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11-01-2004, 04:06 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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Loser
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Video games, music, and Masturbation. My story.
My story begins when i turned 14, because thats when i discovered the joys of masturbation.... Forget Play Station, N64, movies, music, etc. because masturbation was > than all of them put together...
I quickly became a expert at the art of masturbation, as i was able to use both left and right hands with great ease and skill.. Sometimes i would challenge myself and switch hands rapidly... I called that technique "rapid fire".... If masturabation was a sport, i would be the Micheal Jordon, the joe montana , the mike tyson like athlete just dominating all who dared to challenge me.. Often, i practiced tuning my skill in speed... Thats when "OPeration-minuteman" was founded.. Within 45 seconds i could bust out some young and healthy "juice of life..." But the hardest skill to master was the the "marathon-run"... The marathon run is based on how long you can last without busting... This would give me the most trouble because the slightiest naughty thought, would cost me my goal in achieving the time of 20 minutes.. I practiced day and night.. Night and day... Worked through the pain and swelling but finally one day i decided to think about homework while trying to fulfil this task.. Thinking about cos, sin, e=mc^2 was a great strategy as it took my worries off my goal and allowed me to just play the game.. Not only did i achieve my goal of 20 mins but i set a record by going 6 mins and 45 secs over 20.. To me that day was the day i climb Mt. Everest and lived to tell about it..... Well years passed and i finally got a girl friend that i liked and could share my feelings with.. So i told about my unmatchable skill of masturbating and she was a bit disgusted, and felted ashame for me.. She said "dont you know masturbating is a sin?" "Masturbating is like shaking the devil's hand.." My reply was "if thats the case then me and the devil must bet best friends..." Thank you if you read all this and for those who didnt find this funny at least i tried |
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11-01-2004, 05:34 PM
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#4 (permalink) |
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It's All About The Ass!!
Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!
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Wow. I think I've masturbated for much longer than 20 min. on several occasions without busting a nut. At least 30 usually. Usually cause I'm viewing a webcam and holding out for when they show the REALLY good stuff. I almost feel ashamed because of you!
 Oh wellAsta!!
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"I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project  It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!  - Asta!!
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11-01-2004, 06:34 PM
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#6 (permalink) | |
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Insane
Location: California
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Quote:
Okay really she needs to get of being all high and mighty.
__________________
Wiggum: Find anything this time, boys? Cop: Uh, no sign of him, Chief. Wiggum: Princess Opal? Opal: I see nothing here, but I'm afraid it's splitsville for Delta Burke and Major Dad. Wiggum: But they seem so happy! -- ``Bart the Murderer'' |
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11-02-2004, 12:33 AM
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#12 (permalink) |
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Crazy
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well... first of all, i'm sure most girls will be disgusted by you being the master of masterbating. sorry didn't mean for the double word. anyways. The bit about it being a sin and shit seems pretty darn flaming to me. she must be religious or some shit, which is something you don't seem to be. So in my experience, don't date a religous chick if she's really religious, only causes problems. Although it seems like she'd end things first. let us know what happens.
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11-02-2004, 08:56 AM
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#15 (permalink) |
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Thank God hockey is back
Location: Deeeeeetroit
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if she is the religious types I can see why most private school kiddies end up freaks in college. No sex before marriage, no masturbating, christ man let them do something, its just not natural to close the door and sexuality.
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11-04-2004, 12:28 PM
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#16 (permalink) |
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Tilted
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LOL! This was the funniest post I have ever read in my life! Man listen she says its a sin because in the Bible there is a story about this guy named Onan and Onans bro died God tells him to impregnate his Brothers wife as he is having sex with her he pulls out and cums on the ground *spilling his seed* God strikes him dead but not because he spilled his seed but because he was told to make the lady pregnant and he just pulled out. Also did you know that masturbation makes you go blind! j/k Its an old wives tale.
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11-05-2004, 08:18 PM
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#19 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: San Francisco
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I just laughed out loud.
__________________
Embracing the goddess energy within yourselves will bring all of you to a new understanding and valuing of life. A vision that inspires you to live and love on planet Earth. Like a priceless jewel buried in dark layers of soil and stone, Earth radiates her brilliant beauty into the caverns of space and time. Perhaps you are aware of those who watch over your home And experience of this place to visit and play with reality. You are becoming aware of yourself as a gamemaster... --Acknowledge your weaknesses-- |
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| Tags |
| games, masturbation, music, story, video |
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that's awesome!
