Turbotom

Okay, the girl I love and I both live with our parents, and not surprisingly, they'd be quite upset to know that we are having sex...especially if we were doing it in their home.
We've had way too much car sex, in a fairly small car. Plus it's fairly hard to find a nice private place, and we can't sleep and cuddle in the car.
A decent hotel within a 30 mile radius costs about $70, at least in advance. I would think I could get one for $50 if I tried calling around at the last minutes...but that would be so much hassle.
...if we lived in someplace that wasn't Southern California, and if we both had careers, sure, we might be able to afford an appartment or something.
I'm sure others have had this problem.

Any recommendations?

I feel like a cheap-ass chump, not being able to give her the best and most comfortable everything.

Pragma

How old are the two of you? If you're both in school, there's no expectation of being able to take her home for a wild night of passion at your fancy apartment. The outdoors are your friend, as are cars, or times when your parents aren't home. As for being able to sleep - I think you'll just have to live without it for a while, unless your parents leave on a trip or you crash at a friend's house with her.

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astrahl

You got me all mushy when you said, "we can't sleep and cuddle in the car." Aw!

It is such a shame that the fear of wrath has prevented you two from truly enjoying being together. At the risk of sounding like suicide, you would be able to approach your parents about wanting a "safe place," to be with her? Parents might not like the sex thing, but, since your on the forum, I assume you're 18 (I'd like to assume she is too)...they might go for it if you use the "safety" thing with them.

Best of luck

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relic

Who knows, you might have one of those "modern family" parents who don't care. THey might even buy you the condoms.

MiSo

i would sometimes find condoms in my drawer when i was in high school.
i'm pretty sure my parents were leaving them there for me.

cellophanedeity

My love and I just sort of ignore the fact that they're home and they just ignore the fact that we're having sex.

If there's no hope of that happening, then I suppose there's not much that you can do about it. Find friends who'll let you borrow their bedrooms or spend all of your money on motels.

Best of luck.

shesus

When I lived at home, I'd just wait until they were at work. His parents didn't care too much though. Well, his dad got pretty mad once. As mentioned before, if you are here you are an adult and while I understand parents wrath, they probably already suspect that you are having sex. Since I don't know much of the situation, like parents working and stuff, there isn't much advice I can give. But what I have learned is that there is always a way.

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kramus

I remember telling the ex how I wanted to buy condoms for the kids when they were turning 16, and to keep some in their bathroom - and she was totally against the idea. Totally. So I let it slide. Now, surprise surprise, I'm a grampa. Love the little girl with all my heart, but still . . .

Something to consider, you parents out there.

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healer

I have the same problem right now - at 23

As was said, try and make the most of the opportunities you get. I know its kak not being able to plan ahead and make special arrangements and stuff, but all good things yada-yada. I'm sure she understands.

I feel your pain dude. Sex without the cuddlin' just aint the same.

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genuinegirly

Yep. I do.

Thanks all of you for your words of encouragement and counsel.

We're in our early to mid 20's, students (me= botany, him= pilot), and both come from staunchly religious families. We used to enjoy his bedroom until his mom found out and proceeded to scream that I needed to leave her son alone. I wasn't welcome in their home for months.

Now we're engaged, his mom loves me, and our parents still would rather think we're avoiding sex.

Someone mentioned the outdoors... maybe a camping trip is due.

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Pragma

Camping trips are a whole lot of fun - especially if you can find somewhere that isn't too touristy. You can lie around naked all day long having sex

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sailor

Ditto. Or if you can get to someone's vacation house for the weekend. You can have sex until you're both too sore to continue (and then break out the lube )

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Turbotom

Yeah, she's so awesome.

I think not being able to have sex whenever we want makes those times that we do much more special.

Janey

Like said earlier, if you are on this board, you must be adults, so other than being discrete there's not much you can do until you have your own place. Just keep patient, as sex with each other will be the least of your worries.

Stolen opportunities are the highpoints of the memories of courtship... I well remember the excitement of trips to the cottage, or sudden bouts of al fresco unions...

Now we have a house, and it is predictable. Safe, dependable, but predictable.

Ramallah

I feel bad for people whose parents are uptight about sex even when their children are adults. My parents don't mind my girlfriends spending the night at my house. They just tell me to use protection. Then again, they raised four children before me so I think they know what's going on by now and that they can't prevent it so they might as well just make sure we're safe.

Pragma

Yea, I think it has a lot to do whether you're an oldest child, only child, or young(er) child. Based on my parents and friends' parents, the oldest children tend to get dealt with the harshest, because the parents are still learning about parenting and deciding what rules they want to set. By the time the youngest roll around, they tend to get away with a lot more stuff because the parents have already seen it all.

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relic

Move out =)

genuinegirly

Went camping last night. Very good solution for the time being. I love the outdoors. I love Turbotom. It's a good combination.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

anti fishstick

Same here.
They know we're old enough (i'm 22 and he's 24) and serious enough not to be worried about it. They know I take birth control. Sure, I was a little bashful and embarrassed at first when my parents were around but I've learned to relax and enjoy it. My parents even bought me a bigger sized bed (I had a twin before) just so we could spend the night comfortably, so it can't be all that bad. Almost to be expected. I just quiet it down a little.

Also, we tend to hold off until late at night, when hopefully, the parents are asleep. It's adjacent rooms, but luckily not adjacent walls. If we have sex during the day, it's usually when my parents are outside or on the other side of the house... and we definitely take advantage of being home alone as well. And occassionally take advantage of the shower, when we're extra horny.

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pig

A couple of quick suggestions:

1. On camping, it doesn't have to be really far away. I used to have a vacant lot (sort of out in the country, albeit) near my parents house, and I more or less could leave a tent out there for days at a time. Perfect. Hell, depending on where you live a little picnic out in the middle of nowhere can be a decent solution.

2. I always found having a TV in my room, or a computer or etc was a great excuse to spend time alone with my girlfriend...but it helped that her parents didn't really care.

Which brings me to the realization that they definately knew what was going on, they must have, and god bless 'em...but I can't imagine hearing my kids polishing it off in the next room. I'd let 'em go at it, but that has got to be an interesting situation.

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questone

I'd just wait until they were at work. His parents didn't care too much though.

Daniel_

I used the safety angle with my folks (way back when).

More recently when I stayed at their place for a month (because I had no bathroom/water at my house) I also had a neurotic wife so we just didn't have sex.

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MexicanOnABike

well if she can sleep over, then you're set. cuz then you can just use ducttape to keep her quiet! hahaha.. jk... but if you're both quiet(no screaming), it works.

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itch vaccine

No wonder my brother gets away with everything

and I freakin' get screwed by them back then. gah!

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snowy

I dunno about the whole "eldest child" thing...I am the oldest and my parents were totally cool with me having my boyfriends over and whatnot. They've even purchased me condoms--and I'm not only talking tiny 12-packs of Trojans, I'm talking the Costco mega packs.

But I've been through a similar sort of situation because, quite frankly, in college you have to deal with roommates. A lot. I've had sex in some very interesting places because of it--including the bed of a pickup in the parking lot outside my dorm (there was a canopy, thank god). You just have to be creative and committed to making it work

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pig

What some people call necessity, I call fun

Which reminds me of that whole "necessity is the mother of all invention" thing.

oh yeah, and just remember: season is everything when going at it au naturale too hot = mosquitos, too cold = no fun for anyone.

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legolas

well i would have sex all the time in my parents house. if you guys can learn how to keep it quiet and sneaky then it should be fine. but i also have a pretty good house to do it in.

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Furry

Turn the keeping quiet aspect of it into a game? First one to giggle, moan etc. gets a forfeit...

Camping sounds like the best solution so far. Take a portable bbq with you, those are invaluable.

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Mr_Tickles

my first girlfriends mum bought us our first pack of condoms, and gave them to me when she dropped her off at my place for the weekend... she was sat in the car and said "here you go, take these" and passed me what i thought were condoms in a small plastic bag...

When i got in the house, I opened them to find it was actually a pack of balloons, and that my GF at the time actually had the box of them in her weekend bag.

*sigh* -- what i'd give to be back there again.


Anyway - I think it's a shock to all parents that their offspring are doing these things. The only thing I can recommend is that you let your parents get used to you and your gf have private time in your room. In other words... no moaning the house down, no leaving used condoms hanging off the bedside cabinet and the biggie - put a pillow behind the headboard.

Eventually, you may want to let a condom wrapper come into view in a subtle way... that way - if they are concerned that you're doing it - they'll feel better knowing that your safe.

As long as you don't rub it in their faces, I'm sure you'll be fine.

Good luck

Mr T

this_is_vince

are you two in college? if you two were in college and have the money to get an apartment, then you should go for it. i know how it feels having sex in a small car. ive done it before and it sucks. so you should save up cash and get your own apartment.