Zorvox

G'day again, I'm back HEHE (im the big story teller heh)

Well since the start of the year, I met a few new people and this one girl in particular..

She's great, she has so much to offer anyone, as a friend as a girlfriend etc..

She's had like 3 bf's this year, they never work out... she tries to hold on and does good etc, but the guys she gets are just complete jerk off's.. but yeah... I became really good friends with her, like really close.. tell one another alot and just support each other, go to movies, ice skating parties etc.. just as friends yeah..

For a while, a mate of mine was trying to get with her, i was thinking "Heh' poor her if u get with her man, she can do so much better" he didn't really like that but oh well heh, I think that once I realized that he couldn't get with her, my lil' heart started doing it's own thing and I became, SORT of fond of her.. nothing too strong, just sort of felt a little different

Anyway, we went to a party 2 nights ago.. it was like 4 of my mates 18th birthdays all combined.. I went with her and 2 of my mates, we met in town (she was late, damn women!) we walked up to the party and got some alco then walked in... it wasn't BYO so I had to drink like 12 cans before I went in, but I got her scotch in..

Anyway, after being shouted a few drinks and she having a TINY bit to drink, we walked back down to town to get on a bus to come back to my place. on the way down, I was like "I feel like a fuckin' idiot" and we talked about how I felt like a fuckin idiot a bit, and I ended up just saying yeh.. I want to kiss you and stuff (alcohol induced) makes me say pretty much everything heh.. so yeah, we talked about that a lil bit - she said that she sort of had feelings for me and was just afraid of getting hurt...

ANd yeah!! on the bus, I said "so can I kiss u or what" she said yes, so I did... then I think the alcohol wore off and I felt sort of weird... so yeah, we jumped into bed [she was tired] (i've slept next to her before, never done anything) anyway... we kissed like once more, and i was kissing her on her cheeks, neck etc.. I said "do you wnt me to stop?" "No" So I was like, heh okay.. and yeah.. i stopped that then started just rubbing her tummy and soft n stuff... and she fell asleep HEH!!

SO i was like doh!

But yeah... woke up the next morning, and I felt so bloody awkward.. I couldn't speak to her like I usually would, like.. I wanted to kiss her.. and hug her n shit, but I was just scared and felt bad I guess, she said I done nothing wrong, or anything to feel bad about... but I dunno what to do, we went into town and she left, gave one another a hug and then I left..

I sent her an e-mail just saying, things are sorta weird.. I do like you, just never had the guts before etc..

And I dunno what to do, things are great and always have been as friends... we were huggy and shit then anyway... but I always just awnted to hug her n shit more HEH


But I dunno what to do really, whether I should try to pursue it into a relationship, or to just step back and leave things as friends?.

What are your views on dating "friends" etc? - I'm confused hehe,

Cheers.

p.s. I stress that "feeling weird" thing, cos damn! i felt so bloody weird

Zorvox

Oh and, I don't really belive that she has feelings towards me too? nothing ever made me feel like she did, and nothing seemed to come across, I had to make all the moves n shit, it just felt weird like she was JUST Saying it, So I didn't get angry or something? I dunno

WEIRD!

cliche

This sounds exactly like how I got together with my gf. We were friends for about 3 years, then best friends for 2 years - during which time we started to share a house (with 3 other girls). I broke up with my (2-year) girlfriend just before we all moved in, and was in the middle of a rebound when she broke up with her (4-year) boyfriend. She started on what appeared to be a rebound herself as I finished mine.

One night, after a party in the house (I should say one morning as we're not entirely sure what happened) we woke up in bed together. Both fully clothed but we knew we'd spent much of the previous evening kissing. No-one had seen anything; it was fairly normal for us to be in each other's rooms (not all night!) so I sneaked off to my room and no-one was any the wiser.

The next month, I have to say, was absolute hell. We needed to talk but both of us were a bit frightened. She was still going out with her rebound and didn't want him to find out - though she went on to pull (snog/kiss for US folk ) someone in a club a few days later so it was obvious she wasn't really into him. We talked a lot; she was scared to try anything in case our friendship fell apart and we'd still be having to share a house for a year. I ended up writing a letter explaining everything, how I now felt - I'd always tried to ignore any feelings I'd had for her in the past. I ran into her room, gave her the letter, and disappeared for a weekend to let her think.

Life continued to be hell. I tried to get her away for a weekend so we could talk without having 3 other housemates listen to everything. A dozen red roses had to be hidden behind her curtain as she couldn't possibly show them to anyone (though I always took slight pride in fact you could just see them from outside). Life, though, was surprisingly normal between us - even those who'd gossipped about us thought there couldn't possibly be anything going on or we'd be far too uneasy round each other. Over the next few weeks she encouraged me to find someone else (I almost started to do so, and had a few dates with a lovely girl who I'd almost certainly be seeing if this all hadn't happened). She eventually got round to breaking up with her rebound after having cheated with both me and the random from the club.

Anyway, cue another drunken party (a dinner this time) - I ended up taking her home in a taxi as we were both a bit too far gone to enjoy the rest of the party. You can probably guess the rest; only this time when we woke up in the morning we decided to come down the stairs together. We officially declared "we're still deciding what to do" but it was pretty obvious what would happen.

We'll have been together a year in a couple of weeks. She said she'd had feelings for me for ages, and had always been wondering on the times we went to dinners/parties together, slept together (when she had friends over and had no space; I had a double bed) etc - whether anything would happen. I'd been a bit of a fool and had been trying to ignore any feelings/thoughts that appeared in me.


Bloody hell, that's a bit of a long explanation - I think it might be because we're in separate hospitals at the moment so I haven't seen her for over a week. Anyway, the point is that it can work, and it's the greatest feeling in the world when you realise how much emotion you have invested in just the one person - that even if there was nothing physical there you still can be the best of friends.

Go for it, if you want to!

__________________
I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones. -- John Cage (1912 - 1992)

Zorvox

Hehe interesting, still a bit unsure though... it's just weird to get a hold of yeah

But thanks man, muchly appreciated

Cheers

Seaver

Dude, do me a favor, never ask if you can do anything again.

Ask all those dating shows if you want... tape them and rewind if you dont believe me. If she is going to kiss you its given in non-verbal signals LONG before. And 90% of the time if the guy asks the girl only allows a peck on the cheek.

There's dozens of clues... just... please... dont ask. If nothing else go in for the kiss, if she doesnt like it it's no less weird than asking and being refused. If she does want to its a bonus on your part for having balls to go right in for it.

Hell if nothing else you got a kiss you wouldnt have and can move on with it.

__________________
"Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

sprocket

If you want her go for it, but i agree with Seaver. NEVER ASK!!! Nothing will kill the romance for her more than you asking for permission with every step you take. If she wants you to stop she'll let you know.

__________________
Remember, wherever you go... there you are.

Zorvox

I guess that makes sense, just confused that all

Under pressure etc... stops me from really thinking straight so yer!

thx :P

Sho Nuff

I ended up dating my best friend and we were together for 3 years including two of the most vicious breakups ever recorded. Now we hardly speak to each other. If you really like this girl as a friend, then dating her isnt a good idea. If youre willing to lose her either way then its a risk worth taking.

But it seems like shes not into you so I wouldnt push the issue.

And yes, never ask. Especially if youve been drinking. Worse come to worse you always have the perfect excuse. And even if youre sober and you kiss her off the break and she pulls back, at least she knows you have balls.

__________________
I know Nietzsche doesnt rhyme with peachy, but you sound like a pretentious prick when you correct me.

emphant

You have to go for it. Otherwise, you will be 50 years old, and say, "Hmmm, I wonder what woulda happened if I had dated (your friend)". I say go for it, you already have a solid base to build a relationship on, so it's worth a shot, since it will probably work out well.

Johnny Rotten

I might get flamed for this, but in my opinion, letting a friend of the opposite sex sleep in your bed platonically is letting them take liberties with your masculinity (or femininity, as the case may be). If she's drunk and can't afford a cab, or if her car broke down, or if the floor is covered in broken glass, then sure, yeah, okay. But the bed is a special domain. Your personal immediate space is a special domain.

The world is full of people who will invade that space in order to get you attached to them, for whatever reasons, but precious few of them having to do with honest, sexual affection. The world is full of emotionally selfish people who will jump at the opportunity to inhabit your personal space because they know you want them and love the attention, or because they are into you but are too immature to go about things the right way.

If she beats around the bush in getting around to telling you she likes you, 9 times out of 10 she will beat around the bush about other relationship issues, including the kind that should have been getting immediate attention.

Your personal space is ideally the last step, or near the end of the chain leading to something fulfilling, whether short-term or long-term. It is not a tool.

But once that last step is taken, for Pete's sake, don't wait until then to ask for permission! It's already been given.

TheBrit

I have a similar problem. A girl who I am really good friends with, I am fairly sure she is physically attracted to me, I know I am to her. We are also fairly attracted to each other in other ways (3 hour long phone calls, etc.) Just I cannot see myself with one girl for the rest of my life, being young and all. A break-up would have to happen, and I cannot see what we have now going on after that. Gruesome.

h2ogo69

me and my best frined hooked up for the first time evr on firday...we've kinda liked eachother for a whiel but neither one of us fell leik being in a relationship now... so weve decided to take it day by day see wha happens i really love her alot and ireally dont wanna fuck anyhitng up... i would leik to be with her but theres a few things we need to work out

analog

Wow... never has my mind ventured in that direction in the search for truth, and yet... I read it, and it's the shortest trip towards reason I have ever seen. This is quite possibly the most succinct and accurate way of portraying this scenario I have ever encountered.

"Your personal space is not a tool." Brilliant.

More to your own particular circumstance, I can only say the following, which is a repeat of previous posts: stop asking. If you were night #1 on the job, and had NO idea where you stood, then ok maybe. But only once. But as soon as she said she liked you, you should show her what kind of gentleman you are.

Oh, and for ALL those guys out there who don't know it... "i'm afraid of getting hurt" really means "i've been hurt before (or recently), so be extra careful with me," and is NOT a "stop" sign. The girl is giving you the "go", but with the understanding that you need to proceed slowly, and genuinely. This is your time to shine if you truly feel deeply for her- this is what lifelong marriages are made of.

Zorvox

Well....

HEH

oh well, Blah!#$&@^#@#

riptide4070

I've read some very interesting comments Zorvox.....

I always have better relationships when I date a girl who was my friend first. I think it makes things easier for both people. The hard part is the break up.

I'm a pessimist, but I always have high hopes when it comes to love. I've been searching for the "one" since I was 15 and with the start and end of every relationship since, my eyes are opened just a bit more to the steps I need to take in finding true love.

Love can be very scary, but if you don't take chances with it then you may not feel as if you are living life to the fullest. I say go for it. Whether things take a turn for the worst or with her your life is blessed, it would be best to take the chance.

Regrets Suck!!!!!

__________________
"the greatest trick the devil ever pulled, was making the world believe he didn't exist" -Kevin Spacey 'The Usual Suspects'

motdakasha

I sleep in my friends' beds platonically, and it's sincerely platonically. We do it on a regular basis, too. I really have no point to this.

__________________
=^-^= motdakasha =^-^=
Just Google It.
BA Psychology & Photography
(I'm not going psychoanalyze you nor will I let you cry on my shoulder. Have a nice day.)

mpedrummer2

I've been dating my best friend for 6 years now; we're getting married next summer.

Friendship is what will make a relationship last...attraction/sex won't last in the hard times.

MPEDrummer

__________________
My sig can beat up your honor student.

Zorvox

Ahhh well, she isnt after a relationship neway.

Met22

Nothing wrong in dating friends. It sometimes is the course of things. You miss things that are in front of your eyes all the time. My wife was a friend first and that has worked out awesomely.

__________________
Living on the west end dreaming of the theater playing in the Metropolis - Dream the Dream Live the Dream