BigDonkey2

My gf and I have been together for almost 9 months now and I love her more than anything. However, these next 6 months in our relationship are going to be really rough for the both of us. I live in SoCal and she lives 5 hours away in NorCal. She will soon be starting her nanny job that will last her the whole rest of the summer working T, TH, and F until the end of August. This is my first so called "long distance" relationship. Its not so long distance because we both go to school together and see each other practically every day.

I need some advice on how to handle being so far from her. I talk to her everyday online and on the phone. Im going up there next Friday, June 4th till June 12th then maybe again in another 2 weeks after that. I'm going to try to see her as much as possible this summer because in the fall she will be going to France to study abroad for 3 months. I dont know how I'm going to handle this because I love her so much and care about her. I can't stand to be away from her for so long, especially her being all the way over in France. Im not so much afraid that she's going to do anything behind my back like cheat because I know she would never do anything like that. I'm just worried that I'm going to go insane without seeing her for 3 months. I'll email her/talk on AIM/talk on the phone to her as much as I can, but its still not as good as seeing her in person. I know she is going to miss me too. I'm also kind of worried that she will be drinking a lot. She promised me that she wouldnt become an alcoholic while she's over there and I totally trust her. I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me. It also kinda bothers me sometimes when she does things when shes away from me with other people like drink. I dont know why but it just bothers me for some reason and sometimes I get jealous or upset but I know I have no reason to. I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me but I still get jealous and/or upset. I think I just get upset at the situation and not so much at her. It's just a natural reaction. And I dont want that to happen while she is in France but I'm afraid that its going to. Its kind of like the "I know its going to happen but I dont want to know that she's doing it" type of situation; but I want to know that she's having a good time in France. I think it'll just make me miss her more and possibly get upset that she's doing that stuff; but I'll know that she's having a good time.

I just need some advice on how to handle this type of situation because I'm not used to it. I really really dont want to break up with her because she is the best thing that has happened to me and is a big part of my life. I was thinking about going there to visit her in France for 5 days or so. It'll totally be worth it though. But still being without her for 3 months is going to be very rough on me physically and emotionally.

I just need some help on how to cope with the distance while she is over in France. Thanks in advance.


-BigD


P.S. Sorry for the long post

jay-g

Pellaz

My wife is in Iraq right now, and will be until next year. When she gets home, she'll of been gone for over half our marriage all told over the last 5 years.

It's difficult. It sucks. Both parties have to work at it, be *very* understanding and accesible, and considerate beyond reasoning.

You will get upset. You will get jealous. Odds are so will she. I can't think of any advice I could give you that would help you out. I don't think anything anyone would of told me would really of helped, as each situation/relationship is so drasticaly different.

The moral of the story, though, is that it *can* work, though, so take heart.

__________________
" ' Big Mouth.
Remember it took three of you to kill me.
A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "

lurkette

Focus on both of you doing the things that make you happy as individuals, and stay in communication. It's easier to be away from the other person if you know that s/he is missing you but also having a good time and not needing you - it makes it easier for you to go out and be fulfilled if you know the other person is doing the same.

__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France

doncalypso

I'm never doing long-distance relationships.... I just don't have what it takes to handle that shit.

__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation

clockworkgreen

Yep, I think it's cute in a romance movie when people are "really trying to make things work out even though we're on two sides of the world!", but in real life, it's crap.

maleficent

Long distance relationships can work, but it depends on the two people involved in the relationship. It's definitely not easy, it takes a lot of trust in your partner, and the ability to get thru a lot of lonely nights alone. If you are accustomed to seeing that person every day, or talking to that person every day, then no way will a long distance relationship work out in the long run.

You need to have a lot of independence, and the ability to not let yourself get all uptight about what they might be doing when they don't answer the phone when you call at 10:00pm.

If you "love her more than anything", let her go, find stuff to keep yourself occupied while she's gone, enjoy yourself while she's gone, and see how you both feel when she gets back.

It was said in another thread.... it's appropriate here...

If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it's yours, if it doesn't, it was never meant to be.

__________________

EVIDENT

Send snail mail to her. When my GF and I are apart, as we will be this summer(...) she really enjoys it when I send her letters in the mail.

Also, call her periodically to tell her what you're up to and that yuou miss her and was simply thinking about her.

My GF has always said the phone call she always has remembered most is when I called to say, "Hi, I was just thinking about how cute you are."

__________________
" " - Silent Bob

BigDonkey2

thanks everybody