No head... sad zxello, help... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

CityOfAngels · 01-06-2005, 01:54 AM

Seems like she's taking your joking around as an act of impatience, which she is obviously very uncomfortable with. It is her choice whether or not to acknowledge your existance, much less give you head, so just be patient with her and don't expect anything from her.

braisler · 01-06-2005, 03:53 AM

I agree that it may be an issue of patience and trust. It may be a big turn off for her to have you expecting it all of the time. Knowing that you are just waiting anxiously for her to do it -> she doesn't want to have that kind of pressure and she doesn't want to yield to that kind of pressure. BUT...

Quote:

Originally Posted by zxello

'what is the big deal with it? why do you want me to do that so much.'

I couldnt give her a good answer to her question. Anyone have a good response?

You couldn't give her a good response? Uh, how about it feeling really awesome for you? Remind her of how good it feels for her when you go down on her, tell her you want to feel the same thing. How about it being a really intimate gift that a lover gives and you want to know that she feels that intimacy with you? How about it being a pretty normal part of most people's sexual menu and you don't want to miss out on anything with her? Damn, there are more and more reasons that you can give. Don't put the pressure on, but do let her know how you feel.

She might have more issues. Maybe some one in her past told her that only dirty girls do that. Maybe she had a bad experience with another boyfriend forcing it on her. Maybe she is just a selfish bitch who recieves but doesn't give. Better you find out now.

Rlyss · 01-06-2005, 04:16 AM

I wouldn't joke about it if I were you mate. I've had way too many problems in the past about that and even though I've accepted that it'll never happen, I still joke about it in the hope that it might, and she takes it too seriously.

Lots of people might chip in here and ask if she was sexually abused as a child, that seems to be a big question these days, but your answer will probably be more along the lines of 'Some women think it's degrading, some think it's dirty, some believe there's no point when they've got a vagina to do that, and some just won't do it, that's final.'

Logic won't work on her, and if by some magical mystical chance that it did, you'll know that she's not doing it because she wants to, and while head is head, head from someone you know is enjoying it is a million times better, right? She won't be convinced it's clean, playing the 'it's only fair' card won't work because she'll probably tell you that you don't have to go down on her anymore, and since most guys love doing it, you lose that way too. She won't give you a reason, she's just refusing. (Personally I think that's bullshit, but that's just me, I'd do anything for someone I loved, but then again I don't think there's anything wrong with oral sex.)

Personally I think the bottom line is that she's never going to do this for you, and it sounds like you can live with that, and with her, so your only choice is to suck it down, because she won't.

Edit: I just re-read this and I'm worried it has a really menacing tone, but it's not supposed to at all. It's supposed to more more light-hearted but in my experience if she says no, then it's no, and I've never been given a real reason other than those I've mentioned.

drewpy · 01-06-2005, 06:48 AM

Don't worry dude. This could be good practice for you. If you ever marry this girl, you probably won't get head anyway - so look at it this way you're ahead of the game

Lucky Girl · 01-06-2005, 08:12 AM

Trust and lots of patience!!! I know from experience, if you push her she won't do it, she has to want to give oral. She has to learn to relax. Has she given you reason about why she doesn't want to? Past relationships, abuse, etc? As a woman who used to be in her shoes, and who now loves to please my man; my advice would be lots of patience and trust.

astrahl · 01-06-2005, 09:02 AM

Pressure is THE BIGGEST turn off to doing it. It is worth a discussion as to why she may feel that way though. Maybe she was abused or assaulted or something of that nature.
She could also be afraid to swallow or gag. It is hard for me to believe that any hetero female would not want to have anything to do with that part of the male anatomy though.

01-06-2005, 09:08 AM

My boyfriend had to wait a looooong time before he got head from me, but he was patient and understanding about it. Then one day, I just wanted to, and now, you can't stop me. So definitely just keep being patient with her, let her move at her own pace and see what happens.

/my $0.02

Willravel · 01-06-2005, 10:43 AM

"Head" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I don't know why other guys make such a big deal out of it. Most of what sex is is a sharing of pleasure. Both giving receiving make the experience worth having. Wanting pleasure from someone seems pretty selfish. I suppose the fact that you've given her pleasure makes it seem not seflish, but did she make sarcastic jokes about you going down on her?

Coppertop · 01-06-2005, 10:52 AM

Some women can actually get pleasure from giving head. Boggles the mind, I know.

ShaniFaye · 01-06-2005, 11:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coppertop

Some women can actually get pleasure from giving head. Boggles the mind, I know.

I know I do.....I'd rather do that than have sex sometimes!!!

Coppertop · 01-06-2005, 11:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

I know I do.....I'd rather do that than have sex sometimes!!!

And bless you for that, girl.

noodles · 01-06-2005, 11:19 AM

pressure won't make the situation any better. if it comes up again you might want to compare it to going down on her, since you said you do that (and hopefully do a good job to make it nice for her, so this comparison is a good one). some girls just won't do it, though. sooner or later you're going to have to accept that you may have one of these girls and if you do, stop pressing the issue. period.

rajc · 01-06-2005, 11:20 AM

i had that problem as well she was always like "i don t like it raj" so what i did was stop going down on her. I made her really really wet, kissing softly, playing with her tits, rubbing the clit etc etc and would teas as i was gonna go down on her. Then i would just have sex with her. Few days later she bagged me to go down on her and i said "you get what you give" and yeah it worked fine. Do not pressure b/c females are totally different then us males, more you say ok i don t care they will want to do it more. So i suggest you read up on some more posts or sites. If you are not really really really good at going down on her then read up on cunninglis (speell*) and make her want you to go down her

i hope it was helpful and believe me you are not the only one with this kind of problem many of has been there.

desal75 · 01-06-2005, 11:44 AM

Not to be a spoil sport but I would completely let it drop. If you make it a big deal one day she is going to be pissed at you for asking and start thinking of all the things you don't do for her (or she imagines you don't do for her). And I don't mean in the bedroom. Next thing you know you will be fighting about how inconsiderate of a boyfriend you are.

Besides (and this sounds mushy but) you two love each other. She must be special to you. There are a lot of dudes getting oral from chicks who hate them. Consider yourself at least a little bit lucky.

wombatman · 01-06-2005, 01:00 PM

The next time it comes up, explain why you want it (feels good, intimacy, whatever), but tell her that you're going to let it go (and actually do this) so that she can make the decision to try it at some point down the line. Not the best solution, but this way, if she wants to do something special, she has that option.

zombie_sympathi · 01-06-2005, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rajc

i had that problem as well she was always like "i don t like it raj" so what i did was stop going down on her. I made her really really wet, kissing softly, playing with her tits, rubbing the clit etc etc and would teas as i was gonna go down on her. Then i would just have sex with her. Few days later she bagged me to go down on her and i said "you get what you give" and yeah it worked fine.

so, she did it only because she wanted you to go down on her? it doesn't really sound like she did it because she wanted to... but maybe that wasn't a problem for the two of you.

to original poster:

anyway, i am in agreement with those who said that you need to be patient. been there, done that. she most likely feels insecure about it, and pressuring her doesn't help. it might also help if you take a positive attitude toward fellatio; i know people who say things like "suck my d*ck!" and then expect women to be comfortable doing that for them. the way fellatio is portrayed in society and pornography often makes it seem like the person performing fellatio is in a submissive position and that the reciever is in power. it's also often seen to be a demeaning thing for women to do, and those cultural pressures are hard to overcome for some.

if she wants to do it she will do it eventually. just be sure to have a positive attitude about it and give her space and time. but try not to fixate on that; i'm sure you can find many other satisfying things to do with her.

rickscales · 01-06-2005, 09:28 PM

Maybe girls don't like to go down on guys because "cocksucker" is and has been a terrible insult for years.

Maybe if guys stop insulting people for doing things that they *want* to happen, the problem won't exist.

On post-preview: Oh, zombie beat me to most of what I had to say.

bad jane · 01-07-2005, 06:19 AM

it it goes back to a previous relationship, you may get her over it with patience and understanding. if it is a moral issue for her (nice girls don't do that!), you will prolly just have to live without. if she's never done it before and worried about doing it right (or maybe the taste?) then patience and a gradual introduction may be the way to go.

if it's important to you, let her know why. as someone else mentioned, there are tons of reasons but the one she is interested in is the reason you want it so bad, not guys in general. if you don't know, think about it and tell her when you do. once you have an answer for her, you can ask why it's such a big deal to her--why won't she do it?

absorbentishe · 01-07-2005, 08:11 AM

Dude, I've been with my wife for 15 years. I can count the times she's done it to me on one hand. She just won't do it, we've talked about it, but she just won't, period. For her, it has nothing to do with trust, whatever, she just won't do it. Now for me going down on her, I'll do it all the time, non stop, but sometimes she won't even let me do that. It's just a personal issue with her, and I imagine it's the same with your gf.

SparklingDot · 01-07-2005, 11:52 PM

I'm proud of all you guys who are understanding and patient. Let her go at her own pace, odds are she'll get used to the idea and may try it when she's ready. Like they said, if you pressure her, she won't be comfortable with it and may even think that you want it more than you want her. Joking and wondering why its such a big deal to her isn't going to get you anywhere. What will help you is letting her know how much you love her and waiting until she wants to do it on her own.

Jonsgirl · 01-08-2005, 12:37 PM

OK, since you've gotten some really good advice I don't have anything to add, really.
I just have to say that your title had me rollin'

Vincentt · 01-08-2005, 06:06 PM

Maybe it is a power thing now, because you want it, she can't give it to you.
If she does then you win, and she can't have that.

01-06-2005, 01:34 AM	#1 (permalink)
zxello Addict Location: P-Town, WA	No head... sad zxello, help... edit __________________ Old signature just wasn't doing it for me anymore, so now I have this new one. It's equally as stupid but at least it looks really long. I'm probably just going to keep typing until I run out of things to babble about and see how many people actually read this. I once ran down a hill, fell down and hurt my elbow; my mom said I would be ok, she kissed it and made it all better. I've run out of things to say now, so if you have read this whole thing, congratulations you get a gold star! Last edited by zxello; 03-01-2010 at 09:56 PM..

01-06-2005, 04:16 AM	#4 (permalink)
Rlyss The Pusher Location: Edinburgh	I wouldn't joke about it if I were you mate. I've had way too many problems in the past about that and even though I've accepted that it'll never happen, I still joke about it in the hope that it might, and she takes it too seriously. Lots of people might chip in here and ask if she was sexually abused as a child, that seems to be a big question these days, but your answer will probably be more along the lines of 'Some women think it's degrading, some think it's dirty, some believe there's no point when they've got a vagina to do that, and some just won't do it, that's final.' Logic won't work on her, and if by some magical mystical chance that it did, you'll know that she's not doing it because she wants to, and while head is head, head from someone you know is enjoying it is a million times better, right? She won't be convinced it's clean, playing the 'it's only fair' card won't work because she'll probably tell you that you don't have to go down on her anymore, and since most guys love doing it, you lose that way too. She won't give you a reason, she's just refusing. (Personally I think that's bullshit, but that's just me, I'd do anything for someone I loved, but then again I don't think there's anything wrong with oral sex.) Personally I think the bottom line is that she's never going to do this for you, and it sounds like you can live with that, and with her, so your only choice is to suck it down, because she won't. Edit: I just re-read this and I'm worried it has a really menacing tone, but it's not supposed to at all. It's supposed to more more light-hearted but in my experience if she says no, then it's no, and I've never been given a real reason other than those I've mentioned. Last edited by Rlyss; 01-06-2005 at 04:20 AM..

01-06-2005, 06:48 AM	#5 (permalink)
drewpy Crazy Location: Chicago-ish	Don't worry dude. This could be good practice for you. If you ever marry this girl, you probably won't get head anyway - so look at it this way you're ahead of the game __________________ "Once made equal to a man, woman becomes his superior." Socrates

01-06-2005, 08:12 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lucky Girl Upright	Trust and lots of patience!!! I know from experience, if you push her she won't do it, she has to want to give oral. She has to learn to relax. Has she given you reason about why she doesn't want to? Past relationships, abuse, etc? As a woman who used to be in her shoes, and who now loves to please my man; my advice would be lots of patience and trust. __________________ Lucky Girl

01-06-2005, 11:44 AM	#15 (permalink)
desal75 Psycho Location: Western New York	Not to be a spoil sport but I would completely let it drop. If you make it a big deal one day she is going to be pissed at you for asking and start thinking of all the things you don't do for her (or she imagines you don't do for her). And I don't mean in the bedroom. Next thing you know you will be fighting about how inconsiderate of a boyfriend you are. Besides (and this sounds mushy but) you two love each other. She must be special to you. There are a lot of dudes getting oral from chicks who hate them. Consider yourself at least a little bit lucky. __________________ The Man in Black fled across the desert and the Gunslinger followed.

01-06-2005, 09:02 AM	#7 (permalink)
astrahl Insane Location: You don't want to live here	Pressure is THE BIGGEST turn off to doing it. It is worth a discussion as to why she may feel that way though. Maybe she was abused or assaulted or something of that nature. She could also be afraid to swallow or gag. It is hard for me to believe that any hetero female would not want to have anything to do with that part of the male anatomy though.

01-06-2005, 09:08 AM	#8 (permalink)
Untitled Guest	My boyfriend had to wait a looooong time before he got head from me, but he was patient and understanding about it. Then one day, I just wanted to, and now, you can't stop me. So definitely just keep being patient with her, let her move at her own pace and see what happens. /my $0.02

01-06-2005, 10:43 AM	#9 (permalink)
Willravel ... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.	"Head" isn't all that it's cracked up to be. I don't know why other guys make such a big deal out of it. Most of what sex is is a sharing of pleasure. Both giving receiving make the experience worth having. Wanting pleasure from someone seems pretty selfish. I suppose the fact that you've given her pleasure makes it seem not seflish, but did she make sarcastic jokes about you going down on her?

01-06-2005, 10:52 AM	#10 (permalink)
Coppertop Getting Medieval on your ass Location: 13th century Europe	Some women can actually get pleasure from giving head. Boggles the mind, I know.

01-06-2005, 11:19 AM	#13 (permalink)
noodles Psycho Location: sc	pressure won't make the situation any better. if it comes up again you might want to compare it to going down on her, since you said you do that (and hopefully do a good job to make it nice for her, so this comparison is a good one). some girls just won't do it, though. sooner or later you're going to have to accept that you may have one of these girls and if you do, stop pressing the issue. period.

01-06-2005, 11:20 AM	#14 (permalink)
rajc Upright	i had that problem as well she was always like "i don t like it raj" so what i did was stop going down on her. I made her really really wet, kissing softly, playing with her tits, rubbing the clit etc etc and would teas as i was gonna go down on her. Then i would just have sex with her. Few days later she bagged me to go down on her and i said "you get what you give" and yeah it worked fine. Do not pressure b/c females are totally different then us males, more you say ok i don t care they will want to do it more. So i suggest you read up on some more posts or sites. If you are not really really really good at going down on her then read up on cunninglis (speell*) and make her want you to go down her i hope it was helpful and believe me you are not the only one with this kind of problem many of has been there.

01-06-2005, 01:00 PM	#16 (permalink)
wombatman Insane	The next time it comes up, explain why you want it (feels good, intimacy, whatever), but tell her that you're going to let it go (and actually do this) so that she can make the decision to try it at some point down the line. Not the best solution, but this way, if she wants to do something special, she has that option.

01-06-2005, 09:28 PM	#18 (permalink)
rickscales Upright Location: Little Rock	Maybe girls don't like to go down on guys because "cocksucker" is and has been a terrible insult for years. Maybe if guys stop insulting people for doing things that they want to happen, the problem won't exist. On post-preview: Oh, zombie beat me to most of what I had to say.

01-07-2005, 06:19 AM	#19 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	it it goes back to a previous relationship, you may get her over it with patience and understanding. if it is a moral issue for her (nice girls don't do that!), you will prolly just have to live without. if she's never done it before and worried about doing it right (or maybe the taste?) then patience and a gradual introduction may be the way to go. if it's important to you, let her know why. as someone else mentioned, there are tons of reasons but the one she is interested in is the reason you want it so bad, not guys in general. if you don't know, think about it and tell her when you do. once you have an answer for her, you can ask why it's such a big deal to her--why won't she do it?

01-07-2005, 08:11 AM	#20 (permalink)
absorbentishe Boy am I horny today Location: T O L E D O, Toledo!!	Dude, I've been with my wife for 15 years. I can count the times she's done it to me on one hand. She just won't do it, we've talked about it, but she just won't, period. For her, it has nothing to do with trust, whatever, she just won't do it. Now for me going down on her, I'll do it all the time, non stop, but sometimes she won't even let me do that. It's just a personal issue with her, and I imagine it's the same with your gf.

01-07-2005, 11:52 PM	#21 (permalink)
SparklingDot Insane	I'm proud of all you guys who are understanding and patient. Let her go at her own pace, odds are she'll get used to the idea and may try it when she's ready. Like they said, if you pressure her, she won't be comfortable with it and may even think that you want it more than you want her. Joking and wondering why its such a big deal to her isn't going to get you anywhere. What will help you is letting her know how much you love her and waiting until she wants to do it on her own. __________________ 17 seconds is all you really need - Smashing Pumpkins

01-08-2005, 12:37 PM	#22 (permalink)
Jonsgirl Semi-Atomic Location: Home.	OK, since you've gotten some really good advice I don't have anything to add, really. I just have to say that your title had me rollin' __________________ Someday, someone will best me. But it won't be today, and it won't be you.

01-08-2005, 06:06 PM	#23 (permalink)
Vincentt Addict Location: Tokyo, Japan	Maybe it is a power thing now, because you want it, she can't give it to you. If she does then you win, and she can't have that.