Mantus

Well I hate to disappoint the trend of posting allot of reading material that we have on this forum. You don’t have to read it all and just comment on the title.


I am dating this girl. Both of us are in our early twenties thought she is three years younger then me. She has a very low sex drive and is extremely shy about the whole act. When we are intimate she is generally very docile to the point where she wouldn’t even kiss me back. The sex was pretty lousy because it felt like I was in it all by myself. Now she has some rather deep confidence and self-image issues so this is all too understandable.

I am fairly capable in the technical department of lovemaking but still rather inhibited on a romantic and creative level. Yet I realized that simply being good at it isn’t enough to get her interested. Some further action on my part would be required to bring my girl about. So last time things turned passionate I forced myself to talk.

I asked questions, made little jokes, teased and of course used compliments to make her feel good and encourage. My primary goal was to make her get more involved. It went rather well. Like other things it takes a bit of practice to get a feel for what to say and when. I was far from perfect but it went smooth enough. In fact at first she was embarrassed and told me to stop talking with a kind of nervous giggle in her voice. I took that as a sign that I still had a chance and teased her a bit. Eventually she got into it. There were a few mistakes like a joke being made at the wrong time and my compliments were a bit too generic and repetitive. Not overdoing it was the only thing I did right; a few well-placed comments can go a long way. Over all though it went very well.

All the talk helped to smooth over the little bumps along the way and made questions and comments seem so much more natural. The real challenge was getting her more involved in our play. Like I said she is very shy. It took some words of encouragement, compliments and a bit of teasing but I eventually convinced her to go on top of me and be the one doing the petting and kissing. So she started necking me and kissing my chest. She is obviously nervous about doing something wrong. So I made sure to encourage her and compliment her all the while. The atmosphere in the room changed. It went from me feeling like we were just having fun to something passionate. I am very pleased to say the least – I should have opened my big mouth a long time ago.

Cheers.

maleficent

Amen -- and Kudos for you for having the patience to stick with her...

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Averett

Cool

Just be careful with the teasing and such... Sometimes saying something in a teasing matter can really hurt a girl (or guy too).

And be real with the compliments too. Girls can smell bullshit compliments a mile away.

That being said... Communication is always the way to go

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ManWithAPlan

you justh ave to mix the bullshit with the real stuff. and add things like "to me"..

i wish i had that same problem, lol, i'm on the other end of the spectrum, i've had 3 girls tell me i'm too romantic.

with one of those girls i'm going to go have lunch now;-)

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losthellhound

too romantic? TOO romantic?? bah, is there such a thing?

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MSD

All the guys are giving you a thumbs-up, and many of the ladies are probably giving you a standing ovation.

Isn't it amazing what a little bit of talking can do?

Meier_Link

You know, I've never been much of a talker before or during the act; other than moaning and breathing heavy. I've tried to talk dirty a few times, but it usually makes me feel kind of ridiculous... I just can't think of what I should say, I mean I could go all like porn talk "Yeah, you like that? Yeah thats right" or like "yeah baby you feel so good"

Actually now, that seems a little easier thinking about it when I'm not horny. Shit maybe I should write this stuff down.

Why don't some of you tell some of the things you say, or ladies, the things you like to hear....

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xepherys

Mantus-

Frickin' spectacular! Yeah, there's a lot more to it than the mechanics, that's for sure. Getting her to communicate back a little might be your next step. Getting her to actually TELL you what feels good... as she gets into it more and can express those feelings, you can give her the world on a stick (or your stick, I suppose).

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tooth

You can't force dirty talk. You just have to let it flow. Just say what you think. If you're in the middle of some good sex, you can bet that whatever's on your mind will be dirty.

Mantus

Thanks people. How about some advice on pillow talk for people like myself and Meier_Link.

From my brief experience, if you are starting. Don’t aim to be like a porn star – that shit is as fake as it gets. Take tooth’s advice and talk about what you feel and think at the time. Talk about what you are doing at the moment or what you would like to do. Dare her to do things and draw comparisons to sexy films/art you both like and of course there are always the compliments. You can tease – but be careful as Averett advised.

greyeyes

no kidding, I had a girlfriend at one time and when the sex was sour I broke it off instead of talking to her. Yeah, I regret that.

fallenangel

*cue standing ovation as noted above*

Way to go! My only small wish would've been to do less communicating myself and heard more from my ex. *shrugs* we just read each other very well I suppose. Congrats, i'm so stoked when little things work out very well with big results!

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Mantus

You know that was on my mind for a while now. Then I realized that I never really tried anything. Sure I complained and stuff but that's not really positive reinforcement and you can’t get people to do what you want by telling them what they are doing wrong if they don’t know what to do right in the first place. So I am gona give this a try.