after the honeymoon period - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Amano · 01-16-2004, 01:00 PM

problem solved.

actionoreos · 01-16-2004, 01:05 PM

I'm in a similar situation right now, almost identical actually, and I wonder sometimes if it's because of a loss of interest.

Like you, it makes me happy to think about her and talk to her. Knowing that she and I have that connection that's as strong as it is makes it more comfortable to me (and her) that she is as far away as she is. At first her being away was a little difficult but you get used to these things and accept them and become more comfortable with the situation.

I think you'll be ok with K

ratbastid · 01-16-2004, 01:24 PM

Yes!! I've definitely experienced this.

lurkette is with me when she's not with me. I carry her around everywhere I go. I know she's thinking about me and loving me and I know she knows I'm thinking about her and loving her. Thinking about her makes me happy and calm, even when it's been hours since I've seen or talked to her, or days since I've been near her.

For a while this was hard for her to get her head around. She felt alone when I wasn't there, and I didn't, and that was a problem for her but not for me. I wonder what she'd say about this these days.

dami³ · 01-16-2004, 01:32 PM

You mean: "so close nomatter how far" - doesn't really work for me, if anything I really would like to have my woman more close to me, s much as possible - at the moment we live in different cities, not that far away from each other, but far enough away to daily visit ... been with her for over a year now and I really miss not having her around, it's ok to feel her precense in my mind and what some would call "heart" but it's not the same, I need to physical presence in order to really get connected and to completely share "all of us" in the relationship.

lisa · 01-16-2004, 01:37 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by dami³
it's not the same, I need to physical presence in order to really get connected and to completely share "all of us" in the relationship.

Me too!
I love you, boeleke!!!
Miss you, a lot!

Yalaynia · 01-16-2004, 01:52 PM

I m far from going to be over the 800 miles of separation between me and Tenchi069. We talk for hours and hours on the phone and computer. We have been kinda dating if you can call it since november 2002 which was the first time I had seen him since he visited me in feb 2002. (Long story on that broke up with ex spent a year trying to get myself mentally stable and not rush into another relationship so soon after breakup) Anyways the reason I say kinda dating is because of the fact that there is 800 miles between us and we have only seen each other 5 times since Feb 11th 2002 til dec 3rd 2003 tho from sept 9th til the 21st of Nov he was staying with me and then we went back to TN for Thanksgiving. I find that holidays specific dates where we have shared something special are my hard times. I break down into tears from time to time, just out of the blue, but theres nothing I can do about it really. Hes my bestfriend and soulmate. I tell him everything that I m feeling and he understands. I deal with being apart from him but by no means am I losing interest in him or do I love him any less. I worry about him like crazy because we arent together and he worries about me as well. Thing is though we love each other very much and I do know that we are going to be together soon. I have pictures , my engagment ring to hold onto, as well as a necklace that he gave me that is always close to my heart.

lurkette · 01-18-2004, 07:31 PM

I'm with ratbastid on this one, provisionally.

Allow me to splain.

We've definitely got the "with you when I'm not with you" thing going, and I'm nowhere near as "clingy" as I probably was even a year ago. But I'm definitely addicted to being with him. I think a long-distance relationship would be so hard. It's different when I'm just gone for 3 days and I know I'll be back soon, or he's out of town for a week but we talk twice a day or something. Having months of unsatisfied longing would be damn near unbearable for me, I think.

pyraxis · 01-18-2004, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Amano
And I'm having a hard time figuring out whether that's because I'm losing interest in K, or whether I'm experiencing what R described. I mean, I still miss K, I wish she were here with me, and she still makes me happy when I think about her or talk to her/email her, but to me it seems that I'm simply more "ok" with having her a long distance away.

Perfectly natural. I wouldn't worry about it. It's not a sign that the relationship is falling apart, just that you're coming to terms with the whole long distance thing. There's no point focusing on how much you miss someone if you both know there are good reasons you have to be apart. Feeling content with the relationship despite that is something to be proud of, not the symptom of a bigger problem.

numist · 01-18-2004, 07:45 PM

What has been said here has been very useful thus far.

What I have to add is that even though you are far apart, and you may feel like the person is with you even though they are not (and even though their absence is marked), communication is your friend. Phones, internet, letters, all of these are essential to keeping an excellent relationship.

Read the quote below, and good luck.

llama8 · 01-19-2004, 03:20 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by numist
"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

What an amazing quote and so true!

I've done the long distance thing (although only recently broke up and it wasn't to do with the situation it was just that we were both failing our education so realised we need to sort some priorities out). You do get to a stage where you begin to just live with the fact you can't be with someone all the time to keep them/yourself happy.

Although it's great being with them I learnt that to love someone its just having that knowledge that they are thinking about you and vice versa. It's the emotional support you recieve which is on such a deeper level then with mates!

If your heart still skips a beat when you see her then it's probably still something you want to keep going. Just watch you don't get into a routine that killed ours I think.

HockeyGuy · 01-19-2004, 10:46 AM

I think that that is not a sign of a fading relationship! I personally find it fantastic to know that she is thinking about me (especially when i get a text or e-mail or call!) even thoguh she is on another continent as well! It also puts a smile on my face just thinking about her.

"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great."
~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin

I think that this quote explains it all. Who knows which way mine goes but I know what i'd like!

On another note I think that it is good to have the space and be able to enjoy more of your own lives as well.. as long as the trust is there!

01-16-2004, 01:00 PM	#1 (permalink)
Amano Insane	after the honeymoon period problem solved. Last edited by Amano; 01-31-2006 at 07:03 AM..

01-16-2004, 01:52 PM	#6 (permalink)
Yalaynia Insane Location: here but I wish I lived there	I m far from going to be over the 800 miles of separation between me and Tenchi069. We talk for hours and hours on the phone and computer. We have been kinda dating if you can call it since november 2002 which was the first time I had seen him since he visited me in feb 2002. (Long story on that broke up with ex spent a year trying to get myself mentally stable and not rush into another relationship so soon after breakup) Anyways the reason I say kinda dating is because of the fact that there is 800 miles between us and we have only seen each other 5 times since Feb 11th 2002 til dec 3rd 2003 tho from sept 9th til the 21st of Nov he was staying with me and then we went back to TN for Thanksgiving. I find that holidays specific dates where we have shared something special are my hard times. I break down into tears from time to time, just out of the blue, but theres nothing I can do about it really. Hes my bestfriend and soulmate. I tell him everything that I m feeling and he understands. I deal with being apart from him but by no means am I losing interest in him or do I love him any less. I worry about him like crazy because we arent together and he worries about me as well. Thing is though we love each other very much and I do know that we are going to be together soon. I have pictures , my engagment ring to hold onto, as well as a necklace that he gave me that is always close to my heart. __________________ I couldnt think of anything to put here , but I guess anything would do Last edited by Yalaynia; 01-16-2004 at 02:04 PM..

01-18-2004, 07:31 PM	#7 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	I'm with ratbastid on this one, provisionally. Allow me to splain. We've definitely got the "with you when I'm not with you" thing going, and I'm nowhere near as "clingy" as I probably was even a year ago. But I'm definitely addicted to being with him. I think a long-distance relationship would be so hard. It's different when I'm just gone for 3 days and I know I'll be back soon, or he's out of town for a week but we talk twice a day or something. Having months of unsatisfied longing would be damn near unbearable for me, I think. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

01-16-2004, 01:05 PM	#2 (permalink)
actionoreos Tilted	I'm in a similar situation right now, almost identical actually, and I wonder sometimes if it's because of a loss of interest. Like you, it makes me happy to think about her and talk to her. Knowing that she and I have that connection that's as strong as it is makes it more comfortable to me (and her) that she is as far away as she is. At first her being away was a little difficult but you get used to these things and accept them and become more comfortable with the situation. I think you'll be ok with K

01-16-2004, 01:24 PM	#3 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Yes!! I've definitely experienced this. lurkette is with me when she's not with me. I carry her around everywhere I go. I know she's thinking about me and loving me and I know she knows I'm thinking about her and loving her. Thinking about her makes me happy and calm, even when it's been hours since I've seen or talked to her, or days since I've been near her. For a while this was hard for her to get her head around. She felt alone when I wasn't there, and I didn't, and that was a problem for her but not for me. I wonder what she'd say about this these days.

01-16-2004, 01:32 PM	#4 (permalink)
dami³ Tilted Location: EU	You mean: "so close nomatter how far" - doesn't really work for me, if anything I really would like to have my woman more close to me, s much as possible - at the moment we live in different cities, not that far away from each other, but far enough away to daily visit ... been with her for over a year now and I really miss not having her around, it's ok to feel her precense in my mind and what some would call "heart" but it's not the same, I need to physical presence in order to really get connected and to completely share "all of us" in the relationship.

01-18-2004, 07:45 PM	#9 (permalink)
numist Banned Location: UCSD, 510.49 miles from my love	What has been said here has been very useful thus far. What I have to add is that even though you are far apart, and you may feel like the person is with you even though they are not (and even though their absence is marked), communication is your friend. Phones, internet, letters, all of these are essential to keeping an excellent relationship. Read the quote below, and good luck.

01-19-2004, 10:46 AM	#11 (permalink)
HockeyGuy Psycho Location: London, England	I think that that is not a sign of a fading relationship! I personally find it fantastic to know that she is thinking about me (especially when i get a text or e-mail or call!) even thoguh she is on another continent as well! It also puts a smile on my face just thinking about her. "Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great." ~Comte DeBussy-Rabutin I think that this quote explains it all. Who knows which way mine goes but I know what i'd like! On another note I think that it is good to have the space and be able to enjoy more of your own lives as well.. as long as the trust is there!