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Old 01-04-2005, 04:39 PM   #1 (permalink)
xim
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Girls, How manipulative are you?

I was just listening to Russ Martin on the radio and he was freaking out because his girlfreind (of a monthish) put a toothbrush in his shopping cart to go at his house without asking. She said hers was broken or something. First I thought he was just being a control freak (as he also had wierd problems with her putting up his groceries and walking his dog without his permission)(and at the time I was kinda thinking "people dont need my permission to do me favors"), but then a woman called in and said that it was stereotypical girl games.

She said women do little things like moving things around in the house, swooping in and taking care of you when your sick to make you need them, sharing in buying little nickel and dime things (like toothbrushes) to make themselves part of the household unit, and generally testing the waters in all kinds of ways to see how far they can push without getting pushed back at the beginning of a relationship.

You girls are tricky fuckers arent you?

So my question is: Do you really do things like this? While your doing it are you thinking in terms of formulating a strategy or do these things come intuitively to you? And most interestingly what is the most amazing feat of manipulation you can remember pulling off?
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Last edited by xim; 01-04-2005 at 04:45 PM..
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Old 01-04-2005, 04:46 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I wouldn't call those things manipulation. Taking care of someone you love when they are sick is being manipulating? Gee, and all this time I thought I was just being nice and caring.
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Old 01-04-2005, 04:50 PM   #3 (permalink)
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I dont play games....that includes manipulation.....I actually even feel bad if I do something that could even appear as manipulation. I respect my guy way too much to not just be open and honest about what I want. Why should I expect him to read my mind? Less hassel in the long run to tell him...."honey Id like to do so and so (insert something like keeping a toothbrush at his place...haha if he werent living with me)..would that be ok with you or is that invading your space too much?
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Old 01-04-2005, 04:51 PM   #4 (permalink)
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that's a pretty loaded questions -- and the answer is no. women are not all secretly plotting against you. some women might be, and some men might be paranoid commitment phobic dorks. but not all women nor all men.
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Old 01-04-2005, 08:43 PM   #5 (permalink)
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LOL you actually expect women to give you the dirt about something like that?

Seriously though, women think differently than men, and many times guys have no clue what a woman's logic behind a certain action was. Just because women think differently than men does not mean that women are consciously playing mind games with guys. Some things may be done unconsciously and may appear to guys to be manipulative, but that's probably because guys don't think like women. On the same note, women often times overthink every little thing that guys do, thinking that the guy has some kind of hidden motive or something. Which, by the way, is really annoying.

And you should stop listening to that guy. He is a total fucking idiot, in the worst way.
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Old 01-04-2005, 08:58 PM   #6 (permalink)
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You know, I leave a lot of things at guys' houses...and half the time it's just because I forget.

If I'm going to manipulate you...it won't be obvious. I'm very, very sneaky.
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Old 01-04-2005, 10:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
On the same note, women often times overthink every little thing that guys do, thinking that the guy has some kind of hidden motive or something. Which, by the way, is really annoying
im dealing with something similiar to this right now and its so annoying, plus im not one to share my feelings much. its hard to keep up with talking them down
christ i love being simple minded
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Old 01-05-2005, 02:39 PM   #8 (permalink)
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i think we all have the potential to be manipulative (men and women). but i think leaving a toothbrush at my bf's house ranks pretty low on the manipulation scale. even putting away his groceries isn't a big deal--unless i rearranged his kitchen in the process.

when i stay with my bf, i'm usually there for several days straight. so for me, keeping toiletries at his place makes sense (i usually have a couple changes of clothes there as well). and i do share in buying stuff for his place--especially if i plan to be there to use it. if i'm staying the weekend, i don't expect him to buy all the groceries so paying for stuff like that just seems polite, not manipulative. same goes for taking care of him when he's sick or cleaning the house while i'm there. then again, i have no desire to be a part of his household unit, my motivation for these actions is because i care about him and it feels like the right thing to do. i'd be pissed if he spent the weekend with me and expected me to clean up after him the whole time.

i think the worst manipulation i could be accused of was years ago when a bf came to visit for a weekend. i didn't want him to leave so i cried and pouted till he agreed to stay an extra day. but i learned my lesson--i felt so guilty about it that the remainder of his visit wasn't much fun anyway.
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Old 01-05-2005, 02:58 PM   #9 (permalink)
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I'm too old and too lazy to be manipulative, it just requires entirely too much energy and thought.

If I want something, I ask for it...
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Old 01-05-2005, 03:36 PM   #10 (permalink)
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I can be incredably manipulative and evil, but, generally speaking, I try not to be. Both my mother and grandmother are in many little ways and I hate it, so I try very hard not to be.
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Old 01-05-2005, 03:41 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Back in the beginning of our relationship (when I was 18-19) I used to be quite manipulative. Or perhaps more passive aggressive. Either way, I didn't really know how to ask for what I wanted or didn't think I deserved the things I wanted so I resorted to pouting, crying, blah blah blah. Eventually I grew out of it, and now I try my damnedest not to be manipulative. It's annoying.
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Old 01-05-2005, 09:55 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xim
You girls are tricky fuckers arent you?
Chortle.

If she is manipulating without realizing it, does that make her manipulative? If a tree falls in the woods, but no one is there to hear it..., etc.

People are passive aggressive. Games are played. The one thing that really burns me is the guilt game, ie. pouting, poor-me, if you cared, everyone else does this, etc. Don't tell me I am emotionless just because I am not spooning up the emotion you want, ya know?

Snooping also sucks. What do you plan to do with whatever you uncover?? However, I found out the hard way that planting something you think will be funny for them to find is not the way to go! She still thinks I am into Granny Trannys. sigh.
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Old 01-10-2005, 08:09 AM   #13 (permalink)
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why need manipulation when you have an open and honest relationship? doing things for your significant other shouldnt be viewed as having an ulterior motive. guys, if youre that paranoid about your significant other, perhaps you should just talk to her. it will eliminate hassles and threads like this.
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Old 01-10-2005, 01:26 PM   #14 (permalink)
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for some, that "may" be intentional, but when it comes down to it, if you know a girl may stay there, why make us carry everything back and forth? it is small, and making a big deal of it is silly. its not moving in. and yes, it is making us part of the house, but a small one and if you have made room in your life for a girl, why not a stick and bristles?

and if we are to manipulate you, we do it in more effective ways. toothbrushes can be thrown out, there are cheaper and more permanent ways to accomplish tasks. but either way, its still fucking stupid.
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Old 01-10-2005, 01:37 PM   #15 (permalink)
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Ok, I know women are suppose to respond here but I dont think it is manuplitive if a girl leaves her toothbrush in your toothbrush holder... as long as she puts it back in the drawer u left it in when she returns for a second or third visit... if she leaves it in a public place everytime and says something to you that forces a conversation as to why it is in a drawer and not in public sight, well that is a different story.
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Old 01-11-2005, 12:04 AM   #16 (permalink)
xim
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You guys are just taking this way too seriously, I was going for more of a fun-mischievious vibe, not so much the holy-damn-should-we-be-offended-by-this vibe.

But anyone who acts like they are too perfect to ever manipulate anyone needs to look again. Either your wrong or someone needs to write a book about you...
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Old 01-15-2005, 04:26 PM   #17 (permalink)
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I remember a discussion with a girl some time back.
She had just given me a handjob, and said after "I was going to wait until your birthday for that". "What, you have a plan?"
"Of course I do!"
"What is it?"
"Well, then it wouldn't be a secret..."
"Meh."
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Old 01-15-2005, 04:35 PM   #18 (permalink)
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As a guy who's been through this, I'd say this toothbrush thing might be a small game at best. Sort of like getting to "first base" with a girl when you're young. Getting your own tootbrush at his place is just a small piece of the territory game.

Compared to a psycho bitch attacking your friends with a butcher knife, I'd have to agree this is not a big deal.

Would you rather your girlfriends teeth were dirty? Seriously... this radio guy should just come out of the closet now and admit he doesn't find women attractive.
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Old 01-15-2005, 04:52 PM   #19 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chickentribs
Snooping also sucks. What do you plan to do with whatever you uncover?? However, I found out the hard way that planting something you think will be funny for them to find is not the way to go! She still thinks I am into Granny Trannys. sigh.
hahahahaha you had me laughing out loud
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Old 01-15-2005, 06:46 PM   #20 (permalink)
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Guys are usually blatantly straight to the point, but I'll admit that looking back I was manipulative to a certain without really knowing it.
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Old 01-16-2005, 07:37 AM   #21 (permalink)
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I'm a straight to the point gal. When I asked my BF if I can leave a few things at his place , he said no problem, and I kept a small bag of toiletries (toothbrush, contact solution, etc) under his sink. You have to respect a person's space. Mind games are lame. If you aren't being honest with your SO, you aren't being honest with yourself. A lack of honesty will break down the relationship eventually.
Give a guy a chance to say, 'whoa, back up honey, slow down'.
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Old 01-16-2005, 08:21 AM   #22 (permalink)
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I read this thread 3 times and if I have it right this all started about a Toothbrush.... geesh get over it. men are just as bad a women at this.
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Old 01-16-2005, 01:56 PM   #23 (permalink)
xim
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter
When I asked my BF if I can leave a few things at his place , he said no problem... Give a guy a chance to say, 'whoa, back up honey, slow down'.
As much as I agree with most of you that it was a childish over reaction, that was Russ' point. A toothbrush was no big deal he said, it was that she just assumed it would be OK and didn't ask.

Incidentally I was listening the other day, and apperantly he bitched about it so much on the radio that she took it home.
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Old 01-16-2005, 04:21 PM   #24 (permalink)
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if she had just stayed and not brushed her teeth you would complain about her hygiene problem.. and on air!!!!
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