ManWithAPlan

I'm really not good at talking to the general public about personal matters, so bear with me a little and thank you for even reading this.

So i've known my girlfriend for about half a year, we have been going out just less than two months and i find myself completely in love with her.

Everything was going almost too smoothly until last week. she agreed to help set me up with a job at the bank where she works, but she had some inhibitions about it (what if we break up?) which i haplessly dismissed (thinking that she'd get over it).

later i was feeling kind of lonesome, romantic and inspired, so i wrote somewhat of (what i thought was) a generic love story about a couple who works together then breaks up.

she kind of avoided talking about it friday night, the next day i finally decided that she hated it... ("so did you like it?" "i havn't decided yet")

we spent some time together on saturday and i noticed that she was acting subtly different, maybe distant.

sunday and monday we didn't really talk, except online (we don't really like phones). and i was feeling really miserable, getting the impresson that she's bored of me.

i talked to some of my female friends who all said i should talk to her about it. so i did, i found out that she really did have some problems with the story and taht the prospect of working to gether with me really did bug her. so i told her i'd drop it. she als o said something like "you're too much of aromantic sometimes, and that's just not me, not yet anyway".

Surprisingly after that things were alright for a while, tuesday she called me in the morning and asked me to visit her on her lunch break, so we ate lunch and had a pretty good time. I was relieved.

Wednsday i found out she'd just had her period, so i attributed everything to PMS, considering she acted normal that evening.

Today (well, yesterday) i visited her at work (which is not a problem) and she was acting very different again, as if she were absorbed with something else, as if something were bothering her.

I just talked to her tonight for a while and she was basically very bitchy and angry, so i poked her a little until in response to "what's buggin' you?" she said "just something someone said, don't worry i'll be fine after i talk to [my best friend](guy) about it".

i don't think anyone could blame me for prodding a little bit and asking her why i was not good enough to talk to, or why she couldn't tell me what has been bothering her.... i think it's only fair i should know...

in any case, it turned into a fight... the details are kind of foggy right now, but it was about the basic issues of trust, etc. and towards the end i asked her why she thought i was bringing it up and she said "because you love me more than i could ever love you".

i don't know if she was serious or trying to tell me what she thought i wanted to here, or sarcastic (any of which are possible, if you know her) but it really hurt.

We do have a date tomorrow evening, but i really don't know what to do.. i'd appreciate any advice.

Tom Thumb

That was an immature thing for her to say. In any case, she obviously isn't too fixated on you, so I'd try and go without expecting that she'll really be the kind of person you want to be with.

__________________
My name is marketing. Now buy my product.

Trisk

I don't know...this is hard to say without seeing the story or knowing you guys personally.
But I'd say...keep trying to get a feel for what she meant with that - maybe if it doesn't come up after a few days, you could try to have a serious talk about it. Because if she really doesn't see this relationship going anywhere...it would only hurt you guys more to stay together for another 6 months.

Another guess of mine is that maybe she's feeling insecure about your relationship - maybe she doesn't think she's worthy of you or she's scared that the story you wrote was a hint at you wanting to break up with her so now she feels like she has to put on an image of not liking you that much.

But really...I don't know her or you. It's up to you to try and get a feel for how things are going.

ManWithAPlan

i know what you're saying, and i can see the reason, but it's just so hard because generally, and up until this, even since before we'd been going out, she'd always been able to make me happy, which is a lot to say because i generally resent people for trying to cheer me up.

sometimes she is tactless like that, but i can hardly submit her to the inquisition for that.

---
oh, actually trisk, you can read the story here: http://www.fictionpress.com/read.php?storyid=1661033

i don't think that she thinks that the story was a hint to break up with her, considering that the couple in the story end up together.


I can admit i come on too strongly sometimes, i have actually had two girls tell me something to that extent ("maybe she doesn't think she's worthy of you")


really what i'm wondering is if whatever is bugging her has to do with me... which would possibly explain whe she doesn't want to talk to me about it without discussing it with her friend.

i'd be more than satisfied if i could get her to open up and just tell me what about ME she is not satisfied with...

__________________
In the end we are but wisps

teethman

she seems really imature. that doesnt seem like its worth it. i say, just dont think so much about those things.

ManWithAPlan

i think things are gonna be alright, the date today went well, we didn't really talk about it and i don't intend to until she brings it up and decides to tell me what it was all about.

She's not so much immature as ... well she just doesn't always think about the things she says..

thanks for your advice guys.

__________________
In the end we are but wisps

Kazic

It seems like you might be like some in the sense that you a strong feeling person. You feel happyness/sadness/being in love with all you have. She seems to shy away from that. And if you continue down this path you may find yourself sensoring your feelings as she may not share those same emotions to the same extent. That could hurt you more in the long run. Be careful.

__________________
"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man
affected us as kids,we'd all be running around in
darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening
to repetitive electronic music."
-Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989

ManWithAPlan

that's really good advice, kazic, thanks a lot.

__________________
In the end we are but wisps

Mantus

Sienfeld relationship psychology 101.

People need their own space. At work she is her independant self. With you she is her relationship self. If you come to her work her independant self will cease to exit.

Thats what this is all about. Your are about to invade her space.

ManWithAPlan

well, she basically offered... so at first i didn't think it would be a big deal.

__________________
In the end we are but wisps