How often ? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

sasquach · 07-22-2004, 03:51 PM

I have been going out with a girl for over 2 years now and ive come to the conclusion that she hates sex altogether...We do it no more than once a week and I literally have to pull her to the bedroom. She says that she has always been like this but its causing a lot of problems in our relationship (She has had problems with other partners concerning sex). I have tried hundreds of different ways to get her in the mood but any time i try to be romantic or seductive she basically finds it to be an annoyance. I am 23 and she is 26. Sometimes i think it is the age difference. Also when we do have sex its the mitionary or nothing...She never even goes down for a hand job or even touches me...and there is basically no intamacy anymore...
Anyone else out there in this boat??
Or anyone have any suggestions???

fallenangel · 07-22-2004, 03:57 PM

Thank god i'm not in that boat. Personally, i have a very healthy and active sex life, well sorta anyway. I have a great appetite for it and thus it would be a huge part in any relationship i'm in. Communication is also important. Sit her down and talk it out. Weigh your options, how big of a deal is it in your relationship... not just a physical stop, but a mental thing too, that's not so healthy, i dunno.

maleficent · 07-22-2004, 04:03 PM

Well, first off, pulling her into the bedroom isn't good for either of you.

Have you tried talking to her, before you get undressed, before you pull her into the bedroom, find out what her issues with intimacy are?

I dated a guy once who thought he was the most romantic person in the world, I thought he was an idiot, not saying that you are an idiot, but perceptions are different. What you think you are doing, is not what she thinks you are doing.

Ask her what she thinks. Ask her what she likes.

Two years is a long time to be in this situation, are you sure you want to really stay with her? Sexual compatibility is important.

Flyguy · 07-22-2004, 07:52 PM

Thank god I ain't in tha boat either. That would royally SUCK. Sexual incompatibility also sucks. Mabye she was molested as a child and that's why she hates sex so much. But I agree with the others you have to sit her down and talk it out. Mabye she just needs help.

Kazic · 07-22-2004, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by maleficent

I dated a guy once who thought he was the most romantic person in the world, I thought he was an idiot, not saying that you are an idiot,

hahaha

Either way a relationship is just that. A relation of minds/bodies/thoughts/ideas.
if you are the type that likes the intimate side of a relationship and she is shying away. You need to communicate that. Being open on both sides is the only way its going to work.

(not sure where I come up with all this mature stuff?)

Rinndalir · 07-22-2004, 08:26 PM

Been there, lived it for 5 years so I guess I'm kind of an expert in this area. Problems like this are usually symptoms of something deeper, like what's mentioned here.

My relationship ended with me leaving her, towards the end we were having sex maybe once a month. She had self image problems that had developed into an eating disorder and pill addiction. It finally came to me that she didn't want to get better, so I left.

Now that may not be the problem here, but I'd be willing to bet that there's some kind of problem causing this and the intimacy is just a symptom of it.

braindamage351 · 07-22-2004, 08:41 PM

Yeah, there is almost definitely an underlying problem.

Kalnaur · 07-22-2004, 10:41 PM

I concur, I have a feeling that she has a mental block.

joeb1 · 07-23-2004, 07:16 AM

Is she on any type of anti-depressants? Or medications that would cause this?

I know that this can lower the sex drive.

Being annoying can also lower the sex drive...

Communication has been mentioned. This is SO important.

Sit her down and talk to her. Ask questions, take an interest in what SHE really wants/likes.

Think about how important frequency is? Or could the quality be better? Your sex drives can be different and it still work. But it will take effort on both sides. Is she willing to work with you on this?

You won't know until you ask.

MSD · 07-23-2004, 07:38 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by sasquach
(She has had problems with other partners concerning sex).

Until you help her solve this problem, nothing else is going to work. Talk to her, get professional help, whatever you need to do to help her overcome a traumatic past. She's probably had abusive partners, and can't associate sex with pleasure because of it.

Aladdin Sane · 07-23-2004, 07:55 AM

I agree with most everything said so far: Talk to her. Her lack of desire is related to something else in her life. Two years is a long time to be dealing with this. She probably won't change. If no children are involved, it may be time to move on.

07-22-2004, 03:51 PM	#1 (permalink)
sasquach Upright	How often ? I have been going out with a girl for over 2 years now and ive come to the conclusion that she hates sex altogether...We do it no more than once a week and I literally have to pull her to the bedroom. She says that she has always been like this but its causing a lot of problems in our relationship (She has had problems with other partners concerning sex). I have tried hundreds of different ways to get her in the mood but any time i try to be romantic or seductive she basically finds it to be an annoyance. I am 23 and she is 26. Sometimes i think it is the age difference. Also when we do have sex its the mitionary or nothing...She never even goes down for a hand job or even touches me...and there is basically no intamacy anymore... Anyone else out there in this boat?? Or anyone have any suggestions???

07-22-2004, 03:57 PM	#2 (permalink)
fallenangel soaring Location: near the water	Thank god i'm not in that boat. Personally, i have a very healthy and active sex life, well sorta anyway. I have a great appetite for it and thus it would be a huge part in any relationship i'm in. Communication is also important. Sit her down and talk it out. Weigh your options, how big of a deal is it in your relationship... not just a physical stop, but a mental thing too, that's not so healthy, i dunno. __________________ all I wanna do is - give the best of me to you

07-22-2004, 04:03 PM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Well, first off, pulling her into the bedroom isn't good for either of you. Have you tried talking to her, before you get undressed, before you pull her into the bedroom, find out what her issues with intimacy are? I dated a guy once who thought he was the most romantic person in the world, I thought he was an idiot, not saying that you are an idiot, but perceptions are different. What you think you are doing, is not what she thinks you are doing. Ask her what she thinks. Ask her what she likes. Two years is a long time to be in this situation, are you sure you want to really stay with her? Sexual compatibility is important. __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

07-22-2004, 10:41 PM	#8 (permalink)
Kalnaur Psycho Location: Portland, Oregon	I concur, I have a feeling that she has a mental block. __________________ PC: Can you help me out here HK? HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags. PC: And the other 2 percent? HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

07-23-2004, 07:16 AM	#9 (permalink)
joeb1 Crazy Location: Over Yonder	Is she on any type of anti-depressants? Or medications that would cause this? I know that this can lower the sex drive. Being annoying can also lower the sex drive... Communication has been mentioned. This is SO important. Sit her down and talk to her. Ask questions, take an interest in what SHE really wants/likes. Think about how important frequency is? Or could the quality be better? Your sex drives can be different and it still work. But it will take effort on both sides. Is she willing to work with you on this? You won't know until you ask. __________________ Disco Duck...

07-22-2004, 07:52 PM	#4 (permalink)
Flyguy Banned Location: Swooping down on you from above....	Thank god I ain't in tha boat either. That would royally SUCK. Sexual incompatibility also sucks. Mabye she was molested as a child and that's why she hates sex so much. But I agree with the others you have to sit her down and talk it out. Mabye she just needs help.

07-22-2004, 08:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
Rinndalir Insane	Been there, lived it for 5 years so I guess I'm kind of an expert in this area. Problems like this are usually symptoms of something deeper, like what's mentioned here. My relationship ended with me leaving her, towards the end we were having sex maybe once a month. She had self image problems that had developed into an eating disorder and pill addiction. It finally came to me that she didn't want to get better, so I left. Now that may not be the problem here, but I'd be willing to bet that there's some kind of problem causing this and the intimacy is just a symptom of it.

07-22-2004, 08:41 PM	#7 (permalink)
braindamage351 Insane	Yeah, there is almost definitely an underlying problem.

07-23-2004, 07:55 AM	#11 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	I agree with most everything said so far: Talk to her. Her lack of desire is related to something else in her life. Two years is a long time to be dealing with this. She probably won't change. If no children are involved, it may be time to move on. __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.