ibis

Hey,

I've been dating this girl for about a month. At first things were great, she was tons of fun to be around and seemed to be happy.

Recently she's been acting different. Not as happy, and just generally not as fun to be around. She used to stay at my place till 3 a.m.ish, now when she comes over she usually leaves by 11 p.m. I have a cushy office job in my dorm - she used to come see me just about the second I got there... now, if she comes to see me it might be half way into a six hour shift.

Once we started having sex, she was tons of fun in bed. We live in the same dorm so we have lots of contact witheachother. We used to spend most of the day together, and would go down oneachother (if we weren't having sex) often. Now, she seems to be discusted in the thought of it.

I know she takes 2 different drugs for depression. I've asked her several times what's up... she just advoids the topic.

I don't presure sex, but it is a big deal to me...

She'll say things like "I'm the worst girlfriend because I'm holding out on you" and "You're the best thing that's happened to me". But she doesn't know why she does it.

She told me early on in our relationship that she always sabitoges her relationships.

What should I do about all this?


Edit: I forgot to mention that she had a yeast infection. Since she doesn't have a car, I took her to get some medicine. That was about 5 or six days ago... I understand not being able to have sex at all during this time. But at one point during this time we were cuddeling on my bed and I asked if she would go down on me... she said "I can't"

I don't want it to sound like all I care about is geting laid. I do care about her and want her to feel better. But on the other hand I can't deny my desires and her seemingly changes attiduteds towards sex.

anti fishstick

Sounds like she was abused or in bad relationships previously.

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

maleficent

You've been with this girl for a month. You barely know her. Spend some time getting to know her, and talk to her. You know she's on two diffenent drugs for depression, but won't tell you what's up with her. She's not trusting you right now to open up, it's been only a month, why should she?

If you are just in this for the sex, then it's only a month, you've lost nothing. Move on. If you want this to be a relationship, then get to know her , find out why she thinks she sabatoges her relationships.

The word of the day here, is going to be Patience.

She's got a yeast infection, and doesn't can't have sex right now. The guy she's with, is all about cuddling with her, andthat's great -- but then asks for a blow job? That just seems really selfish on your part to me.

__________________

ibis

This instance was actually a little more than just cuddeling. We were kinda inbetween the stage of cuddeling and making out.... I guess it could be described as "sexual cuddeling", if that makes sence. Sorry for the confusion.

ibis

Actually, I'm pretty sure she does... we're very comfortable around eachother.

We have talked about this a little... I think she has a huge fear of failure. I've tried telling her she doesn't have to be afraid of that with me and that that's part of being in a relationship. I've told her she can "fail" me, as long as it isn't with intentfull mallice, I'll still care for her. ...and that i think that's just part of being in a relationship.

fearwall

It's only been a month. Cut your losses and move on. Expecting sex on a regular basis after only a month with a girl that's had a yeast infection and on a couple anti-depressants is a little harsh.

Yeast infections are a not very pleasant thing go through - especially REALLY bad ones...my wife has been there done that...bought the T-shirt. So I can understand why she has zero sex drive.

But I'm a non sexually demanding married man so don't mind me

Are you looking for a relationship, or are you just looking for easy sex?

Kazic

Give it some time. If you truly care about her and this is more than sex on a regular basis. (and I do understand that you feel that is a big part of the relationship)
You need to be able to talk to each other and based on what you said she might be on a bit of a roller coaster. I know I do that. I have been fighting a depression myself. 1 min your all over the happy scene the next your down in the dumps. It can be hard to control. I am not taking anything as I feel I can beat it. But some are worse she might be that way.

__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man
affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening
to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

lurkette

I'll just second what folks have said - you've only been together for a month! This could just be a normal cyclical mood swing. Give it some time, be supportive and spend some time getting to know each other.

And I'll just vouch that a yeast infection can definitely be a libido-killer. I feel exactly the opposite of sexy when I have one, and while you don't have to be in the mood to give oral sex, it's not exactly a joy ride when you're down already.

Good luck, and give her some time and understanding.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

ibis

Yeah, that's kind of what I've been thinking is going on. Thanks for the advice.

Toecutter

Time to move on! Behavioral changes like u mentioned are not a good sign. It's only going to get worse if you hang on. This girl needs to take care of herself as well as you need to take care of yourself.