Spent the 3-day weekend with a friend.. and wrote this this morning... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

xjumper84 · 05-31-2005, 01:37 PM

<snip>

05-31-2005, 01:48 PM

Don't show her this until after you are together. Take it easy, be the same jokey, fooling around guy you were before - the one she liked when she first met you. She doesn't need to know any of this stuff - and she might not be mature enough to deal with it. So wait, hold off, be cool, and don't spoil your chances of making something really special.

anti fishstick · 05-31-2005, 02:16 PM

I'm a little confused with the purpose of this letter. You say you'd like your relationship to be more with this girl... but nothing sexual. The letter sounds sexual to me and you wouldn't want to give her mixed signals. I say figure out what you want with this girl, or what you want in a relationship and keep this for yourself. It's a good reflection write, but you probably should think about it a little more. It doesn't seem like you want to force things to happen so I wouldn't give it to her at this point.

xjumper84 · 05-31-2005, 04:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

I'm a little confused with the purpose of this letter. You say you'd like your relationship to be more with this girl... but nothing sexual. The letter sounds sexual to me and you wouldn't want to give her mixed signals. I say figure out what you want with this girl, or what you want in a relationship and keep this for yourself. It's a good reflection write, but you probably should think about it a little more. It doesn't seem like you want to force things to happen so I wouldn't give it to her at this point.

its not really a letter.. i more like wrote it to get whatever i was feeling inside out on "paper", in essense to clear my head so i could do some work today.

After i wrote it i thought if i should give it to her, but it seems like i should just act normal like i have been doing and hold on to it, and give it to her when the time is right, and that time is not now.

chickentribs · 05-31-2005, 06:22 PM

No. You shouldn't give her that, or even a toned down version of that. In fact you need to get rid of that today. Seriously, what is going on? You two are just friends, right? I mean:

Quote:

You come to me to tell me about your guy problems and I come to you with my girl problems. We both offer advice for the other.

Has she ever expressed more than friendship for you?

Quote:

In passing you say how you love me and this leaves me thinking about you.

In passing? As in she doesn't stop walking? Umm....

This is telling you something you don't want to hear...

Quote:

we slept in the same bed.. gave back massages to each other whilst topless, cuddled and i found myself kissing her back and neck. I don't know for certain how she feels about it.. but she didn't push away.

If your laying in bed with her, you take off her top, you start kissing her neck, and she doesn't turn around? She's probably not interested, at least not right now. If you ease up - A LOT - and concentrate on the friendship then she knows?

Please pay attn to this...
Here are the kind of things that a girl does not want to read from a guy that she is friends with:

Quote:

You can lay on your back and put your legs into positions I never would have imagined, stretching your inner thigh then complaining to me later that it hurts while I lay besides you where I feel safe and loved.

Quote:

When you are not in my company I wish you were when I lay in bed at night I think about the times when I am with you

Back off and just be her friend, or you need to back off altogether. And seriously, ditch the letter.

abaya · 06-01-2005, 12:49 AM

My first thought: this is the kind of thing a man writes to someone he is head over heels in love with. This is an extraordinarily intimate letter; if you were in a serious relationship, I'd commend you for expressing so clearly why you value the other person.

However, you are not in that kind of relationship, and therefore giving the letter is inappropriate. I know so, because I've done the exact same thing in the past... I had a male best friend in high school/college whom I was in love with, and we even said "I love you" to each other often. But we were being totally inappropriate in terms of emotional boundaries, since we weren't in a romantic relationship. I gave him all kinds of letters that laid my heart open, and I should not have done that because it made me vulnerable and more in love with him than I ought to have been. We never so much as touched each other (other than hugs), but man did it break my heart when he was constantly chasing this other girl the whole time and that he didn't want to touch me the way he wanted to touch her. Obviously my feelings were not platonic, even though I said they were at the time.

Questions:

You wanna keep the friendship? Don't give her the letter. How would you feel if she had a "friendship" like yours with another guy?

You want more? Whether you like it or not, that means there's something sensual/sexual going on, which is glaringly obvious in your letter. Write a mature, controlled letter if you want her to know how you feel, but don't give her this one. It's too intense, and it's for real couples to write to each other. Save it for when you're in a real relationship and know that you're safe in giving it to someone.

drewpy · 06-01-2005, 09:07 AM

with the info provided, i'm not sure a letter is the best vehicle for communication. talk more, gauge her response and go with the flow. save the letter for when your'e sure she's it.

sashime76 · 06-01-2005, 09:22 AM

One advice: Don't rush it. Especially for her, she still has college ahead of her. There will be many "tests", other guys asking her out or girls pursuing you. It's not possible to have that one love in a lifetime, just rare.

Steffi · 06-02-2005, 08:56 PM

I know that it has pretty much been unanimous to not give her the letter and I agree with that. Something bad could happen if you gave her the letter... she could get scared and pretty much run away from you. Since I don't know her, I'm not really sure how she handles things, but it's possible. If she runs away, you could be losing someone very close to you. I'm assuming that you would not want that to happen. I think that if the time comes, share your feelings verbally. Do not give her a letter/note that may intimidate/scare her. In my opinion, it is easier to discuss feelings with someone face to face. Just give it time, and things will happen the way they are supposed to. If it's love, it will all pan out. Good luck!

Locobot · 06-04-2005, 12:55 AM

I agree with everyone's comments so far. This is an extremely intimate letter even though the majority of it has little to do with sex. If you changed all the 2nd person sentences ("You...") to 1st or 3rd person it would probably be sweet and lovely in a way that wasn't likely to scare her away. But there's not much romance in editing. My advice: do what zen_tom said.

kangaeru · 06-04-2005, 01:09 PM

You would think that if you laid your feelings bare to someone they will either accept you or reject you and you can be done with it. It's not like that though. Delete this letter--it is overboard. You sound like you've met the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. This would be a great valentines letter for an SO, but in this situation it's not appropriate.

She's going into college too...if it's going to be longer than 30 minute drive from you, your relationship will probably fade a bit. If you give her this letter she might let it drop all together.

These are things you probably don't want to hear, I wouldn't either. I'm 20 too, so I know how you feel. Just sit back and be patient, and if it's meant to happen, the opportunity will present itself. But not in the form of this letter.

05-31-2005, 01:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
xjumper84 Upright	Spent the 3-day weekend with a friend.. and wrote this this morning... <snip> Last edited by xjumper84; 12-28-2007 at 12:59 PM..

05-31-2005, 02:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	I'm a little confused with the purpose of this letter. You say you'd like your relationship to be more with this girl... but nothing sexual. The letter sounds sexual to me and you wouldn't want to give her mixed signals. I say figure out what you want with this girl, or what you want in a relationship and keep this for yourself. It's a good reflection write, but you probably should think about it a little more. It doesn't seem like you want to force things to happen so I wouldn't give it to her at this point. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

06-01-2005, 12:49 AM	#6 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	My first thought: this is the kind of thing a man writes to someone he is head over heels in love with. This is an extraordinarily intimate letter; if you were in a serious relationship, I'd commend you for expressing so clearly why you value the other person. However, you are not in that kind of relationship, and therefore giving the letter is inappropriate. I know so, because I've done the exact same thing in the past... I had a male best friend in high school/college whom I was in love with, and we even said "I love you" to each other often. But we were being totally inappropriate in terms of emotional boundaries, since we weren't in a romantic relationship. I gave him all kinds of letters that laid my heart open, and I should not have done that because it made me vulnerable and more in love with him than I ought to have been. We never so much as touched each other (other than hugs), but man did it break my heart when he was constantly chasing this other girl the whole time and that he didn't want to touch me the way he wanted to touch her. Obviously my feelings were not platonic, even though I said they were at the time. Questions: You wanna keep the friendship? Don't give her the letter. How would you feel if she had a "friendship" like yours with another guy? You want more? Whether you like it or not, that means there's something sensual/sexual going on, which is glaringly obvious in your letter. Write a mature, controlled letter if you want her to know how you feel, but don't give her this one. It's too intense, and it's for real couples to write to each other. Save it for when you're in a real relationship and know that you're safe in giving it to someone. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran

06-01-2005, 09:07 AM	#7 (permalink)
drewpy Crazy Location: Chicago-ish	with the info provided, i'm not sure a letter is the best vehicle for communication. talk more, gauge her response and go with the flow. save the letter for when your'e sure she's it. __________________ "Once made equal to a man, woman becomes his superior." Socrates

05-31-2005, 01:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	Don't show her this until after you are together. Take it easy, be the same jokey, fooling around guy you were before - the one she liked when she first met you. She doesn't need to know any of this stuff - and she might not be mature enough to deal with it. So wait, hold off, be cool, and don't spoil your chances of making something really special.

06-01-2005, 09:22 AM	#8 (permalink)
sashime76 Addict Location: Hoosier State	One advice: Don't rush it. Especially for her, she still has college ahead of her. There will be many "tests", other guys asking her out or girls pursuing you. It's not possible to have that one love in a lifetime, just rare.

06-02-2005, 08:56 PM	#9 (permalink)
Steffi Tilted Location: Somewhere in the middle	I know that it has pretty much been unanimous to not give her the letter and I agree with that. Something bad could happen if you gave her the letter... she could get scared and pretty much run away from you. Since I don't know her, I'm not really sure how she handles things, but it's possible. If she runs away, you could be losing someone very close to you. I'm assuming that you would not want that to happen. I think that if the time comes, share your feelings verbally. Do not give her a letter/note that may intimidate/scare her. In my opinion, it is easier to discuss feelings with someone face to face. Just give it time, and things will happen the way they are supposed to. If it's love, it will all pan out. Good luck!

06-04-2005, 12:55 AM	#10 (permalink)
Locobot is awesome!	I agree with everyone's comments so far. This is an extremely intimate letter even though the majority of it has little to do with sex. If you changed all the 2nd person sentences ("You...") to 1st or 3rd person it would probably be sweet and lovely in a way that wasn't likely to scare her away. But there's not much romance in editing. My advice: do what zen_tom said.

06-04-2005, 01:09 PM	#11 (permalink)
kangaeru Crazy Location: on the road to where I want to be...	You would think that if you laid your feelings bare to someone they will either accept you or reject you and you can be done with it. It's not like that though. Delete this letter--it is overboard. You sound like you've met the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. This would be a great valentines letter for an SO, but in this situation it's not appropriate. She's going into college too...if it's going to be longer than 30 minute drive from you, your relationship will probably fade a bit. If you give her this letter she might let it drop all together. These are things you probably don't want to hear, I wouldn't either. I'm 20 too, so I know how you feel. Just sit back and be patient, and if it's meant to happen, the opportunity will present itself. But not in the form of this letter.