spartan19

I was hoping the forum members might be able to advise me on my current situation with my significant other.

My girl leaves me a message the other night. "Umm... yeah... There's a problem."

So I try to call her. She doesn't answer. I talk to her on the internet later and ask what the problem is and she refuses to tell me until she figures out how she feels about it. She says that all I should do for her is be patient.

Now we haven't talked in two days (we typically talk several times a day, AT LEAST once). She doesn't answer the phone. Doesn't answer her e-mail or anything else.

What's likely to be going on and what should I do?

I think every guy has seen this before. It usually means that she did something with some other guy and now has mixed feelings between you and him. I don't want to think that now though, I trust her more than that. I just don't have any idea what's going on.

bad jane

i'd suggest being patient. perhaps tell her that while you don't mind giving her space--her lack of communication has your imagination on overdrive and you'd appreciate her getting back to you on what the problem is. if she needs some time to work through it on her own, fine--but dropping a statement like that and then leaving you hanging is causing you a lot of undue stress and worry.

i would suggest not even trying to speculate on this--it could be anything from cheating to a missed period to her being abducted by aliens--who knows? and it may turn out to be nothing about you at all. maybe the problem is regarding her family, her work, her friends--who knows?

you can give yourself an ulcer over something that might be nothing, or, you can give her some time to get back to you. i'd vote give her some time

maleficent

give her the time and patience that she's asking for - and don't think the worst until she gives you a reason.

her reaction could be any number of things from another guy, to being pregnant, to a broken nail and she's being moody, or to some family problems, don't assume the worst until you know what you are facing.

until then - care about her as you normally would... and be patient.

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X_789_X

Well, first off, I would like to say that I hate it when a female does that. I don't know why they do it, but it seems to be universal or something ... It's just another of life little mysteries concering women.

Anyway, my advice would be to just leave her for now. By the fact that you have called multiple times and she hasn't bothered getting back in touch with you, it's a bit evident that she doesn't want to talk to you at the moment. As you stated, I wouldn't be so quick to jump to a conclusions (Even though it sounds as if she might be rethinking the relationship).

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spartan19

well, i gave a lot of consideration to the fact that it could be virtually anything...

but you're entirely right, my imagination is on overdrive and i've been nothing but worry for the past few days. an ulcer can't be far away...

i think if i had a penny for every time i've thought about her and what could be wrong (whether it involved me or not), i'd be able to buy out microsoft AND aol-time warner

tecoyah

Hope for the best....prepare for the worst....and do as she asked.....wait

Siege

Probably the best advice you're going to get

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Mr Honest

I hope it's a boy


but seriously nothing will make her happier than when she finally gets round to telling you what's the matter and you tell her you lost interest after waiting so long. 'Eh about what?' say with a bored voice.

Be ready with the reply 'who's the father??!??!!?!?!?'

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Sugarmouse

i ope u keep us informed!!

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apolian

Dump her & turn gay. It's the only way to deal with women...

spartan19

Well, thanks to everybody for the quick and (somewhat, but not really) reassuring responses.

Well, everybody except apolian and mr honest... I did get a laugh though and I needed that, so thanks in a different way to you two.

spartan19

Ok, help with this now.

I get back home today. There's a message from her.

"Sorry."

And that's it...

Ok, I don't need to be told what to expect or anything, I still have trust in her, but I'm going crazy. What can I do to calm down about this? I'm so close to just tearing my hair out wondering what's wrong.

*Nikki*

How old are you?

maleficent

She is the only one is going to be able to answer the question -- what'd it mean?

Call her back and let her explain..

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spartan19

Nikki- See no, speak no, hear no: evil... My age doesn't matter here, and even if it did, I wouldn't throw it out there.
Maleficent- I love hearing her voice on her answering machine, but it's getting old-- she just doesn't pick up.

maleficent

What's her living situation? does she live alone? roommates/ family? can you stop by her place, and leave her a note..

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analog

Not to freak you out, because I have huge anxiety issues myself, but it smacks of pregnancy. She may be trying to decide if she wants to get rid of it before considering your opinion on the matter. That's impression that I get.

spartan19

She currently lives a little over an hour away and my car is unavailable for the trip otherwise I'd have been there a long time ago. It's just proving impossible to get a hold of her.

As for pregnancy, it wouldn't be mine.

I doubt that that's the case, though, even more so an abortion...

aberkok

I agree with others in that patience is the most valuable thing here, but she's being completely unfair. I don't want to incite you to rage but if there's something on her mind then she needs to stop beating around the bush and tell you. Have you expressed this in your messages? Unless she's being held at gunpoint I don't see why she's been stringing you along this way.

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dirtyrascal7

Wow, that's shitty in every single way.

If you can stand it, try to be patient and wait till she's ready to give an explaination. However, if you plan to keep trying to get ahold of her, make it clear that you are going to be persistent as hell until she explains everything (what the problem was, what exactly she's sorry for, and why the hell she's been blowing you off).

You definitely deserve an elaborate and truthful explaination, however you're not likely to get one. Be prepared to accept a vague or glossed-over version... you can make your own conclusions from there, but don't make any assumptions before hearing her side of it.

tecoyah

I am serious.....worry is a useful emotion for about twenty minutes....after that it becomes counter productive. Switch over to planning after that.

Evaluate....formulate....activate

In That Order

spartan19

I'm trying not to jump to conclusions.
I'm trying not to worry.
I'm trying not to be angry.

I think I'm doing ok at that... I've never had any reason to not trust her before.

And I don't know what I would plan even if I could get my mind in that kind of shape anyhow. I seriously can't focus on anything but this...

Seeker

I totally agree with aberkok... I'm a female, and there is no way that she should be dropping these little bits on you. If she has a problem she should just face up to it and tell you straight out. I think she is playing you and being extremely immature.

I'm also with tecoyah... expect the worst and prepare accordingly. Even if it's not a major issue like someone else the way she is playing this game does not make for a good relationship.

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Ustwo

Have a bit of self respect man.

Shes treating you like shit. You are waiting like a supplicant at the altar of woman. She doesn't think to highly of you since she obviously doesn't want to hear what you have to think on whatever the hell is her issue. And on top of it if she had any empathy for you she would know it would really bother you to have to be waiting around by the phone hoping she will call and explain.

She sounds like bad mojo to me, find someone else regardless of the outcome and find someone who cares about your feelings too.

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Aladdin Sane

Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but she has fucked someone else.

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apolian

Dump her & turn gay. Oh wait, I already said that...

Martel

Personally I'm of the opinion that she needs a good bitching out. That's a real shitty way to treat somebody, and I think unless she comes up with something like her parents just died in a freak accident and she's been unconscious on painkillers the last few days, you need to assert yourself and yell at her a little bit no matter what the problem is.

Plus, if it turns out to be something like she cheated on you, getting yourself mad in advance will make it easier for you to tell her to fuck off.

I'm not an angry person, but she's being a complete asshole to you. Don't put up with that shit.

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JumpinJesus

Without knowing how long you've been together, it makes my response a bit difficult.

If it's only been a short time, then I would say there hasn't been enough trust built in the relationship and maybe she's just not sure how you'll react. She may be afraid of scaring you away if she reveals too much. If this is the case, then I'd say it may be worth respecting her wish to wait.

If, however, you've been together for awhile (more than a year), then I would say that her behavior is highly unfair to you. While I'm sure what she's going through - whatever it may be - is tough for her, she is creating worry for you in what I think is a fairly callous manner. If the relationship is an older one and I were treated this way, I might consider it a deal-breaker. Obviously the trust isn't there and if it's not there after this amount of time, it probably never will be.

For me, it really would matter how long you've been together.

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tooth

Whatever the problem is, she is being immature. That is no way for anyone to communicate, no matter the reason.

Mr Honest

Awww sorry m8 it's not nice to be treated this way. I can't believe some people are so silly as this. If something has to be said, then it has to be said. Covering up never helps in a relationship
can't you get face to face for a proper talk?

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c172g

If she won't talk to you, kick her ass to the curb. That's bullshit to treat anyone that way, if you accept it now, you'll get more of the same later. When you do get ahold of her, she probably won't go into much detail as to what she's been up to for the last day/week/month. Move on. Don't put up with anybody's crap like that. As said above, she fucked somebody else. Now it's your turn. Go get some...

Carno

Ummm, I'd say she's about to break up with you. Whenever a girl says, "I just need some space" they finish with, "so I can hang out with this other guy more" in their heads. She's probably been hanging out with some other guy and is simply preparing herself to break up with you.

That's my opinion anyway. Hopefully that isn't the case, but in my experience it usually is.

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Johnny Pyro

Doesn't sound to good man, I'm sorry and good luck. Listen to Tecoyah.

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Cynthetiq

I don't let anyone treat me that way anymore. I did at one time when I was the nice guy door mat. After having plenty of women wipe their shoes on my forehead, I stopped and decided that if it was unacceptable for them to be treated as such then it was unacceptable to allow them to treat me as such.

onward and upwards.

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nukeu666

if shes worth it...catch a bus and go meet her

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Elegant Holmes

Communication and trust are the two most important elements of a good relationship. You are sitting at 50/50.

texxasco

Look spartan19....... It's Saturday night. Go have yourself some fun, and forget about it for now. Like Tecoyah and others have posted..worrying about it does no good at all. Then, tomorrow go out and do something you like to do, maybe hook up with a buddy or two of yours and hang out doing something fun. When you get home Sunday night... Chill out some more. Monday morning, if there isn't a clear, intelligible message from her, on your answering machine. Cut your losses and move on. There are TOO many fish in the sea to stress out over a woman who won't even talk to you. If she does end up finally talking to you, and she doesn't have a damn good reason for not talking to you all this time, then is she the kid of girl you want to hang out with anyway? I bet not.

Or, you could set by the phone staring at it all weekend until you pass out....

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basmoq

Dude, I hope she fills you in soon, I hate waiting games... I hope you can hold it together long enough to find out what is up without going crazy and pissing her off. I wouldn't have lasted half as long as you have already. Good thing I'm married now, don't have to deal with this stuff any more...

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RallyEX

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope that when she decides to tell you what she needs to, that it is the pure honest truth.

Sadly, I've been in a situation such as yours. Usually, it ends up being one of a few things... One is pregnancy, whether perceived or confirmed, but you've already ruled that out. The other, unfortunately, is that she has either slept with and/or is thinking about another guy.

In my situation, I never found out the true answer on the sex part of things... but it was quite obvious that she was still very attached to her ex. Because of that lack of communication/maturity, I pushed her away further and severed the fragile friendship that remained following our breakup. We haven't spoken since.

Had she been more honest, I'm sure we could have had a meaningful friendship that would have lasted a lifetime. But I'm very positive that if this were the case, I would have never lost my feelings for her, and would never have been able to develop the amazing relationship that I now have with my wife. Obviously, severing those ties was for the best.

My best suggestion is to surround yourself with family and friends, occupy your free time in any way possible, and try to worry as little as possible. Don't get lost in worry and depression, it's unhealthy and can be damaging in future relationships.

Sorry for the long post.

aKula

Pretty shitty way of treating somebody if you ask me...