constant injuries that came with it. my mileage in swimming became more than my running at one point.

getting into the australian squad is difficult at best. its ultra competitive. being of lebanese heritage, i also had a chance at making the olympic team for lebanon. my times were good enough in those days to compete for lebanon, and i dare say i could have made the 1996, 2000, 2004 and maybe even 2008 olympics had i held on. im 30 now, but most swimmers reach their peaks early, unlike track and field athletes.

it takes a lot of determination and sacrifice to be a swimmer. waking up for 2hr swim sessions at 5 every morning before school and heading back straight after school was 'normal' for me followed by athletics training an hour after that a few times a week.

every time i see the olympics on tv i get a stab in the gut knowing that i could have been there. i couldnt say i would have won anything, not even a heat. who knows if i kept on training. bu tjust being there and being part of the atmosphere would have been great. i think about it often these days because of the coverage. on TV.

during the beijing opening ceremony i pictured myself having donned the lebanese attire - is that normal?. its not about winning really, its just being there. whether i swam for lebanon or australia does not bother me. my allegiance to both still remains the same.

instead i decided to give the game away. in hindsight i wish i didnt. maybe its olympic blues, but i do know that had i decided to stick it out i wouldnt have just been a competitor. at 14 my times were good enough to get me into an olympic squad, and 4 olympics have gone past in the meantime, i would definately have been competitive.

i guess if i did stick it out i wouldnt be where i am today though and tasted success and failure in life, so its a double edge sword. im glad life has panned out this way, but its an opportunity that ive missed telling my grandkids about.

maybe this should be in my blog. but i know theres other athletes out there on TFP that have trained their guts out that may feel the same way.

feel free to share your stories

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abaya

I don't know if you or others will see my story in the same way that I see it, but I do identify with what you're feeling, dlish. I was crazy-ass obsessed with rowing in college, particularly with being a coxswain (and yes, many of you may consider that to not be an "athletic" position, and you might be right in a sense--and yet, coxswains have to train for and make the Olympic team just like everyone else, believe me).

From September through June, six days a week, we rose at 4:45am every day to be in the shellhouse by 5am sharp, practiced on the water (or land, in winter) till 7am, and usually did extra strength/endurance workouts a few days a week, in the evenings. I did this for 4 years, plus an additional summer before my senior year at a pre-elite training camp in Seattle (then it was getting up at 4 to drive into Seattle daily, as well as an additional practice in the afternoons).

I trained as much as I could with the rowers, and I dedicated myself during those 4 years to becoming the best coxswain that I could be. I listened to tapes of Olympic coxswains during their championship races, I went to coxswain clinics with the best in the world giving us tips (Seattle is a hothouse for world-class rowing/coxing), and I basically ate, breathed, and slept crew. I have never been as ambitious since, as I was then--I had the Olympics in mind, and I was section leader, then team captain--there was nothing in the world more important to me than that sport.

But as my senior year went on, and I started looking at the Olympic coxswain tryouts that would be taking place in Seattle that year (2000), I realized two things:

1) I would have to become even MORE obsessed with this sport, to the neglect of the rest of my life after college (and my degree, and traveling, and all the things that I had been hoping to do when crew ended), and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. I was 20 at the time, about to graduate from college, and years and years of more crew just didn't appeal to me as much as I thought it would, for some reason. I wanted a change. I think I was burned out, to be honest.

2) My weight. Being 2 years younger than most people in my class, my first two years of college weren't a problem in terms of weight. I was around 122 lbs, which was not ideal as a coxswain (many are around 100-110 lbs), but it was a fine weight for a men's coxswain at my height (5-2"). By the time I turned 19, then 20, my weight had crept up on me, even though I was working out with the rowers on the rowing machines. I was at 130+ lbs my senior year, which was pretty damn heavy for a coxswain in any category. Also, there was a maximum weight for the Olympic coxswains (I think it was 120 for the men's boats, 115 for the women's boats), and at the time, those 10-12 pounds just seemed so far away, just to be eligible... and I knew that while I had the skills to get where I wanted to be, I wasn't so sure about my body cooperating with me.

As it is, even in the 8 years that have passed (and with me spending long periods of time with regular exercise, especially starting in my mid-20s and up till now), my weight is pretty much stable at around 130, with its lowest point being maybe 126 due to stress and illness in Africa (for a short time). I don't think I could have dropped those 10 pounds back then, unless I had done something really unhealthy. And I just wasn't interested in doing that to myself, coupled with the other reason of just wanting to move on with my life and see if there was more to the world than just rowing.

So, yeah. As you said, dlish... who knows if I would have even made it past the trials. But sometimes, I like to think that I would have, and that I could have succeeded... but I don't regret it, because the life that I have led in the past 8 years has been fantastic, and it has been exactly what I hoped it would be (more, actually). No regrets, you know? Elite athletics offers only so much reward and redemption for the sacrifice that it demands of its participants. There are other things in life. I am okay with watching the glory of other people's achievements, and watching those rowing races and knowing what they are going through, and being glad that it's actually not me.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

snowy

My Oma was an Olympic class swimmer in the Netherlands. Unfortunately, the 1940 Games were canceled because of the outbreak of WWII, and by the time 1948 rolled around, she was married and had a son. I don't know if she ever regretted not having the chance to compete in the Games, as she had Alzheimers and died when I was 13. She never gave up on swimming, though; she passed on her knowledge and expertise to many a child by becoming a swimming instructor, and did that until her illness prevented her from continuing to do so. That is her legacy; she may not have won any medals, and her name may not be widely known, but somewhere out there there are hundreds of people who were taught to swim by my Oma.

Personally, I just don't have the kind of dedication it takes to be an Olympic athlete. I like sports, but I couldn't focus on just one.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

highthief

You don't know from Olympic failure until you've been Canadian.

Seriously, we haven't got a freaking medal yet! Not one!

Australia is half Canada's size but probably has 15 medals by now.

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Leto

I'm used to the feeling. After all, I'm a Leafs fan.

jorgelito

You guys do well at the Winter Games though.

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"The race is not always to the swift, nor battle to the strong, but
to the one that endures to the end."

"Demand more from yourself, more than anyone else could ever ask!"

- My recruiter

Bear Cub

Join the club, dlish. I trained 7 days a week in 3 position smallbore and air rifle. I was teammates with one member of this year's women's olympic squad, and routinely shot and hung out with another. I shot matches against Matt Emmons, olympic gold medalist from Athens, married to Katerina who won women's gold this year in air. Several of the Army Marksmanship Unit members who are on the men's team, I've laid side-by-side with at the Camp Perry National Matches. Even if I couldn't qualify for the Olympics, I'd for sure be on the US Team right now, training out in Colorado Springs. Unfortunately, all that was a wash when I transferred to a school that had no rifle team, and then had to give it up altogether after the cancer hit.

I still hope to get back into it, but I don't have the money to compete right now, and my living situation doesn't condone the amount of training I could hope for. My goal is to make the World Cup by the time I'm 30.

While the situation was somewhat out of my control, I can't help but imagine "what if" everytime I see my friends' faces on the USA shooting website, or scrolled along the ticker on ESPN2.

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Halx

dlish, I know you just wanna be in Olympic Village right now with all those healthy, fit hotties.

I know I'm thinking about what sport I can begin training in so that 4 years from now I can hang out in that crowd.

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Bear Cub

Have you ever thought about just standing sideways and being one of the uneven bars?

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CandleInTheDark

At hockey and that's about it.

I wrestled throughout high school, but did not start to take it seriously until my final year. I begin to aspire for more success, and a move into university athletics. Certainly there were Olympic aspirations. However, the universities I planned on attending were devoid or dropping their teams. Private clubs are non-existant.

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Where there is doubt there is freedom.

PonyPotato

I always thought that if I had access to better horses and/or sponsorship, I could ride in the equestrian events in the Olympics. Now I don't have the same confidence in myself, though I'm sure I could still learn at the rate I was 10 years ago.

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"Without passion man is a mere latent force and possibility, like the flint which awaits the shock of the iron before it can give forth its spark."
— Henri-Frédéric Amiel

dlish

sounds a little like me snowy. i teach swimming in my spare time, and it's an aim of mine that i teach as many kids as possible, knowing i helped kids and their families and hopefully those kids will teach whatever skills i have taught onto others. maybe im living my life through them now..

one of the things though is that my uncle (mums brother) is an olympian.. so it really irks me that i cant emulate him. he's also a swimmer and also the lebanon swimming head coach.


jorge - we have 25 medals in total.... 7 of them gold. but doesnt make up for me not being an olympian. this would have been my farewell olympics before i retired.. the old geezer that i am.

halx - you're absolutely right brutha! i really do need to do something to make it. ill be 34 by the next olympics... 34 aint bad.. im thinking maybe frisbee or something. as a sport.. but i'd probably be teaching pole vaulting.

abaya - wow. thats a lot of dedication! i was in a similar situation where i just wanted to 'live' i guess. swimming can get boring because theres no social interaction with others. its part of why i loved running so much.

who knows where itwould have taken me. im uncertain, but like i said id probably not be in the same position im in now... i dont have regrets..just unfulfileld dreams

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

Strange Famous

it's not easy for me to relate - Ive never had any real talent for any sport, although I love sport - I have always been able to pick up anything and play to a level, mostly due to a certain level of cunning and accuracy I have... I have played a football (soccer) at county level, but never had the commitment or will to take it further.

I dont mean to be harsh to dlish... but I think there are a whole lot of people out there that had the potential to be contenders, to go all the way in a chosen sport - the difference between those that do and the rest of us that dont is mostly will power I think. Sure there are the Usian Bolts, the Zidane's, the Federer's, the Tiger Wood's of the world... who have all that will power and something else on top, but even at pro level there are a lot of people with no more natural talent than a good club player (whatever sport you pick)- the difference is luck, will, physical strength/fitness - or something random like that most times,

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"Do not tell lies, and do not do what you hate,
for all things are plain in the sight of Heaven. For nothing
hidden will not become manifest, and nothing covered will remain
without being uncovered."

The Gospel of Thomas

dlish

SF no offence taken. i never claimed to be an olympic champion. but i was an a young under developed little puney kid with kids double my size and some double my age competing against me, and i had great times.

it does take a lot to be the number 1. thats only reserved for a select few. something 99.9% of us will never reach, but thats exactly what pisses me off.

do i have the willpower? sure i do. it still burns in me today.
do i have the time? absolutely not! my life is hectic as it is


you did forget one thing though..genes.

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

jorgelito

And curling, don't forget curling.

Dlish, my medals reference was not a response to your op, it was just an aside to cheer up the Canadians.

In regards to your op, I plan on responding but I want to make a good well thought out post. I'm still thinking about it.

__________________
"The race is not always to the swift, nor battle to the strong, but
to the one that endures to the end."

"Demand more from yourself, more than anyone else could ever ask!"

- My recruiter

abaya

On this topic, I was just reading in the Seattle Times today about the US women's 8 crew earning gold over the weekend (while ktsp and I were out of town on an extended trip around Iceland--was quite sad to miss the rowing finals) -- and there are two people from the University of Washington crew from 10 years ago who were in this gold medal boat yesterday, including a coxswain: Longtime teammates now have gold in their grasp

We trained on the same waters, at the same time (we were all in college, and the Seattle teams all train on Lake Union/Lake WA between 5-7am)... probably rowed past each other on a daily basis, actually. It's eery reading the article, after reviewing the decision-making process I went through to NOT try and earn that coxswain's seat. Once again, who knows... I probably would not have made it. But there it is, someone who was training and racing on the same waters as I was, who made a completely opposite decision from me and spent the next 10 years of her life training like mad for this moment, and now has the gold medal (after a silver in Athens).

And yeah, I am still very glad that I made the decision that I did. Had I coxed at Washington, things might have been different--it is a Pac-10 uni, MAJOR funding bucks and NCAA Div I (we were Div II), tons more pressure and development than my lil' university... so the chips might have fallen differently. But that's a whole other what-if that's not even worth my time, really.

More realistically, sometimes I have regretted not at least pursuing coaching after I graduated, as that was what most crew-obsessed people from my team did for 1-2 years afterwards. My co-captain (the men's team captain, and rower in my national silver-medal boat) and good friend from college did just that, after he decided that he was more fit for coaching rowers than for being in the spotlight himself. He is now moving up very successfully in big universities as a rowing coach, and I think he finds it very fulfilling. Then again, when I get envious of his job, he gets envious of my pursuing a PhD, so the grass is always greener, right? But someday, I do want to row/cox again, even just recreationally (maybe after we get back to a rowing-friendly community like Seattle).

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran