Hariken

I'm a pretty fat guy whose out of shape and who has no real chance of getting close to any of the attractive women I know, but I desperately want to at least befriend some of them. How can I go about doing this so I don't A) offend them, B) entrench myself even further, or C) come off looking like a disgusting fat ass? Please, I desperately need to know how to do this tactfully.

Carno

Say, "Hi."

Just be yourself. You have nothing to lose. If they don't want to be friends with you, it's their loss.

skibum

I might be kind of bitter, but I have found that unless you are attractive its pointless to even try.

phredgreen

grow some self-esteem, remember your good qualities, and approach them. if a girl disses you because you're not some fucking mr. universe, i garuntee she's not the right one for you anyways. take it from one fat kid to another... there's plenty of ass for us out there.

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maleficent

It's been a long day.. so forgive this outburst...

but...

That's the biggest bunch of bullshit I've ever seen. Women, real women, could honestly care less about your looks, your bank account and what kind of car you drive. We are impressed by the man, not the trappings. We'd rather have someone who was kind, intelligent, with a sense of humor, than an adonis.

Self confidence (not arrogance) counts for a bazillion percent of who you are. If you believe you are worthy of a woman, then the women will come.

However, if you're just trying to "nail hot chicks" then -- well -I'm sorry for you.

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Irishsean

I find myself agreeing with Mal more and more...

You need to relax man, be yourself, I have the same problem, and I have a wonderfull girlfriend who could easily be a model. Its not what you look like that counts, its how you act. When I met my SO a bunch of other guys were hitting on her and being real jerks, all I did was treat her like a real person, and stood up for her. Its not how you look, its how you act that counts.

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There are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances.
Leon Trotsky

World's King

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

skibum

lol. Maybe I just know the wrong people then. My experience is more observation than anything. I don't care about relationships or sex. I don't look for them. I am 24 and can count the number of dates I have been on using 1 hand. Most action I have seen in 2 years is a hug. Women don't know I exist, and I don't really care. I have better things to do than waste my time. So from that point of view I might be bitter.

What I have seen however is attractive females will cheat, dump and generally treat guys like shit as soon as a better looking, or richer, or whatever guy comes along. Guys ain't saints by any means, but it seems the good looking women want to do nothing more than play games with the good lookin or rich guys and want nothing to do with the average shmoe.

sblime42

I'm sorry, but that is quite possibly the most extreme generalization I've ever heard. Annecdotal evidence, like any kind of evidence, can be used maliciously or with good intentions, and this is a case of malice.

You cannot judge all women by the actions of one or two bitches; that's just shortchanging all of the beautiful girls who have remained faithful to their significant others.

In regards to the original poster's question, if you're just looking for female friends, you don't need to worry about girls running away when you approach them. I agree with mal, all you need is a little bit of confidence. If you're in college, just sit next to a good looking girl one day, casually look over and with a big smile ask her if she has the notes from yesterday's class (or something along those lines) and she will most likely happily oblige. Congrats, you just broke the ice. After that, just be friendly.

Girls aren't the mysterious pandora's box that they're generally portrayed as; they're just like you and me, they have their insecurities and want people to like them. The most important thing you can do is to simply smile when you talk to people. You'll be surprised how much of difference it'll make.

Anyway, good luck man, and don't listen to the dude that's telling you it's hopeless. I'm sure Chris Farley got lots of play. It all comes down to attitude. Smile and be confident.

skibum

I seen it with way more than 1 or 2 chicks. I figure they know they have a choice of nearly any guy they want, why settle for less?

oh, and Farley had money.

sblime42

I don't doubt that there are many girls out there that are like what you describe, however, saying that every attractive girl does this really is a slap in the face of all of the ones who don't.

I can find you an exception to every rule, that doesn't mean it's the norm. I can match you annecdote for annecdote if you want to get into this discussion (which I would reserve for a different thread).

Also, although I didn't personally know Farley while he was alive, I can almost guarantee that the girls who dated him didn't do it solely for the money. The man had charm and charisma, and that's what attracted most people to him.

Anyway, I don't want to turn this thread into a discussion on the necessity for social change with regards to beauty standards. The guy just asked how he could attract females and I did my best to help him.

toxic515

Chris Farley, John Candy, John Goodman, Loui Anderson, Robby Coltrane, John Rhys Davies, To name but a few MOVIE stars, and big men who get plenty of play... then there's me, I honestly get lots, and I'm a big dude..... Guys, ALL of you, need to realize that your looks are a miniscule part of anything and everything that you are. People of quality and intelligence certainly are aware of your appearance, but they also know where that falls on the scale of micro-give-a-shits.... Really low. Fear, self loathing, doubt, insecurity, THOSE things are also visible, and a good PERSON, woman or man, can smell them from a mile away... because they stink up the place. Fear, not death, is the opposite of life. Get out there and fucking LIVE! The right people are going to be there with you. World's best pickup line: " Hi, I'm (insert name here)." That's it guys, that's the magic bloody phrase. POOF you're a rockstar.

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like a banana.

EmilyMu154

as a college student going to a school full of beautiful people, i can tell you that looks don't say one thing about a person.

I know many a great looking guys who are complete asses, and many a not so great looking guys who are also asses.

For me one night stands might be based on looks but long-term relationships are based on so much more.

I say just be a nice guy, because nice guys finish FIRST and women can tell who the nice guys are and they WILL respond well to that


PS i go for the big guys, i actually enjoy extra cushion for the pushing