Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 11-07-2004, 05:42 PM   #1 (permalink)
Upright
 
Help with breakup

Well hi everyone,
I need some advice what to do after a hard breakup with my girlfriend. I'll tell my story from the beginning:

Three days ago my girlfriend broke up with me after a 6 month relationship. She wrote me an email with the following content (translated since we were both german and usually don't write each other in english ...)

Quote:
Actually I wanted to tell you this yesterday but everytime I try to tell you this in front of you I don't get a tone out of my mouth!
As you may have noticed we didn't do much together in the past which was not only your fault. I fell in love with somebody.
Sure this wasn't planned that way but that's the way it is.
I'm very sorry. I hope that none the less we will continue seeing each other.
I only write this because otherwise I couldn't say a word directly to you and I really don't want to fool you.
Sorry
Well at least she is honest to me
The bad thing after reading that email was that I couldn't reach her by phone. Her roommate told me that she wasn't at home and her cellular phone was switched off. I left a message on her mailbox and she called me the next day.

We met and she told me she was serious.

I told her how much I love her and that I didn't want to let her go. I did also tell her about a conversation with a close friend some days ago about thinking to cheat on one's partner:
I said that day that sure I think sometimes of it but the more I would think of it the clearer it came to me that I have all I want with her. I am 100% satisfied with the one I love
So far so good. After all this talk she agreed that she will rethink the whole situation and call me the next day which was today (It's late here in germany).
On that evening I went to her flat a second time and put a large bouquet of sunflowers (her favorite flower) on her door along with a little card explaining once more how much I love her.

Today she called me and said sorry. So that's it? I barely could speak and we agreed to talk later. I took a long walk to clear my head a little which didn't really work as good as I had hoped.
Later in the evening she send me a sms that if I want we can meet tomorrow and talk. I guess I can't turn the situation much

So heres my question: What would you do in my situation? How would you behave in my situation? Can I get her back? Should I even try?
I mean alltough she fell in love with somebody else I still love her and actually I don't think I will meet a 'better' (whatever this means) women for me.

Another good friend of mine told me today as an advice: 'Wipe your mouth and look ahead. As stupid this may sound'

What do you think?
brusus is offline  
Old 11-07-2004, 06:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
An embarrassment to myself and those around me...
 
VitaminH's Avatar
 
Location: Pants
I've been there. I've thought I had the one for me. It was only in the weeks after we finally split that I realized she was not the one for me at all. I'm not saying that this will happen with you, but I feel that you should probably let go. It's apparent that she wants to split, so I think arguing and hanging on will not make for a very fulfilling relationship. It has the possibility to become very one sided if you are the only one who wants it to be.

I know it sucks, but my advice would be to cut your losses so to speak and move on. There's ALWAYS someone else, and the longer you hold on to one you've lost, the longer you may have to wait to find that someone else.
__________________
"Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte
VitaminH is offline  
Old 11-07-2004, 08:46 PM   #3 (permalink)
The Pusher
 
Rlyss's Avatar
 
Location: Edinburgh
I feel for you brusus, that is frighteningly similar to how one of my first relationships ended. Six or eight months into it she met somebody else, I tried my hardest to win her back (I even repaired her microwave! Then she moved out of her apartment a few days later and left the microwave :shrug: ) but she stayed with the other guy.

I spent that summer with my friends, did lots of crazy stuff, met somebody else and spent a year and a half with her before we broke up.

Point is that even though breaking up with someone is always a shitty thing to do, to be fair, she wasn't happy. She shouldn't have started with somebody else before telling you, of course, but relationships come and go, some for the better and some for the worst.

I was lucky that I met somebody so soon afterwards. Sometimes that happens and sometimes it doesn't, but you can help everything along by accepting it and moving on, hanging out with friends, being productive, achieving other goals and cutting off all contact with your ex-girlfriend. I wouldn't recommend calling her and being friends, that will just be a constant reminder to you that you can't have her. If you want to be friends then do it later on, after you've moved on and there are no lingering feelings.

Just give it time, and don't give it any thought, and you'll be fine
Rlyss is offline  
Old 11-07-2004, 09:22 PM   #4 (permalink)
Addict
 
f6twister's Avatar
 
Sadly, I would cut your losses and move on. If she has truly fallen in love with someone else, she has already made her choice. I have a hard time believing that your speech is suddenly going to make her reverse her decision and return to you as the faithful lover you can trust forever. This doesn't mean that she won't change her mind down the road and want you back but I think she needs to miss you before that can happen.
__________________
A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin
f6twister is offline  
Old 11-07-2004, 09:41 PM   #5 (permalink)
BFG Builder
 
Location: University of Maryland
It's difficult, but you need to move on. It's obvious that this door is closed to you. Relationships need two people to work out, and if she doesn't want to make it work then there isn't much you can do about it.
__________________
If ignorance is bliss, you must be having an orgasm.
DelayedReaction is offline  
Old 11-08-2004, 03:38 AM   #6 (permalink)
Upright
 
Well thank you guys, I guess that your opinions and suggestions will help me to get this one right.
I'll meet her in some hours and I will see what she will tell about us.

I know the one she loves btw. and I like that guy sadly That doesn't make the situation better at all. The last time we spoke he didn't knew a thing of her love. She wanted to talk to him yesterday.

I'll see in some hours
brusus is offline  
Old 11-08-2004, 03:53 AM   #7 (permalink)
d*d
Addict
 
d*d's Avatar
 
gotta let go
d*d is offline  
Old 11-08-2004, 09:22 AM   #8 (permalink)
Upright
 
Well I'm back from my ex and I'd say that was the most honest breakup ever We sat at some bar and drank tequilla sunrise.

I guess I have accepted that she wants to be together with the other guy and I said her that she should better be happy with him. I still love her or at least like her very much. I don't think that I will break the contact to her because I don't want to loose her as a good friend.

By the way she told me that after she talked to the guy he said that he loves her too but didn't want to say anything. At least her love is not onesided wich sucks as far I can tell at the moment...

For the next days I won't see her cause she will be on a trip with her new one to the sea. I hope this will lead to a good friendship with her I really hope it and I have some feeling that this can be done since we even felt like good friends today at the bar. We even laughed some bit.

Well then, really thank you for all your help!

Last edited by brusus; 11-08-2004 at 12:28 PM..
brusus is offline  
 

Tags
breakup

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 04:32 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360