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abaya · 08-15-2008, 06:25 AM

I don't know if you or others will see my story in the same way that I see it, but I do identify with what you're feeling, dlish. I was crazy-ass obsessed with rowing in college, particularly with being a coxswain (and yes, many of you may consider that to not be an "athletic" position, and you might be right in a sense--and yet, coxswains have to train for and make the Olympic team just like everyone else, believe me).

From September through June, six days a week, we rose at 4:45am every day to be in the shellhouse by 5am sharp, practiced on the water (or land, in winter) till 7am, and usually did extra strength/endurance workouts a few days a week, in the evenings. I did this for 4 years, plus an additional summer before my senior year at a pre-elite training camp in Seattle (then it was getting up at 4 to drive into Seattle daily, as well as an additional practice in the afternoons).

I trained as much as I could with the rowers, and I dedicated myself during those 4 years to becoming the best coxswain that I could be. I listened to tapes of Olympic coxswains during their championship races, I went to coxswain clinics with the best in the world giving us tips (Seattle is a hothouse for world-class rowing/coxing), and I basically ate, breathed, and slept crew. I have never been as ambitious since, as I was then--I had the Olympics in mind, and I was section leader, then team captain--there was nothing in the world more important to me than that sport.

But as my senior year went on, and I started looking at the Olympic coxswain tryouts that would be taking place in Seattle that year (2000), I realized two things:

1) I would have to become even MORE obsessed with this sport, to the neglect of the rest of my life after college (and my degree, and traveling, and all the things that I had been hoping to do when crew ended), and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. I was 20 at the time, about to graduate from college, and years and years of more crew just didn't appeal to me as much as I thought it would, for some reason. I wanted a change. I think I was burned out, to be honest.

2) My weight. Being 2 years younger than most people in my class, my first two years of college weren't a problem in terms of weight. I was around 122 lbs, which was not ideal as a coxswain (many are around 100-110 lbs), but it was a fine weight for a men's coxswain at my height (5-2"). By the time I turned 19, then 20, my weight had crept up on me, even though I was working out with the rowers on the rowing machines. I was at 130+ lbs my senior year, which was pretty damn heavy for a coxswain in any category. Also, there was a maximum weight for the Olympic coxswains (I think it was 120 for the men's boats, 115 for the women's boats), and at the time, those 10-12 pounds just seemed so far away, just to be eligible... and I knew that while I had the skills to get where I wanted to be, I wasn't so sure about my body cooperating with me.

As it is, even in the 8 years that have passed (and with me spending long periods of time with regular exercise, especially starting in my mid-20s and up till now), my weight is pretty much stable at around 130, with its lowest point being maybe 126 due to stress and illness in Africa (for a short time). I don't think I could have dropped those 10 pounds back then, unless I had done something really unhealthy. And I just wasn't interested in doing that to myself, coupled with the other reason of just wanting to move on with my life and see if there was more to the world than just rowing.

So, yeah. As you said, dlish... who knows if I would have even made it past the trials. But sometimes, I like to think that I would have, and that I could have succeeded... but I don't regret it, because the life that I have led in the past 8 years has been fantastic, and it has been exactly what I hoped it would be (more, actually). No regrets, you know? Elite athletics offers only so much reward and redemption for the sacrifice that it demands of its participants. There are other things in life. I am okay with watching the glory of other people's achievements, and watching those rowing races and knowing what they are going through, and being glad that it's actually not me.

08-15-2008, 06:25 AM	#2 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	I don't know if you or others will see my story in the same way that I see it, but I do identify with what you're feeling, dlish. I was crazy-ass obsessed with rowing in college, particularly with being a coxswain (and yes, many of you may consider that to not be an "athletic" position, and you might be right in a sense--and yet, coxswains have to train for and make the Olympic team just like everyone else, believe me). From September through June, six days a week, we rose at 4:45am every day to be in the shellhouse by 5am sharp, practiced on the water (or land, in winter) till 7am, and usually did extra strength/endurance workouts a few days a week, in the evenings. I did this for 4 years, plus an additional summer before my senior year at a pre-elite training camp in Seattle (then it was getting up at 4 to drive into Seattle daily, as well as an additional practice in the afternoons). I trained as much as I could with the rowers, and I dedicated myself during those 4 years to becoming the best coxswain that I could be. I listened to tapes of Olympic coxswains during their championship races, I went to coxswain clinics with the best in the world giving us tips (Seattle is a hothouse for world-class rowing/coxing), and I basically ate, breathed, and slept crew. I have never been as ambitious since, as I was then--I had the Olympics in mind, and I was section leader, then team captain--there was nothing in the world more important to me than that sport. But as my senior year went on, and I started looking at the Olympic coxswain tryouts that would be taking place in Seattle that year (2000), I realized two things: 1) I would have to become even MORE obsessed with this sport, to the neglect of the rest of my life after college (and my degree, and traveling, and all the things that I had been hoping to do when crew ended), and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. I was 20 at the time, about to graduate from college, and years and years of more crew just didn't appeal to me as much as I thought it would, for some reason. I wanted a change. I think I was burned out, to be honest. 2) My weight. Being 2 years younger than most people in my class, my first two years of college weren't a problem in terms of weight. I was around 122 lbs, which was not ideal as a coxswain (many are around 100-110 lbs), but it was a fine weight for a men's coxswain at my height (5-2"). By the time I turned 19, then 20, my weight had crept up on me, even though I was working out with the rowers on the rowing machines. I was at 130+ lbs my senior year, which was pretty damn heavy for a coxswain in any category. Also, there was a maximum weight for the Olympic coxswains (I think it was 120 for the men's boats, 115 for the women's boats), and at the time, those 10-12 pounds just seemed so far away, just to be eligible... and I knew that while I had the skills to get where I wanted to be, I wasn't so sure about my body cooperating with me. As it is, even in the 8 years that have passed (and with me spending long periods of time with regular exercise, especially starting in my mid-20s and up till now), my weight is pretty much stable at around 130, with its lowest point being maybe 126 due to stress and illness in Africa (for a short time). I don't think I could have dropped those 10 pounds back then, unless I had done something really unhealthy. And I just wasn't interested in doing that to myself, coupled with the other reason of just wanting to move on with my life and see if there was more to the world than just rowing. So, yeah. As you said, dlish... who knows if I would have even made it past the trials. But sometimes, I like to think that I would have, and that I could have succeeded... but I don't regret it, because the life that I have led in the past 8 years has been fantastic, and it has been exactly what I hoped it would be (more, actually). No regrets, you know? Elite athletics offers only so much reward and redemption for the sacrifice that it demands of its participants. There are other things in life. I am okay with watching the glory of other people's achievements, and watching those rowing races and knowing what they are going through, and being glad that it's actually not me. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran