Have I just been hit on by a gay guy? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

robot_parade · 07-15-2005, 06:02 PM

Hey,

So, first, I'm a straight, married guy.

There's a guy I who works at my company. I've noticed him peripherally here or there for awhile, but never knew who he was, etc. Last month, when preparing for a business trip, I ended up spending a little bit of time talking to him, etc - in the context of a group of other people who were going on the same business trip. He seemed friendly enough, but nothing struck me as...odd...at the time.

So today, I passed him in the break room, and he said "Hi, how's it going?", or something similar, and I responded with something like "Fine.". Then he said "See you later!"...smiled...and winked at me. Now at this point my "I'm being hit on by a dude!" alarm went off (which I didn't really know I had until this moment.) So...

Have I just been hit on by a gay guy?

And...

Do I care?

To the first...yeah, I think maybe so. But maybe not.

To the second...not really...but....ew.

I don't want to be rude or hateful to this guy...but I *certainly* don't want to encourage him. I don't think it's really likely to be an issue, since our work doesn't really mean that we interact much at all. I guess I wanted to throw this out there and see what you guys think. I suspect I'm overreacting about it a bit, but it just weirded me out.

I guess the larger issue is trying to figure out my own attitudes toward gays - I'm fairly liberal, and don't really have a problem with gay people, gay marriage, equal rights for gay couples, etc. But that's kind of in a 'theoretical' sense. When it gets personal like this, though...ew.

I've had (openly) gay friends before, and it never really bothered me...but then again, they never winked at me like that, either. :-)

I also understand that, just as (I hope) a girl might find me attractive, a gay guy might also...that doesn't bother me in the abstract, but this kind of did. Maybe it's similar to what a girl might feel if a guy they didn't find attractive winked at them. I dunno.

kramus · 07-15-2005, 06:19 PM

The fellow just may have a wink as a punctuation mark that doesn't mean more than a friendly tap on the shoulder. My ex does that - and she is straight, and I've seen her do it to males and females (she is often unaware that she has winked).

Also, he may be joshing you - maybe his "strai-dar" told him it would blow your mind a bit to have a wink thrown your way. Possibly he is laughing inside because he gotcha!

Or maybe he wants to go fishing with you . . .

eeef2 · 07-15-2005, 07:25 PM

i would never wink unless i meant it. err maybe not

Bill O'Rights · 07-15-2005, 09:38 PM

meh. I think that it's just much ado over nothing.
I see nothing there to get excited over. But, if I'm wrong (it's happened before *cough*ex-wife*cough*) just be happy that someone's interested in you. Even if you're not interested, and I assume that you are not, just take it as a compliment, be flattered and move on. No bigee.

martinguerre · 07-15-2005, 10:36 PM

take comfort...very few queer men want to convince straight guys. i might look at guys who aren't in to guys as eye candy...but to make any sort of a serious move, i have to know that i've got a chance on their end. it's not that complicated. we don't like rejection much either...

at any rate...this is much ado about nothing.

oblar · 07-15-2005, 11:02 PM

i have been hit on by quite a few gay guys.. I just take it as a compliment and move on just as I would from a girl who I have no interest in. I wouldn't look into it so much. If you start to feel too uncomfortable, see if you can fit your wife into the conversation (with good points! no complaints, like "I wish she would..."). He should be able to take the hint

genuinegirly · 07-16-2005, 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by robot_parade

Maybe it's similar to what a girl might feel if a guy they didn't find attractive winked at them. I dunno.

Welcome to the world of unwanted praise.

Daniel_ · 07-16-2005, 03:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinguerre

***snip***
i have to know that i've got a chance on their end.
***snip***

Was that pun deliberate?

Ether way, it cracked me up...

martinguerre · 07-16-2005, 06:40 AM

pun was actually not intended. i don't usually think about *that* when lusting at strangers. in this modern world, a boy needs to be a little bit more careful than that.

funny, nonetheless...

absorbentishe · 07-16-2005, 06:47 AM

The problem lies if he were to do it again, and again, and you ask him to stop. Sexual harrassment, plain and simple. Maybe he thinks you're cute, or perhaps even amused at hitting on a straight guy.

Don't worry about anything unless it happens again.

Johnny Pyro · 07-16-2005, 03:21 PM

You shoudn't care. Take it as a compliment. Gay guys love me! I always think its funny. It doesn't bother me. If he keeps hitting on you then thats a problem. Just tell him, "Thanks,but I'm not gay." They get the point and he will stop.

robot_parade · 07-16-2005, 05:16 PM

Yeah, I think it just freaked me out a little bit. As several of you said... "much ado about nothing.".

genuinegirly:

Yeah, I'm sure 'unwarrented attention' from guys must start to be a realy drag for girls after a very short while.

Of course, since I just checked out your profile and website in part to see if you if you were cute (yup!), I guess I'm part of the problem... :-)

feelgood · 07-16-2005, 07:27 PM

Um...not to be an asshole or anything but do you know for sure he's gay? Alot of people acts/behaves in a werid way and the whole wink part might have just heighted the whole situation to the point where you *think* he's gay.

Personally, I think you're just overreacting and might have a problem toward homosexual men. The reason I think you might have a problem is first off your "eww" comment when he winked at you. Lots of guys wink at each other for various reason, even my boss at Fedex does so. Second off, lots of people always say "Oh, I have no problem toward X people and so and so" where X is any typical group such as homosexual men when it turns out that they're really hiding the truth that they do have a problem toward them.

I have a stepbrother who behaves strangly compared to other guys I know but I have gone as far as calling him gay b/c of his behavior.

Edit: Some of the people here are encouraging you to go up to him and say "Thanks, but I'm not gay" if he continues to wink. I should point out that some workplace harassment policy includes forbiding stereotype situations such as callinig other co-worker gay. Again, you don't really know for sure that he's gay do you?

crxforum · 07-17-2005, 10:41 PM

I was at a gas station filling up in the country and this guy comes up to me who is also filling up his Volvo (the car should of given him away :P). Anyways he asks me where the gay clubs in the area are and I explain that the only one that I know of is near the University and about 30min away. He then responds with, "Oh thats a fair ways. Well how about a blowjob with no strings attached?" I responded with, "Ahhhhhhh.... Ummmmmmmm...... AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Then I ran in threw $20 down and got out of there. I didnt mean to be rude but was in a position you just dont plan on and reacted irationally. I bet he got what he wanted at the club though.

CRX Forum

Suave · 07-18-2005, 12:12 AM

I think the best thing to do with idle thoughts like these is just let them pass through your mind and ignore them. Overthinking is a bane on humanity, and this is certainly an easy situation to overthink. My answer to you is: he may be gay, but he may not. He may be hitting on you, but he may not. He may be either combination of the above, and it really doesn't matter. Take his actions in the way with which you feel most comfortable and leave it at that.

Mavric98 · 07-21-2005, 10:34 PM

A *wink* does not mean he is hitting on you. Don't get me wrong, he could have been, but I have had plenty of guys wink at me as a sign that we were in on something. For example, I have seen my boss chew out a co-worker and he turned and winked at me. He did it to tell me that I was not a problem.

I have been hit on by gay guys twice before, and I know for sure that they were hitting on me because they actually asked me out. Now that is wierd. Is it just me or are gay guys aggressive? I wonder how many guys have been hit on by a gay guy.

martinguerre · 07-22-2005, 06:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mavric98

Is it just me or are gay guys aggressive? I wonder how many guys have been hit on by a gay guy.

Ask women if hetero guys are aggressive...

07-15-2005, 06:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Have I just been hit on by a gay guy? Hey, So, first, I'm a straight, married guy. There's a guy I who works at my company. I've noticed him peripherally here or there for awhile, but never knew who he was, etc. Last month, when preparing for a business trip, I ended up spending a little bit of time talking to him, etc - in the context of a group of other people who were going on the same business trip. He seemed friendly enough, but nothing struck me as...odd...at the time. So today, I passed him in the break room, and he said "Hi, how's it going?", or something similar, and I responded with something like "Fine.". Then he said "See you later!"...smiled...and winked at me. Now at this point my "I'm being hit on by a dude!" alarm went off (which I didn't really know I had until this moment.) So... Have I just been hit on by a gay guy? And... Do I care? To the first...yeah, I think maybe so. But maybe not. To the second...not really...but....ew. I don't want to be rude or hateful to this guy...but I certainly don't want to encourage him. I don't think it's really likely to be an issue, since our work doesn't really mean that we interact much at all. I guess I wanted to throw this out there and see what you guys think. I suspect I'm overreacting about it a bit, but it just weirded me out. I guess the larger issue is trying to figure out my own attitudes toward gays - I'm fairly liberal, and don't really have a problem with gay people, gay marriage, equal rights for gay couples, etc. But that's kind of in a 'theoretical' sense. When it gets personal like this, though...ew. I've had (openly) gay friends before, and it never really bothered me...but then again, they never winked at me like that, either. :-) I also understand that, just as (I hope) a girl might find me attractive, a gay guy might also...that doesn't bother me in the abstract, but this kind of did. Maybe it's similar to what a girl might feel if a guy they didn't find attractive winked at them. I dunno.

07-15-2005, 06:19 PM	#2 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	The fellow just may have a wink as a punctuation mark that doesn't mean more than a friendly tap on the shoulder. My ex does that - and she is straight, and I've seen her do it to males and females (she is often unaware that she has winked). Also, he may be joshing you - maybe his "strai-dar" told him it would blow your mind a bit to have a wink thrown your way. Possibly he is laughing inside because he gotcha! Or maybe he wants to go fishing with you . . . __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

07-15-2005, 09:38 PM	#4 (permalink)
Bill O'Rights will always be an Alyson Hanniganite Location: In the dust of the archives	meh. I think that it's just much ado over nothing. I see nothing there to get excited over. But, if I'm wrong (it's happened before coughex-wifecough) just be happy that someone's interested in you. Even if you're not interested, and I assume that you are not, just take it as a compliment, be flattered and move on. No bigee. __________________ "I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony "Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

07-15-2005, 10:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	take comfort...very few queer men want to convince straight guys. i might look at guys who aren't in to guys as eye candy...but to make any sort of a serious move, i have to know that i've got a chance on their end. it's not that complicated. we don't like rejection much either... at any rate...this is much ado about nothing. __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

07-15-2005, 11:02 PM	#6 (permalink)
oblar Über-Rookie Location: No longer, D.C	i have been hit on by quite a few gay guys.. I just take it as a compliment and move on just as I would from a girl who I have no interest in. I wouldn't look into it so much. If you start to feel too uncomfortable, see if you can fit your wife into the conversation (with good points! no complaints, like "I wish she would..."). He should be able to take the hint __________________ "All that we can do is just survive. .All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive." - Rush

07-15-2005, 07:25 PM	#3 (permalink)
eeef2 Upright Location: right here	i would never wink unless i meant it. err maybe not

07-16-2005, 06:40 AM	#9 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	pun was actually not intended. i don't usually think about that when lusting at strangers. in this modern world, a boy needs to be a little bit more careful than that. funny, nonetheless... __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

07-16-2005, 06:47 AM	#10 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	The problem lies if he were to do it again, and again, and you ask him to stop. Sexual harrassment, plain and simple. Maybe he thinks you're cute, or perhaps even amused at hitting on a straight guy. Don't worry about anything unless it happens again.

07-16-2005, 03:21 PM	#11 (permalink)
Johnny Pyro Hey Now! Location: Massachusetts (Redneck, white boy town. I hate it here.)	You shoudn't care. Take it as a compliment. Gay guys love me! I always think its funny. It doesn't bother me. If he keeps hitting on you then thats a problem. Just tell him, "Thanks,but I'm not gay." They get the point and he will stop. __________________ "From delusion lead me to truth, from darkness lead me to light, from death lead me to eternal life. - Sheriff John Wydell

07-16-2005, 05:16 PM	#12 (permalink)
robot_parade Junkie Location: San Antonio, TX	Yeah, I think it just freaked me out a little bit. As several of you said... "much ado about nothing.". genuinegirly: Yeah, I'm sure 'unwarrented attention' from guys must start to be a realy drag for girls after a very short while. Of course, since I just checked out your profile and website in part to see if you if you were cute (yup!), I guess I'm part of the problem... :-)

07-16-2005, 07:27 PM	#13 (permalink)
feelgood Free Mars! Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time	Um...not to be an asshole or anything but do you know for sure he's gay? Alot of people acts/behaves in a werid way and the whole wink part might have just heighted the whole situation to the point where you think he's gay. Personally, I think you're just overreacting and might have a problem toward homosexual men. The reason I think you might have a problem is first off your "eww" comment when he winked at you. Lots of guys wink at each other for various reason, even my boss at Fedex does so. Second off, lots of people always say "Oh, I have no problem toward X people and so and so" where X is any typical group such as homosexual men when it turns out that they're really hiding the truth that they do have a problem toward them. I have a stepbrother who behaves strangly compared to other guys I know but I have gone as far as calling him gay b/c of his behavior. Edit: Some of the people here are encouraging you to go up to him and say "Thanks, but I'm not gay" if he continues to wink. I should point out that some workplace harassment policy includes forbiding stereotype situations such as callinig other co-worker gay. Again, you don't really know for sure that he's gay do you? __________________ Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war Last edited by feelgood; 07-16-2005 at 07:31 PM..

07-17-2005, 10:41 PM	#14 (permalink)
crxforum Crazy	I was at a gas station filling up in the country and this guy comes up to me who is also filling up his Volvo (the car should of given him away :P). Anyways he asks me where the gay clubs in the area are and I explain that the only one that I know of is near the University and about 30min away. He then responds with, "Oh thats a fair ways. Well how about a blowjob with no strings attached?" I responded with, "Ahhhhhhh.... Ummmmmmmm...... AHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Then I ran in threw $20 down and got out of there. I didnt mean to be rude but was in a position you just dont plan on and reacted irationally. I bet he got what he wanted at the club though. CRX Forum

07-18-2005, 12:12 AM	#15 (permalink)
Suave Twitterpated Location: My own little world (also Canada)	I think the best thing to do with idle thoughts like these is just let them pass through your mind and ignore them. Overthinking is a bane on humanity, and this is certainly an easy situation to overthink. My answer to you is: he may be gay, but he may not. He may be hitting on you, but he may not. He may be either combination of the above, and it really doesn't matter. Take his actions in the way with which you feel most comfortable and leave it at that. __________________ "Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein "Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato

07-21-2005, 10:34 PM	#16 (permalink)
Mavric98 Tilted Location: I am not living.	A wink does not mean he is hitting on you. Don't get me wrong, he could have been, but I have had plenty of guys wink at me as a sign that we were in on something. For example, I have seen my boss chew out a co-worker and he turned and winked at me. He did it to tell me that I was not a problem. I have been hit on by gay guys twice before, and I know for sure that they were hitting on me because they actually asked me out. Now that is wierd. Is it just me or are gay guys aggressive? I wonder how many guys have been hit on by a gay guy. __________________ "Hope is for people that don't stand a chance." Last edited by Mavric98; 07-21-2005 at 10:37 PM..