Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-29-2004, 09:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: California
need advice on somewhat distant relationship

My gf and I have been together for almost 9 months now and I love her more than anything. However, these next 6 months in our relationship are going to be really rough for the both of us. I live in SoCal and she lives 5 hours away in NorCal. She will soon be starting her nanny job that will last her the whole rest of the summer working T, TH, and F until the end of August. This is my first so called "long distance" relationship. Its not so long distance because we both go to school together and see each other practically every day.

I need some advice on how to handle being so far from her. I talk to her everyday online and on the phone. Im going up there next Friday, June 4th till June 12th then maybe again in another 2 weeks after that. I'm going to try to see her as much as possible this summer because in the fall she will be going to France to study abroad for 3 months. I dont know how I'm going to handle this because I love her so much and care about her. I can't stand to be away from her for so long, especially her being all the way over in France. Im not so much afraid that she's going to do anything behind my back like cheat because I know she would never do anything like that. I'm just worried that I'm going to go insane without seeing her for 3 months. I'll email her/talk on AIM/talk on the phone to her as much as I can, but its still not as good as seeing her in person. I know she is going to miss me too. I'm also kind of worried that she will be drinking a lot. She promised me that she wouldnt become an alcoholic while she's over there and I totally trust her. I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me. It also kinda bothers me sometimes when she does things when shes away from me with other people like drink. I dont know why but it just bothers me for some reason and sometimes I get jealous or upset but I know I have no reason to. I know she wouldn't do anything to hurt me but I still get jealous and/or upset. I think I just get upset at the situation and not so much at her. It's just a natural reaction. And I dont want that to happen while she is in France but I'm afraid that its going to. Its kind of like the "I know its going to happen but I dont want to know that she's doing it" type of situation; but I want to know that she's having a good time in France. I think it'll just make me miss her more and possibly get upset that she's doing that stuff; but I'll know that she's having a good time.

I just need some advice on how to handle this type of situation because I'm not used to it. I really really dont want to break up with her because she is the best thing that has happened to me and is a big part of my life. I was thinking about going there to visit her in France for 5 days or so. It'll totally be worth it though. But still being without her for 3 months is going to be very rough on me physically and emotionally.

I just need some help on how to cope with the distance while she is over in France. Thanks in advance.


-BigD


P.S. Sorry for the long post
BigDonkey2 is offline  
Old 05-30-2004, 12:10 AM   #2 (permalink)
Addict
 

Last edited by jay-g; 03-20-2008 at 11:56 AM..
jay-g is offline  
Old 05-30-2004, 12:35 AM   #3 (permalink)
Addict
 
Location: Texas
My wife is in Iraq right now, and will be until next year. When she gets home, she'll of been gone for over half our marriage all told over the last 5 years.

It's difficult. It sucks. Both parties have to work at it, be *very* understanding and accesible, and considerate beyond reasoning.

You will get upset. You will get jealous. Odds are so will she. I can't think of any advice I could give you that would help you out. I don't think anything anyone would of told me would really of helped, as each situation/relationship is so drasticaly different.

The moral of the story, though, is that it *can* work, though, so take heart.
__________________
" ' Big Mouth.
Remember it took three of you to kill me.
A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "
Pellaz is offline  
Old 05-30-2004, 05:54 AM   #4 (permalink)
My future is coming on
 
lurkette's Avatar
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: east of the sun and west of the moon
Focus on both of you doing the things that make you happy as individuals, and stay in communication. It's easier to be away from the other person if you know that s/he is missing you but also having a good time and not needing you - it makes it easier for you to go out and be fulfilled if you know the other person is doing the same.
__________________
"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."

- Anatole France
lurkette is offline  
Old 05-30-2004, 11:00 AM   #5 (permalink)
TFP Mad Scientist
 
doncalypso's Avatar
 
Location: Philadelphia, PA
I'm never doing long-distance relationships.... I just don't have what it takes to handle that shit.
__________________
Doncalypso... the one and only Haitian Sensation
doncalypso is offline  
Old 05-30-2004, 01:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
Psycho
 
clockworkgreen's Avatar
 
Location: DC
Yep, I think it's cute in a romance movie when people are "really trying to make things work out even though we're on two sides of the world!", but in real life, it's crap.
clockworkgreen is offline  
Old 05-30-2004, 01:59 PM   #7 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Moderator Emeritus
Location: Chicago
Long distance relationships can work, but it depends on the two people involved in the relationship. It's definitely not easy, it takes a lot of trust in your partner, and the ability to get thru a lot of lonely nights alone. If you are accustomed to seeing that person every day, or talking to that person every day, then no way will a long distance relationship work out in the long run.

You need to have a lot of independence, and the ability to not let yourself get all uptight about what they might be doing when they don't answer the phone when you call at 10:00pm.

If you "love her more than anything", let her go, find stuff to keep yourself occupied while she's gone, enjoy yourself while she's gone, and see how you both feel when she gets back.

It was said in another thread.... it's appropriate here...

If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it's yours, if it doesn't, it was never meant to be.
__________________
Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.
maleficent is offline  
Old 05-31-2004, 09:04 AM   #8 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Location: DFW
Send snail mail to her. When my GF and I are apart, as we will be this summer(...) she really enjoys it when I send her letters in the mail.

Also, call her periodically to tell her what you're up to and that yuou miss her and was simply thinking about her.

My GF has always said the phone call she always has remembered most is when I called to say, "Hi, I was just thinking about how cute you are."
__________________
" " - Silent Bob
EVIDENT is offline  
Old 05-31-2004, 10:12 AM   #9 (permalink)
Insane
 
Location: California
thanks everybody
BigDonkey2 is offline  
 

Tags
advice, distant, relationship

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 01:27 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360