0energy0

how do you stop boners because i get them way too often. =\

Irishsean

Think about hot steamy lesbian sex between Janet Reno and Linda Tripp.

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There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.
Leon Trotsky

Phantom Power

The question was how to STOP them...

aKula

Happens to everyone, sometimes at awkward times. Can't really do anything about it, just know that you're not alone in your problem.

blitz.fenix

If you feel horney, I think it best(in my personal experiance) is to stand up. I dunno it's just whenever I stand up I begin to calm down. Also "rubbing on out" often makes you less horney during the day etc

the_tyipist

My friend's sister is a nurse. They had to put a catheter in a teenage boy. Well, two young nurses was too much for this boy, and his soldier was saluting. You can't put a catheter in like that, so the boy said hold on, picked up the phone, and called his mother. Problem solved.

Charlatan

Damn... I thought your friend's sister was going to give the guy a handjob... That would have made mine go down.

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denim

Erections are normal. Get used to them and don't let them bother you. If a woman calls attention to an erection, suggest that she help you with it. Best case, she will. Worst case, she'll get upset and show herself to be immature. You can laugh at her if she does that. You have my permission.

fhqwhgads

Get married.

Stug

I think the comment above this one is the funniest I've read on this site so far... Great work fhqwhgads!

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and so ends the thought process for another day...

Seaver

LOL great comments above.

Easiest way to stop them if you cant get away for a min. is to think about other things, I think about football.

If you can get away go take a piss, it's physically impossible to hold a rigid boner if you're pee'ing. Plus that tends to be a partial cause of them (morning wood anyways), your body knows it has to hold it in, and an easy way to do that is to get hard, as said above you cant piss with a boner. It's just natures way of making sure you dont piss inside a girl instead of ejaculating.

skinnymofo

i always just think really hard and tell it "not now go back down" if i do it hard enough before its hard enough itll go back down.

kutulu

I think that would stop my erection.

DewMan

To quote Austin Powers:

"Margaret Thatcher nude on a cold day."
"Margaret Thatcher nude on a cold day."
"Margaret Thatcher nude on a cold day."

Coppertop

This oughta do it:

JustDisGuy

Roseanne Barr nekkid. [insert Pac-Man 'Game Over' jingle]

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"Act as if the future of the universe depends on what you do, while laughing at yourself for thinking that your actions make any difference."

slimshaydee

thank you for making my day

combatmedicjen

Wait a tick... so that time I was groped at my old job by a coworker pressing his boner up against me and I told him to fuck off when he asked me if I wanted to "help him with it," I was just being immature? Gee, I thought I was being sexually harassed... shows what I know!!

Oh, and to end your erections, think of her:

hannukah harry

if you're a medic, i think you just violated your hypocratic oath... i'm blind!!!!!!! (and yet strangely, my palms aren't hairy... go figure. <shrug>)

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shabbat shalom, mother fucker! - the hebrew hammer

KirStang

When i was younger, and firing guns scared me, i used to think about shooting guns, and the sort of fear that was associated with it...boner went away quick

The Magic

I think there's a slight difference between a light joke and actually pressing it up against a girl. Denim never said to announce and press a boner against people, but to just make a joke if it's called to attention.

combatmedicjen

Let me try that paragraph again...

[SARCASM]Wait a tick... so that time I was groped at my old job by a coworker pressing his boner up against me and I told him to fuck off when he asked me if I wanted to "help him with it," I was just being immature? Gee, I thought I was being sexually harassed... shows what I know!![/SARCASM]

Better?

Fate

well if you're in a hallway and it happens instantly, do the 'lean-and-feel-sick' bit. Just place a hand against the wall, lean a bit (this conceals it), and just keep your mind clear for a moment. If someone asks, just say you got a cramp in your foot or something.

There's no real way to get rid of them. Just have to live with it.

Out of curiosity, what's sparring these 'tent-poles' ?

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Suave

Sar... casm?

This is by far the most amusing thread I've read this week. One way to make 'em go down if you can't control it mentally, is exercise. When I used to get random uncontrollable erections, I'd find a private area (haha private) and do maybe 10 pushups (not always feasbile depending where you are). It diverted the blood flow elsewhere, and voila. Also healthy.

Jeff

Boners are cool, he heh he heh

/Beavis

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For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can't readily accept the God formula, the big answers don't remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command or faith a dictum. I am my own God. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.
--Charles Bukowski

Rlyss

I can't believe I'm saying this... pull your penis up and tuck it under your belt/waistband. It won't hurt and it'll disappear in a minute or so, and until then it's invisible.

klep

just make sure your tshirt doesnt get lifted for any reason...

Stug

Sorry Suave, but I found this funnier than FHQ's quip about getting married!

I can't mentally rid myself of the image of a man doing pushups in a store room with a whacking great erection!

Look Ma no hands!!

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and so ends the thought process for another day...

Suave

Glad to be of service. (it's true though ^^)

absorbentishe

I haven't had one in about 10 minutes, is there something wrong?

Dude, we all get them, and there's nothing you can do other than moving it, or taking care of it!

water_boy1999

Sex change?

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Doh!!!!


-Homer Simpson

The_Jazz

This thread is full of awesome and deserves to be bumped.

Personally, I think I risk permanent impotence with mine - thinking of Dick Cheney rubbing one out with Kim Jong Il watching.

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thespian86

hahahahaha zing.

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EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

levite

Just crank one out a couple of times a day. That usually does it for me.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

sapiens

Find yourself a Congolese sorcerer.

Giant Hamburger

Don't forget the fennel.

uncle phil

watch out for WK...

he's on a tear about bumping older threads...

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"We were wrong, terribly wrong. (We) should not have tried to fight a guerrilla war with conventional military tactics against a foe willing to absorb enormous casualties...in a country lacking the fundamental political stability necessary to conduct effective military and pacification operations. It could not be done and it was not done."
- Robert S. McNamara
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We will leave you your small joys and smaller troubles."
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never wrestle with a pig.
you both get dirty;
the pig likes it.