wally

I figure that I'd come to you all for some advice on a situation, since it seems most peopel get some pretty good advice on here.

Here's my situation: I'm in a situation where I'm trying to decide whether or not to go after a particular girl. I've been getting a number of signals from her in recent times that she's interested in me, but the only problem is that she currently has a boyfriend right now.

Now I'm certainly not one to walk in on a relationship. In fact, should the situation arise between me and someone who is in a relationship, I'd pretty much always end the situation before anything happens just because that's the way I am in that I have fairly high morals. Now from what I can gather, I don't think this girl is all that happy with her current relationship status.

I guess what I'm trying to decide is what to do about this situation. I'm at a point where I'm graduation from college in a few weeks, so I feel if I don't act on things within a few weeks, then it definitely will most likely be a lost cause (even though it quite possibly could already be a lost cause seeing she's in a relationship).

My problem is that I always tend to over-analyze things, so that's what I'm looking for advice. There's a couple different scenarios that I see I could act upon:

1) Simply just ask her out for something informal. Not necessarily a date, but just see if she wants to go out and do something and just sit down and talk about life with her and try it figure out what kind of interest she has in me. I figure that if she's not interested at all, then she won't say yes to this.

2) I'm friends with one of her friends. Do I go to this friend and see if she thinks she has any interest in me? Of course, I'm sure with the way things work, she'll end up spilling the beans to this girl I'm asking about that I like her, but I don't think this is necessarily bad.

3) Lie low and do nothing for now. This girl will be going back home for the summer. Do I simply do nothing right now and see how things play out and then resume persuit in the fall? I'll still be around the area, but I graduate this spring, but she has another year or two.

As I said earlier, I'm certainly not one in favor of intruding on an ongoing relationship. But at the same time, if this girl is interested in me and she's on the verge of breaking up with her boyfriend and is trying to figure out if I've got any interest in her, I feel like it's possible that I need to do something to at least have a chance at her.

Lemme know what you all think about this. If anything above isn't clear, lemme know and I'll try to clear things up.

Pragma

I'd say to ask her out to coffee or lunch some time, just to hang out and talk - get to know each other. There's nothing that "bad" about it, in terms of trying to steal her from her current boyfriend. And while you're talking, you can ask her questions about how she likes her current relationship, etc. - and get a better picture of her.

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Mojo_PeiPei

I'd say you're young, no reason not to ask her out. Mostly its dependent on what you percieve is appropriate for the situation. Doesn't sound like she is "committed" and by that I mean restricted, nor by what you say is she down with the status quo. But as Pragma said, no wrong can come from getting to know her better and seeing what is there.

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To win a war you must serve no master but your ambition.

jerseyboy

If she has a boyfriend, then she is hands off. That being said there is nothing wrong with a casual informal coffee, but it should and most probably will go no further than that. Do not try to get her to end her relationship, only she can make that decision. Just think if she is willing to cheat on her current bf with you, what might she do if she goes out with you? Also be careful not to fall into the trap of being too good of a friend, then you will blow any chance of more than that.

In summary, keep things casual, and let her make her own decisions. Until she is back on the market, hands off!!

Chiuey

Morals are a good thing to have in this day and age. That being said, they don't always apply in this day and age. In a way, I am the same way you are, I would not want to be the one to step between a girl and her relationship with someone else, failing or not, but I've learnt that not following through just might be the biggest mistake that you make. Though keep in mind that, if she if willing to jump boat easily, there's nothing to prevent her from doing it again, and again, whether or not if it's with you.....