When to Marry - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

EVIDENT · 05-06-2003, 10:06 PM

I'm in love and want to spend my life with her, same for her.

Where both 20 and in school.

Were both virgins.

She wants to wait for marraige to have sex, I normally do (except for when we're alone, if you know what I mean

)

I'm afraid my sexuall frustration is effecting my ability to look at the sitution reasonalby.

Whats up? What should I do?

GoldenOuroboros · 05-07-2003, 03:13 AM

Do it when you're both ready.. same with sex.. if she wants to wait.. and you REALLY love her.. wait

With marriage.. up to you.. don't get married just cause you want to have sex..

I've been with my gril for about 2 and abit years.. we now live long distance cause I had to get a good job and family called.. But I've picked out a ring

oh I'm 21 by the way. Like I said, when you're ready, if she aint ready, she'll say no

But just keep goin till she is.. tis what happened to me

TrollInvestigtr · 05-07-2003, 09:31 AM

American women are good for easy, casual sex but make terrible wives. Fuck and chuck until you are 40 then marry an 18 year old virgin foreign bride.

dude you need to dump this chick NOWWWWWWWWWW.
That'll learn her. you'll be over it in 2 weeks when your dick is in the mouth of some $2 whore. believe me.

oane · 05-07-2003, 09:51 AM

I say don't rush into things. Take it easy, if you two love each other you'll enjoy it all the more when you get married a few years down the line.

TrollInvestigtr · 05-07-2003, 09:56 AM

im sorry, but if you get married without ever having had sex with your wife, you are a complete buffoon and deserve whats coming to you when you find out she is as cold and frigid about sex as an iceberg and has 1 million hang-ups thanks to her strict religious upbringing and you deserve that you will be fucking your hand for the rest of your natural life cuz every time you try to get some play with her she turns over and faces the other direction.

TROOF.

irish20 · 05-07-2003, 05:30 PM

I don't think anyone can totally give you the correct advice here. You gotta do what's right for you. If she seems to have sexual hangups, and you are more open---then you need to work it out before even thinking of marriage. However, if you both are waiting and believe strongly in the same conviction--then more power to you. That's awesome. But do know that sex is a horrible reason to get married. It should not be even the slightest factor in your decision, as there are countless other factors of compatibility that require more attention.

Good luck to you!

little limey · 05-07-2003, 05:49 PM

Yea, you do have to do what you know is right for you. if it was ME in the situation, I would have sex now an wait for marraige. If you are comitted anough for marraige, you can be comitted enough for sex. I think that a lot of people rush into marraige just for the sex and that's not a good idea.

clockworkgreen · 05-07-2003, 06:45 PM

Waiting to have sex until you're married is a nice idea and all --- but that nice idea lasts about a day and then you realize one afternoon when you're 30 you've been married for 10 years and only fucked one girl in your life. That'd be enough to make me turn my car into a bridge support one afternoon after work.

Of course, this also says you shouldn't marry your first love...Which I also believe. Your "true love" didn't just happen to grow up right down the street and goto the same high school. Get out there and explore, you're young....

BoCo · 05-08-2003, 06:17 AM

Wait 'til you're 30, and then you'll know what to do. Trust me, this relationship has about a 1% chance of lasting until then.

SecretMethod70 · 05-08-2003, 07:06 AM

Listen, if you're serious about only having sex with the person you want to marry and/or are married to, do NOT do it with this girl.

I don't care how much you think you love each other, BoCo's right. The chances of this relationship lasting are pretty small. Not because I doubt your feelings for each other so much as the fact that you WILL change as people in the next 5 years. Not to mention that, statistically, people who get married before the age of (I think) 24 (maybe 26, I don't remember exactly) have a MUCH higher rate of divorce. Worry about your life right now - your career, your schooling, your financial stability, etc. When all that is taken care of, THEN consider marriage and, thusly, if you really want to wait for the "right" person, you can then consider having sex.

I speak from experience because I know it's hard - onodrim and I have been seeing eachother for 3.5 years now, and both of us want to wait until we're married. But if it's really important to you then you've got to keep what I've said in mind, and if it's too hard when you're alone and busy doing "not sex" things, then perhaps you need to partake in those activities less and cool it down a little. I mean, if you can wait until you're married for sex, you can wait for other things as well. And, again, I speak from personal experience.

Cynthetiq · 05-08-2003, 07:34 AM

enjoy your life for the time being.. if you are to be married you'll last as boyfriend/girlfriend without much issue after many years. You'll know when it's time.

Atropos4 · 05-08-2003, 02:51 PM

We had sex before we were married.
I was told growing up to wait to have sex until you know you love the person and want to be with them for the rest of your life.
I did just that...

I got married when I was 19 and I have no regrets.

The best thing to do is talk to her about it.

clockworkgreen · 05-08-2003, 03:57 PM

Atropos4 - just out of curiosity, how long have you been married?

sixate · 05-08-2003, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by EVIDENT
I'm afraid my sexuall frustration is effecting my ability to look at the sitution reasonalby.

You would be 100% correct. Don't even think about it until after you guys have a healthy sexual relationship. Even after that I'd have to say never get married, but that's just me and I don't understand the point of a marriage. After you get some ass you're gonna find out you want more. Marriage can wait at least another 10 years if you really want it. By then maybe you'll actually find someone that you can spend the rest of your life with.

sierra2774 · 05-08-2003, 05:31 PM

You are way too young for the marriage part! I speak from experience....Got married way too young and it was the wrong decision...

But, it may work for you...Some people it does. It is just my opinion.

analog · 05-12-2003, 09:54 PM

i think sexual interest is very important to love. how can you spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't even get your rocks off? don't get married until you're BOTH out of school, or at least several years. if you feel very strongly, get engaged now to be married in a yet-to-be-determined number of years (after school) and you'll be the better for it, i think. There's no manual for this, yo're gonna have to make like a blind man at an orgy and feel your way through it. Good luck, and keep your head up.

05-06-2003, 10:06 PM	#1 (permalink)
EVIDENT Tilted Location: DFW	When to marry? I'm in love and want to spend my life with her, same for her. Where both 20 and in school. Were both virgins. She wants to wait for marraige to have sex, I normally do (except for when we're alone, if you know what I mean ) I'm afraid my sexuall frustration is effecting my ability to look at the sitution reasonalby. Whats up? What should I do? __________________ " " - Silent Bob

05-07-2003, 03:13 AM	#2 (permalink)
GoldenOuroboros The Cheshire Grin... Location: An Aussie Outback	Do it when you're both ready.. same with sex.. if she wants to wait.. and you REALLY love her.. wait With marriage.. up to you.. don't get married just cause you want to have sex.. I've been with my gril for about 2 and abit years.. we now live long distance cause I had to get a good job and family called.. But I've picked out a ring oh I'm 21 by the way. Like I said, when you're ready, if she aint ready, she'll say no But just keep goin till she is.. tis what happened to me __________________ Can you see me grin grin grrriiiiinnnning?!

05-07-2003, 09:31 AM	#3 (permalink)
TrollInvestigtr Crazy	American women are good for easy, casual sex but make terrible wives. Fuck and chuck until you are 40 then marry an 18 year old virgin foreign bride. dude you need to dump this chick NOWWWWWWWWWW. That'll learn her. you'll be over it in 2 weeks when your dick is in the mouth of some $2 whore. believe me. Last edited by SecretMethod70; 05-08-2003 at 06:59 AM..

05-07-2003, 09:51 AM	#4 (permalink)
oane Insane	I say don't rush into things. Take it easy, if you two love each other you'll enjoy it all the more when you get married a few years down the line. __________________ Make me Mad. Make me Sad. Make me feel Alright.

05-07-2003, 09:56 AM	#5 (permalink)
TrollInvestigtr Crazy	im sorry, but if you get married without ever having had sex with your wife, you are a complete buffoon and deserve whats coming to you when you find out she is as cold and frigid about sex as an iceberg and has 1 million hang-ups thanks to her strict religious upbringing and you deserve that you will be fucking your hand for the rest of your natural life cuz every time you try to get some play with her she turns over and faces the other direction. TROOF. Last edited by TrollInvestigtr; 05-07-2003 at 09:59 AM..

05-07-2003, 05:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
irish20 Upright	I don't think anyone can totally give you the correct advice here. You gotta do what's right for you. If she seems to have sexual hangups, and you are more open---then you need to work it out before even thinking of marriage. However, if you both are waiting and believe strongly in the same conviction--then more power to you. That's awesome. But do know that sex is a horrible reason to get married. It should not be even the slightest factor in your decision, as there are countless other factors of compatibility that require more attention. Good luck to you!

05-07-2003, 05:49 PM	#7 (permalink)
little limey Psycho Location: Room Nineteen	Yea, you do have to do what you know is right for you. if it was ME in the situation, I would have sex now an wait for marraige. If you are comitted anough for marraige, you can be comitted enough for sex. I think that a lot of people rush into marraige just for the sex and that's not a good idea.

05-07-2003, 06:45 PM	#8 (permalink)
clockworkgreen Psycho Location: DC	Waiting to have sex until you're married is a nice idea and all --- but that nice idea lasts about a day and then you realize one afternoon when you're 30 you've been married for 10 years and only fucked one girl in your life. That'd be enough to make me turn my car into a bridge support one afternoon after work. Of course, this also says you shouldn't marry your first love...Which I also believe. Your "true love" didn't just happen to grow up right down the street and goto the same high school. Get out there and explore, you're young....

05-08-2003, 06:17 AM	#9 (permalink)
BoCo Fear the bunny Location: Hanging off the tip of the Right Wing	Wait 'til you're 30, and then you'll know what to do. Trust me, this relationship has about a 1% chance of lasting until then. __________________ Activism is a way for useless people to feel important.

05-08-2003, 07:06 AM	#10 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	Listen, if you're serious about only having sex with the person you want to marry and/or are married to, do NOT do it with this girl. I don't care how much you think you love each other, BoCo's right. The chances of this relationship lasting are pretty small. Not because I doubt your feelings for each other so much as the fact that you WILL change as people in the next 5 years. Not to mention that, statistically, people who get married before the age of (I think) 24 (maybe 26, I don't remember exactly) have a MUCH higher rate of divorce. Worry about your life right now - your career, your schooling, your financial stability, etc. When all that is taken care of, THEN consider marriage and, thusly, if you really want to wait for the "right" person, you can then consider having sex. I speak from experience because I know it's hard - onodrim and I have been seeing eachother for 3.5 years now, and both of us want to wait until we're married. But if it's really important to you then you've got to keep what I've said in mind, and if it's too hard when you're alone and busy doing "not sex" things, then perhaps you need to partake in those activities less and cool it down a little. I mean, if you can wait until you're married for sex, you can wait for other things as well. And, again, I speak from personal experience. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

05-08-2003, 07:34 AM	#11 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	enjoy your life for the time being.. if you are to be married you'll last as boyfriend/girlfriend without much issue after many years. You'll know when it's time. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

05-08-2003, 02:51 PM	#12 (permalink)
Atropos4 Think about it Location: North Carolina	We had sex before we were married. I was told growing up to wait to have sex until you know you love the person and want to be with them for the rest of your life. I did just that... I got married when I was 19 and I have no regrets. The best thing to do is talk to her about it. __________________ Minds are like parachutes. They work better open. "If I were Hermione, I would have licked his pantleg."

05-08-2003, 03:57 PM	#13 (permalink)
clockworkgreen Psycho Location: DC	Atropos4 - just out of curiosity, how long have you been married?

05-08-2003, 05:31 PM	#15 (permalink)
sierra2774 Addict Location: Northeast Ohio	You are way too young for the marriage part! I speak from experience....Got married way too young and it was the wrong decision... But, it may work for you...Some people it does. It is just my opinion. __________________ "Every tomorrow brings new opportunities, challenges we must address...A chance to affirm all our wishes and dreams, to seek beauty and true happiness."

05-12-2003, 09:54 PM	#16 (permalink)
analog Banned	i think sexual interest is very important to love. how can you spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't even get your rocks off? don't get married until you're BOTH out of school, or at least several years. if you feel very strongly, get engaged now to be married in a yet-to-be-determined number of years (after school) and you'll be the better for it, i think. There's no manual for this, yo're gonna have to make like a blind man at an orgy and feel your way through it. Good luck, and keep your head up.