Jesus Pimp

It's been almost a year since my ex and I broke up. It was a mutual breakup. I haven't heard from her since. Recently I was thinking of emailing her asking her how she's doing and what I'm up to. Is this a bad idea? Sometimes I think to myself, "does she really give a shit about me anymore?".

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hu-man

As long as you just don't write anything like "I still love you and I want to be with you, stop seeing that guy in the red shoes and brown coat and pierced nose, he's not good enough for you and why do you two always eat at our old favourite restaurant?"
If it's just to hear how she's doing and what's up, no biggie. Especially after a mutual breakup, no bad feelings involved.

unoaman

JP...I don't see why not. It's shouldn't be unreasonable to still be concerned, and interested in her, and how she is doing. Maybe you haven't heard from her because she hasn't heard from you. Whether she gives a shit about anymore in really immaterial unless you still give a shit about her. In that event, it's a whole different ballgame.

st33lr4t

what do you mean by "does she really give a shit about me anymore?" how are you going to feel if she really doesnt care anymore? if your all good with whatever she says then email away.

Averett

Personally I wouldn't bother. If it's been that long then it's best to stay disconnected.

Then again, I'd prefer the earth to swallow up my ex

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Jesus Pimp

I asked that question because I haven't heard from her. A few of my friends still talk to their exes on a monthly basis since they broke up. I haven't heard even a peep from mine.

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wilbjammin

Depends on what you want. I'm likely to never talk to one of my exes again. I don't feel like I'm missing anything. What are you missing?

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amonkie

Sometimes not talking to an ex is required in order to move on with your life. My first thought was that if you'd seen her somewhere, sending an email wouldn't seem so random. Just be careful that if you do email her, you could be opening a huge can of worms if you are not 100% sure of how you feel about your breakup before you send it to her.

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roachboy

the only thing i can add to this thread is that a lot would depend for me on how i actaully felt about the ex--because email is a funny way to relay your (maybe not acknowledged) emotions--you cant control how the recipient takes your tone, for example...its funny how easily a simple email can get out of hand. and they are so easy to send.

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rodneybrooks

I would email her. If you ended on a good note, then there is nothing wrong with seeing how she is doing? After all, she was an important part of your life, even if only for a little while.

Acetylene

I'd be very wary of endangering any relationship you are in now by possibly reopening feelings which are linked to memories and not reality. What I mean is, if you talk to her and start feeling all nostalgic, that can make you dissatistfied with what you have now, not to mentioned making your current lover extremely insecure.

I'd also be careful you are not doing what my roommate does, which is expect all her ex's to talk to her at least once a week, chat online, and come over for visits, as if nothing had ever happened. It's not possible, and I might even go so far as to call it cruel, for you to expect perfectly normal and friendly behaviour from an ex who might still be hurt.

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Jesus Pimp

Well I emailed her. I am relieved. One less thing on my mind to think about. I don't care if she doesn't write back.

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

Bill O'Rights

Yeah...yeah, I think you do. Peel back the shell, and you will find, I believe, that you will be disapointed if she doesn't respond in kind. If you didn't care if she writes back, then I don't believe that you would have e-mailed her in the first place.

I came across the e-dress of an old flame of mine on one of those alumni websites. I haven't seen or heard from her since well before many of you were born. (1979 if anyone really cares) I, like Jesus Pimp, belabored for weeks whether I should contact her or not. After all, I wasn't looking to hook back up or anything. I just wanted to see if life had given her what she wanted, and if she realized her dreams. I finally decided to try to contact her. After all, what harm could it do? I told myself time and again that she probably wouldn't respond, and that that was an acceptable outcome.

Y'know...that was a little over three years ago. I still check that old e-mail address, that I know longer use, but keep active just for Tina. She never wrote back. Yeah...I'm pathetic.

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roboshark

If it was a mutual breakup, I see no reason not to email (i.e. presumably, neither of you is holding a grudge against the other one). As long as you really have no intention of getting back together, it'd be fine. On the other hand, although I've tried contacting my exes in the past, it never went anywhere (we didn't become "friends" or whatever.) It was quite pointless in the end. We even met, and in the course of the conversation I realized I couldn't actually care how she was doing now, who's she married to or whatever. But maybe that's me.

I'd have opted for a phone call. This way you avoid the embarassment of her never emailing back, and the tormenting uncertainty of whether she got your mail and threw it away in disgust, or never received it, because it's her old email address (or it got lost in the spam, or whatever). But now that you've emailed, a phone call is not an option anymore, cos if she got the email, you might come across as desperate. More torment and anguish ensue. Who said life was easy?!

bbrown4

Don't do it. Keep on doing your own thing.

98MustGT

Only if she is really hot

Justagirl

I say don't email her. In my opinion emailing is the chicken way out. Unless you con't know the phone number. But why are you suddenly after a year thinking of getting in touch with her again. Unless you've had some great revolution or are really missing her and hoping to work things out with her then don't do it.
But that's just my opinion... and opinions are like assholes.. everyone has one.

meembo

LEAVE IT ALONE.

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Jesus Pimp

She wrote back! She's doing fine. Yes I do miss her but I'm glad she finally doing something with her life.

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Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

neekap

I IM'd my ex before, and we wound up getting back together for a short couple of months and everything just felt plain weird. I'll never do that again. Then again, being a hypocrite, we still IM each other every now and then but I avoid face to face as much as possible for fear the same thing might happen again.

Caphreak

But how long is too long? Its been almost 2 years for me, and i was away at college, being pretty busy. This past summer i had to move home, and someone asked about her, and it made me start thinking. I definitely wouldnt call her, but would an email be out of line? (now that i count better, its been a little over 2 years)

neekap

The worst she can do is ignore you. Like previous posters said, don't walk into it even remotely sounding like you want to get back together. Just a generic hey how's it going may be good enough. If she wants to talk, she'll write back.