Her baby's daddy - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

shyguy · 11-07-2004, 10:57 PM

Situation: 19 year old girl has 4 month old child. She recently broke up with the father of the child. I meet her, she says she's not interested in finding someone to be her baby's daddy, and she just wants to meet new people to hang out. I don't know how much of a father the real father is.

Is it the case, more often than not, that she really is looking for someone to be a father to her child, or should I take what she says at face value? I'm not ready to be a father, especially financially since I'm still in school, but I dig the girl and want to get to know her better.

Locobot · 11-07-2004, 11:10 PM

Sounds to me that she's trying to not scare you away...

Quote:

Originally Posted by shyguy

Is it the case, more often than not, that she really is looking for someone to be a father to her child, or should I take what she says at face value? I'm not ready to be a father, especially financially since I'm still in school, but I dig the girl and want to get to know her better.

...for good reason. If by "get to know her better" you mean fuck her, move in with her, or possibly father another child with her--you should probably just leave her the hell alone. You might steer her towards planned parenthood as well for cheap or free birth control.

shyguy · 11-07-2004, 11:26 PM

By "get to know her better" I guess I mean put more effort into it. We met online and haven't actually gone out yet, but she's expressed interest in getting together. We live only 10 miles from each other and have e-mailed back and forth a few times. I guess I'm wondering if I should be worried about her motives for looking for a date right now.

StephenSa · 11-08-2004, 10:37 AM

Eh, the girl probably just wants to go out and have a little fun. New moms often can't get out much. Meet her for coffee or something non-committal like that. You've only talked to her on-line so your first face to face should be fairly informal anyway. She can't force you to suddenly take responsibility for her child so just keep your wits about you and don't fall in LOVE with her. If you're looking for a long-term relationship and don't want a child then I would say run away, far far away and don't look back. Also, she just broke up with the father of her baby. I'd see how distraught this guy is. You could be walking into a very difficult situation. Don't ask for trouble you can do without. So, all in all if you can keep it casual you are probably ok. If you think you might get serious, not a good idea. BTW All single girls with babies use the "I'm not looking for a Dad for my kid." line. Not that they are lieing, they just know babies are a red flag to most guys so they try to minimize the issue as much as possible.

avhg1 · 11-08-2004, 10:44 AM

I dated a 18 yr with a baby while I was in high school. She said the same thing and she meant it. She never said or did anything remotely like I was a surogate father or something. Eventually, if you do fall in love and get married, you would default into some fatherhood type roles, but in casual dating it shouldn't be anything to worry about. It will completely depend on the seriousness of your relationship.

theburner · 11-08-2004, 01:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by avhg1

I dated a 18 yr with a baby while I was in high school. She said the same thing and she meant it. She never said or did anything remotely like I was a surogate father or something. Eventually, if you do fall in love and get married, you would default into some fatherhood type roles, but in casual dating it shouldn't be anything to worry about. It will completely depend on the seriousness of your relationship.

what he said. I did the same thing. Had great times and great sex. She really did tell the truth about not wanting a surrogate father. People make mistakes, don't make her relive it by running away.

jillian · 11-08-2004, 04:28 PM

well being a single mother of 2 i can believe her and what she wants from you... just because i have kids doesnt mean i want them to give them allowance or or punish them... on the other hand if the relationship does last and progress the man i am seeing will be apart of their lives.... so in a way im a package deal if u are in it for the long haul... if its not for u dont be afraid and tell her u like her and want to take it slow... us single moms realize its a lot to handle nad we arent going to be shocked if a guy goes running for the hills.. in fact we almost expect it... doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt or bum us out we just know that its a tough pill to swallow

jillian · 11-08-2004, 04:30 PM

i usually will date a guy for a while before i bring him around the kids... i dont want a bunch of guys coming and going as theyt grow up... i wait and see if they are long term material and if they are... go from there

ShaniFaye · 11-08-2004, 04:39 PM

Dave is the ONLY man I've ever brought around my daughter....My child has a father...not matter what the relationship between me and him is (forunately its good) and I NEVER wanted to Dave to be a father figure.....I worried and worried he would think that...but the fears were for nothing. Now Manda is goin to have a step father she loves (she's even started drawing pictures for him to hang up at work lol) and Dave is happy that hes getting such a great step daughter (he's never wanted kids of his own)

Take it slow....but I would be inclined to take her word...just remember that just because she and the father arent together doesnt mean he wont be around....if he's a father thats worth a damn he WILL be around.

CityOfAngels · 11-08-2004, 10:13 PM

Before you all start slinging poo at me, let me first admit that I'm a shallow asshole.

I always run whenever I see a girl with a baby. She could be really smokin' hot, and I'll admit that, but I just won't touch it. I've heard way too many horror stories about responsibilities being guilt-tripped on a guy. I just don't want to deal with that, at least not now.

imkeen · 11-08-2004, 10:18 PM

Women with children are real, human beings just like the rest of the women out there. Don't discriminate simply because they've been through the birthing process. If the woman has emotional stability issues, odds are they were there before she had a child.

11-07-2004, 10:57 PM	#1 (permalink)
shyguy Upright	Her baby's daddy Situation: 19 year old girl has 4 month old child. She recently broke up with the father of the child. I meet her, she says she's not interested in finding someone to be her baby's daddy, and she just wants to meet new people to hang out. I don't know how much of a father the real father is. Is it the case, more often than not, that she really is looking for someone to be a father to her child, or should I take what she says at face value? I'm not ready to be a father, especially financially since I'm still in school, but I dig the girl and want to get to know her better.

11-08-2004, 10:44 AM	#5 (permalink)
avhg1 Insane Location: MD	I dated a 18 yr with a baby while I was in high school. She said the same thing and she meant it. She never said or did anything remotely like I was a surogate father or something. Eventually, if you do fall in love and get married, you would default into some fatherhood type roles, but in casual dating it shouldn't be anything to worry about. It will completely depend on the seriousness of your relationship. __________________ I shake the devil's hand daily... I'd do it hourly, but my hand gets tired.

11-08-2004, 04:39 PM	#9 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Dave is the ONLY man I've ever brought around my daughter....My child has a father...not matter what the relationship between me and him is (forunately its good) and I NEVER wanted to Dave to be a father figure.....I worried and worried he would think that...but the fears were for nothing. Now Manda is goin to have a step father she loves (she's even started drawing pictures for him to hang up at work lol) and Dave is happy that hes getting such a great step daughter (he's never wanted kids of his own) Take it slow....but I would be inclined to take her word...just remember that just because she and the father arent together doesnt mean he wont be around....if he's a father thats worth a damn he WILL be around. __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

11-07-2004, 11:26 PM	#3 (permalink)
shyguy Upright	By "get to know her better" I guess I mean put more effort into it. We met online and haven't actually gone out yet, but she's expressed interest in getting together. We live only 10 miles from each other and have e-mailed back and forth a few times. I guess I'm wondering if I should be worried about her motives for looking for a date right now.

11-08-2004, 10:37 AM	#4 (permalink)
StephenSa Psycho Location: Dallas, Texas	Eh, the girl probably just wants to go out and have a little fun. New moms often can't get out much. Meet her for coffee or something non-committal like that. You've only talked to her on-line so your first face to face should be fairly informal anyway. She can't force you to suddenly take responsibility for her child so just keep your wits about you and don't fall in LOVE with her. If you're looking for a long-term relationship and don't want a child then I would say run away, far far away and don't look back. Also, she just broke up with the father of her baby. I'd see how distraught this guy is. You could be walking into a very difficult situation. Don't ask for trouble you can do without. So, all in all if you can keep it casual you are probably ok. If you think you might get serious, not a good idea. BTW All single girls with babies use the "I'm not looking for a Dad for my kid." line. Not that they are lieing, they just know babies are a red flag to most guys so they try to minimize the issue as much as possible.

11-08-2004, 04:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
jillian Crazy Location: indiana	well being a single mother of 2 i can believe her and what she wants from you... just because i have kids doesnt mean i want them to give them allowance or or punish them... on the other hand if the relationship does last and progress the man i am seeing will be apart of their lives.... so in a way im a package deal if u are in it for the long haul... if its not for u dont be afraid and tell her u like her and want to take it slow... us single moms realize its a lot to handle nad we arent going to be shocked if a guy goes running for the hills.. in fact we almost expect it... doesnt mean that it doesnt hurt or bum us out we just know that its a tough pill to swallow

11-08-2004, 04:30 PM	#8 (permalink)
jillian Crazy Location: indiana	i usually will date a guy for a while before i bring him around the kids... i dont want a bunch of guys coming and going as theyt grow up... i wait and see if they are long term material and if they are... go from there

11-08-2004, 10:18 PM	#11 (permalink)
imkeen Insane	Women with children are real, human beings just like the rest of the women out there. Don't discriminate simply because they've been through the birthing process. If the woman has emotional stability issues, odds are they were there before she had a child.