Need help... long distance stuff, moving too fast, etc.... - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

VirFighter · 05-16-2003, 11:55 AM

A quick word of warning, this post is probably gonna be fairly long.

Anyways, first off a little about me, I'm 19 and have never had much luck with girls. However while away at school in Atlanta, I came to terms with it after beating myself up over it in high school, I enjoyed being single, spending time with friends, and didn't push myself too hard on the girl issues. I still didn't have much luck, but hey, I was happy.

Anyways I come home from school and I'm bored during the day while waiting to hear back from a couple of jobs and I meet this girl online. She apparently found me on a dating site that I filled out during high school (that was part of me worrying too much about not having a girlfirend). Anyways, we talk for awhile, she seems really cool, I gave her my number and told her to give me a call if she ever wants to do anything.

Last Wednesday I get a call from her inviting me over to her friend's house where she was hanging out. After talking for awhile, they decide to take me out. We end up in a gay club (a story in itself, her friend is gay) and she made me feel completely comfortable there. This is someone who had just met and talked his first homosexual and was now at a gay club and to top it off I'm not a big club person either, culture shock indeed. Things go well and at the end of the night we end up kissing one another (remember this is big for me, not much luck in the past).

We talking online and on the phone and going out together for the next few nights (we were together wednesday --> sunday) because she has accepted a job working as a secretary at a camp in the mountains and she will be leaving on monday morning. We have a great time together, she met some of my friends and I met some of hers, and I enjoyed myself talking to her and being with her. Sunday night, her last night here, we fooled around together. To me this is very meaningful, a new experience in life with someone whom I like more everytime I see her.

So I was happy and a little sad at the same time when we parted ways Sunday night. I saw this relationship as having a lot potential but she will be leaving. About 2:30 that morning (about an hour or after dropping her off), she calls me to tell me that her uncle died. She is pretty emotional and said that I was the only one she coudl think of to call. We talk, I try to be supportive, make her feel alright, etc and we end up being on the phone together until about 4:00. We talk again on Monday and then again on Wednesday.

Wednesday night I got to see her again. She was staying at her aunt's house and basically her entire family was there. She said that she wanted to see me and be able to get out of the house for a little while. So I pick her up, we spend sometime together then I go back, meet some of her family, and just keep her company for awhile.

Yesterday we met for lunch and then went back to her Aunt's house again and we entertained her two young cousins (the ones that lost their Dad). I feel so happy being with her, even if she is just laying with her head on my shoulder while we watch her cousins play a video game.

That was the last time I saw her. The funeral was today and she was leaving for the camp directly after that. I have her email address and phone number for the camp and she said she wants to keep in touch and hopefuly I can come visit her on her days off. This is good, I want to keep talking to her and I sure as hell want to see her again.

However, I'm feeling very confused. When you put it into perspective, I have only known this girl for a little more than a week but I feel like it has been a month or more. I feel like we have some kind of connection, I certainly like her a lot and I thinks she feels similarly towards me. Yet we have moved incredibly fast and have been saturated with each other for the past week. So I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is truly something that could turn into love or if it is simply extreme happiness for finally finding "someone".

I'm thinking ahead on this thing and I don't want it to end. I feel like there is something so special about her but I can't put my finger on it. However, she is going to be gone until August with me only seeing her maybe a handful of times before I head back to school in Atlanta. She goes to school in Raleigh.... long distance stuff usually doesn't work.

Can anyone provide any advice? I don't want to grow dependant on someone and set myself for a huge heartbreak later on down the road... but I'm afraid I'm already on that path. I'm really confused on how to handle this. Right now my plan is just to keep in contact with her this summer and see her whenever I can. That doesn't sound like too bad of a plan, but I'm already starting to miss her.

I think that is everything, I am really sorry for the length of this post but I feel like I had to give as much information as possible to really undersand the situation. Thanks, those of you that read through it.

Slims · 05-16-2003, 01:49 PM

Go on living your life, but look her up the next time you are back in town. Other than tha, I dont know what to tell you.

Good luck.

Rippley · 05-17-2003, 05:25 AM

Thanks for sharin' buddy

My initial response would have to be, don't pine just yet. You haven't known her for that long, but you've helped through some intense stuff. A bond is in place. She's not likely to forget you anytime soon, so don't worry. You have her number and e-mail for the summer, or however long it is... Keep in touch with her, and go visit her on her days off, if you can. Maybe she can come visit you for a weekend at some point? consider this summer a dry run. If you can "keep it together" until August, there's a chance you could do the same when you go off to school.
Most importantly, don't put her on a pedestal. That opens you up to that nasty heartbreak you mentioned. Get to know better.

Good luck.

VirFighter · 05-17-2003, 08:50 AM

Greg, Rippley thanks for the advice

Rippley, this is basically the plan I'm looking to stick to. Hopefully things will work out.

Words of wisdom are always appreciated it. Especially since most of the folks here are probably older than me/more experienced

Memalvada · 05-17-2003, 11:18 AM

You know, before i started dating my current GF, i was undecided between her and her cousin(

).... And I asked one of my best friends for help about it, because i couldn't decide which one i should go after..... And I know this is nothing like whats happening to you, but i think that the advice he gave me applies to pretty much everything.

He told me to ask myself one question, and you should ask yourself too:

What does your heart tell you?

Frowning Budah · 05-20-2003, 02:21 AM

Sounds like you made a connection. Just make sure you keep in contact with her and see where it takes you. Don't move too fast.

Minx · 05-22-2003, 09:28 AM

Sometimes the most important things (ie love) don't come easily. You have obviously connected with this girl and she with you. Just let it happen. Don't try to rush it and don't worry about the long distance. If it was meant to be it will happen. You sound like you care very much for her and that those feelings are returned so enjoy that, revel in it for not all of us are so lucky.
I think the worst thing you can do is not take the chance because you are afraid of getting hurt. In order to appreciate the highs in life you must also experience the lows. It's a crap shoot, you hope for the best and take what you get.
I wish you the best...good luck!

05-16-2003, 11:55 AM	#1 (permalink)
VirFighter Insane Location: Raleigh, NC / Atlanta, GA	Need help... long distance stuff, moving too fast, etc.... A quick word of warning, this post is probably gonna be fairly long. Anyways, first off a little about me, I'm 19 and have never had much luck with girls. However while away at school in Atlanta, I came to terms with it after beating myself up over it in high school, I enjoyed being single, spending time with friends, and didn't push myself too hard on the girl issues. I still didn't have much luck, but hey, I was happy. Anyways I come home from school and I'm bored during the day while waiting to hear back from a couple of jobs and I meet this girl online. She apparently found me on a dating site that I filled out during high school (that was part of me worrying too much about not having a girlfirend). Anyways, we talk for awhile, she seems really cool, I gave her my number and told her to give me a call if she ever wants to do anything. Last Wednesday I get a call from her inviting me over to her friend's house where she was hanging out. After talking for awhile, they decide to take me out. We end up in a gay club (a story in itself, her friend is gay) and she made me feel completely comfortable there. This is someone who had just met and talked his first homosexual and was now at a gay club and to top it off I'm not a big club person either, culture shock indeed. Things go well and at the end of the night we end up kissing one another (remember this is big for me, not much luck in the past). We talking online and on the phone and going out together for the next few nights (we were together wednesday --> sunday) because she has accepted a job working as a secretary at a camp in the mountains and she will be leaving on monday morning. We have a great time together, she met some of my friends and I met some of hers, and I enjoyed myself talking to her and being with her. Sunday night, her last night here, we fooled around together. To me this is very meaningful, a new experience in life with someone whom I like more everytime I see her. So I was happy and a little sad at the same time when we parted ways Sunday night. I saw this relationship as having a lot potential but she will be leaving. About 2:30 that morning (about an hour or after dropping her off), she calls me to tell me that her uncle died. She is pretty emotional and said that I was the only one she coudl think of to call. We talk, I try to be supportive, make her feel alright, etc and we end up being on the phone together until about 4:00. We talk again on Monday and then again on Wednesday. Wednesday night I got to see her again. She was staying at her aunt's house and basically her entire family was there. She said that she wanted to see me and be able to get out of the house for a little while. So I pick her up, we spend sometime together then I go back, meet some of her family, and just keep her company for awhile. Yesterday we met for lunch and then went back to her Aunt's house again and we entertained her two young cousins (the ones that lost their Dad). I feel so happy being with her, even if she is just laying with her head on my shoulder while we watch her cousins play a video game. That was the last time I saw her. The funeral was today and she was leaving for the camp directly after that. I have her email address and phone number for the camp and she said she wants to keep in touch and hopefuly I can come visit her on her days off. This is good, I want to keep talking to her and I sure as hell want to see her again. However, I'm feeling very confused. When you put it into perspective, I have only known this girl for a little more than a week but I feel like it has been a month or more. I feel like we have some kind of connection, I certainly like her a lot and I thinks she feels similarly towards me. Yet we have moved incredibly fast and have been saturated with each other for the past week. So I'm not sure if what I'm feeling is truly something that could turn into love or if it is simply extreme happiness for finally finding "someone". I'm thinking ahead on this thing and I don't want it to end. I feel like there is something so special about her but I can't put my finger on it. However, she is going to be gone until August with me only seeing her maybe a handful of times before I head back to school in Atlanta. She goes to school in Raleigh.... long distance stuff usually doesn't work. Can anyone provide any advice? I don't want to grow dependant on someone and set myself for a huge heartbreak later on down the road... but I'm afraid I'm already on that path. I'm really confused on how to handle this. Right now my plan is just to keep in contact with her this summer and see her whenever I can. That doesn't sound like too bad of a plan, but I'm already starting to miss her. I think that is everything, I am really sorry for the length of this post but I feel like I had to give as much information as possible to really undersand the situation. Thanks, those of you that read through it. __________________ "The South is gonna boogie again" - Disco Stu

05-16-2003, 01:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
Slims Eccentric insomniac Location: North Carolina	Go on living your life, but look her up the next time you are back in town. Other than tha, I dont know what to tell you. Good luck. __________________ "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill "All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

05-17-2003, 05:25 AM	#3 (permalink)
Rippley Insane	Thanks for sharin' buddy My initial response would have to be, don't pine just yet. You haven't known her for that long, but you've helped through some intense stuff. A bond is in place. She's not likely to forget you anytime soon, so don't worry. You have her number and e-mail for the summer, or however long it is... Keep in touch with her, and go visit her on her days off, if you can. Maybe she can come visit you for a weekend at some point? consider this summer a dry run. If you can "keep it together" until August, there's a chance you could do the same when you go off to school. Most importantly, don't put her on a pedestal. That opens you up to that nasty heartbreak you mentioned. Get to know better. Good luck. __________________ roadrazer - 300kgs, 300hp = pure fun.

05-17-2003, 08:50 AM	#4 (permalink)
VirFighter Insane Location: Raleigh, NC / Atlanta, GA	Greg, Rippley thanks for the advice Rippley, this is basically the plan I'm looking to stick to. Hopefully things will work out. Words of wisdom are always appreciated it. Especially since most of the folks here are probably older than me/more experienced __________________ "The South is gonna boogie again" - Disco Stu

05-17-2003, 11:18 AM	#5 (permalink)
Memalvada Psycho Location: South of the border	You know, before i started dating my current GF, i was undecided between her and her cousin().... And I asked one of my best friends for help about it, because i couldn't decide which one i should go after..... And I know this is nothing like whats happening to you, but i think that the advice he gave me applies to pretty much everything. He told me to ask myself one question, and you should ask yourself too: What does your heart tell you? __________________ "The weak are food for the strong, so die and let me feast!" - Makoto Shishio (RK)

05-20-2003, 02:21 AM	#6 (permalink)
Frowning Budah Slave of Fear	Sounds like you made a connection. Just make sure you keep in contact with her and see where it takes you. Don't move too fast.

05-22-2003, 09:28 AM	#7 (permalink)
Minx Junkie Location: Up yonder	Sometimes the most important things (ie love) don't come easily. You have obviously connected with this girl and she with you. Just let it happen. Don't try to rush it and don't worry about the long distance. If it was meant to be it will happen. You sound like you care very much for her and that those feelings are returned so enjoy that, revel in it for not all of us are so lucky. I think the worst thing you can do is not take the chance because you are afraid of getting hurt. In order to appreciate the highs in life you must also experience the lows. It's a crap shoot, you hope for the best and take what you get. I wish you the best...good luck! __________________ You've been a naughty boy....go to my room!