Inexistance

Whats the point of staying friends with an EX?

slimcr

the key word in your question is friend. This word is used excessively and is very underrated......... A friend is one thing, an acquaintance (sp) is another.......

There arent that many friends in life...they truly can be hard to find and if you have one, should work on trying to keep their friendship.

If she-he is a friend, I suggest keeping that, why would you want to get rid of a friend? If however she never was your friend and the relationship was based on something completely different, then what the heck.....

Seaver

I've stayed friends with all of my ex's (except one). I can tell you it's one of the hardest things to do, the benefit? Well if you're strong enough you can be friends with someone you've shared so much with. The cost? you HAVE to be strong enough to resist all urges to be with her, which includes sexually. Because to one of you it will turn into make-up sex, and that causes all sorts of problems.

Be friends if you think you're strong enough, even to this day it's hard for me.

If you've ever been rejected by someone you really like... multiply that 50x, and that is what you will feel when you see her with her new BF. It's well worth it IMO, but it's hard.

Inexistance

good points!

majik_6

For me, I'm trying reaaaal hard to be friends with my recent ex, just because we were best friends before the relationship, and the 3+ years we were together were very special.

As has been said before, there's something to be said for having a friend that you've shared so much of yourself with.

And, as has been mentioned, it's harder than anything I've ever dealt with to know that she's with a new guy, especially when they got together only days after our relationship ended.

So, is it worth it? Yeah. I still get to talk to her, and even though it can be painful, I like to know how her life is going.

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StaindGirl

I believe that if friends could work out, then it is ok to stay friends with your ex. The hard part is, your new bf/gf's getting jealous of you talking to your ex still.. or hanging out with them. That is a hard part, but you have to respect them for that. But really the staying friends with an ex depends on how good you two are together, talking wise.. and everything.. can you both stay friends without completly crashing eachothers lives?

Prince

I agree on the fact that friendships are precious and the good ones are the kind of cars that don't pass you often. However, personally, as a general rule of thumb, I don't believe staying friends is that good of an idea. Unless you were friends BEFORE the relationship, the odds are against it. Friendships have problems even without the extra ingredient of a mutual sexual past. Who needs the headache?

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googleplex

I think being a friend after the fact is pretty hard. I mean to be an ACTUAL friend.
I like to think of me and my ex's as acquaintances more than friends.

I would rather not know what's going on in her life, boyfriend wise, as it really has no bearing on my own life, so I like to stay out of it.

That's just me.

sillygirl

I'm dealing with a breakup now. And I plan on staying friends with him. He's actually the one who asked. He said he'd like to be friends with me, but it's my choice.

I know it'll be hella painful to see him with a new girlfriend. But it'll be worth it. Because of the person he is inside. We just click. As friends. I know it'll be hard for him to see me with a new guy. But we've talked about it, and I think we're decently prepared.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

HockeyGuy

I've tried to keep friends with most of my ex's (with the exception of one as well... different circumstances) and as everyone has said i think that it is great that when you have a caring friend and you too BOTH know that it is over and won't be again. I wouldn't trade some of my friendships for anything. But once again.. this is just me...

Plan9Senior

Staying friends with an ex is not a good thing to do. Not only is it going to be awkward for the one who "got hurt", but once you get involved with somebody else it will furthar makes things difficult for the new person trying to feel comfortable with you hanging out with your ex.

Staying on good terms, well that is a whole different thing. With the exception of one girl, I am on good terms with all my ex's. This means that when I run into them it isnt awkward at all and we share friendly smiles or a quick convo to catch up. It DOESN'T mean that I call them or vice versa or hang out with them.

Ex's are ex's for a reason. Don't burn your bridges, but certainly don't keep them close. Trust daddy p9 on this one.

Radio Monk33

Well, I think it depends. If the relationship is really built on more than pure physical attraction, then I don't see why it wouldn't continue as a friendship.

Now if it was just a fling, or jsut about the sex-then it prolly won't work out.

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SAM821

I am still on good terms with most of them, and I still talk to my "first love" (from 5 years ago) every once in a while....

my current ex girlfriend, I am still friends with her, but its more than just a friendship cause i still love her, she still loves me... we still are intimate with eachother, we just are not together (we ended on good terms, just wasnt working out at the time)

well, basically if you are 100% cool with your ex, and your breakup wasnt a disaster, then i dont see why you cant be friends with your ex, as long as all (i mean, most) of the feelings for each other are put far aside... if your feelings are still involved then you cant be JUST friends... i learned that the hard way (5 years ago) and i MAY go through that in the near future...

Toecutter

If you want a friend, get a cat, dog, goldfish, or parrot. Ex'es recieve that designation for a reason. IMHO

Harshaw

I decided to stay friends... slight friends. We were best friends before we started dating, now I send her an email every once and a while.

I like the stuff we did together, I like the way she changed my life. It would seem wrong to just shut her out.

I also have a fantasy that at some point down the line things will be "right" again. But I'm not holding my breath.

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maxhooters

there is no point in it unless you become fiends with benafits. a retap now and then is fine

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myguitarisaweap

Bad idea. Never done me any good, it's been a year since I've broken up with my ex and remaining friends with her just continues to be a pain, I've tryed several times to forget about it, but it never seems to workout. And we're stuck in the continuous, never ending loop of hooking up and trying to get back together which yields nothing. Yea, I've heard the get over it bullshit quite a few times but that in itself is bullshit. I guess staying friends works out in some cases but not with what me and her had, unhealthy love.

ninety09

It really depends on the two persons involved. Personally, I try to stay friends with my ex. If she was good enough to be my girlfriend, I don't see why she couldn't be my friend.

motdakasha

Would you rather have an enemy or a friend/acquaintance?

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Captain Canada

Well, I'm best friends with my ex. We realized that it wasnt working with us being more. We had been friends for awhile before we started going out. It just didnt end up working. We actually felt that things were a lot better when we were friends. So, we kinda just took a step back in our relationship. Both of us are VERY happy with how things are with us now.

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high_way

i try to be friendly with my exs atleast. we dont call each other and talk alot but the ones i am friends with we will stop and talk and have a good old chat when we see each other. i tried staying friends with one and it worked for a while (it was long distance so we were sorta used to just talking to each other) but then she became a way different person and is not the same person who i used to love, and she ended to, so to say.

i think it is kinda important to atleast be friendly with your exs and i try to go out with people who are, otherwise you may be going out with someone who turns into a complete psycho once you break up... seen it happen.

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Jesus Pimp

Right now I'm contemplating this. It probably is not worth it in the end since I'm not getting acknowledgement of my existence on my end. I'll be here for her though if she needs me, but I'm no longer going to waste my energy trying to be her friend.

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high_way

i know what you mean, but in my experience if you say you will be there if she needs you, it will turn out to be a lot of times. i said the same thing about a girl i was with and we broke up buit she still talks to me about all those different things. solmeties i think that that is the reason why i find it a bit harder to let go of her...

tisonlyi

You invest a shed load of love, affection and time with these people. they know you and you know them better than pretty much anyone else.

Its much better to keep them with the Jedi than the Dark Side.

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Nancy

I've never understood that either since if ALREADY got lots of friends....why do I need one more?!

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I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
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null_duality

BURN BURN BURN.

All Bridges. All ex's do is rip your heart out


/bitter

sillygirl

Wise words.

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Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly-Rose Franken
....absence makes me miss him more...

grouchie

back in Septemberish my EX broke up with me
We were together for 5 years and engaged for the last 2 of that.

Now, here it is January, and we are both trying to work on the Friendship thing which is kinda working, but kinda isn't.

basically, it's working for her beacuse she's got other people in her life and another current possible love interest.

Up until this other guy was in the picture it was working for me, but right now I feel pretty fucked up about it.

I want to make the friendship work, but at this point i really cannot stand the new guy (who, by the way, used to be a friend of mine until this happened.)

So, I advocate being friends with your Ex, but i'm not sure that it's really possible.

Love hurts worse than hate

grouchie

Nancy

true, true...

__________________
I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy.
I think my mask of sanity is about to slip.

HockeyGuy

Good point, and love hurts a lot... but still even with all these stories i think that unless it ended on horrible circumstances then give it a little bit of time but DEFINITLY stay friends.

anti fishstick

i'll try to end on good terms with an ex, and settle it inside myself to where i'm not mad and can let go... but i've never felt it was necessary to stay friends with them. why would i want to be friends with someone that treated me shitty?

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Lebell

My ex won't even return my phone messages.

It makes me kind of sad, but that's her choice.

The bitterness and anger was one of the reasons I left her.

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sigma1042

the reason you stay friends can always be summed up 3 words

just in case

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high_way

you know sigma i hate to admit it, but when you think about it, you are right and it also makes it harder to get over them.

IMO once you stop being friends and are just aquantiances with them you get over them a lot easier.

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