Babobeebo

Hey everyone, after sort of loitering about I decided I would contribute and post something.
I'm currently in a relationship with a Christian girl. She's a pretty heavy beliver and with me having no current faith I'm open to change.
We've been going out for almost 7 months and it's gotten pretty serious. We've been talking about marrige but in order for it to follow through I need to become a Christian. I don't mind that part, but what I do mind is their views on sex. She tells me that Christians don't belive in birth control at all. So that means that if we ever want to have sex there's always going to be the chance of pregnancy.
I've been trying to change her mind, there's nothing against birth control in the bible, it's simply a family descion that has been inherited by her.
So any tips for either changing her mind or with dealing with the pregnancy risk...or should I just wing it and maybe she'll like it so much she'll want to get birth control

thanks in advance

maleficent

Christian or Catholic? Catholics have a pretty staunch anti-birth control stance, as well as a staunch anti-pre-marital sex stance. Sex, technically, is for procreation purposes only (I'm catholic, we're not into bible reading, couldn't tell you where in the bible it is, it's just ingrained in Catechism that we've been taught.

Trying to change someone's core belief is wrong, you either accept it, or move on from her. If she wants to change, it's got to be her idea. Birth control does have other benefits other than pregnany prevention, including lowering the risk of ovarian cancer - however, since your sole intent seems to be to get her on the pill so she won't get pregnant, they'd be a bit of a lie to tell her.

there are books and internet sites on the rhythym method or natural family planning, if done correctly, it can prevent pregnancy -- but it's also got risks.

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Babobeebo

she's a Christian

and you got a point there, by changing her mind I really meant just talking to her about the pros and cons and seeing after that.

thanks for your input

Mondak

It is pretty easy to come up with the fact that you have it all figured out and you are ready to move to the next stage. For whatever your reasons, that next stage must be marriage. The thing is that you really need to know yourself before you can ever hope to know who you should spend the rest of your life with.

For example, would you be comfortable with your gal reading or better yet you saying word for word what you wrote here? How about in other threads or other places on the internet? Now I don't think there is anything wrong with what you wrote, but if there is even a shred of shame or doubt about it, don't you think that might be worth investigating before deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone? Successful relationships stem from having a true partner. Someone who you can be yourself around no matter what.

Don't get married for sex or becuase she is beautiful or sweet. Explore your true feelings on the world's religions for example and share your findings with her. See what she thinks of what you came up with and maybe that can tell you if you are truely compatable. Don't follow a religion becase others seem very sure it is right, try to find something meaningful and substantial to base your faith on.

I use religion as an example here, but there are a few big things people really need worked out in very plain english before even considering marrage. Not what you think she wants to hear, but what you really think. Politics, money, jobs, offspring, religion, lifestyle, and goals should be big ones. Don't know your goals in life? Think you will figure it out after you get married? What if the person you decide to marry doesn't really agree with those goals or won't be agreeable to you fufilling them? One of you gets their way and the other one is bitter forever. What about marrying a person who shares your same goals and dreams? How does that sound?

Give it some time (a lot) and do your own exporations and searches within. You'll find the answers, but they are really deep down and difficult to face.

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All truth passes through three stages:
First it is ridiculed
Second, it is violently opposed and
Third, it is accepted as self-evident.

ARTHUR SCHOPENHAUER (1788-1860)

thesupermikey

you might want to look a the forums at fcnforums.christianity.com I used to lark around thier sometimes because of some of the dumb arguments that people would get in to on the "teen forum" I'm told by some of my christian friends that the other forums are veru good. The people who hang there are very good at giveing non-christians the scoop in issues like this.

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martinguerre

there's a growing wing of the conservative protestant church that rejects birth control as unbiblical. they have a few favorite passages, and use them to great effect.

i'm of the mind that we are given stewardship of our selves, and for a time our children. it is ours to make responsible choices about both.

it would help to know more about her background, and what sources she's citing. my guess is that she's reading Sam and Bethany Torode's book, "Open Embrace."

i guess it's odd for me to think about this. i'm baptist, and have a pretty conservative religious vocabulary, but opposition to birth control never crossed my radar until quite recently, and came as a total shock. i'm of the mind that it is a area of Christian freedom, a place in our lives in to which God entrusts both the power of decision and responsibility for the outcomes. I've seen large families that are loving and strong, and others that are torn apart by too many demands on the parents. Choosing a large family isn't wrong...but not being responsible for how many kids you have...that could be.

if you felt that you had enough children, and could not in good conscience use birth control...could you forgo relations with her? or would that too be an issue?

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For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life.

-John 3:16

Martian

I'm in a pretty heavy relationship with a catholic girl despite being a non-believer. I learned as much as I could about her religion, decided that it wasn't for me and we discussed it. She does use birth control, fortunately, so that part isn't an issue.

Everything in a lasting relationship is mutual. Are you okay with having sex without birth control? You say you're considering marriage, after which naturally comes children; are you well enough established in your life to support a child and are you ready to have children?

They're tough questions and they need to be asked. The two of you need to sit down and have a long talk about where you want to go with your lives. If it's not the same place, it may be time to part ways. It sounds harsh, but it's better now than 5 or 10 years down the road when you realize that you're not the match you thought you were.

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I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said

- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

FNM

i was with a religious girl once.
i never knew how serious about it she was until i said something about god. and she cried. if your an atheist. i highly advise staying away from that bag of popcorn

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its 'the truth' that would tear your heart right out.

analog

Mod Note: The thread starter was 15 years old, so he's gone now. I'm going to close the thread since its whole purpose was to help his underaged "sex life".

I love sex and all, but a 15 year old should have more on their minds, like their education, than sex. All I can say is, at least it occurred to him to protect himself... though it sounds like, at 15, he'd have had unprotected sex rather than no sex at all, which is five times sadder.