I agree with Vault Boy and Doos completely.

I cannot imagine a guy initially talking to a girl searching for purely platonic friendship. I can't.

:rolleyes:
So let's see. Apparently there is sexual tension everywhere. I'll agree to that in part. Yes I feel physically attracted to some people but because I'm attracted to them and I'm engaged to someone else doens't mean that I want to go out and fuck them(because that's all it'd be) on the side. Now, I've been stupid in the past, but that has raised my resolve in being commited. I also do know that restraining someone from doing something is an ABSOLUTELY stupid thing to do because eventually there will be resentment. I don't care how you try to reason it, it will arise. I know if my fiancee said, "You can't go out with females to dinner or a movie." I'd be pissed, and I know if I pulled the same on her, she would also.
In previous relationships, my ex was hanging over all guys. I asked her to stop and if anything, she did it more.
I believe you go on a case-by-case basis. I would not have a problem if she went out with one of her close friends, but if it was some random guy, I'd be worried and I'd let her know but I wouldn't restrain her. I'd let her make up her own mind because that shows faith and trust in the other.

No, but women have to believe the contrary, otherwise it undermines their value as indivuals and reduces them to sex objects. I'm Serious. This is the main reason why women refuse to believe the argument put up here by many posters. But that is a different thread...

Back on topic:

The key issue here is whether men have a problem with their girlfriend having other male friends, and if so, why. I think that a lot of posters here have gotten too hung up on dick+pussy=sex. Sexual energy is not always translated into sex. And even if there s no sexual energy between them, there are other threats and factors to your SO having male friends that can undermine your relationship. But as Mantus pointed out, this needs to be evaluated on a case by case basis of youre relationship and your respective character.

I also find it funny how a lot of the women in the Ladies Lounge could so quickly justify their friendships with men, yet piss on their friendships with women. These same women chastise the "jealous men" for saying "all men want pussy". :crazy:

What's good for the goose....

So, basically you are saying: "I've been one of those guys that the jealous boyfriends are talking about, but I'm not anymore, so its stupid of them to think that there any more guys like that left. ".

How is this supposed to convince them?

And in case you missed it, most of what's been said i.t.o. of handling such insecurities have been for the guys to talk to their SO's about it, and to share their feelings on the matter. Not to tell them "I prohibit you from doing do this or that". Everyone here recognises that that sort of action is indicitive of the relationship failing already. I'm not flaming or trolling you here, but hav you actually read the whole thread?

Good points VaultBoy - Us South Africans seem to know all the answers :p

Men do not approach women for friendship. If your GF has male friends, chances are they had a sexual attraction to her at some point. And that makes most BFs skin crawl.

No, I haven't been one of those guys. You'd have to understand the situation I was in which I've posted in other threads.

And I have read the whole thread and it looks like more and more of guys saying that since sex is going to be the only reason for a relationship with a female, females in a relationship shouldn't have guy friends when I don't believe that's the case.

No thats not what's being said. i am saying that INITIALLY there is no other reason for a guy approaching a girl.

No, what's being said that SO's in a commited relationship shouldn't be going on dates or date-like scenarios with their male friends, (given whatever reasons vatrious posters have supplied) . People don't exist in a vacuum. Of course women would still have friends outside the relationship, but it is being argued that the nature of those relationships should be changed to a degree that satisfies both partners.

Just to through the cat amongst the pidgeons, I ask this:
Lets say that if a male friend knows about a conflict such as this, shouldn't he out of his own start to scale down contact with the female party, esppecially since he knows that she's in a relationship she values? If he doesn't, what are his motives?

VaultBoy you touch on something interesting that I have noticed here on this forum. The man's say in the relationship is completely disregarded by many of the women here, who are quite on the feminist side some of them, and any attempt of any man to havy any say is seen as an effort by him to control and own the woman like an object.

i agree.


and the problem with setting boundaries is that some people (like me) just really don't want to infringe on their SO's personal space and make them completely self-concious all the time or.. *ramble*

Too many responses on this thread mention the fact that sex is the first thought on a guys mind when he approaches a girl. Yet this thread is about friends. A friend is not some one she picks up at a bar the night before. If a girl chooses to keep a male friend while she is in a relationship it is because she has a history with him. Let’s keep this discussion relative shall we; don’t mix responces to random men and acquaintances in with friends.

Male-Female friendships 101.

So many guys seem to believe that sex is the only thing on a guy’s mind when they befriend a girl. This could not be further from the truth. The more involved a friendship becomes the more there is to risk with an attempt to engage a sexual relationship. If two people go though enough together they begin to feel like siblings. A different kind of love develops and sex becomes the very last thing on their minds. This does happen. There is more to people then their sex drives.

It should also be noted that most friendships between men and women develop though professional circumstances. As they work together a friendship develops. Eventually a bid to get closer is made by one of them. This is either turned down or they give it a try and it doesn’t work. Whatever their path; their already developed relationship and the fact that they must continue to work together gives them a chance to develop a genuine friendship after sex goes off the menu.

In most genuine friendships between a guy and a girl sex has already been dealt with. If it hasn’t then chances are that the guy is what is referred too as an intellectual whore. These men really don’t offer that much of a threat. As I mentioned before, keeping your relationship healthy will prevent any problems from such men.

Thank you Mantus....I honestly couldnt figure out why people kept talking about randomly meeting people etc. Im glad to know I was not the only one that noticed that.

Vaultboy....I will just say this...yes there were people that disagreed...I never said every woman in that thread agreed. And that my point was as Mantus mentioned....people you've had a history with when you meet your SO. I could be wrong and Im sure I'll be corrected if I am....I dont recall mentioning sexual engery....I asked the ladies if they had male friends where no actual sex was involved.

after double checking what I asked...the question indeed was

and yet the lover is also the closest person and best friend... (if anyone can see what i'm saying... i don't really know how to explain it)

Of course I check out a woman's T&A, whether they're a friend of mine or not, if the goods are being displayed. I'm married, not dead... But because I am married, I won't sample them even if the opportunity came along. But that's just me.

And therein lies the problem. That it is just me, and furthermore, this is often a conscious decision. That you will not fuck that busty 18-year-old because you're married - not because you don't want to.

Not all people make these conscious decisions, and not all people who do make them are capable of holding onto them, or respecting others for their decisions.

A man can even befriend a woman with the explicit intention of drilling holes into her existing relationship. This is easier for a friend to do than one might think, because a friendship is typically not burdened by the same things as a long-term romantic relationship. You don't wake up to each other's morning breath, you don't know each other's bodies intimately enough for you to have lost interest in that regard, you don't share bills, chores, etc. And when a spouse has problems in the marriage, he or she is often more likely to bring them up first with a friend than with their own SO. A clever individual can easily take advantage of this position, and a less than clever individual may find it hard to resist - especially since that "special friend" may be already providing tremendous emotional comfort and closeness that the marital problems have made one crave.

I actually think the Ladder Theory, while it has some gaps, is fairly accurate if you feel the need to have some sort of weird guideline to go by. It doesn't apply to all situations and people, though, just as few rules ever do.

I find it interesting that so many women that I've discussed the subject matter with actually believe that they can tell whether their male friend/acquaintance is interested in them, sexually. Friendship, unlike marriage, is not covered by laws, there are no official agreements, it is all in your mind, expressed via actions, which can sometimes be misleading.

Ultimately, it comes down to this: in every relationship, there are two factors involved - namely, two people. One of which cannot, ever, under any given circumstances, know for a fact what the other person is thinking or feeling. It is interesting that so many women are so determined to argue that there can be friendships in which there is no sexual energy involved, and so many men are arguing that this isn't the case. While there obviously is no hard rule, as we're all different, I know what I am more likely to put my money on.

ManWithAPlan,

Not really sure what you mean by that. Do you want your girl to have just one friend in the whole world? You.

Prince,

The ladder theory is a very good guideline to relationships. Knowing it you should be aware that the most common type of male friend for a girl is an intellectual whore. They are on the other ladder and chances are that they will never get across. Generally the longer one knows a girl the harder it is to jump ladders. While they may drill holes in your relationship they will never get in bed with her. She will not leave you for them, but they may destabilize a relationship.

To avoid this, get to know her friends and make sure that you are her best friend.

Your major competitor some random guy she is aware off and finds fuckable; some one who she hasn’t had too much contact with but just enough to have some fun with.

Finally and this has been bothering me in thread for a while now. Why are the guys here leaving the girls out of the decision making process on whether she will have sex with another guy or not? Women have minds. They don’t just drop their panties every time a guy makes a move on them. For example, Prince, here you are saying that you trust yourself not to jump another woman but yet you don’t trust your wife stay turn down the advances of another man? C’mon now.

That’s where the trust has to be. A guy does his best to keep the relationship smooth. Now the guy has to trust his girl to love him and be faithful. If he cannot trust his girl to turn down another guy's advances then why the hell is he going though all this trouble for her in the first place?

Well, the way I see it, I know what I can and cannot resist. I cannot do another person's thinking for them; their choices are ultimately theirs.

Mantis:
that's basically what i meant