greyeyes

So I've been this girl for about two months now. To set the stage, it took about a month before we started having sex, so it was a slower relationship in that respect. I also just recently took a job at a summer camp a few hundred miles away for about two months starting mid June (so I dont have that many days to see her before my departure). This past weekend she told me that she was going to a concert and that she would call me when it was over. I didn't hear from her for three days, no phone calls or anything, so I started thinking that she got arrested or even worse, killed. So last night (it had been two full days since I had seen her and I had only a week left in town) I went over to her house to ask her roommates if she was OK or needed to get bailed out. I found her inhebreated with her roommates and a few friends (not her friends, her roommate's friends) just hanging out (she was on the phone with somebody when I found her). I was beyond pissed.

I mean does this seem wrong? It all kinda makes me feel clingy but I feel that I have some right to be since I'm gone in a few days.

Back to the story: I'm livid but I dont want to make a scene, especially when she's intoxicated, because it's not fair to yell at a drunk person. I just stand there, not saying much, as my anger turned to saddness my eyes emitted some tearlike substance (very strange). Well this freaked her out pretty badly (though she didn't say anything about it I knew it bothered her because she couldn't look at me). So now I know I'm pissed at her but I dont really want to loose her yet I dont think I should be with a person who is so closed minded about composed emotions. Yeah, she called me today, told me that she was going out to a bar with a friend.

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sailor

Sounds like shes not quite at the maturity level you need.

Have a long talk with her. Maybe she'll change. If not, I'd have to say cut it off...

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ALBINO

How often did you contact her before she went to the concert and vice-versa? Was three days without contact exceptionally long?

eMOTIONal20

(not at your sadness, at the way you presented this)

Anyway, it does sound like your girlfriend has a maturity issue. Personally, if I am in a relationship, I care at least enough about the person to contact them in some way to make sure they are doing ok... and at least alive. I would also like to think that the other person in the relationship would care enough to reciprocate such actions. Otherwise, why is there a relationship if the person doesn't seem to care in the first place? She obviously doesn't care about how you feel either, since the leakage from your eyes frightened her.

It doesn't sound like you've "lost another one." I say take whatever lesson was learned and run.

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skier

You've been with her two months- before this concert thing, did she call often, or call you before you called her? I guess what i'm trying to ask is, who does the maintenance in the relationship? If you're the one that always calls or comes over, it's not fair to ask that the one time you don't, you expect her to reciprocate and call you.

I don't feel 3 days is too long a time to go without talking to someone you've been dating only a couple months.

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eMOTIONal20

I think it depends... a lot can happen in two months of a relationship. I think it depends more on how serious the relationship was, or where you thought it was going.

I have seen relationships two months in where the couple is not that close yet, and I have seen and been in relationships where two months in, it's like you've know that person for years.

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healer

I'd kick her to the curb - probably as soon as possible (that's just instinct talking).

It sounds to me like she doesn't care enough about you (or your relationship). Maybe she isn't as serious about your relationship as you are. If that's the case, you need to sit her down (preferably when she's sober) and have a good old-fashioned heart-to-heart. If you care about her, you need to make the effort.

martinguerre

3 days isn't long. 3 days when you don't know it's going to be three days, and you find her mid-bender?

Yeah...that's a a little weird. This one just doesn't have good vibes to it...i'd pack my bags and get out of that one.

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tooth

Enjoy your time at summer camp, maybe you'll find a nice girl there.

<*hint, hint*>

ruggerp11

I would say PUNT!

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*Nikki*

I think three days is a long time. Esp if he considers her his girlfriend and she did tell him she would call him after the concert.

Seems like she has other priorities. I would back off and see what she does.

ratbastid

Look, she said she'd call and she didn't. That doesn't mean she can't make things right, if she wants to, but that's what there is to deal with now. I don't care whether three day is not too long to go, the issue is she said she'd do something and she didn't do it.

She's not "bad" for that! We do that, every single one of us. We say we'll do things and don't do it, and then, mostly, we lie about that or hide it or justify it or come up with really good reasons why it's ok. We rarely admit it and apologize, even though that's what will make the most difference.

It's not the past that matters. It's the future. What she does next is what will tell you the most about her.

Axiom_e

I would drop the p and add a c, but then I could just be jaded.

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greyeyes

Well, for the past two months it's been at least some sort of contact pretty much everyday (unless previously specified). It just seems strange that she would do that. Though there is another part to the story: she said she had taken some acid and had 'spun out' (whatever that means, I dont do hard drugs) at the concert. She said she had lost her phone in the process. She also stated that she had just recently got her phone back from a friend (within the hour from when I caught her drunk was what I got from that) the thing is, I found her on her phone talking to somebody else. I think kicking her to the curb is probably the inevitable action but I really want to talk to her about some shit first. My biggest question would definately be WHY??.

Tooth-
sucks that I can't do that because it's an all boy's camp. DAMMIT, I didn't know till just recently.

Everytime

if shes doing acid, that alone is reason enough to dump her. I don't care what anyone says.

tooth

Well, that sure sucks. No female counselors, no "sister" camp, or anything?

Acetylene

Everytime, you're absolutely right because acid trips can take years, even decades, to recover from. They can alter your brain and require anti-psychosis medications to even function normally--even after only one trip! I would not mess with a girl who experiments with hard drugs like this which cause permanent damage.

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drewpy

agree with Ratbastid - what happens next is key. create an environment that is safe for her apologize, explain whatever - don't play drama. if it will work from there great.

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MiSo

imo, you should let her go.

like most people have said already, her maturity level just isn't enough for you.
i feel she should've contacted you to atleast tell you that she's back or that she was okay. obviously she's hiding some things from you and you dont need a person like that.

give her some time to see how things unfold, but remember to be prepared to leave incase the situation isn't satisfactory for you.
it's better to cut things short now before its too late.

greyeyes

Yeah, I think I'm going to let her go. I asked her to stop by after work (before she got trashed, yeah I actually said that) so I could talk to her about shit. She came over stoned. I think I'm done with it all. Sucks, she was a really cool girl.

Tooth-
the 'sister' camp is my only hope. I honestly doubt if they have any female counselours at an all boy's camp (but hey I dont have that much experience at all boy's camps so I'm not ruling that one out).

Demeter

Its good you decided to move on.
Chalk this one up to experience. The next time, you'll be more observant.
You probably can look back now &
see she was like this all along.

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